Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010)

Taking its inspiration from backwoods horror films where kids go into the woods, kids get killed by insane/cannibalistic/territorial and/or just plain vengeful hicks, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a horror comedy that’s a rip-roaring good time! To tell you the truth, I wasn’t expecting much with this spoof, but was pleasantly surprised by just how laugh-out-loud funny it was! And it wasn’t just me…the whole room kept erupting into laughter right along with me!

The film is about West Virginian hillbillies Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) who head to their vacation home, a dilapidated cabin deep in the woods. Heading to the same area is a group of college co-eds for a weekend of partying. However, things go askew for both groups after a series of accidents and miscommunications lead the kids to mistake Tucker and Dale for a pair of backwoods killers.

This was such a raucous comedy, I really can’t believe it hasn’t been picked up for distribution yet! I’m not usually one for dumbed-down spoofs, but this one had a certain charm, originality and tons of hilarious moments. Plus, it wasn’t dumbed-down at all, but actually funny and smart.

Writers Morgan Jurgenson and Eli Craig (who also directed) certainly did a fine job of writing a hilarious script that keeps its tongue firmly in cheek without pandering to the audience. One of my favorite scenes involved Tucker taking a chainsaw to an old log, only to hit an angry hornet’s nest inside. As he flails around with his chainsaw (looking very much like Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre), he spooks the college kids.

I don’t think the film could have been as great without the wonderful performances from Alan Tudyk (of Firefly fame) and Tyler Labine (from the awesome but short-lived Reaper series). They were absolutely hysterical as the clueless but well-meaning rednecks. The rest of the cast did a fine job as well, but Tudyk and Labine really stood out! Their timing and how they played off one another was just comedic perfection!

Besides the great story and acting, I was surprised at how bloody the overall film is – we get gruesome impalements, a body put through the wood-chipper, brains splattered over a windshield and more! The kills are so over-the-top they can become a little ridiculous, but again, the tone of the film saves this from ever becoming an issue.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a delightful gem of a movie which unfortunately hasn’t been released yet. This is really a pity, because this is one of the most fun films I’ve seen all year! If you get a chance to see Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, definitely do it as any self-respecting horror fan will no doubt have a grand ol’ time with this movie!

I Spit on Your Grave (2010)

I’ll be honest with you; I had absolutely no interest in seeing this remake. While there is no doubt that the original is a very brutal and notorious affair (so notorious, in fact, that I had avoided watching it until late last year), I had no desire to see it hashed out in a slick, Hollywood version. I’m not a huge fan of the original to begin with (no matter what anyone says it still feels misogynistic to me and I hate they didn’t spend nearly as much time on the revenge as they did the rape), so I was in no rush whatsoever to check out this remake.

Wow, sometimes I love it when I’m wrong…

If you are not familiar, the film is about a young author named Jennifer who heads out to an isolated cabin in hopes that the peace and quiet will inspire her writing. On the way there she meets some odd characters at the local gas station. These good ol’ boys give her a hard time, but she drives away thinking nothing of it. As the next few days pass and she settles in to her new location, she begins hearing strange noises at night. She doesn’t think too much of them, but one night she gets a surprise visit from the three overgrown boys from the gas station and their mentally challenged friend. They degrade and humiliate her, all while video-taping, but she manages to escape and runs into the sheriff in the woods. She tells him her story and they head back to the cabin to investigate…but the worst is yet to come. Soon, Jennifer finds herself brutalized, violated and violently gang-raped. The men leave her for dead, but soon she seeks her righteous retribution…

As you can see, this film added several new touches to the revenge story. It focuses not just on the assault and the events leading up to it, but also on the aftermath as the rapists try to cover their tracks of the crime. I liked how the latter part of the film showed us what went on with the rapists after they assumed Jennifer was dead and how events eventually led up to Jennifer’s revenge.

While this film does not skimp on the brutality of the rape, I felt it went a bit further than the original in making us feel for Jennifer. The scenes where they humiliate and belittle her in the cabin were just as hard to watch as the rape scenes were, and really got my blood boiling. By the time the guys had finished their nasty business (which is quite and endurance test), I was about ready to reach through the screen myself and attack them myself. Their characters are so vile that you just can’t help but wish the worst to befall them.

The rape scenes themselves will make your stomach churn and actress Sarah Butler, who played Jennifer, must be given mad props for so realistically portraying the victim. I also must commend the actors who played her attackers, because I doubt any of these fellas will be getting a date anytime soon!

By the time of the revenge scenes, I was just itchin’ for the villains to get their due (and hoping I wouldn’t be shortchanged like in the original). I was hoping for vast suffering for all of them, and boy, did the film deliver! I won’t give anything away, but the dudes definitely get their due!

Finally, a remake that gets it right! I Spit on Your Grave pays homage to the original while updating (hey studios, take a lesson: “updating” should not mean “dumbing down”!) and improving it. Thank you director Steven R. Monroe for giving us a fresh remake that exceeds the potential of its original source material!

If you’ve been wishy-washy on checking this one out (like I was), do yourself a favor and watch it! It is actually a great remake and also a great horror film all-around!

Order it on Amazon!

Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981)

Dark Night of the Scarecrow, a 1981 made-for-TV movie, has finally been released on DVD! This film has been called one of the best made-for-TV movies, so I set out to see how it has held up over the years. I was also excited to check it out since it takes place around Halloween!

