Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009)

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl is another wacky, over-the-top and ultra-gory film from filmmakers Yoshihiro Nishimura (Tokyo Gore Police, Meatball Machine) and Naoyuki Tomomatsu (Zombie Self-Defense Force, Stacy). If you are a fan of zany, weird and off-kilter horror films drenched in cartoonish gore, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl might be right up your alley!

Monami (Yukie Kawamura) is just your basic love-struck high-schooler mooning over the dreamy Mizushima (Takumi Saitô). She professes her love with a chocolate candy she presents him on Valentine’s Day, but when Mizushima bites into it he discovers it is filled with blood…Monami’s blood. Turns out she is really a vampire and wants to turn him so they can spend the rest of their long lives together. However, Mizushima’s current girlfriend Keiko (Eri Otoguro) doesn’t take the news too kindly…but after she confronts Monami she meets a bloody end (but perhaps not in the way you would expect). However, she is soon resurrected by her mad scientist father, who patches her together with body parts from her schoolmates and resurrects her as Frankenstein Girl. Frankenstein Girl then faces off against Vampire Girl in the final battle for Mizushima’s heart.

Ok, how can you go wrong with gore so over-the-top it’s comical, butt-kicking chicks, weird Japanese fashion, melodramatic high school angst, a Dr. Frankenstein mad scientist, vampires, geisha Frankenstein monsters, and some of the most seriously disturbing high school clubs this side of Sweet Valley High? You can’t, that’s how! Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl is a seriously strange film, but that’s why I liked it so much!

The majority of the film deals with the love triangle between Monami, Mizushima and Keiko in the setting of their high school. During this part of the film we meet the main characters’ classmates, including a group of Japanese girls pretending to be black (complete with extreme caricatures/stereotypes like big lips, Afros, gold chains, etc.) who run a black power club and another group of girls who belong to the wrist-cutting club. Both of these clubs and their members were so over-the-top that you just can’t help but laugh! It also pokes fun at stereotypical Japanese schoolgirl and gothic Lolita fashions.  Then there is Keiko’s dad, who at first appears to be a mild-mannered science teacher and assistant principal…however, it is revealed later that he is a cackling mad scientist who is killing off students to try to bring them back to life, Frankenstein-style. He even has a wacky costume complete with traditional Japanese robes, long white wig and Kabuki makeup. Again, another outrageous character you can’t help but laugh at.

The film carries this comical tone throughout, even during the gory fight scenes. The opening scene alone, where Monami battles three Frankenstein monster-like girls, sets the tone for the rest of the film because it is just so gosh darn goofy! Monami strips the skin off the girls’ faces and in the midst of it raining blood she neatly stacks the clacking skulls one on top of the other. The rest of the gore is equally graphic, but still humorous. And you can’t beat the final battle that occurs on top of a fake Eiffel Tower!

My one gripe is that the film focuses too much on the teenage angst and drama (even if it is in a satirical, humorous way) and we don’t get to see the Vampire Girl and Frankenstein Girl battle until the very end. Keiko doesn’t even turn into Frankenstein Girl until nearly the end, which is kind of a let down since this means Frankenstein Girl doesn’t get much screen time. And for being a vampire, Monami doesn’t spill that much blood with her fangs (no attacks on fellow classmates, for example), not to mention that she can walk in the sun (though too much exposure makes her woozy).

Despite these quibbles, I had a very fun time with Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl. While it is not as shocking as other extreme Asian films, its silliness definitely won me over. And despite its ridiculous nature, the film spills quite a bit of grue. If you are a fan of bizarre and outlandish cinema, I highly encourage you to check out Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl!

Available from Amazon

Sutures (2009)

A battered woman stumbles out of the wilderness and is admitted into the hospital…once she has been treated Detective Zane (Jason London) visits her to ask about her ordeal. The young woman, named Sienna (Allison Lange), recounts how she and her pre-med friends headed up to an isolated castle for some rest and relaxation. However, a mysterious man in black followed them, and one by one they were kidnapped and taken to a dank underground “hospital” where crazed Doctor Hopkins (Andrew Prine) utilized his new “patients” for experiments as well as harvesting their organs for the black market. However he and his staff treated them, one by one they ended up dead…except for Sienna, who happened to escape.

As Sienna recounts her tale to the Detective, she tells him more about the man in black, whose name was Alexander Tatum (Carlos Lauchu). Alexander should have been a renowned surgeon, but a tragic past and a daughter diagnosed with a rare disease lead him to help Doctor Hopkins in exchange for a possible cure for his sick daughter.

Will Detective Zane get to the bottom of the killings? Will Alexander come after Sienna now that she’s escaped?

Yes, this is another kids-getting-kidnapped-for-their-organs movie like a ton of other “torture porn” flicks out there. And, in my opinion, it’s one of the most boring. I was expecting some nicely done gore and a familiar but entertaining story…however I didn’t really get anything I was hoping for. The movie never really “grabbed” me and I was bored from the first couple of scenes all the way to the end. You don’t know how many times my finger was itching for the fast-forward button!

However, even though I didn’t like the film, let me rattle off some technical strengths it had…First off, it was competently shot thanks to director Tammi Sutton. I thought the lighting was great and the scenes in the underground black market “hospital” were very atmospheric. The acting was also pretty decent; I especially liked the performances from Allison Lange as survivor girl Sienna and Carlos Lauchu as the dark and mysterious Alexander.

These few strengths, however, were not enough to make Sutures a good or enjoyable film. I’ve read positive reviews of the film, all of which left me scratching my head. Did we watch the same film? The film started somewhat strongly enough once it got past the boring bits of showing Sienna and Detective Zane in the hospital. The group of pre-med students was typical, but at least the characters had distinct personalities. Things started getting rocky when attention was averted to Alexander. At first he was an intriguing and mysterious presence, but that mysteriousness was all stripped bare as soon as he killed a gas station attendant. By that time, too much had been shown of the killer and my interest in him waned.

Then, somehow Alexander became like a ninja and was able to infiltrate the castle and soundlessly kidnap the kids one by one. This just seemed implausible to me and was pretty groan-worthy. The action then moved to the underground hospital and started to feel awfully like Hostel. Except that instead of people paying to torture youths, Doctor Hopkins had set up a kind of underground medical school. He had the victims pumped full of exotic diseases and gave them fatal wounds, then challenged his med students to keep them stable. Or he just ripped their organs and breast implants out to sell on the black market. An interesting concept, but it was never developed to its potential. Plus, this storyline diverted attention from the much more interesting Alexander (maybe by “interesting” I just mean hot, ok!), who was demoted from lead killer to the Doctor’s lackey.

With all these intersecting storylines things got convoluted pretty fast. There’s the story of Detective Zane trying to get answers from Sienna, then Alexander’s tragic past flashbacks, then the Doctor’s black market hospital and Sienna’s survival of the hospital. It just tries for too much and while the twist ending tries to tie up loose ends, it just fails. The ending might come as a surprise, but that’s only because it is so ludicrous.

Making things even more confusing was the editing, which jumps from past to present randomly and with little explanation. Look, I don’t need my hand held when watching a film, but the jumpy editing made things hard to follow and the film really should have been more streamlined.

Plus, who the F cast the kids who are supposed to be some of the characters as children in flashbacks?? Did no one notice they were completely different races than the adult characters? It’s called common sense and continuity, people, and the filmmakers failed on both accounts!

All of these problems may have been forgiven had there been any memorable bloodshed in the film, but the gore is all pretty typical. Well-done, but uninteresting. People who have been infected with a disease spew up black bile, limbs are hacked off, organs and implants are cut out, people are shot and so on, but nothing that really stood out to me. Perhaps I’m just a jaded horror viewer, but none of the gore in Sutures grabbed me.

Sutures is a forgettable film that lacks a cohesive narrative and an engaging story. It’s poorly put together and not even the gore scenes are memorable. To me, it was a very bland horror flick with few redeeming qualities. If watching horror flicks about organ harvesting rings is your thing, then by all means have at it. However, if you like your horror original, scary and gruesome, Sutures is not a good match. My body definitely rejected it (nyuck, nyuck!).

