Masters of Horror - Sounds Like (2006)

Director Brad Anderson made his debut in the horror genre with his brilliant and subtly creepy Session 9 (if you haven’t seen it, go get it NOW)  and followed that with the mind-bending The Machinist. Both were solid films, focusing on character development and storyline as opposed to splashing the screen with blood. Anderson’s subtle horror streak continues with his Masters of Horror episode Sounds Like.

In the film, Larry (Chris Bauer), a call monitor at a large tech firm, is still mourning the loss of his young son. He isolates himself from his wife, his coworkers and the rest of the world, treasuring silence. That is, until he notices that his already precise hearing is becoming more and more sensitive. Soon, a fly crawling on a window or rain falling on his car become deafening noises. Larry begins to lose it, eventually turning to murder and other drastic measures to achieve silence.

Out of all the episodes I’ve seen this season, Sounds Like is the best one so far. Anderson really takes his time to develop his characters and his films are all the better for it. Anderson puts us in Larry’s shoes and seems to ask us, “well, what would YOU do?” Larry is not an entirely likable character, by any means, but when we are privy to all the noise he hears, we can definitely sympathize.

Speaking of the noise, the sound design is one of the best aspects of the film. At one point, Larry runs into a public library to gain some solitude but finds all the page turning, pencil chewing and keyboard tapping unbearable. There is also a great scene when rain starts falling on his windshield, only instead of rain drops it sounds like bombs are being dropped!

Another thing I enjoyed about the episode was the social commentary on technology running our lives these days. People are constantly surrounded by cell phones, TV, the Internet, texting and so on…we are always in communication with each other, but very rarely do we take the time to reflect on ourselves. Still, Anderson also shows us that we need to communicate and interact with each other and not become isolated, either from ourselves or from other people.

As for the red stuff, this episode isn’t too heavy on the grue for you gorehounds out there. There are quite a few nasty scenes, especially one towards the end involving a wriggling horde of maggots. The ending is expected, but it still doesn’t lessen its impact!

Sounds Like is one of the (much) better Masters of Horror episodes out there and I highly recommend checking it out. I can’t wait to see what director Brad Anderson has up his sleeve next…

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Masters of Horror - We All Scream for Ice Cream (2007)

Remember the sweet days of summer as a kid? Endless days with no school, spent running through the neighborhood sprinklers, getting into trouble with your group of friends and harassing the nice ice cream man? Ya, those were the days…until they come back to haunt you.

Layne, his wife and his young son and daughter have just moved back to his old hometown. Everything is sweet suburban bliss until his childhood friends start disappearing/dying in suspicious and strange ways. They are seemingly melting, leaving behind only their clothes and a big gooey mess. Children in town are behaving oddly as well, including Layne’s own son and daughter. They wander around at night, waiting for the ice cream man to show up. It seems that when Layne and his buddies were kids, they caused the death of the local ice cream man. Now he’s back…for sweet revenge.

Now, I could go on and on about the disappointing Masters of Horror series, but we’ve been down that road one too many times. Sure, the Masters of Horror haven’t really lived up to their namesakes, but there have been a few episodes that were fairly impressive (sidenote: my personal favorites have been Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns, Coscarelli’s Incident On and Off a Mountain Road and Argento’s Pelts.). Sadly, Tom Holland’s (Fright Night, Child’s Play) We All Scream for Ice Cream just ain’t one of ‘em.

Let me tell ya, if I was still a kid, I wouldn’t come anywhere near a man selling ice cream dressed in a clown suit. Clowns just freak me out and no matter what sweet serenade his ice cream truck played, he would not be able to lure me out from behind the safety of my mom’s apron. The premise of the clown ice cream man was a freakishly frightful idea in my mind, and I really hoped the creepiness factor would be bumped up.

Unfortunately, the clown looks more like a rejected member of the Insane Clown Posse that a scary spook.

Adding to the definitively un-scary atmosphere is the inclusion of voodoo as a means to an end for the all-grown-up gang that accidentally killed the clown. Voodoo can definitely be frightening, mind you, but not when it’s dispatched via a tasty cold treat in the shape of a man.

The acting is subpar, even for a Masters of Horror episode. The only real standout was William Forsythe as the clown. The character might not come off as scary (he’s more of a sympathetic character in my mind), but Forsythe completely envelopes himself in the role. He does such a fine job that he was unrecognizable to me until I saw his name in the credits. The rest of the cast, though, is mediocre to downright awful to watch.

There is little gore in this episode, though one backwoods bathtub scene stands out. The rest of the gore scenes show people rapidly melting into a rainbow-sherbet of slop. Nothing too impressive and the finale is just “meh.”

Tom Holland may have made some great films back in the day, like Child’s Play and Fright Night, but this Masters of Horror episode just goes to show why he hasn’t had a directing gig in quite some time. We All Scream for Ice Cream is a tired, boring entry into the series that you’ll forget about two seconds after watching.

It just goes to show that revenge isn’t always a dish best served cold…

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Masters of Horror - Pro-Life (2006)

In the second season of Masters of Horror, John Carpenter returns with Pro-Life, wielding mixed results. Carpenter has chosen to tackle the controversial issue of abortion, but the story of Pro-Life is mildly entertaining at best.