The film is about harmless simpleton Bubba (played by the recognizable Larry Drake), whose closest friend is a young girl named Marylee (Tonya Crowe). Though Bubba is in his 30′s, he still has the mind of a child. Though he is perfectly harmless, a few local yokels, including mailman Otis Hazelrigg (Charles Durning), perceive him as a threat. When Marylee is attacked by a dog, the men assume Bubba harmed her and form a lynch mob to hunt him down. Bubba hides in a field dressed and trussed up like a scarecrow. The ignorant men find him anyway and shoot him. Soon after, they find out Bubba didn’t hurt Marylee but actually saved her life from the dog. They go to trial, but are acquitted of all murder charges when they plead self-defense.

Soon after, all four of the men see a scarecrow that looks eerily similar to the one Bubba was dressed up as when they killed him. At first, they believe that Bubba’s mother or the District Attorney or even Marylee is out to avenge Bubba’s death. But as they each begin suffering unfortunate “accidents”, they start to believe Bubba is back from the grave.

Dark Night of the Scarecrow is a very well-done film, especially considering since it was made for television! This release has been cleaned up and looks stunning – thanks VCI Entertainment! I really wasn’t expecting much going into this film, but I was really pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed it. I especially enjoyed the “revenge” aspect of the film. No matter who was doing the avenging, whether it be the District Attorney, Bubba’s mama, Marylee or Bubba himself, it was just satisfying to see the four hateful men get what they deserved!

I suppose I was expecting a slasher-esque storyline with a killer scarecrow slicing its way through a small rural town, but thankfully Dark Night of the Scarecrow avoided this. Instead, it really focused on the unlikable, greedy and ignorant murderers. As mentioned above, it sure was nice to see them become paranoid, then scared, then eventually meet their end!

Since the film was made-for-TV (and aired on the CBS channel, no less!) there really isn’t any blood or gore to speak of. Those looking for a bloody slasher had better look elsewhere! However, it doesn’t need gore to be a good movie and therefore succeeds in other areas. For one, I loved the Southern Gothic feel of the film. The scarecrow costume was definitely creepy and the scenes where it is stalking the local yokels were appropriately tense. I also loved that it was set during Halloween. A few scenes are set at a Halloween party with revelers in costumes and the climax is set in a pumpkin patch, making this movie perfect to watch this time of year!

The story, written by J.D. Feigelson, was engaging and I was enthralled the whole way through. There wasn’t a minute where I was bored, despite the slightly slower pace of the film. In addition, the characters were well fleshed out (every single one of the actors did a fantastic job with their characters) and I liked the variety of characters Feigelson gave us. The direction was also well done by Frank De Felitta (best well-known for being the author of Audrey Rose) and never once did it feel like I was watching just a made-for-TV movie. Instead, the film had a very cinematic feel and no doubt could have been released in theaters and made a pretty penny!

Dark Night of the Scarecrow is a Southern-fried creep-fest that’s a fun treat this autumn! It is one of the few “killer scarecrow” movies I’ve seen that is actually GOOD and worth seeing more than once. This film will definitely become a Halloween staple in my house and I look forward to the tradition of watching it every fall.

Available on Amazon!

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2008)

We’ve seen a lot of horror homages these past few years, from Hatchet to Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. These kind of films relish in winking at the audience, nudging them with past horror movie references and trivia. It is rare for these films to actually transcend their self-referential nature and actually become the films they are emulating.

Now, another film that pays homage to old school monster flicks and Evil Dead-style demonic possession movies has been released…and that film is Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, directed by Jon Knautz and written by the team of Knautz, Jon Ainslio, Trevor Matthews (who also plays the titular role) and Patrick White. The difference between Jack Brooks and other types of “tribute” films is that Jack Brooks actually stands on its own as a bad-ass horror-comedy, action-packed film!

Small town plumber Jack Brooks (Trevor Matthews) has anger issues. He is seeing a shrink, but his sessions don’t seem to be helping much. You see, when Jack was a young boy he saw his whole family ripped apart by a strange creature that can only be described as a monster. Ever since then he has blamed himself and hasn’t been the same. He is enrolled in a biology night class with his nagging girlfriend Eve (Rachel Skarsten), but only because she insisted upon it. One night, he helps his professor (Robert Englund) with some plumbing problems at a crumbling old house the professor is renovating.

The house itself has a sordid history, but the professor finds out exactly how nasty it is when he unearths a large crate in his backyard that contains a skeleton and an intact black heart that supposedly belonged to a demon…that is still beating. The professor just isn’t the same after that encounter and is slowly turning into something monstrous…

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is one of the most fun horror films I’ve seen in quite some time! It packs a sympathetic hero, a great performance from Robert Englund and lots of CGI-free demon-looking monsters into a fantastic storyline that sucks you right in!

The writing team of Knautz, Ainslio, Matthews and White really hit on some great ideas here. I loved the flashback sequences to Jack’s childhood as well as the back story on the black heart. Jack’s character development is also very important and I loved seeing his interactions with his therapist and his aggressive outbursts were hilarious! While it is true that the real “monster slaying” doesn’t take place until the last part of the film, it certainly doesn’t make the first part of the film any less interesting! The story is so cleverly told that the pacing is just perfect! I was enthralled from beginning to end with the fast-paced tale.

As for the acting, it is wonderful across the board! From Jack’s harried therapist (played by Daniel Kash) to his bitchy girlfriend (played by Rachel Skarsten) to the professor (played by Robert Englund who is finally in a good movie!) who’s going through some strange changes, every single actor does a spectacular job. And as for Trevor Matthews who plays Jack Brooks, well, people are right to call him the next Bruce Campbell. While Matthews opts for the Everyman act instead of embracing the campy style of Campbell, the result is still the same…pure awesomeness! You root for Matthews the entire time, whether he is punching out a douchebag scheming on his girlfriend, yelling to his therapist about his anger issues or killing monsters!