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Brainjacked (2010)

A runaway named Tristan is lured by the charming Laney to a secret underworld run by a neurosurgeon that takes in teenagers with no place left to go. However, he prescribes each and every one of them trepanation, the practice of drilling holes into a person’s skull to alleviate mental anguish and psychological issues. Tristan submits to the operation to stop his head-grinding migraines, but the doctor has a nefarious ulterior motive for the operations…he turns these teenagers into mindless slaves that do his bidding!

Brainjacked promised a pretty cool plot, so I was ready for something that combined sci-fi thrills with some good old fashioned gore and plenty of laughs…but I ended up laughing for all the wrong reasons. I mean, how are you supposed to take seriously a film that features a doctor with a drill in place of a hand?? You’d think the writers would capitalize on this silliness and make the film light-hearted with plenty of laughs, but unfortunately Brainjacked is played straight as an arrow.

And, you know, if it had any comedy (intentional, that is) at all it might have actually been a decent movie! Disappointingly, it’s actually pretty dull and doesn’t capitalize on the fun of a “mad doctor”. Not even the gory “drill” effects could save this picture from the doldrums. Plus, all the drilling gets old pretty fast.

The film could have also benefitted by a more experienced director and editor. Some scenes are way too jumpy (like the confusing and frenetic opening scenes) while others just drag and drag. Also, the narrative structure of the story definitely needs some work. I really didn’t care for the opening scenes and how Tristan is introduced to the audience. I also thought it was odd how Laney just happened upon Tristan that night and decided to bring him back to the doctor. A bit too convenient for my taste…

Though Brainjacked had an interesting premise, in execution it just failed to delivery anything but boredom. It takes itself too seriously when it really should have had fun with its plot. I mean trepanation, crazy doctors, teenage sex slaves and teenagers programmed to kill?? It sounds like it could have made a great B-movie had it lightened up a little. Oh well…when this film comes out at the end of August, I’d avoid it unless you have a trepanation fetish!

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Alligator (1980)

Remember the urban legend about alligators running loose in the sewers? The legend goes that gators were taken home by overeager kids wanted them as pets, only to be flushed down the toilet when they became problematic. The gators ended up in the sewers, eating stray pets, bums and the occasional kid and causing general hysteria.

The 1980 film Alligator follows this same premise, but also throws in some nefarious corporation illegally doing cruel experiments on animals and dumping their growth-hormone packed corpses into the sewers. Well, this is all well and good for Mr. Gator (whose real name is Ramon) since he has a steady diet of pumped up puppies that cause him to reach 30 – 40 feet in length! Still, the hormones cause him to have an insatiable appetite, so soon he is roaming the streets of Chicago, looking for his next bite! Who is gonna stop him? How ‘bout a misogynistic cop with a receding hair line (Robert Forster) and a gator scientist (Robin Riker) who happens to be the same kid whose daddy ended up flushing the alligator all those years ago!

This entry into the “animals attack” subgenre is pretty entertaining, but it has some awful characters…they are so bad, in fact, that I was rooting for the alligator the whole time! First, it appears that EVERYONE in the film is misogynistic…NO ONE believes a woman can be…GASP!…SMART or a SCIENTIST! Every male character talks down to the lone female character (the alligator scientist) and she pretty much just takes it. The receding-hairline cop even tells her he isn’t gonna take her to dinner unless it’s guaranteed that she is gonna bone him…and when they finally gets to dinner he is a major ass (as if he wasn’t enough of one to begin with). The misogyny in this film is so annoying it pretty much becomes amusing after a while…and it’s just begging to have a drinking game created for every offensive remark made!

On the plus side, the film has an interesting anti-animal cruelty/anti-animal testing perspective. The corporation, CEO and flunky “scientist” that are abusing and killing animals in lab tests are looked upon as the villains (as they should be). I found it interesting that the film had such a strong animal rights message considering that the alligator is blown to smithereens at the end. However, I’ll take animal welfare messages where I can get them, and it appears that Alligator at least has some good points about the cruelty of animal testing as well as showing how unnecessary it is in most cases (in most cases, I’m not saying all, as this is a very sticky subject).

Also, I found it interesting that I was cheering for the alligator the whole way through. “Ramon” kinda became like a superhero during the film as he took down the bad guys (most satisfying scene: seeing the CEO of the corporation get smooshed!). I didn’t care about our supposed “hero”, the cop, or even the woman gator scientist. No, I just wanted to see Ramon slither away and live another day to take a bite out of crime! Sadly, he doesn’t survive…

For an “animals attack” film, I sure don’t recall that much blood…there’s one memorable scene at the beginning where an alligator wrangler (you know, those guys in the swamp who put on shows for crowds, opening gators’ mouths, wrestling them, etc.) gets his leg bitten off, but from there the gator manglings all kinda blur together. Even the satisfying scene where the CEO gets his due isn’t all that bloody. However, I will say that the alligator looks great! Or maybe I was too distracted by the misogynistic cracks to notice…Anywho, director Lewis Teague used both an animatronic, mechanical alligator (which often malfunctioned) as well as a regular sized alligator in miniature sets. Though sometimes it was obvious, I think it still looked great nonetheless!

Alligator is a pretty decent “animals attack” horror film. If you can get past the annoying characters, misogyny and lack of gore, definitely check it out. If you don’t think you’ll like it, check it out anyway and just make a drinking game out of all the misogyny that occurs!

Salud!

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Shutter Island (2010)

From the previews, Shutter Island looked like another slam dunk for legendary director Martin Scorsese. It looked like it was chock full of chills and thrills, from the surreal sequence of Leonardo DiCaprio’s character holding a woman who turns to ash to the foreboding look of the island itself. It continues to top the box office and even the reviews for it have been mostly positive.

However, I wasn’t too terribly impressed with this ho-hum thriller.

It’s 1954 and U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels (Leonard DiCaprio) arrives on the high security Shutter Island, home of some of the most criminally insane patients in the U.S., to investigate the disappearance of a female patient with his new partner, Chuck (Mark Ruffalo).

As Teddy and Chuck get deeper and deeper into their investigation, twists and turns appear around every corner. The man who caused Teddy’s wife’s death is supposedly a patient at the institution, there appears to be some mad Nazi-like experimentation going on with the prisoners, a mysterious lighthouse stands guarded day and night, the missing woman either vanished into thin air or had help, and the patients seem to be cooperating with the doctors to hide something from the Marshals. Through all this, Teddy has nightmares about his wife as her death haunts him.

As Teddy uncovers more secrets, he starts to believe that there is a conspiracy afoot and starts to believe he will never make it off the island.

I had been looking forward to Shutter Island ever since I first heard about it, but after seeing it I can say I expected a little more from it. I’m not saying it’s a terrible film by any means, but if you can guess the big twist just minutes into the movie, it’s safe to say it has some flaws.

Before we get to the flaws, though, let’s discuss its merits. The first thing I enjoyed was the woefully gloomy atmosphere. From the dilapidated cells of the institution to the constant stormy weather (oh ya, they experience a hurricane) and grey surf that pounds the rocky island and drab clothing of the nurses and orderlies, the film just gives off a dismal feeling. And the cinematography – from the dizzying heights of the high rocky cliffs to the claustrophobic cells of the institution – is breathtaking.

However, no matter how pretty it looks the film starts to drag after the first hour or so. There also aren’t very many “scary” instances, though there are quite a few horrifying ones. One occurs when Teddy sees an old woman with only a few clumps of hair on her head as he arrives to the institution (see preview). There are a few other startling patients Teddy has encounters with, but not many. And if you hope to see more scenes like the one where his wife turns to ash in his arms (as seen in the preview) you can probably forget about it – the main focus of the film is Teddy and his partner digging for clues in the rain as to the whereabouts of the missing patient, and later, what the institution is hiding.

While Shutter Island wasn’t a bad film, I was expecting something a bit more complex and interesting from a Scorsese “psychological thriller”. Yet, Shutter Island didn’t really thrill me and I left the theater thinking “meh”. Am I glad I saw it? Sure, but would I ever want to see it again? Probably not.

Available from Amazon!

Diagnosis: Death (2009)

The big selling point of Diagnosis: Death is that it features the trio from cult comedy show Flight of the Conchords (Bret McKenzie, Rhys Darby and Jemaine Clement) but fans of the show shouldn’t get too excited…each are only in the film for less than a few scenes and none of them play pivotal characters.