Fifteen-year-old Angelique is running from something in the woods when she suddenly emerges onto the road and is nearly hit by two abortion clinic doctors. They want to make sure she is ok, so they take her into the guarded clinic. Little do they know Angelique is the daughter of pro-life supporter Dwayne Burcell, who shows up just a few minutes after Angelique is taken into the clinic. The doctors soon find out that Angelique is pregnant and that she desperately wants an abortion. Beyond the guarded clinic gates, Dwayne impatiently waits, demanding his daughter be taken out of their slaughterhouse. The pressure mounts when the doctors discover that Angelique’s baby is developing at an accelerated rate and is violent. Dwayne and his three sons storm the clinic with guns to retrieve Angelique and protect the baby on what they believe is a mission from God. Everyone might have bigger problems to deal with, though, as Angelique goes into labor and delivers a baby spawned in hell…

I was expecting a lot on the social commentary front, but Pro-Life seemed to be on the fence with the whole abortion issue. Its focus was more on presenting specific characters than presenting a fully formed opinion on abortion. Those interested in more of a socially conscious movie won’t get much here, though they could read deeper into it than I have. I was hoping for another creepy Carpenter Masters of Horror episode like last season’s Cigarette Burns, which I thought was one of the best, but was sadly disappointed.

The story doesn’t hold much tension or scares, but instead focuses on the siege aspect of the Burcell’s breaking into the clinic. I found this a little boring and the gunfire got old fast. You can only see so many heads blown off before it becomes dull. The torture sequence with one of the doctors was pretty cringe-inducing, but the rest of the movie just got silly from there. Everything seemed to go downhill with the birth of the demon baby and I lost interest fast.

The acting was ok, but there were no great performances. Ron Perlman’s performance as Dwayne Burcell came off as flat and uninteresting, which was a pity. Caitlin Wachs did a good job as the scared and desperate Angelique Burcell, but she overacted in some parts. Mark Feuerstein as one of more familiar faces in the cast did a competent job, but he quickly got lost towards the end. No one performance really stood out in this episode. In defense of the actors, the dialogue really wasn’t that great and the story was pretty forgettable.

What really killed the episode for me was the ending. It seemed overly hokey and while the monster effects were passable, I think they could have been much better. It was also anticlimactic and resolved a little too quickly for my taste.

All in all, Pro-Life was a pretty unremarkable episode in the Masters of Horror series that suffers greatly from its lack of tension and suspense. I’d pass on this one…

Available on Amazon!

Masters of Horror - Pelts (2006)

I was really disappointed with Dario Argento’s first episode from the Masters of Horror series, entitled Jenifer (review). To me it didn’t even feel like an Argento film and I was really let down. Considering this, I was apprehensive about watching his contribution to season two, but luckily Argento’s signature style is back with Pelts.

Jake (Meat Loaf Aday) is a sleazy furrier, hiring illegals to work in his foul-smelling shop and frequenting strip clubs, where he is obsessed with stripper Shana (Ellen Ewusie). Meanwhile, Pa Jameson (John Saxon) and his son Larry (Michal Suchanek) illegally trespass on recluse Mother Mayter’s (Brenda McDonald) property to trap some raccoons. After trapping a large number of raccoons, they realize that the pelts are the finest they’ve ever seen. Jameson calls Jake to tell him about the pelts and to offer to sell them. Spending too much time with the pelts, Larry begins to covet them, eventually murdering his father and killing himself. Jake arrives at the Jameson’s home to find the shocking scene, but he too becomes enamored of the pelts and decides to take them. He plans on making a coat and having Shana wear it in the next big fur trade show. Things soon go awry as anyone who gets close to the pelts is met with horrific death.

Argento has definitely crafted a fine, very bloody, erotic episode for season two of the Masters of Horror series. Stylistically, the movie is beautiful, utilizing bright colors and key lighting, which are part of Argento’s signature style. The gore is great here and really pushes the envelope as blood flows freely and often. Some sequences to enjoy include: a man getting his brain bashed in by a baseball bat, someone sticking their face in a bear trap, suffocation through self-inflicted stitching up of mouth, nose and even eyes, a self-evisceration and a man skinning himself.

I loved that there were clever little nods foreshadowing events in the film. When we see Jake attack Shana the first time, it is just a prelude to what comes after. It’s the same when the Jameson’s find that a raccoon has escaped a trap by chewing off its own foot…something like that happens later on.

The story, while original, is a bit far-fetched, but then again Argento’s strength lies in gorgeous and gory imagery. The explanation for the “curse” of the raccoons is not explained quite enough as well, but the imagery more than makes up for it. The characters are well fleshed out and the actors all do a fine job. Meat Loaf’s performance seemed a bit subdued, but it was still great to watch him play the sleazy furrier. I loved seeing John Saxon as the drunken trapper as well.

With scenes taking place in the strip clubs Jake so often frequents, a lot of female nudity is to be expected. Lap dances, pole dances and lots of boobies are seen. I find a lot of female nudity unnecessary, but with one of the leads being a stripper it is to be expected in this film. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed this episode.