As for the blood and guts, there are plenty of sickening scenes. Robert Englund pukes all over himself, for one. Then there are the amazing practical effects. As far as I can tell, little or no CGI was used in the film. The final monster is all prosthetics and/or a man in a rubber suit and it’s a nice throwback to old school monster movies. Everything still looks slimy and gory, especially the monster’s students-turned-demons servants. The final showdown, showing the explosive effects of unstable sodium (hey, they are in science class…knowledge is power!) is extremely satisfying!

I can see Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer spawning several sequels that could actually be good if people take notice of this amazing film. Its throwback to old school monster/demon possession movies will make you feel like a kid again! Jack Brooks is finally a hero we can actually cheer for!

Available from Amazon!

Timber Falls (2007)

Some horror movies are so derivative I bet I could use the same review over and over, only needing to change names. The message behind this collective review would be that these unoriginal and woefully tired movies SUCK!

Timber Falls is no different than most horror films that feature religious backwoods fanatics. It’s pretty uninspired and unoriginal…but it does have Josh Randall’s rock hard abs on display!!

A yuppie couple is trying to “get away from it all” and decides a trip into the West Virginian State Park system will do the trick. Acres of forests, mountain peaks and rushing streams do little to soothe the soul when they encounter “the locals” that seem to pop up whatever trail they take. After a night of sweaty tent sex, the woman, Sheryl (Brianna Brown), awakens and decides to skinny dip. I don’t know about you, but after encountering a bunch of mostly lascivious weirdoes the LAST thing I would do is strip naked and give anyone secretly watching a free show. Nonetheless, this seemingly brainless beauty does and promptly gets kidnapped by a disfigured man. Cue our “hero,” Mike, (Josh Randall) who wakes from his slumber and runs around looking for his girlfriend, who by this point is nowhere to be found. When he returns back to camp after a few minutes of hollering, everything – their tent, gear, etc. – is gone! Woe is he! He then stumbles into a giant bear trap and passes out…

Mike wakes up to find himself in the cozy home of a local woman, Ida (Beth Broderick), who at first appears pretty darn normal, but soon enough he discovers her collection of human fetuses in the basement. He also finds Sheryl all tied up there with the hulking brute that kidnapped her. It seems that Ida, her husband Clyde (conveniently a park ranger, played by Nick Searcy) and disfigured brother Deacon (Sascha Rosemann) have been kidnapping couples in the hopes that one of them would conceive and carry a baby to term for them. You see, Ida can’t carry a baby to term and has miscarried countless times (hence the fetuses in jars). They marry the couple so their baby won’t be born out of wedlock and tell them to fulfill their marital duties. One problem, though, the couple just doesn’t feel too romantic under the circumstances and decide to fight back.

This is just another “crazy backwoods hillbillies” movie, but instead of featuring slobbering inbred villains it features a family that just wants a baby…and I guess they can’t afford a surrogate or don’t want to go through the adoption process. Rational and logic clearly gets thrown out the window on this one, but I wasn’t expecting anything brilliant, just a movie I could kill some time with. Unfortunately, the pacing on this movie was so slow that it felt like time was killing me!

It takes at least a half an hour for the film to get anywhere, all the while cycling through the same boring clichés. Perky city couple in the woods? Check. Clueless authority figure? Check. Hostile hillbillies? Check. Creepy religious types? Check. Disfigured bad guy? Check. And that is only within the first part of the movie! The tired, unoriginal storyline limps on through to the end.

Besides the cliché-ridden plot, it seemed silly that the overly muscular Mike (and his spectacular abs), who pretty much dwarfed everyone in the cast, would be overpowered by The Three Stooges of backwoods baby-makin’. He really needed to stop wussin’ out and go Hulk on everyone’s asses (“MIKE ANGRY!!!!”). At least that would have seemed more plausible than dear ol’ Momma Ida beating him up (or at least more entertaining).

I will give credit to the actors for putting on a jolly good show despite the uninspired story. Josh Randall and Brianna Brown do a convincing job of playing the couple, though their character development doesn’t go too deep. The rest of the cast was great as well, but my favorite was Beth Broderick (probably most recognizable from TV show Sabrina, The Teenage Witch) who played Ida. She was definitely this film’s saving grace. Her maniacal mind contrasted sharply with her seemingly sweet demeanor and you never knew what she was going to do next! I felt the character of Deacon, though played very effectively by Sascha Rosemann, was unnecessary. I also wish the film had given more screen time to the two hunters that offered some comedic relief.

Still, despite good performances I just can’t bring myself to recommend this derivative film. It is just overly predictable and bland for my tastes, though Broderick’s performance does kick it up a few notches. And I do have to thank writer Daniel Kay for featuring a scene where actor Josh Randall is strung up and his rippling muscles bathed in sweat and candlelight are in full view.

Available from Amazon!

Frontieres (2007)

After I heard so much buzz about Frontière(s) (aka Frontier(s)), I was eager to check it out. After the recent French filmmaking triumphs of Haute Tension, Them (Ils) and Inside, it seemed destined that Frontière(s) would be another notch in French horror cinema’s belt. Despite the high praise that Frontière(s) has been receiving, I found it a disappointment. It lacks the ingenuity of past French films. Behind the fountains of blood and gore (enough of an endorsement on its own to get some of you to see it) cowers an unbelievable and “been there, done that” story.