Perhaps a better selling point for horror fans is that the official synopsis compares it to Peter Jackson’s early films like Dead Alive and Bad Taste…too bad Diagnosis: Death doesn’t remotely live up to this comparison. Perhaps a more precise title of the film would have been Diagnosis: Zzzzzzzzz, because it nearly put me to sleep.

Teacher Andre (Raybon Kan) and student Juliet (Jessica Grace Smith), both with terminal disease, are both undergoing experimental treatments at a drug-testing facility, lead by the Nurse Ratchet-type Nurse Margaret Bates (Suze Tye). A side effect of the drug is hallucinations, but when both Andre and Juliet start experiencing the same sinister visions of a horrific double murder that may have occurred at the facility, they decide to get to the bottom of the mystery…even if it threatens their lives.

Diagnosis: Death does have its moments of laugh-out-loud quirky humor, but that is the only part of the film that actually rings true. The horrific elements of the film fall severely short, complete with stereotypical Ju-On/Grudge-type scares (a creepy kid, suicide/murder, watery footprints, etc.) and horrendously rendered “ghosts” (including a ridiculously out-of-place scene where ghostly skeletons are boning…ok, that scene alone might be worth a rental). I will say there are some disturbing scenes, including a hanged woman and said creepy kid hiding under a desk, but they were too far apart and the rest of the film dragged.

The film felt unbalanced and at times it felt like I was watching two different movies – a comedy on one hand and a B-horror film on the other – and it just didn’t feel like the elements of horror and comedy ever melded together to create a cohesive film. It’s a pity that the pacing and storyline were so off, because the actors all did a good job. The film is based in New Zealand, and I believe most of the actors are from there. Raybon kan and Jessica Grace Smith were great in their roles, though their age differences made things a bit awkward at times. I especially enjoyed Suze Tye’s performance as the no-nonsense Nurse Bates. And, of course, The Flight of the Conchords guys all did a great job in their brief performances…but seriously, we are talking mere minutes of screen time, so don’t get too excited.

Despite a few positives, Diagnosis: Death arrives DOA and unfortunately can’t be resuscitated with even the quirkiest of humor. Unless you wanna see a couple of wispy, CGI skeletons doing it doggy style, steer clear!

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The Thaw (2009)

The threat of global warming is an issue few are ignorant on, but which many still seem to ignore. The melting ice caps, changes in climate and extinction of species definitely point to a troubling future, but it seems that few have done anything to cut back on their environmental impact on the Earth (don’t worry, I’m not going to start preaching at you).

Now, whether you believe in global warming or not, it still falls to logic that all our pollution from various industries must be affecting the environment in some way, or, at the very least, that natural resources are becoming more and more limited as more and more people inhabit our world. You can’t really argue that this doesn’t pose a strain on our environment, but still many of us (including me) have a tendency to turn a blind eye to the destruction of our planet.

Throughout history there have been instances where disease, natural disasters and other catastrophes happen that result in a large percentage of the human population being thinned. Do you ever wonder what the next chaotic event will be? Do you ever wonder if Mother Nature will finally do something to protect herself and lash out at the human population? Well, The Thaw poses that frightening question and answers it with a pretty scary conclusion.

A renowned eco-scientist, Dr. David Kruipen (Val Kilmer) is in remote northern Canada researching the effects of global warming. He and his team uncover the preserved remains of a woolly mammoth, but soon discover that the mammoth is also harboring a deadly 20,000 year-old parasite that quickly infects them.

Meanwhile, a group of three students and Kruipen’s daughter Evelyn (Martha MacIsaac, from The Last House on the Left remake) are on their way up to the research facility. When they arrive via helicopter, they discover the research facility deserted…except for a decaying corpse of a polar bear.

They soon discover that the nasty little parasites are inside the polar bear and lay eggs inside of their victims. Sure enough, they start getting bitten by the parasites, but that’s not all. After the bugs lay eggs inside their hosts, they eat their way from the inside out. The group must find a way to stop the bug’s spread, before they are unleashed upon the world.

The Thaw is a realistic horror film that seems especially relevant in these turbulent times. I like my horror films to be pertinent and socially conscious, and The Thaw fit the bill perfectly. Of course, even those that prefer blood and guts over social commentary will also be pleasantly surprised by the tension-filled The Thaw.

In addition to the relevant story, the pacing of the film is very fast. From the opening scenes of a nasty bug extraction to Dr. Kruipen’s videotaped confessions to a grisly scene of amputation and the nasty bug infestations, my eyes were glued to the screen for the entire running time. The action was tense, and except for a few poor decisions by the characters, everything felt very realistic. The characters were also refreshing and didn’t feature the usual dumb teens. Evelyn was a wonderful final girl who took charge almost immediately and seemed to have more common sense and scientific knowledge than the students. The students were a bit grating at times, but overall their characters’ reactions felt realistic…even if some of their decisions were poor.

As for the actors, most of them did a commendable job, especially Martha MacIsaac as Evelyn. She came off as a spoiled brat in the beginning, but really showed some intense leadership skills as the film progressed. I also have to point out Viv Leacock, who played Bart the helicopter pilot, for his even and brave portrayal…even during and after a nasty amputation. Val Kilmer must also be mentioned here, even if he was only in a third of the film. He played the Doctor very convincingly, with an eerie, unsettling calmness that really forewarned of the calamity that would follow in his wake.

The special effects were the real standouts of the film, though. From the parasites burrowing and squirming into flesh to the mushy egg sacs to the freshly-hatched young devouring their hosts and so on, I was left with the heebie jeebies! Nothing is completely over-the-top, but the gruesome scenes carry with them a sense of reality, like something is possible and could happen…if we aren’t careful. The film reminded me of a mix of Cabin Fever, The Ruins and The Last Winter.

The Thaw is a film that creeps under your skin and squirms there, tickling your mind with its social conscious stance as well as its gruesome set pieces. It reminds us that Mother Nature can only take so much before she reveals her most shocking secrets to us…secrets that could spell humanity’s demise.

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Strange Behavior (1981)

Strange Behavior (aka Dead Kids) is a little-seen 1981 horror film that is probably best remembered for a zany party scene where a bunch of teens are dancing up a storm to some god-awful ‘60s music that sounds like it was better suited for Grease 2. And, yes, the teens soon join in for a choreographed number that’ll probably make you gag a little. Still, despite this and a few other glaringly out-of-place scenes throughout the film, I found Strange Behavior to be a surprisingly entertaining flick.

In the seemingly idyllic burg of Galesberg, Illinois, it seems that things aren’t so peaceful. Kids are getting murdered left and right, and top cop John Brady (Michael Murphy), thinks it has something to do with the strange behavioral experiments going on at the local university. Brady seems to have a history with the scientist in charge of the suspicious experiments, Dr. Le Sangel (Arthur Dignam), only problem is that the Doctor is long dead (though he still “teaches” college classes via archival footage), having been replaced by his protégé, the icy Dr. Parkinson (Fiona Lewis). Still, the experiments have continued, but now the kids who volunteer for the mysterious experiments are turning out a bit robotic and zombie-like…

Meanwhile, Brady’s son Pete (Dan Shor) enrolls himself in these experiments under Dr. Parkinson’s care in hopes he can make enough money to cover his college application fees. There he meets love interest Caroline (Dey Young), who is a clueless receptionist that knows nothing of what goes on behind Dr. Parkinson’s closed doors.

Do the experiments have anything to do with the rash of murders occurring in the sleepy burg? Well, you can bet your bottom dollar they do, but can Brady get to the bottom of them before his own son becomes a mindless killing machine?

Strange Behavior was definitely a fun film to watch, despite its few wacky scenes and offbeat humor. In fact, its goofiness made it even more fun to watch! The party scene is classic enough, but there is also a hilarious scene where an older deputy is going through files and files of college transcripts to try and find a “fat girl” that fits the killer’s description…really, just watch it and you’ll understand!

The sly humor used throughout certainly doesn’t underscore the gore, though, and there is plenty to go around. People get stabbed, limbs get hacked off, a victim’s body is strung up in a field like a scarecrow, people’s heads get bashed and so on. Certainly not the goriest of films, even by slasher standards, but Strange Behavior does a decent job spreading some crimson around.

