Freak Out (2006)

This had to be made by a fellow horror fan - the film is populated by clever references to classic horror flicks. Not only that, but it features an original and hilarious storyline that simultaneously pokes fun at and pays homage to the horror genre. A great indie film made by horror fans for horror fans.

The plot concerns Merv and his friend Onkey, who happen to find an escaped mental patient in Merv's house. Merv is a horror fanatic that has horror posters plastered over every inch of his room and spends his days watching slasher flicks. When he finds the timid and effeminate mental patient in his shower, he has the brilliant idea of training him to be the next great slasher killer. Merv and Onkey begin training Looney, beginning with dressing him in a fitting outfit for a killer - orange jumpsuit, burlap potato sack over his head and a hockey mask. Next, they train him how to stalk and kill, though Looney's weapon of choice is a spatula. When Looney begins to kill, though, Merv has second thoughts and must stop him before he and Onkey are next.

More of a comedy than anything, this film is more heavy on parody than blood. In this case, I was laughing so much that it wasn't a bad thing. Some will compare it to the Scary Movie franchise, but I believe comparing Freak Out to the banality of those films is quite offensive. Freak Out is a step (or two) above those movies. Sure, it is still silly and features some low brow humor (a major plot point centers on "bum feelers"), but it is catered to horror fans, not dumbed down for general audiences.

Its low budget does show, but not enough to be distracting. Some production whores might be bothered by the slightly shaky camera shots, etc., but those used to independent films won't bat an eye. For an indie, I thought it was shot quite well. My main complaint was the audio. The characters already have accents, and coupled with bad audio and NO subtitles made for a very spotty viewing. The soundtrack, though, is impressively top-notch, featuring mostly unsigned bands, but wow! What a difference in mood a good soundtrack makes!

A very fun movie for us horror fans; some of the best parts were just looking at all of Merv's horror posters, memorabilia, etc. in his room and catching all the nods and winks to other horror films. I have too many other favorite scenes to talk about (how could I pick just one?!), but just know this is a comedy that all true horror fans should appreciate.

Check it out on Amazon!

Nightmare City (1980)

Radioactive vampire zombies!!


What more needs to be said about this gory movie lensed by Umberto Lenzi, responsible for other gory flicks like Eaten Alive and Cannibal Ferox?!

The plot: Radioactivity infects a plane, causing all those on board to reanimate and come back as super strong, fast zombies. The plane lands and the zombies disembark with knives, machetes, hatchets, etc. to cause death and destruction to the city. The radioactivity reanimated the cells in these zombified people's bodies, resulting in super-strength. These zombies need blood to keep their red blood cell count up. All those that come in contact with the zombies will also be infected, turning into super strong, bloodthirsty, fast-moving zombies.

Can the government, a lone journalist and a mishmash of other characters survive the zombie siege on their city? My guess was no, but this movie kept me glued to the screen for an hour an a half anyways.

This was a fun movie - the premise of radioactive vampire zombies alone was reason enough to watch for me! The gore is plentiful, if not a little cheesy and fake, but enjoyable nonetheless! The fast-moving zombies (wearing masks that looked like dried puke) were intelligent and sure did a bloody number on the city. The gore was pretty extreme - someone's eye gets painfully skewered, a woman's breast gets cut off, lots of women's breasts get stabbed, a man gets his arm shot off, lots of zombies get their brains blown out, there's lots of hatchets to people's heads, etc. etc.

The story has numerous plot holes and the ending is pretty weak, but what do you expect from a movie all about showcasing the gore? A perfect movie watch while you kick back with your friends, have a cold one and both gawk and laugh at the bloody gore.

On Amazon!

Night of the Living Dead 3-D (2006)

This weekend I headed out to the theater, as giddy as a schoolgirl, to check out Night of the Living Dead 3-D. Man, was I prepared to fend off zombies coming out of the screen and giggle in delight at knives, shovels and other pointy objects got dangerously close to my face. I was ready to geek out, 3-D style!

Alas, I was a little let down at the lack of 3-D effects. It seemed that a majority of the 3-D action was reserved for the passing of a doobie and blowing smoke rings. Where the hell were the zombies and scary pointy objects coming out at me? Sadly, the 3-D effects were wasted...nonetheless, it was still an enjoyable movie to watch.

Night of the Living Dead 3-D isn't a direct re-make of the original, but kind of a spin off. They even feature the original movie playing in the background in a few scenes. This one gives a bit more explanation as to why the dead walk. It still has most of the action going down in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, but it also has some nice twists.