With massive riots rocking Paris, a group of friends are on the lam after a robbery. Farid (Chems Dahmani) and Tom (David Saracino) head out of town and into the countryside, while pregnant Yasmine (Karina Testa) and baby daddy Alex (Aurélien Wiik) take Yas’ brother Sami (Adel Bencherif) to the ER after he suffers a gunshot wound. When Sami dies moments later and the cops are hot on their trail, Yas and Alex high-tail it out of town to meet up with Farid and Tom, who are holed up at a hostel deep in the countryside. What they don’t know is that the hostel and the nearby farm are run by a mad old man and his neo-Nazi family. When they discover that Yas is pregnant, their nefarious plans for “pure blood” are focused on her unborn child.

Frontière(s), written and directed by Xavier Gens, uses convenient plot twists and contrived situations that require quite a suspension of belief. Not to mention that we’ve all seen the “crazy cannibalistic family in the countryside” before. Frontière(s) doesn’t really add anything new to this delightful subgenre, which is just fine if you want the comfort of the familiar. If you are looking for something to knock your socks off, though, I’m afraid Frontière(s) won’t do the trick.

The contrived plot turns are probably what annoyed me most about this film. The way things unfold seem awfully convenient…that, or the characters really are dumber than a bag full of rocks. For example, when Yasmine has multiple chances to escape and run far, far away, she always manages to muck it up and get herself caught again. Also, in a brutal scene involving a table saw, the way things unfold (man turns on table saw, man walks away from table saw, man is pushed backward, falls on still-running table saw) seemed too much like a set-up. The scene felt forced, unnatural, unbelievable and in no way surprising. There were ample scenes like this that just made me roll my eyes. Another example would be the anti-climatic use of guns throughout the film, especially in the shoot ‘em up finale. Sure, people get their brains blown out aplenty, but this method of killing just seems too easy and dull for a horror movie.

On the positive end of the spectrum, the film offers plenty of grue – most of which ends up plastered all over one particular character by the end of the film. If you are looking to satiate your blood thirst, Frontière(s) will definitely help you quench it. There are also several nifty death scenes (the saw scene does look cool, even if it feels contrived, and there’s a sadistic steam death sequence that’s pretty gruesome) along with plenty of violence.

The acting is also quite good, with all the actors giving great performances. The backwoods family, featuring three grown daughters, three sons and the evil Nazi Vater (that’s “father” for all you non-German speaking folk), was pretty brutal but intriguing. You just couldn’t wait to see what they would do next. The group of friends caught in the middle each had their own personalities and each character was adequately developed, something that most horror movies woefully forget to do. Karina Testa as Yasmine was the most effective, going from distraught to confused to determined to enraged in a steadily building crescendo of emotions and vengeance.

Still, no amount of good acting or bloody gore could make me fully enjoy this film. There was too much of an incomplete storyline, too many convenient plot developments and too many loose ends the film fails to tie up. Even the beginning of the film, which featured footage of riots, didn’t have any bearing on the rest of the story and the Nazi family’s intentions for “pure blood” weren’t quite explained adequately.

Though I found Frontière(s) to be seriously lacking, I would still recommend it over the heinous American remakes currently being churned out. There is plenty of blood and grue to entertain gorehounds, just don’t expect a cohesive or original story.

Buy it on Amazon!

Storm Warning (2007)

Following in the snooze-inducing footsteps of Aussie film Wolf Creek, Storm Warning revels in its repugnant, uncomfortable scenes of abuse while seemingly forgetting a full-length film needs a story to support its 1 ½ hour run-time.

An Australian couple decides to go boating one day and rents a small fishing boat. After a bit of fishing they decide to sail through some nearby marshes, but soon get lost. With an approaching storm and night quickly falling, they abandon the boat to find help and a lift back to the mainland. They find an old, empty farmhouse, but the barn is full of marijuana plants. Before they can get away from the drug dealers, the owners, a vile family of hillbillies that include a father and his two sons, arrive home. They are none too pleased to find interlopers inside their dwelling and are soon making the couple’s life a living hell. Can the couple escape the brutal captors?

First off, the wimpy and annoying lead male did nothing to arouse pity or sympathy. His stupid choices (not turning the boat around when a storm approached, getting lost, deciding to approach the hillbilly house, etc.) are what get them into trouble. When they became prisoners of the hillbillies, he really didn’t try and fight back, even when they humiliated and fondled his girlfriend. The good this is that she actually took charge and kicked enough ass for the both of them. As for the villains, they were never scary. We saw and heard far too much of them to make them intimidating or scary. They just ended up being your standard redneck weirdos with bad hygiene and an affinity for violence.

As for the story, you’ve seen in all before (in much better films) and sadly, there’s nothing new added to Storm Warning to make it stand out. It features the same characters in the same scenario you’ve seen countless times over. There are no twists and no surprises to alleviate the painful boredom experienced while watching this movie.

The scenes of humiliation the couple is forced to endure are really nothing new to the genre and there are much more brutal films that are done better than this one. So don’t let my statement of “repugnant, uncomfortable scenes of abuse” titillate you – there’s not anything groundbreaking or truly shocking shown here if you are a genre fan.

There is only one scene in the whole film that sticks out. There is a part where the couple is locked in a tool shed and the female gets all crafty and MacGyver-ish, setting up a wicked trap for the hillbillies involving fish hooks. Besides the fact that the scene requires you to suspend your belief awfully high, the end result of the trap is pretty cool to see. Despite that one flash-in-the-pan, though, the rest of the movie drags.