The story, written by Bill Condon (who would go on to write/direct Gods and Monsters and Dreamgirls) and Michael Laughlin, does have its plot holes, namely not entirely explaining why and how certain people were targeted to be killed. Were some of the victim’s random or were they all selected to be killed? This was never cleared up satisfactorily for me. Also, the pacing in the beginning and the end dragged a bit for me. The beginning had a pretty typical opening that didn’t immediately grab my attention. Then the end felt unnecessarily drawn out…and what was it with the cheesy wedding scene at the end? There were definitely some parts that could have been heavily edited. I never really did get the connection between Brady and his love interest (played by Louise Fletcher), who I guess was the housekeeper…that part of the story added nothing to the overall story and should have been dropped from the script. It’s almost if Condon and Laughlin were trying to cram as much as they could into the story, but I wished they had focused a bit more on the murders rather than unnecessary characters.

The characters, for a change from most slashers, are well-developed and stay away from most horror movie stereotypes. You really could sympathize with Brady and his son Pete as they both try to make sense of what is going on. The cold character of Dr. Parkinson is also developed just enough so you know that deep down she’s evil. You even get a feel for the secondary characters, like Pete’s best friend Oliver (who disappears halfway through after donning a scary and oversized Tor Johnson-look-alike mask at the crrrrraaaazy costume party) and girlfriend Caroline (who wears one of the ugliest patterned pant and jacket sets I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing).

Despite some flaws and a few wacky sequences, Strange Behavior is otherwise an entertaining way to kill an hour and a half. It seems that many people aren’t familiar with this diamond in the rough, either, but nonetheless this unique film just begs to be seen. Just promise you won’t bust out any choreographed dance moves while watching!

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Alice Jacobs is Dead (2009)

How far would you go for an ill loved one? Would you endanger yourself to keep them alive? Would you endanger the entire world’s population if it meant that a cure for their disease might be found?

In Alice Jacobs is Dead, the world has long been overtaken by the Z-virus, but one scientist, Dr. Ben Jacobs (John La Zar), has created a drug that actually slows down the development of the virus. A cure hasn’t been found, but Dr. Jacobs is tirelessly working on finding one, especially since the life of his infected wife, Alice (Adrienne Barbeau), hangs in the balance.

Written and directed by Alex Horwitz, this 20-minute short film is a subtle, slow burn as the audience anxiously waits to see if Dr. Jacobs will find a cure before his wife turns into a full-fledged zombie. While the horror isn’t graphic, the film’s true strength lies in the anticipation of what might happen. Dr. Jacobs is willing to sacrifice his own safety, as well as the world’s, to find the cure for his wife. We get a glimpse of the destruction the Z-virus caused in the opening scene of a destroyed Golden Gate Bridge, but the rest of the film is limited to the locations of Dr. Jacobs’ lab and his home. The claustrophobic, isolated atmosphere works well in the film because the audience can imagine the destruction that is just beyond the Doctor’s walls.

Another strength of the film lies in the interaction between actors John La Zar (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls) and Adrienne Barbeau (The Fog, Creepshow, Carnivale, etc.). The two have a wonderful chemistry that really makes us believe they are a married couple fighting a degenerative disease. From loving moments to when they argue, their relationship rings true. It also doesn’t hurt that they are both highly accomplished actors! Rounding out the cast as Dr. Jacobs’ lab assistant George is Peter Cambor, whose credits include television shows Pushing Daisies, Numb3rs and Notes from the Underbelly, who also does a fantastic job in his role.

The film’s tone is somber, and if it weren’t for the zombie virus, it could just be another drama about a husband taking care of his sick wife. The zombie angle is what gives the film an edge, though, and makes it unique! There aren’t too many zombie films that give such humanity to turning into a member of the undead, and on the flip side there aren’t that many dramas that deal with the degenerative effects of a zombie virus!

There isn’t much gore in the film, but if you’ve been paying attention you’d know that wasn’t the aim or the focus of this short. We do get a bit of gut-munching towards the end of the film, but don’t come into Alice Jacobs is Dead expecting much blood-letting! To be honest, this film doesn’t need the gore and works just fine as a quiet study of a man going to great lengths to try to save the one he loves.

If you were in Dr. Jacobs’ place would you do any different?

Alice Jacobs is Dead may be a more subdued short film, but it will definitely get you thinking about what you would do if you were in the same place. My bet is that most people would indeed risk their own lives as well as the worldwide population’s if there was a chance they could save a loved one.

Alice Jacobs is Dead will be premiering at the San Diego Comic-Con on July 23rd, 2009 at 1:45pm in Room 26AB! Definitely don’t miss your opportunity to view this short!

Visit Alice Jacobs is Dead’s Official Site!

Book Review: Shadows in the Mist by Brian Moreland

There is something so inherently evil about Nazis that even when you hear the word it makes your skin crawl. All the atrocities they committed, all the innocent people they killed and all the secret experiments they conducted make the Devil himself look tame! Well, it looks like the terror of Nazis is back – on film and in books, you see. Most recently the Nazi zombie film Dead Snow was released and now Brian Moreland’s new supernatural Nazi novel Shadows in the Mist is available. Look out, the Nazis are coming!

Set in World War II, Shadows in the Mist tells of a platoon of soldiers led by Lieutenant Jack Chambers who have accepted a special mission to accompany a special ops unit called X-2 behind enemy lines to intercept and capture a deadly Nazi weapon that the enemy is set to unleash. As the Allies delve deep into enemy territory in the dark, mist-shrouded Hürtgen Forest, they will have to worry about more than just Nazi soldiers because something else lurks within the dense fog. Something that is rooted in the occult and involves an ancient power that is near unstoppable.

Shadows in the Mist is a fast-paced thrill ride that blends bloody scenes of combat, a history of secret societies, espionage, the Nazis’ love of the occult, nearly unstoppable monsters and the supernatural. Its vivid descriptions make you feel like you are standing shoulder to shoulder with the platoon.

Author Brian Moreland must first be commended for his remarkable attention to detail found within the pages. Moreland spent years researching WWII, Nazis and even traveled to the real-life location of the Hürtgen Forest where real battles were fought. He interviewed veterans, read countless books on the Nazis’ obsession with the occult and watched countless films on WWII. Every detail within the book, from what soldiers wore and ate to military language to the location of the book is rooted in reality. All this detail just makes the book feel more real and more immediate.

Besides the sheer detail of the book, the use of description and action also places the read front and center to the battles fought by Jack Chambers’ platoon. You can almost hear the bullets whizzing by, the rumble of the tanks, the drip-drip of the rain in the forest and the fast-beating hearts of the soldiers as they face a near-impossible mission against unimaginable monsters.

The story is tense and keeps you on the edge of your seat as you become emotionally invested in each of the characters. You really learn a lot about each of the platoon soldiers in a short amount of time and care about what happens to them. Whenever there is a soldier that is wounded or killed you feel the deep loss that their Lieutenant feels. I also liked how the story had many different surprises. Just when you think you know what the soldiers are fighting or who the “good guys” are, a twist comes out of nowhere to shock you and takes the story in an entirely different direction.

As for the mysterious Nazi soldiers the Allies end up fighting, boy, are they scary! Suited up in full SS regalia and wearing gas masks to boot, plus having some other nasty surprises up their sleeves (like glowing eyes and being seemingly unstoppable), made them very menacing villains.

From WWII history buffs to those looking for some new supernatural spooks, Shadows in the Mist should be at the top of everyone’s summer reading list. It is so fast-paced and involves you right away that you’ll never want to put it down once you start reading!

Available from Amazon!

Consumption (2007)

Consumption is a short indie film from writer/director Richard Powell and Fatal Pictures. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t expecting much when I first popped it into my DVD player. With a name like Consumption, I knew something was going to be consumed, so I expected a fair amount of blood. I thought it would be a run-of-the-mill, serial killer type movie…but, boy, was I wrong.

After the first 10 minutes or so, Consumption sidelined me out of the blue with a surprise plot twist that I never saw coming…and I was never the same after that!