Argento definitely upped the ante for the Masters of Horror series with Pelts. It delivered buckets of blood and gore with ample style to back it all up. A tale of obsession that quickly turns into possession, this is one of the better episodes I’ve seen from the series and reminds me why I’m so enamored of Argento. Now, let’s hope that Argento’s La Terza Madre, one of the movies I’m anticipating most, will deliver as well!

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Masters of Horror - Sick Girl (2006)

Last night I watched the Masters of Horror episode Sick Girl, by Lucky McKee. Having just watched The Woods, I was pretty excited to see more of Lucky's work (especially since I love May!).

Angela Bettis (who played May in May) stars as Ida Teeter, an entomologist. This girl loves bugs! Seems she is also having trouble getting a date, as all the girls she's into (yes, she's lesbian) think her pet bugs are icky. She perks up after receiving a strange specimen from Brazil. The aggressive insect is one she has never seen before, and she names it Mick. Before she can examine it at the lab, it escapes. Ida also has to deal with her uptight landlord, Lana Beasley, who hates her bugs and lifestyle.

Things finally start to go right when Ida meets Misty, a doe-eyed, pixie drawing artist. The two move quickly, and Misty moves in with Ida after only a few days of knowing one another. Unfortunately, it seems as though Mick has been living in the pillow that Misty sleeps on and has taken a liking to biting Misty's ear.

Misty starts behaving very oddly, finally culminating in getting her and Ida kicked out of their apartment by Lana when Misty taunts her. Misty is mean and unfeeling; a completely different person than when Ida first met her. Misty goes on to kill Lana (in a scene where I actually jumped) and acts even meaner to Ida. A truly chilling scene is when Misty starts screaming at a weeping Ida. Anyone who has ever been in a relationship where the other person dramatically changed after moving in together will be freaked out by this scene.

Ida figures out that her buggy pet Mick is a special insect that eats mammals and can change the DNA of those he infects...is she too late to save her love Misty?

This episode is a little slow and spends half the time developing Ida and Misty's relationship. Yet, as a director, this is how Lucky works. He likes to focus on his oddly charming characters. This is definitely a plus in my book! Angela Bettis does a great job playing a nerdy scientist and I enjoyed Jesse Hlubik as her friend and co-worker, Max. The rest of the cast does a fine job as well.

I enjoyed this episode for all its charming qualities. It's a fun commentary on moving too fast in a relationship and just fun all around! If you are a fan of May or other films by Lucky McKee, you must check this episode out.

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Masters of Horror - Cigarette Burns (2005)

This film is part of Showtime's Masters of Horror collection and is directed by John Carpenter, and Cigarette Burns is probably one of the best in the series.

A struggling theater manager (Norman Reedus, who played one of the brothers in Boondock Saints) is hired by wealthy Mr. Ballinger (Udo Kier) to track down the print of an infamous film called La Fin Absolue du Monde (The Absolute End of the World). It seems this film was only screened once, which resulted in a bloodbath at the festival where it first played.

Mr. Ballinger is a collector of rare films and various "props" from these films, and is obsessed with finding the only print of this film. The theater owner, Kirby Sweetman, agrees to find the film for a fee of $200,000. This is how much he owes the theater owner, who also happens to be his dead girlfriend's father. In flashbacks, we see that Kirby's girlfriend Annie committed suicide. He is still haunted by her death and Annie's father blames Kirby for her death.

Kirby is a discerning theater manager, and only screens rare and fine films such as Argento's Deep Red (which I was delighted to see up on the marquee as Profundo Rosso) He is soon obsessed with finding such a rare film as La Fin Absolue du Monde. He tracks down people who have seen the film or know about the film. Most of them are obsessed with the film and yet others are secretive about it, that is, unless they are dead. All people who have come in contact with it have been profoundly changed, such is the power of the film.

**CAUTION - SPOILERS AHEAD**

As Kirby gets closer to it, he begins to see things, specifically a circle with images of his dead wife in them. These circles are "cigarette burns," which indicate a reel change in a movie. He eventually begins seeing other images, images that are directly from the film. He learns that the film shows a divine being, an angel, being sacrificed. He is told that the act is so intimate and brutal that it changes everyone who is connected to or watches the film.

He finally tracks down the director's wife, Katja. She speaks of the power it has over people, and how her husband tried to kill her and then committed suicide after watching the film one too many times. Katja gives Kirby the film, telling him she wished it was never made.

Kirby delivers the film to Mr. Ballinger, who watches it with champagne until he eviscerates himself and loads his intestines into the projector. His butler also watches the film, and cuts up his body before stabbing himself in both his eyes. Kirby ends up watching the film as well...

**END SPOILERS**

This was a thoroughly disturbing and unsettling movie. I wasn't sure how the 1 hour time constraint would suit Carpenter, but he handled it expertly. I liked how Carpenter tackled the idea that films really do have the power to change us. Though many deny it, films can have a profound impact on the audience or certain individuals.

I haven't seen any other installments of the Masters of Horror, but I do hear that Carpenter's Cigarette Burns is the best in the series. This film will haunt me for a while.

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