Director Jamie Blank’s other directorial efforts include genre films Urban Legend and Valentine, which were fun, if a little mediocre, films. With Storm Warning, though, it feels like he has stepped into the mean-spirited and over-played “torture porn” subgenre. His earlier films evoke the fun of the slasher film heyday of the 80’s, but Storm Warning fails to capture the grittiness of the 70’s exploitation films it was trying to emulate.

The tedious script, written by Everett de Roche, doesn’t help with its unlikable characters making stupid decisions and stereotypical villains. Within the first five minutes you pray that the two annoying leads are headed towards a painful death and the dull villains are just begging for an ass-whuppin’!

Storm Warning delivers just ONE worthy scene in its entire 80 minute running time. The rest is the same old backwoods hogwash we’ve seen a million times before, only in much better films. Better films that feature characters we actually care about, a multi-layered story that features surprises and twists, harrowing scenes and frightening villains. Storm Warning has none of those key components and fails miserably because of that.

The only frightening thing about the film is that I actually sat through it (I will admit pushing the fast forward button on more than one occasion, though). The good news is that now you don’t have to!!

Available from Amazon!

Bloodlines (2007)

Bloodlines (aka Stickville) is I Spit On Your Grave meets The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It’s a brutal and shocking film that relies on strong characters that we want to see survive.

In the backwoods of Kentucky, a family of inbreds is intent on keeping their family bloodline alive...they begin seeking out pretty women who can continue their heritage without the deformities that are a result of inbreeding. They kidnap women and force them to fight to the death to determine who is the strongest. The winner is then raped by the “man of the house,” Billy Bob (Jason Padgett), in hopes that she will get pregnant and give birth to the family’s future. When the family abducts Amber Strickland (Grace Johnston) after her car breaks down on a desolate stretch of road, they learn that they’ve messed with the wrong woman. Amber is smart and tough-as-nails, and soon her own vicious family comes looking for her…

Bloodlines is a nasty tale about a family of murderous, backwoods inbreds. Despite its familiar story, it manages to draw the viewer in with some excellent character development and brutal, hard-to-watch scenes. While the film does have its gore, it doesn’t rely on just that to entertain the audience. Instead, the film is brutal and hard-to-watch because of its excellent character development, which makes us care a great deal about the captive women, especially when they are being brutalized. Thankfully, this is not an exploitative film and the violence toward the women is never eroticized or “sexy.” No matter how terrorized by the inbred family the women are, though, (especially Amber’s character) the women always hold their own and fight back.

What I enjoyed most about this film were the female characters. The women aren’t all strong like Amber, but the each finds her strength by the end of the film. Amber, played by Grace Johnston, is a very well developed character and as the film progresses you keep caring more and more about her. She sticks up for those weaker than her, doesn’t back down, is loyal, is determined and is extremely gutsy! The villain of the piece, Billy Bob (Jason Padgett) is a vile piece of backwoods misogynistic trash, talking down to his sisters, violently abusing women, raping women and leading his family and friends to do very nasty things to the women they capture. There is no way anyone could empathize or support such a sick, sadistic piece of work like Billy Bob (at least, I sure as hell hope no one could relate to him!). Both Johnston and Padgett (as well as the rest of the cast) do a fantastic job at playing their characters.

Along with the character development, the story is also very well-developed. The pacing is quick and there are few moments to catch your breath. There is enough depth (and a few twists) to the story to make it interesting, but not too much that would otherwise bog the story down.

This is an independent film, but it looks surprisingly great. It was mostly filled in one location (the isolated cabin home of the inbred family), but it also utilizes some great scenes in the forest where the inbreds are hunted by Amber’s own family. The scenes within the cabin are appropriately claustrophobic, frightening and tense.

I only have a few complaints about the film, one of which is the climactic scene, which seems to drag on a bit too long. Also, there are so many women that Billy Bob and his family are holding – I think they should have stuck to the original three hostages that were first introduced.

Besides these minor quibbles, Bloodlines is a film with a story and characters that will have you glued to the screen. I highly recommend checking it out when it is released by THINKFilm, tentatively scheduled for July 31, 2007.

Available on Amazon!

Chainsaw Sally (2007)

Finally being given wider distribution after being picked up by Shock-O-Rama, this little gem should be in every chainsaw lovin’ horror fan’s collection. Drenched in blood and oozing sex appeal, Chainsaw Sally is one indie film that doesn’t disappoint! What can I say, I absolutely loved this movie!

By day, Sally (April Monique Burril) is your average small town librarian, dowdy and severe, shushing patrons who get too loud. By night, though, she dons her fishnets and her and her trusty chainsaw seek out those who have done her and her family wrong. She slices and dices through someone who is too loud in the library, a girl with an overdue book, a sleazy asshole in a bar and a local ice cream store worker who can’t spell “malt” to save her life (literally). Sally lives with her flamboyant and cross-dressing young brother Ruby (Alec Joseph), who tends the house and cooks up dinners made from the victims’ bodies. When they were younger, Sally and Ruby’s parents were brutally murdered by a trio of escaped mental patients. Their father (played by Gunnar Hansen, the original Leatherface) was shot and their mother was beaten and raped as Sally and Ruby watched. Before dying, their father took a chainsaw to the assailants and told Sally they were bad men and deserved to die. Looking after her brother since then, Sally has taken it upon herself to kill people she deems as “bad.”