A nervous man (Bruno Talotta) is getting ready to meet his date, who is coming over for dinner. The man is dressed in a suit and carefully lays out the china. He answers a knock at the door and a Rose McGowan look-alike (Andrea Nettleton) greets him. It’s apparent that the two have never met face-to-face, but it’s implied that they’ve chatted online. After some idle chit chat, a cup of coffee and the girl’s favorite dish they get to the real reason of their meeting…and soon the blood starts flowing!

Consumption is a surprising short film in that it defies your expectations as well as exceeding them. In the beginning of the film, I thought that the man character was awfully awkward, stiff and formal…but as the story progressed I realized it wasn’t the actor or the dialogue, but truly how this particular character would act in the scene when his occupation was revealed! Of course, the acting wasn’t Oscar worthy or anything, but Bruno Talotta deserves a lot more credit than I first gave him. Andrea Nettleton did an amazing job as well as she went from the seemingly innocent victim to someone who is much more, how shall we say? – self-sacrificing.

I don’t want to give too much away, but when the twist hits everything pretty much falls into place. It may take a bit of patience to get there, but the gore afterward makes it all worth it! We get a slit throat that bleeds buckets of blood, flesh getting skinned and flayed, decapitation, dismemberment and disembowelment (not necessarily in that order!)! Considering this short was made on a low budget, the special FX are quite impressive!

I also liked the underlying message about how far science will go and to what end. Do the ends really justify the means or do the means slowly transform us into monsters? I won’t say much more for fear of giving too much away…but this film is best viewed with no expectations and on an empty stomach!

Consumption is a powerful short film that manages to rise above the typical serial killer horror films. Though you think you know where the story is going, there is no doubt you’ll be surprised by the twist that will have your eyes glued to the screen for the remainder of the film. Check out this short film if you get the chance!

Visit Fatal Pictures’ Official Site!

My Little Eye (2002)

You really can’t seem to flip channels without coming across some reality show. Whether you are Keeping Up with the Kardashians, hanging with The Girls Next Door, taking in Deadliest Catch or another one of the hundreds of reality shows, there is a glut of reality programming that shows no signs of slowing down. Are we really that obsessed with watching other people’s lives instead of living our own?

Our reality show contestants in My Little Eye certainly hope that’s true, especially since they’ve entered in a contest where they must survive six months in an isolated, creepy old house with every second of their tenure there filmed for an eager, voyeuristic audience. At the end of the six months, they will all get a nice paycheck of $1 million…but there’s a catch. If any of them leave before the six months are up, then none of them get any of the dough.

The film picks up during the last week or so of their six month sentence, and everyone is particularly antsy. Snow is falling thick and heavy outside and supplies are dwindling. Not to mention that the myriad of cameras installed within the house follow their every move. With just mere days to go, strange things start happening. One of the guys gets a letter saying his grandpa has died and funeral services will be held before his time on the show is up. Another girl finds an eerie phrase from her childhood written on one of the windows and a bloody hammer in her bed. The group begins receiving strange “supplies” – like a box of bricks and a loaded gun. Then, a lost skier stumbles upon their house and claims he’s never heard or seen anything about their reality show. Is the reality show company responsible for these strange occurrences? Are they trying to trick them out of their hard-earned cash? Is it all being done to boost ratings? Or is something more sinister going on?

Horror films that feature a reality show usually don’t fare too well (see Halloween: Resurrection), but My Little Eye is different. It is full of tension, interesting characters and an intriguing storyline that will have you guessing until the end. Though it starts slow, with the group suffering from cabin fever from being cooped up in a house all this time, it does a good job in slowly building dread. Things just get creepier and creepier, until the satisfying ending that will just leave you saying, “wow…”

I also love how the film is shot and all the action is captured on the cameras that are wired throughout the house. Whether the action occurs in creepy green-tinged night vision or is seen through a grate in the bathroom, it really gives the film a voyeuristic edge, almost as if you were watching a snuff film. I’m not sure what the logistics were in the shooting of the film, but it truly does look like it was all shot on those security cameras! Fantastic job by director Marc Evans!

The story, written by David Hilton and James Watkins (Eden Lake and the upcoming The Descent 2), is a slow-burn but one that immediately sucks you in, especially when strange occurrences start happening and the pace picks up. There are also a few nice surprises toward the end that caught me off guard and grab your attention!

The characters are all pretty likable or at least interesting. There’s bad-boy Rex (Kris Lemche), sexy Charlie (Jennifer Sky), all-American Matt (Sean CW Johnson), sensitive Danny (Stephen O’Reilly) and skittish Emma (Laura Regan). Their interactions and relationships with each other ring true and it really does feel like they’ve been roommates for the last 5+ months. Each of them has their own dark secrets, which slowly come to light as they are tested in their last week or so of the show.

The acting was surprisingly great, with all the actors giving solid, believable performances. Laura Regan really gave a stand-out performance as the fragile Emma, but the rest of the cast was equally impressive. There is even an appearance by Bradley Cooper (The Hangover, Midnight Meat Train) where he plays the lost skier. It was quite a pleasant surprise to see him in this film!

Now, this film is more about building tension than showering the audience with blood, so there isn’t that much gore. Again, though, this doesn’t hurt the film at all! Instead, when the grue finally does show up at the end of the movie it makes much more of an impact than had it been shown throughout the entire film! There is one particularly nasty scene at the end involving someone’s head getting unexpectedly blown open that is really an “oh sh*t!” moment!

My Little Eye is a suspenseful film that relies on the mystery of the characters’ situation to keep your attention. Its slow-burn works extremely well in building up a tremendous amount of tension, and it also helps that we actually care about the characters and want to know as much as they do who is pulling the strings and behind the strange occurrences. Not too many people have seen this movie, and that’s quite a shame! It is a gem of a horror movie that deserves more fans!

What do I spy with My Little Eye? A fantastic horror movie, that’s what! Now go check it out!

Available from Amazon!

Fear Me Not (2008)

Fear Me Not is a dark, haunting study of one man’s transformation from gentle father and husband to selfish sociopath. Don’t expect any brutal violence in this Danish film, though, because the change happens slowly and  subtlety, making Fear Me Not more of a drama than a thriller. Nevertheless, the slow, deliberate descent into contained madness is captivating and the entire film carries a heavy sense of dread with it that makes it worth a watch.

Middle-aged Mikael (Ulrich Thomsen) seems to have it all – a loving wife, a close relationship with his smart teen daughter, caring friends and a beautiful lakeside home. During a six-month leave-of-absence from work, though, Mikael realizes that he is not satisfied and that something is missing from his life. So, he jumps at the chance to join a clinical trial for a new anti-depressant that is being tested. After a few weeks of taking the pills he slowly begins to feel better and freer, jotting his feelings down in a private journal. Yet, the trial is canceled when test subjects, including Mikael, begin to exhibit violent, aggressive behavior and emotional detachment. Mikael secretly continues taking the pills, with sinister results.

Fear Me Not is the latest from director Kristian Levring, who is best known as being one of the founders of the Dogme 95 filmmaking movement. Levring co-wrote the film with Anders Thomas Jensen, another important name in the Dogme movement, but while this film maintains the natural look and feel of Dogme films, it is not considered a Dogme film. Yet, at the same time it looks so real and stark with a definitive “artsy” feel to it. It’s like Levring has captured the avant-guarde simplicity of Dogme and married it with traditional filmmaking techniques. I loved how there was no music in the film except for scenes where Mikael is listening to headphones, a very Dogme-like technique. The lack of external music creates a much more ominous feeling throughout the film. The dark, muted lighting and sharp angles in the film also helped create a menacing atmosphere.

As mentioned earlier, though Fear Me Not is definitely not a traditional horror film and lacks violence and a body count, it is still very creepy to watch the apparently normal Mikael go through a “Jekyll and Hyde” transformation. Though not for everyone, it is a great character study of a man who has followed the rules all his life and finally decides to rule his own life at the expense of his relationships with friends and family. His deteriorating psyche is focused more on the “id” and he does whatever he wants whenever he feels like it. Though in the beginning you side with Mikael’s character, there is one pivotal scene that definitely changes your perspective on him! After offering a ride to a young teen, Mikael decides to play a perverted game with her involving driving at high speeds on a narrow back road with no headlights on while he cooly forces the crying girl to strip. If that scene doesn’t send shivers up your spine, you’ve got to be as sick as Mikael!