If you are a Sid Haig fan, you won't be disappointed, even though his screen time is only 15-20 minutes, if that. He plays a great character in his signature style. The rest of the cast is...eh...The acting can get pretty annoying at times, but overall it doesn't affect the movie negatively too much.

I enjoyed the groddy zombies...they were properly icky. The storyline itself was pretty cool, specifically the explanation of why and how the dead came back to life. Plus...there's no happy ending!

Overall, it was a fun movie and you should check it out, even though the 3-D is so-so. It's cool that they came out with a 3-D horror flick, I just wish they would have used the 3-D more effectively for more scares.

Order it on Amazon!

The Maid (2006)

The Maid starts off strong and has some decent scares, but uses too many cliches from other films to really take off on its own.

Rosa moves from the Philippines to Singapore to work as a maid for Mr. and Mrs. Teo and their mentally handicapped 20 year old son. The Teo's run a Chinese opera company and frequently put on elaborate productions, especially during the month that Rosa arrives. Her arrival coincides with the seventh month of the Chinese year, a month when the gates to hell are temporarily opened and ghosts are free to roam about.

Rosa learns a quick lesson in respecting the ancient Chinese rituals of the "Hungry Ghosts" when she mistakenly sweeps up some burnt offerings. Her retribution is immediate as she begins to see ghosts all around her.

Not only that, but Rosa also has to deal with the mystery of what happened to the previous maid, Esther, figuring out why a certain girl always runs away from her, being in a foreign land all alone, and, oh! the horror of keeping the house clean.

The cons: There were some nice jump scares throughout, but the ghosts don't do much besides harass Rosa and glare at her. The ghost themselves - eh, looked typical for your Asian ghost movie. It was fun learning about the Chinese seventh month, but only the first time - the five billionth time it was explained I could recite the spiel from memory. The English dialogue spoken by the Teo's was nearly indecipherable at times since they spoke with a heavy Chinese accent. The film did not provide subtitles during these scenes, which sometimes made it frustrating to follow what they were saying. The plot was stretched thin and the twist at the end...not too surprising. It didn't build suspense but rather tried to shock with jump scares punctuated by screechy violins and bad sound effects.

The pros: I did like the cinematography, which was quite beautiful. The shots of the Chinese opera performance were vivid and colorful, as were the scenes with offerings being given to the ghosts. I also liked learning about Chinese folklore, though it was repeated over and over and over again. The shots of the ghosts, especially those in the background and those at the opera, were unsettling. I admit that there were some parts in the movie that freaked me out, namely the ghostly figures at the beginning of the movie that Rosa saw out of the corner of her eye. Unfortunately, those feelings of slowly building creepiness were all taken away with the intrusive and abrasive music that accompanied most of the scares.

If this film had come out a few years ago, I probably would have loved it, but it borrowed too heavily from other movies like The Sixth Sense, The Eye, Ju-On, etc. The Maid also relied too heavily on shocks and jump scares, acting more like an American movie than the typical Asian horror film that tends to build suspense. Stylistically, it is a very beautiful film, but visuals alone can't help the thin storyline.

On Amazon!

Ju-Rei: The Uncanny (2004)

Ju-Rei: The Uncanny is dull, repetitive and amateur. It blatantly rips off good Asian horror films in a horribly uninspired way. It uses the guttural ghost sounds that scared me in Ju-On, the creepy death faces of Ringu, the dark and blurry ghosts of Kairo (Pulse) and the familiar black-haired, pale-faced ghosts of many Asian films. The cramming together of all these commonplace motifs from horror films create a very dull and boring mood, because you know exactly what is coming. The cliche moments are all there -the girl hiding from the ghosts under her blankets, the ghost crawling on all fours to its victim, the elevator scene, etc.

The story itself is told backwards, starting at Chapter 10 and working its way down to Chapter 1. It tells the tale of a dark figure that carries with it a curse - anyone that comes in contact with the black figure will die horribly and be forced to pass on the curse to the next victim. As we move back through the chapters, we see the chain of the curse and how all the characters are connected. At the end of the movie, we are shown how the curse began.

This film is a total waste of time: not at all scary, boring and totally derivative of much better films that have paved the way for Asian horror cinema. Its low-budget look, which usually doesn't bother me too much if the story is good, really DID bug me this time. The shots are way too dark and grainy to fully make out what's happening, and it looks to be cheaply shot on video. The only good this about this movie was the subtlety used in showing the ghosts in the background. Pay attention, because there is usually a spook hanging out in the background of many shots. For example, check out the hallway in the background of the scene with the man going into his hotel room.