Enter greedy developer Harvey Benton (David R. Calhoun) and his slutty attorney Cynthia Prescott (Kristen Hudson), who plan on developing the property Sally and Ruby live on. The owner of the property, Steve Kellerman (Mark Redfield), arrives in town and starts digging a little too deep into Sally’s family history while being enticed to sell the property to Benton. It’s time for Sally to oil up her chainsaw and stock up on supplies from local hardware store owner Mr. Gordon (Herschell Gordon Lewis) to protect her family!

April Monique Burril does a fantastic job playing Sally. One minute she’s a quiet librarian and the next she’s stabbing a rowdy guy with a paper tack! She’s much like a superhero – by day she’s a librarian, and by night she’s a sexy, chainsaw swingin’ avenger! Alec Joseph, playing Sally’s brother Ruby, is a real scene-stealer with his fantastic clothes, glitter makeup, high heels, boas and clever quips. The rest of the cast, including Calhoun, Hudson and Redfield, all do a great job as well. The story itself is solid and interesting, giving each of the characters complete and well developed back stories. The well-rounded story and three dimensional characters all give credibility, believability and add a whole lotta entertainment to the movie.

Chainsaw Sally is a low budget film and therefore does have some problems, most notably that the chainsaw blade on Sally’s instrument of doom never spins or smokes. These problems are merely a trifle, though, and didn’t damage my enjoyment of the movie. For an independent film, it is extremely well made, especially the development of both story and characters and the skill in the way it was shot. Props must be given to director Jimmy O Burril (April Monique Burril’s husband), as Chainsaw Sally is only the second film he has directed (his first was Silver Scream in 2003). Burril does a great job directing this movie and I never would have guessed this was only his second feature film!

The killings in Chainsaw Sally all kick some serious ass and while lacking gore, the movie makes up for it in blood splatter. In one particularly nasty scene, Sally seduces the ice cream shop girl (Jennifer Rouse), handcuffs her, and after failing to correctly spell “malt,” carves it into her stomach with a large knife before dumping a large amount of poison down her throat. The girl’s insides liquefy and spill into a metal bucket beneath her. In another scene she cuts a man’s penis off with a straight razor and then sticks a sparkler into the bloody stub.

It is refreshing to see a female serial killer who is intelligent as well as ruthless and isn’t just there to showcase her breasts. Chainsaw Sally is a character we come to understand, like and cheer on! I wish there were more films that featured serial killer babes like Sally that are both violent, bloody AND feature an intelligent, sexy leading lady.

Chainsaw Sally is a very fun film with great cameos (Gunnar Hansen AND Herschell Gordon Lewis!), a solid cast, an entertaining story, lottsa blood and a fantastic lead character that any horror fan would enjoy. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend ordering a copy for your bloody enjoyment!

The Shock-O-Rama DVD will be released February 27th, 2007 and comes packed with great extras. They include a commentary with director Jimmy O Burril and actress April Monique Burril (“Sally”), a Making Of Documentary, interviews with both Gunnar Hansen and the Godfather of Gore himself, Herschell Gordon Lewis, the Silence music video by the band Piss Ant, a Sally Artwork Gallery and much more!

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Altered (2006)

I had anticipated seeing Altered ever since I heard that Eduardo Sanchez, one of the directors of The Blair Witch Project, was directing. I was one of the people who actually enjoyed The Blair Witch Project and I was excited to see what Sanchez would do next. He doesn't disappoint with Altered, a sci-fi/horror flick that kept me on the edge of my seat for its entire duration.

Three friends catch an alien in the woods with its mothership in hot pursuit, and take it to their friend Wyatt's house. Many years ago, when the men were just boys, the aliens abducted them, experimented on them and ended up killing their friend Timmy. Duke, Cody and Otis are out for revenge, but Wyatt warns that the end of the human race will ensue if they kill their hostage. Once the alien gets loose, the real terror and bloodshed begins...

This film begins with a bang, with Duke, Cody and Otis out in the woods hunting the alien and doesn't let up from there. I usually don't dig alien movies, but this one was quite enjoyable with its fast pace, well-developed characters and plentiful terrifying situations.

First off, the characters development is excellent and is achieved by showing the drama and tension within the group. Instead of telling us, this film really shows us who these guys are and gives us a reason to care about them. The only character I felt was unnecessary was Wyatt's wife. I felt like they just threw her in there just so they could have a chick in the movie.

The actors all do a fine job of portraying their respective characters. They were all well-portrayed and never for a second did I have to suspend belief. They talked, acted and had flaws like normal people. Again, the drama within the group as to what to do with the alien really helped achieve the high level of tension prevalent throughout the movie.

The story itself was very well-written, with loads of tension that kept me on the edge of my seat. There aren't any annoying, tacked on "twists" at the end, but there are some surprising moments, especially as to what the alien is capable of - who knew if an alien bit you that your skin would start to rot away in a matter of hours?!

Speaking of rotting skin and other such delicacies, there is some very cool and gross scenes throughout the movie, many of them involving spilled guts (including alien guts!). We also get a man nailed up to the wall, a throat ripped out, gooey alien blood, a gunshot wound and lottsa man-to-alien hand-to-hand combat. The alien itself is a vicious lil' sucker with a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth and long, wicked claws. For a change, it looks like they used a man in a suit and models instead of CGI bullshit. While some people might be put off by the "man-in-the-suit" phenomenon, I found it refreshing, much like Bigfoot in Abominable. I thought the alien looked realistic and pretty cool!