Though Mikael does some pretty morally reprehensible things, you can’t help but kind of relate to the guy. I mean, who doesn’t wonder if there is a more fulfilling way to spend their life rather than having the obligatory desk job, wife, kids and house behind a white picket fence? Hundreds of thousands of people must feel trapped in their lives, wondering, “what else is out there?” or “what will truly make me happy?” For Mikael, happiness meant more freedom and being able to take back some control in his life that was controlled by society’s standards as opposed to what he wanted. I know that in certain aspects he is a character than many can relate to.

Making Mikael both sympathetic and scary is actor Ulrich Thomsen, who manages to walk a fine tension between the two. His performance is spellbinding and he portrays Mikael’s changes with a subtlety that will shock you. Equally fantastic performances are given by Paprika Steen as Mikael’s wife Sigrid and Emma Sehested Høeg as his daughter Selma as they uncover the true nature of Mikael’s darkening psyche.

Yet, despite the many positives of the film, it is definitely not for your average movie-viewer. The pacing here is very slow and there isn’t much action that happens on-screen, just hints of what Mikael is capable of. Most viewers will find the pacing tedious and wishing that something would happen…and when something at the end does, it is kind of anti-climatic. Still, if you can appreciate a slow, long burn while watching a man unravel (or scarier still, embracing his true dark nature) then you will want to check out Fear Me Not!

Fear Me Not will be available on IFC Festival Direct On Demand June 10, 2009.

Non-US format available from Amazon!

Skeleton Crew (2009)

At first glance the Finnish horror film Skeleton Crew, being released through Lightening Media in July 2009, looks to be like just another “torture porn” flick. Upon watching it, though, you might be pleasantly surprised to discover that it has an entertaining story and some campy wit to elevate it above the typical brainless hack-and-slash films.

In the 1970′s in a backwoods mental institution, a doctor began filming himself and his staff torturing patients. They lit them on fire, cut off appendages, stabbed them, hit them with mallets, sawed them…pretty much anything you can think of. The doctor really got into making his snuff films and even started going by the name of “The Auteur”. He was eventually captured by the police, but to this day his complete collection of snuff films was never found.

Now, a film crew has returned to the same mental institution to shoot a horror film about the doctor’s exploits. One day, they discover The Auteur’s macabre screening room and his complete films. The director of the film becomes obsessed with The Auteur’s films and demands more and more realism from his actors. When they don’t give him the realism he wants, he decides that the only way to make a good film is to incite REAL reactions from his cast and crew…by torturing and killing them on-screen!

This really was a surprising film! It had me engaged from the opening scenes, which were actually a film-within-a-film, through to the campy but no less brutal “director’s cut” of the film! There are so many funny, witty lines (“I hate overacting”) that I was wholly entertained throughout the entire film. The characters were also well-developed and anyone who has had any experience in film can relate to the bitching and moaning the cast and crew do behind the scenes! There’s the stereotypical “experienced” actor who insists on giving an over-the-top performance despite the director’s insistence to tone it down, the actress who sleeps with the director for a shot at a bigger role, the constant battle between the boom operator and the lighting guy, etc. This film is just right on and funny about so many situations that occur when filming a movie!

The story was written by Tero Molin (who also co-directed) and Teemu Molin and not only do they deliver a witty, self-aware script, but they also manage to keep the pace moving swiftly along. There were no lulls or boring bits in the film, which is really a credit to the writers. Both the dialogue and the action kept the film going at a steady speed. They also had some pretty inventive ways to dispatch the victims, so kudos to them for making the death scenes feel inventive and fresh!

The film is low-budget, but the direction by Tommi Lepola and Tero Molin is fantastic and you soon forget you are watching an indie film. They used the dank, dark mental institution to their every advantage and created a very foreboding, labyrinth-like setting. The dark, crumbling walls are menacing from the first scene and the fortress-like building is imposing. They made the mental institution a character itself!

The actors, for the most part, do a wonderful job. I really loved how most of them played their “actors” in the film they were shooting and how differently they acted when they were out of character. I really thought David Yoken was fantastic as Bruce, the “experienced” actor of the group who still insisted on giving an over-the-top, Vincent Price-style performance! Steve Porter was also wonderful as the director. When he turned into The Auteur he delivered some great lines that, had it not been for his stellar performance, could have been overly corny. His deliver ensured they were just campy enough to wink at the audience!

As for the gore, well, the film definitely delivers. There are some definitely shocking moments in the film and some great death scenes. My personal favorite involved hot stage/film lights being used to burn someone to death! There were many other excellent death scenes that won’t soon be forgotten, like amputation, death-by-drill, bludgeoning with a baseball bat studded with nails, and on and on!

Skeleton Crew is a fun, entertaining and gory film that definitely caught me by surprise! This Finnish film is definitely worth a look when it is released in July!

Available from Amazon!

Book Review: The Good Humor Man by Andrew Fox

In 2041, the government, or what’s left of it, has banned all fatty foods, making a pound of real chocolate worth more than a kilo of cocaine on the black market. Groups of Good Humor Men, government-sanctioned vigilantes, patrol the country and destroy any illegal contraband foodstuffs they find. Meanwhile, shady nutraceutical company MannaSantos controls the market with genetically engineered foods, but people and animals are still wasting away from a mysterious, quick-spreading disease that is a result of a MannaSantos experiment gone horribly wrong.

Only Dr. Louis Shmalzberg, a fallen Good Humor Man and plastic surgeon, begins to uncover the evil behind MannasSantos and holds the key to humanity’s salvation – in the form of Elvis’ liposuctioned belly fat from a surgery his famous plastic surgeon father performed. Yet, Dr. Shmalzberg must travel across the country, getting entangled with an assassin who wants the Elvis fat for a foreign dignitary, a cult evangelizing anorexia, clones from MannasSantos, a voodoo queen, hit-men dressed as Elvi and a woman addicted to liposuction, to hunt down the preserved Elvis fat.

Will Dr. Shmalzberg track down the Elvis before he is captured, killed or before it becomes too late for humanity?

The Good Humor Man is an amazing novel that tackles serious issues like obesity, nutrition, genetically engineered food, the agricultural business, body image and many, many other important topics in a very entertaining, darkly humorous way. In the tradition of Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, The Good Humor Man makes us question just where we are headed as a nation and what we can do to prevent author Andrew Fox’s vision.

We all know that America as a country is F-A-T. We are one of the most obese countries in the world and in September 2008, the World Health Organization named the United States as #9 in a list of the most obese countries, with 74.1% of adults, or 237 million Americans, being overweight. So, what if all fatty foods were outlawed in the U.S.? What if a huge agribusiness like MannasSantos took over and made genetically engineered foods like “Leanie Lean” meats for the masses? Sure, the nation’s overall health would probably improve and people would lose weight, but at what cost? What if some genetically engineered experiment went awry and millions of people and animals began to waste away? This is the kind of catastrophe Dr. Shmalzberg must deal with in The Good Humor Man, but the threat of this happening in real life is definitely a possibility. Which is why the book is so engrossing and entertaining. It may be fiction, but author Andrew Fox weaves enough facts and “what if’s” about the possibility of this really happening to the U.S. to completely capture the reader’s attention.

Fox also captures the reader’s attention by giving them a wild ride with The Good Humor Man. Though he puts Dr. Shmalzberg into impossible after impossible scenario, you can’t help but keep reading to see just how he’ll get out of his next scrape! Fox deftly writes the character of Shmalzberg, along with the multitude of other colorful characters, so that they are all believable.

The book is also extremely fast-paced, though it took me a few chapters to really get into it. As soon as Shmalzberg hits the road in search of the Elvis, though, I was hooked. Shmalzberg deals with so many different characters, settings and predicaments on his journey that at times I felt too much was crammed into the book, but Fox somehow makes it work and continues to entertain the whole way through.

My only complaint was towards the end when the book did begin to drag, weighted down by too many old characters that decided to pop up for one last showdown with Shmalzberg. I felt that the ending was drawn out and could have been pared down for a smoother ending.