This is no way that one device makes up for the absolutely wretched state of this movie. If you are an Asian horror fan, skip this at all costs or you'll be angry just like me, wanting to burn the DVD just to save others from having to watch it. Even if you want to get into Asian horror, skip Ju-Rei. Instead, try feasting your eyes on the wonderful Tale of Two Sisters, Ringu, Ju-On, The Eye, Dark Water or the many other great Asian films (clarification: I am talking about the original films here people, not the horrible U.S. remakes).

On Amazon!

Farmlands (2006)

Farmlands is a no-budget indie movie from Vomit Films about a group of friends who go up against a misogynist killer. According to director Richie Vomit, it was filmed on a budget of about $40. It manages to be both hilarious and horrifying, and held my attention for its entire 72 minute length.

A group a twenty-somethings live in the middle of nowhere, in the farmlands of Iowa. To pass the time they mostly hang out, drink and talk the days away. One night, they all go hang out at their friend's house. She has also invited her co-worker, Johnny, a mysterious fella no one knows much about. He is muscled and tattooed and soon the girls are drooling over him. Chastity, the "loudmouth whore" of the group, gets turned down by Johnny when she suggests they wander off for some "alone time." Instead, Johnny's got his eye on Margie, the innocent-looking blond of the group.

We meet the rest of the group at the party too: the very obnoxious and loud fat boy (who reminded me of Franklin from TCM, not as whiny but just as annoying), the skinny, funny guy, the guy who is secretly in love with Margie, and the girls - Chastity as well as the host of the party and their friend (played by Heidi Vomit).

The day after the party, Margie and Johnny have their date, only to be rudely interrupted by the jealous Chastity, fat and skinny boy and Heidi's character. Margie and Johnny ditch them and retreat back to Johnny's house. Soon Margie's friends realize she has gone missing and they start searching for her but find much more than they bargained for.

Farmlands is gloriously low-budget, proving you don't have to spend much ($40!! $40!!) to make a good horror movie. From the opening credits with images of rotting corpses and the Iowa landscape, it had me hooked.

The characters were all pretty well established, but then again, the filmmakers used mainly friends so I'm sure their personalities were shining through. I could have used a bit more explanation to what was going on with Johnny's brother (?), who killed and then wore the deceased woman's breasts. He was definitely disturbing. The characters themselves did get to be annoying at times, especially the Franklin look-alike, but hey, it gave me all the more pleasure to watch him die!

The camera work, especially for an indie, was all up to par. There is continuity to all the shots, which I am a big stickler for. The film itself is very grainy and the camera's lens appears scratched, but this did not detract from my viewing pleasure. I loved the shots of the desolate locations - dirt back roads, isolated farmhouses and barns.

The comedic element of the movie was never over the top, but used realistically. The comedic element usually came from the colorful group of characters cracking jokes. It felt very realistic, like friends you have...which made it all the more horrifying when everyone started to die.

I did not like: the long, drawn-out party scenes, the porno that the kids were occasionally watching which hurt the pacing of the story (and its insertion made no sense), the sudden appearance of Johnny's homicidal "family" with no explanation given (I don't need a whole back story, but give me a little introduction as to who they are), the slow pacing in the middle of the story, the overlaid dialogue in which you couldn't hear what anyone was saying and various other caveats common to indie flicks.

Overall, though, I did enjoy it. The surprise ending caught me off-guard and it was a big "Oooooooh" moment for me (not that kind of moment, you sickos!). Indie filmmakers should watch this film to see what can be done on a $40 dollar budget - there's a lot to learn from the lovely people at Vomit Films. I can't wait to see what they'll do next!

Check them out on Myspace, Vomit Films or Farmlands, and tell them Fatally Yours sent you!

Attack of the Mini Reviews!

 I've been busy/lazy as of late, so now I present to you a flurry of mini reviews!!

Pumpkinhead (1988) - Call it blasphemy if you want, but I just did not enjoy this movie. Had I seen it when it was released, in 1988, sure, it would have been something new (maybe), but at this point it it just a bore.

Halloween II (1981) - Starts up just where the first one left off - Halloween night in Haddonfield. I love this movie...you gotta watch it back to back with Halloween. "He's not human!"

Creepshow 2 (1987)- Though not as good as the first one, this is still a fun flick to watch with your friends while drinking. It features 3 stories, the best of which is probably "The Raft." Check it out if you are having a fun '80s horror night and you can't find any other movies...

Whew...that's all for now...I gotta go watch another movie!