If you are looking for a tension-filled alien flick featuring superb acting, great gore and a fast-paced story, I recommend Altered!

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Backwoods (2006)

Backwoods is another indie addition to the city folk vs. country killer genre similar to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and its ilk. It borrows a little too heavily from the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre and also from its remake to truly deliver anything new. Its the same tiresome backwoods killer story we've seen a million times.

A group of friends take a trip to visit the grave of one of the girls' father, but end up getting lost on the backroads. They pull up to what appears to be an abandoned house and slowly drift their separate ways into the surrounding woods. A couple tries to find some alone time, one girl is dealing with an unwanted pregnancy, a guy is trying to express how he feels about another girl, and another girl drifts off with her videocamera. None of them know that a child-like, bloodthirsty killer lurks in the house and surrounding woods. Can a drunken sheriff, who seems to know more than he should, help the group before they all end up lost...alone...scared...and dead?!

The movie begins promising enough, with a visit to an isolated cemetery in the middle of nowhere. There seems to be a lot of drama within the group, which only gets worse as they get lost on the way back home. Yet, the action begins to lag and the characters become increasingly annoying once they reach the seemingly abandoned house in the middle of nowhere. The characters are annoying and are underdeveloped, which left me feeling nothing for them as they get butchered by the teddybear-toting killer. There is some pretty heavy overacting going on as well, which, for a low-budget movie is common but still aggravating.

The most disappointing thing, though, was the unoriginality of the story. It obviously took many cues from the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but failed to deliver a new spin on the story. The "twist" at the end of Backwoods doesn't help to liven up the story...but then it's far too late. It is just too predictable and slow moving, and by the time the twist showed up, I was half-way asleep.

Now, it's not all bad...there are some pretty cool camera shots throughout the film, which do liven things up a bit. The kills and gore aren't that bad either, though the killer looks like a rip-off of a cross between Leatherface and Jason Vorhees (pre-hockey mask).

Yet the bad acting, poorly developed characters and retreaded storyline ruined the good points of the film for me. Still, I would like to see what the director could do with a more original horror story since he obviously has talent. Better luck next time!

Hide and Creep (2004)

The South Rises Again!! Out of their graves, that is...

The town of Thornsby, Alabama is having a rough day. First comes the reported sightings of UFO's, then the reports of the dead coming back to life and the final straw is when the biggest football game of the year keeps getting preempted by news broadcasts!

On this fateful day, Michael wakes up naked in a tree, not having any idea how he got there. He sets off to find his car and his girl, whom he last remembered seeing near the cemetery.

Video store clerk Chuck has problems of his own. There has been a run on zombie movie rentals as of late, he kills a man that looks suspiciously like a zombie, and the local diner carries Pepsi instead of Coke.

Gun club leader Keith, along with members Ted, Ned and Lee, run into some trouble of their own when their clubhouse in the woods is overrun with zombies.

At the church, the reverend deals with a greedy, uncaring congregation and a zombie attack as well.

With zombies taking over the town and the Chief out of town, it's up to the remaining townsfolk, including police secretary Barbara, to band together for survival against their RC (reanimated corpse) problem!

A great indie comedy, Hide and Creep has many laugh-out-loud moments and features a great cast of characters all played to a tee by the actors. The script features many in-jokes that horror fans will recognize and delight in...including the distinction that Evil Dead is not, in fact, a zombie flick.

The actors (including Kyle Holman playing Keith, who is also in the great short I reviewed, Golden Age) do a great job portraying each of their characters. Chuck (Chuck Hartsell) is a stand out and reminiscent of Randy from the Scream franchise. Each performance is spot-on and each actor, in either a small or larger role, has great comedic timing.

The stellar acting is aided by the great script, written by Chance Shirley. It never stereotypes its characters and is intelligent, entertaining and funny. Shirley writes clever dialogue and his writing is sometimes akin to Kevin Smith's style.

While there isn't too much gore due to budgetary constraints, it doesn't hurt the story. It featured just enough gore to keep me happy and many will enjoy the zombie lesbians (though the film doesn't take this where you might think...sickos!) featured in one scene.

A delightfully entertaining and comedic indie flick, it is the Southern version of Shaun of the Dead. Track this one down! I plan on buying an actual copy of Hide and Creep for myself this holiday season...

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Population 436 (2006)

The idyllic town of Rockwell Falls is a place you wouldn't want to leave - the townsfolk are friendly and welcoming, the countryside is lush and verdant, there is never any crime and, of course, their apple pies are scrumptious! If you'd want to leave, you must be crazy!

Which is what the townspeople believe...they lobotomize anyone who decides to leave the town, thinking they must be crazy to leave! They call this "the fever," and characterize it by a certain look in someone's eye. If someone is suspected of having the fever, they are hauled off to be "treated" at Doctor Greaver's. If anyone does escape, they are killed, not by the townsfolk, but by "divine intervention."

The population stays at 436, and has for the last hundred years. Steve Kady (super sexy Jeremy Sisto) with the U.S. Census Bureau is sent on assignment to investigate the town and it's odd population. He arrives outside of Rockwell with some car trouble, but Deputy Bobbie (Fred Durst! I didn't even recognize him until I saw his name in the end credits!!) gives him a ride into town. News of the newcomer travels fast, and soon Kady is the talk of the town. While his car is in the shop, he begins investigating the population of the town and interviewing people for the census. He can't seem to find one particular family and no one wants to give him a straight answer. As the town prepares for a big festival, Kady uncovers more and more of the truth, as he simultaneously grows closer to Deputy Bobbie and the woman Bobbie plans to marry, Courtney. Can Kady find out the truth before he too is struck with "the fever" and treated by Doctor Greaver? Is it already too late for him to leave?