Other than that minor issue, The Good Humor Man is a very satisfying read that gives you plenty of food for thought!

Available from Amazon!

The Resurrected (1992)

Every once in a while, I discover a horror film that has flown under my radar. A film, despite its unique storyline and high production values, has gone unnoticed by not only me, but also most of the horror community. One such film is The Resurrected, a film by Return of the Living Dead director Dan O’Bannon and based on the H.P. Lovecraft story The Case of Charles Dexter Ward. Released in 1992, The Resurrected is a film I had heard nothing about until I watched it…and what I discovered what a very well-done, very frightening and faithful adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story.

Charles Dexter Ward’s (Chris Sarandon) wife Claire (Jane Sibbett) hires private detective John Marsh (John Terry) to find out just what kind of secret experiments Charles is conducting in an isolated farmhouse once owned by long-dead relative and occultist Joseph Curwen. As Charles becomes more secretive, his demeanor also changes and strange, noxious smells emanate from the farmhouse. Claire and John suspect the worse when victims of gruesome murders are discovered with their flesh stripped from the bone.

The Resurrected is an extremely well-made film, capturing the twists, turns and many colorful characters of the Lovecraft story while adding a few tweaks to carry the story over into modern times. The story is very unique and original and it is very refreshing to see something different in the horror genre. It also benefits from a multi-layered plot that unfolds at an engaging pace, drawing the viewer deeper and deeper into the mystery of Ward’s experiments.

The direction by Dan O’Bannon creates an atmosphere of mounting dread and tension, making every flickering shadow menacing and every dark shape a threat. There is a particular sequence in some dark catacombs under the farmhouse that is dripping with dread. The only light is a flickering flashlight, but that is quickly lost and then the characters must fumble around in the dark with nothing but a few matches to light some severely unpleasant creatures. The creatures themselves are well-made and frightening, though some of the special effects are a little dated. I did appreciate that they used stop-motion animation for some “transformation” and creature sequences instead of CGI, though.

The acting is extremely well-done also, with the standout performance coming from Chris Sarandon as Charles Ward. His transformation from loving husband to raving lunatic is impressive and scary. The other actors all do a fine job as well, with John Terry and Jane Sibbett having great chemistry together and the supporting actors all giving wonderful performances. The characters, even the supporting ones, are all very well developed and really add to the storyline instead of just being there for padding.

The Resurrected is a gem of a horror film that deserves a far wider audience than it has received. It is a genuinely horrifying film and one of the best Lovecraft adaptations. Its depth of plot, breadth of characters and height of terror makes it a must-see for horror fans who take their scares seriously.

Available from Amazon!

RetarDEAD (2008)

RetarDEAD is a sequel of sorts to filmmakers Rick Popko and Dan West’s Monsturd. Though I haven’t seen Monsturd, I found myself easily engaged in the storyline of RetarDEAD, which takes most of the same characters from Monsturd and places them in another scenario where the evil Dr. Stern (Dan Burr) has survived from the last film and decides to try a different experiment. Instead of creating a giant poop monster, Dr. Stern turns to special education students and begins to inject them with a serum that accelerates their intelligence. Instead of making macaroni artwork, the kids are soon reading War and Peace and Dr. Stern is praised by parents and administrators alike. The only problem is that the serum has some nasty side effects…namely turning the students into zombies! When the zombies get loose and start infecting the entire town, the local screwball cops must take a break from trying to track down the town’s “Weiner Wagger” and focus on stopping Dr. Stern and his flesh-eating zombies!

RetarDEAD is an enjoyable and completely silly low budget film that’ll have you alternately laughing and puking! Think of RetarDEAD like a Troma film crossed with the riotously raunchy comedy of a Broken Lizard film (i.e. Supertroopers) drenched in copious amounts of gore! Writers/directors Rick Popko and Dan West (who also play the clueless cops) have created a gross-out horror comedy that even features funny faux trailers for films and a lobby commercial that happily advertises a “Cleveland Steamer” sandwich! They also managed to get some sweet cameos for the film. Jello Biafra, ex-lead singer of the band the Dead Kennedy’s, makes an appearance as town mayor, the Living Dead Girlz put on a killer performance, and even the reclusive Herschell Gordon Lewis contributes a voice over for the film!

This is a low-budget film, so I wasn’t expecting much in the acting department, which is probably a good thing since the acting is definitely not one of the film’s strong points! My two favorite actors were, surprisingly, Popko and West in the roles of the bumbling cops. Their repertoire is just hilarious and they get some of the best lines in the film!

Other negatives include the editing and the script, which could have both used some tightening up. There are numerous scenes that drag on way too long and seem to exist solely to pad the running time (which is roughly about an hour and a half). I kept reaching for the fast forward button during these lulls in action where nothing much (not even dialogue between characters) was happening. Also, the script meanders in the beginning and while there are some hilarious scenes involving the notorious “Wiener Wagger” in the movie, that subplot really has no bearing on the rest of the film.

Despite these flaws, I had a knee-slapping good time with RetarDEAD. There’s been some talk about the incendiary title that some people have taken offensively, but the film really doesn’t stoop to making (too much) fun of the special education students. Once they become zombies and infect the entire town, everyone pretty much becomes equal and there aren’t really any “slow zombie” jokes thrown around. With that said, the film still manages to make hilariously inappropriate jokes…just wait for the gag in the porno store!

The film’s gore is also a real treat, and most scenes are covered in red! The special FX were done by seasoned FX artist Ed Martinez and his talent contributes to the success of the film. We get limbs torn from bodies, bloody shoot-outs and the film’s crowning achievement, a torso ripped in half by a hungry zombie horde!

If you are looking for a dirty, devious and laugh-out-loud funny low-budget B-movie, RetarDEAD will surely float your boat. A mix of John Waters’ “anything goes” attitude, Herschell Gordon Lewis’ graphic gore and Troma’s wacky DIY spirit, RetarDEAD is a “special” film you won’t want to miss!

Buy it on Amazon!

Book Review: Bestial - Werewolf Apocalypse by William D. Carl

Author William D. Carl bursts upon the horror scene with his ferociously non-stop, action-packed debut novel, Bestial: Werewolf Apocalypse. Carl goes straight for the jugular by immersing the reader in a world overrun by werewolves, where a few remaining souls must fight tooth and nail (and fangs) for their very lives.

The book opens in the middle of a turbulent bank heist, but as soon as the full moon comes out people begin to change. Somehow, an experiment has gone wrong and a lycanthropic air borne virus has been unleashed on the populace of Cincinnati. Most people turn into werewolves, but there are a few that are miraculously immune to the virus. A group of unlikely survivors band together to escape from the thousands of bloodthirsty werewolves ravaging the city, but a military quarantine is intent on keeping anyone from leaving the perimeter, infected or not. Can the survivors find a way out of the devastated city before it’s too late?

I was hooked on Bestial: Werewolf Apocalypse from page one! I don’t consider myself much of a werewolf fan (partly because there has been such an absence of good werewolf horror material lately), but finally, William D. Carl has made werewolves scary again! Not only does the fur fly fast and furious in the novel, but Carl actually takes the time to focus on characterization. Each character has a backstory, emotions and feelings, so in a short amount of time you find yourself caring deeply about each character. It’s not hard to cheer on homeless teenager Christian, sassy and strong Chesnya or even thief-with-a-heart-of-gold Rick.

Even the werewolves, though ferocious and frightening, also gained my sympathy. After ripping apart prey all night as werewolves, humans are usually horrified when dawn approaches and they realize they’ve viciously eaten their loved ones. Some embrace their new bestial selves, but most go insane with thoughts of what evil deeds they’d committed the night before. This glimpse of the humanity of the werewolves really adds depth to a book that could have easily been just a rip ‘em up gorefest.

I also enjoyed Carl’s descriptions of a quickly deteriorating society. After the virus outbreak Cincinnati is quarantined from the rest of the world and every man, woman and child, werewolf or human, are on their own. There are no cops, no firemen, no government or order to speak of – it’s everyone for themselves. Though lasting only a short three days and nights of the full moon cycle, this demolishing of “the norm” really affects people quickly and Carl portrays this breaking down of society in devastating detail.

Also devastating is the carnage left behind by the werewolves. Gorehounds won’t be disappointed with the extremely graphic and bloody scenes described by Carl. Not only that, but the tension that Carl creates will keep you on the edge of your seat! One scene in particular where three characters meet – two seek refuge from the werewolves in an armored truck while another tries to escape from a collapsing high-rise building and they all eventually come together – will have you biting your nails in anticipation and suspense!!

Horror fans can’t go wrong with William D. Carl’s Bestial: Werewolf Apocalypse. It’s an action-packed thrill ride that invigorates the werewolf subgenre and isn’t afraid to bare its teeth.

Available from Amazon!

Asylum (2008)

When done right, haunted asylum movies work wonders at scaring the pants off me (wouldn’t you like to be around when that happens!!). Movies like Session 9 set in abandoned mental hospitals utilize creaking doors, dark corridors, archaic “treatment” implements, peeling paint, old toys and debris to create an atmosphere of loneliness and slowly building dread. Add a messed up story about patients being mistreated, tested on and killed plus a few good jolts and you’ve got yourself a successful horror film.

These films should always remember that the real villain of the story is the mental hospital itself. No matter what malevolent spirits the place holds, they are usually the by-product of its dark evil. Without a sufficiently scary location and atmosphere the whole film will fall apart.

The oh-so-cleverly titled Asylum doesn’t play by these rules and suffers all the more for it, in turn making the viewer suffer even more.

Madison (Sarah Roemer) is leaving behind a tragic family past (both her father and brother committed suicide) and going to college. Her mother must be paying a bundle, because she gets to live in a newly renovated, state-of-the-art dorm where she gets her very own room! One catch – the dorm used to be an asylum where a crazed doctor named Burke (Mark Rolston) used drastic measures (i.e. torture) to “cure” his teenage patients. One part of the dorm is still under renovation and strictly off limits, but that doesn’t stop Madison and her new dorm mates from breaking in and snooping around. The stereotypical bunch (the asshole jock, the spicy Latina, the shy computer nerd, the blonde bitch, the cute, sensitive guy and Madison) gets caught by security and they all go about their normal business…except things are getting strange. Lights flicker, people go missing and an imposing figure of a Doctor lurks in the shadows. As each person in the group ends up missing/dead as the Doctor exposes their deepest secrets, can Madison fend him off or will she too succumb to his “treatments?”

In the first 10 minutes or so Asylum actually looked promising. Madison is a damaged young thing and the exterior of the dorm/old asylum sure is imposing…but things start falling apart fast after that. First of all, the orientation Madison and the new students attend only has like 30 people total!! The incoming freshman class must be bigger than that. Even if it was only the kids who are staying in that particular dorm, that place has at least a couple of stories with at least 20 (at the barest minimum) dorm rooms on each floor! Plus, we never see any other students besides the group of bozos we are stuck with…and they never leave their particular floor. I remember being a freshman, and the last place you wanted to be was hanging out on your floor like a loser. There was so much to do that first week of school, I’m not buying that anyone would want to stick around their dorm, even if it is “state-of-the-art.” And I don’t know what college these lucky bastards attended, but I’ve never heard of one where you get your own dorm room freshman year!! Yet, here these characters are, with no roommates to worry about (or to save them) as the Doctor attacks them one by one…

Ok, that stuff was more nitpicking than anything else, so let’s get to what’s really wrong with the film. The damn thing isn’t scary…at all!! Besides having the asylum part of the building be dark and abandoned, it’s not really made to be a character or villain in the film…that distinction went to Doctor Burke, but we see far to much of him for him to actually be intimidating. He comes off hammier than anything else, which isn’t good for a horror film that’s trying to play it straight. The asylum building isn’t played up at all, though it could have been used so much more effectively than as just another dark hall for these kids to run through. The film doesn’t attempt to build any tension, suspense or scares and basically just limps along until its weak climax.
The film is ploddingly predictable and there are absolutely no surprises to be found. It was also pretty convenient that ALL the people had some big, dark secret they were hiding that ultimately Dr. Burke used to get to them. Everything felt contrived, forced and just plain bland. This is one of those films your 11-year-old kid brother/sister would rent and think it was scary…but only if it was the only horror movie they’d ever seen.

As for the characters, they are all stereotypical and shallow. They each have a big, bad secret, but besides that nothing much else is revealed about them. The worst, though, is the character of Doctor Burke, who shouts ridiculous lines like, “You’re dead meat!” and “Give me your suffering! Give me your pain!” that’ll have you snickering through your boredom. He is in no way scary and comes off as pretty damn ridiculous.

The acting, like the rest of the movie, is pretty mediocre. While it’s not overly atrocious, it’s not really all that great either. Of course, the tired script doesn’t give the actors that much to work with to begin with. The story is unoriginal, bland and a bore to anyone who’s seen at least one horror movie. Writer Ethan Lawrence doesn’t know how to write a suspenseful horror story and the same repetitious crap keeps happening in Asylum. Not to mention all the numerous plot holes populating the film. What was the point of having Madison’s dad and brother commit suicide because they “heard voices” without including something further along in the story with the same thing happening to Madison? And exactly how did a group of people with some pretty deep secrets all end up on the same floor in a haunted dorm? Why did Doctor Burke chose to target all of them? These questions and many more plague the film and are never answered.

The only thing this film had going for it were the high production values and the surprisingly sharp direction, courtesy of David R. Ellis. Still, those two things don’t make Asylum worth your time.

Consider yourself under Doctor’s orders to avoid this film!

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Organizm (2008)

The first time I tried to watch Organizm (aka Living Hell) I had to switch it off at less than the 10 minute mark because it was already exceedingly dull. A few days later, I made myself try to watch it again…and was pleasantly surprised to find that though it isn’t a good film, it is a not-so-terrible time-waster when you’ve got an hour and a half to kill.

On a remote army base that is set to be demolished, a hidden room is found containing a dangerous biological experiment from 1959. Driven by childhood memories of his mother warning him of the danger of what’s hidden on the base, Frank Sears (Johnathan Schaech) sets out to warn the U.S. Military before it’s too late…but nonetheless they inadvertently release a lethal organism with a shockingly fast growth rate. As it grows, devouring people, buildings and anything else in its path, Frank and hazmat specialist Carrie Freeborn (Erica Leerhsen) must find a way to destroy it before it covers the entire planet.

I wasn’t expecting much out of a movie that premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel, but Organizm (a much better name than the misleading “Living Hell” moniker) is a brainlessly fun movie that forces you to abandon logic and just enjoy the (bumpy) ride.

The film’s saving grace is the quick pace that keeps you interested despite its many plot holes. The organism spreads so fast that there is only time for the characters to react and spring into action. While the script is littered with plot inconsistencies and things occur a bit too coincidentally for my tastes, the relatively quick clip of the film thankfully doesn’t leave much time to dwell on such annoyances.

Also, despite the low budget, B-movie feel of the film, the cast is surprisingly solid, especially the two leads. First off, Johnathon Schaech is wonderful as the mysterious yet deeply scarred (physically as well as emotionally) Frank Sears. His growth as a character, from meek schoolteacher to desperate gate-crasher to blood-drenched hero, is a pleasure to watch! Erica Leerhsen also does a fantastic job as Carrie Freeborn, though I think her character could have been portrayed stronger.

On the bad side, some of the CGI work is absolutely atrocious, especially when practical effects should have been employed! Gun shot wounds should not be CGI’d! The organism itself, which looked like roots or gray plant tendrils, looked pretty good for the most part, but there are some instances where its roots and tendrils (especially when they were winding themselves around people’s bodies) looked pretty fake.

And, again, the script (written by Richard Jefferies, who also directed) was pretty awful, with no new twists attempted. The “military unleashes one of their unspeakable experiments and thinks it can solve the problem by blowing everything up to kingdom come” angle is pretty tired and cliché, even for a Sci-Fi Channel flick. I do wish something new had been attempted in the writing department, with a more polished final product.

Organizm isn’t a horrible movie, but it isn’t that great either. Still, you could do a lot worse. If you’re looking for a rental and all that’s left on the shelves are copies of Organizm or Kracker Jack’d I’d definitely go with Organizm for some mild (but not overly painful) entertainment.

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