Watching this movie I was immediately reminded of the Shirley Jackson short story "The Lottery," as well as the films The Wicker Man (minus the nude musical numbers) and 2001 Maniacs (minus the blood, sex and the hilarious Robert Englund). It was an effective thriller, but I wish the story had been a bit more developed. I think, like Sisto's character Kady, that we should have been left in the dark about the town's beliefs. It would have been much more suspenseful if I hadn't figured out the townspeople were evil before the opening credits ran. Nonetheless, that plot point was never meant to be hidden from the audience (heck, the blurb on the DVD box says, "The residents of Rockwell Falls are dying for you to visit...").

The acting is great...Jeremy Sisto looks hot as usual, and puts on a wonderful performance as Kady. Fred Durst is the big surprise in all this - I loved his character of the conflicted Deputy and he did a really stellar job. Dude, quit your day job and pursue acting! The rest of the cast is well developed and enjoyable to watch as well.

The direction and cinematography are top notch. The film takes in all the gorgeous countryside...man, I just wanted to jump right in and roll around in that green, green grass! The director, Michelle Maxwell MacLaren, definitely knows what she is doing and frames her shots with care and attention to detail.

Still, this movie didn't quite thrill me as much as I wanted to be thrilled. Believe me, I did enjoy watching Jeremy Sisto run around for an hour and a half, but it was just lacking something, even for being so well-made. I suppose I wanted something less predictable with a little more surprise to it.

Overall, a very well-done movie but unfortunately, unmemorable.

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Calvaire (2006)

A disturbing little Belgian flick about a singer, Marc, who gets stuck out in the sticks with some sick backwoods men.

Marc has just performed at an old folks home and sets out for his next gig, a large Christmas gala. He has quite a bit of road to travel, but he unfortunately gets stuck in the middle of the forest when his van breaks down. A strange young man, Boris, leads him to an inn where he meets the owner, Mr. Bartel. He spends the night and wakes up to find that Bartel has towed his car from the forest road to the inn, where he can work on it. Bartel is very kind to Marc after finding out they are both entertainers. He makes breakfast for him and promises to work on his van for him.

While Bartel works on his van, Marc decides to take a walk around the countryside. Before departing, Bartel severely warns him not to go into the village, as the villagers are "not like them." After Bartel's impassioned plea, Marc promises not to go near the village. Of course, curiosity gets the better of him and he stumbles upon a barn with some of the local-yokels inside. At first, he just hears squeals and grunts, then the sound of the men talking, and as he gets close enough, he is horrified to find out that the men are taking advantage of some of the livestock.

He hurriedly runs away and heads back to Bartel's. Meanwhile, Bartel is still working on Marc's car. By working I mean breaking and entering and going through Marc's things. He snags Marc's cell phone and some nudie pics. When Marc returns it's almost nightfall. Bartel explains he couldn't fix his car but has called the mechanic, who can't make it out until the next day. Marc is a little worried, but Bartel assures him everything will be right as rain. He cooks Marc a special dinner and proceeds to explain to him how his wife Gloria left him and how before her departure he was such a great comedian. Marc just wants to eat in peace and go to bed, but Bartel begs him to sing one of his songs. Marc finally sings, which brings a tear to Bartel's eye.

The next morning, Bartel is nowhere to be found. Marc finds his cell phone and the pictures in Bartel's room. Bartel finds Marc in his room and won't stop going on about Gloria. Marc begins to panic a little bit, finding that the phone cord has been cut and that all his clothes are gone, replaced by women's clothes. He looks outside his window to see Bartel smashing out the windows of his van and dousing it with gasoline. When Marc tries to stop Bartel, he is knocked out cold by him. After lighting the van on fire, Bartel drags Marc into the house, where he dresses him in women's clothes. When Marc comes too, he finds that Bartel believes him to be his wife that left him.

Marc's trouble doesn't stop there as he also has to contend with the villagers, who also believe him to be Gloria.

I'm not sure what to think of this movie...it was pretty disturbing and had its creepy parts, but it just didn't grab my attention. Sure, Bartel and the villagers were pretty twisted and desperate and some scenes were pretty brutal, but it still left something to be desired.

The director, Fabrice Du Welz, did an excellent job with the camera work and the Belgian countryside was gorgeous in winter. The actors all did an excellent job, especially Laurent Lucas as Marc and Jackie Berroyer as Bartel. Still, it felt like something was missing...

The story focuses on the build-up to Marc's imprisonment within the inn, Bartel's descent into madness and then Marc's brutalization. It is not a revenge flick a la I Spit on Your Grave or Deliverance, but still warns of the dangers of those that inhabit the countryside. It also moves slowly and towards the end I was confused by what happens between the villagers and Bartel.

This movie was well done and very unnerving and creepy and despite some flaws definitely deserves a look, just for its plain weirdness.

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2001 Maniacs (2005)

2001 Maniacs is a remake of the Herschell Gordon Lewis' 2000 Maniacs where a group of college kids set for spring break end up in Pleasant Valley, a tiny Southern town in the sticks. They are invited to be the guests of honor at the annual "Guts 'n' Glory Jamboree."

I was very surprised at this movie - I enjoyed it immensely! It had the perfect blend of horror and comedy, with great characters all around! Campy and crude, I highly recommend it, as this is probably my favorite horror film I've seen in a long time!

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