And Soon the Darkness (2010)

Two American girls are on a bicycle tour through remote Argentina, but decide to set out on their own for the last few days of their vacation. Stephanie (Amber Heard) is trying to get over a recent break-up while Ellie (Odette Yustman) is the more free-spirited, wild one. After the two have an argument, Stephanie leaves Ellie sunbathing alone by an isolated river. When Stephanie returns to reconcile with her friend, she finds Ellie missing. While searching for her friend and getting no help from the local police, Stephanie turns to a fellow American named Michael (Karl Urban) for help. However, it seems that even Michael has his own secrets that make Stephanie distrust him. With no one to trust, will Stephanie be able to find Ellie before this movie turns into another Turistas or Hostel? Hmmmm…I’m betting not…

I was ready and willing to give And Soon the Darkness a chance…I figured it might do something new and put a twist on the whole tourists-in-peril sub-genre. I was even willing to put up with the poor man’s versions of Megan Fox (Yustman) and Scarlett Johansson (Heard). The film started off okay…especially since it was actually filmed in Argentina and the vistas were pretty spectacular. However, the film didn’t offer anything unique in regards to its storyline, which really is a pity considering the beautiful location they had to work with. Instead it limps along the well-tread “torture porn” road with a bit of black market sex slavery thrown in for good measure. If I had wanted to see that I would have just re-watched the excellent Shuttle (watch it NOW if you haven’t seen it yet) instead of sitting through this bland “horror” film.

In fact “bland” is an apt word to describe And Soon the Darkness, as it applies to nearly everything in the film. Bland acting, bland writing, a bland storyline, bland torture…The only thing that wasn’t bland was the direction by Marcos Efron and the cinematography by Gabriel Beristain. Of course, the natural beauty of Argentina may have made capturing its loveliness easy! I would even go so far as to say that if the film was re-cut it could be used as a way to promote tourism for the country (providing they cut out all the kidnapping, unfriendly locals, crooked police and torture…which should be easy since the film doesn’t really boast many of these scenes).

If you’re looking for horror, though, you’ll be sadly disappointed with And Soon the Darkness. While it has some great touristy shots that look like they belong in National Geographic, the film’s storyline fails to evoke any real scares since its premise is something we’ve all seen before (and in better films). It tries for a slow burn but falters in that it never actually goes anywhere. By the time Stephanie figured out what was going on I was beyond caring anyway and I just had to throw my hands up in the air when the story went the clichéd way of so many other films. I was at the very least hoping for a bit of a twist at the end that would differentiate this film from its ilk, but no such luck.

What I do find interesting is that this film is actually a remake of a 1970’s film of the same name, something I did not find out until after viewing the 2010 version. Despite the remake’s failure, I’m just a little bit curious as to how the original compares and may seek it out. If it turns out to be a fantastic film, I may have to actually thank And Soon the Darkness for actually doing something for me besides showing me pretty pictures of Argentina. For now though, the only thing that And Soon the Darkness did was bore me to death…and make me want to visit rural Argentina, even though the film should have had the opposite effect in both instances.

Available on Amazon!

Sutures (2009)

A battered woman stumbles out of the wilderness and is admitted into the hospital…once she has been treated Detective Zane (Jason London) visits her to ask about her ordeal. The young woman, named Sienna (Allison Lange), recounts how she and her pre-med friends headed up to an isolated castle for some rest and relaxation. However, a mysterious man in black followed them, and one by one they were kidnapped and taken to a dank underground “hospital” where crazed Doctor Hopkins (Andrew Prine) utilized his new “patients” for experiments as well as harvesting their organs for the black market. However he and his staff treated them, one by one they ended up dead…except for Sienna, who happened to escape.

As Sienna recounts her tale to the Detective, she tells him more about the man in black, whose name was Alexander Tatum (Carlos Lauchu). Alexander should have been a renowned surgeon, but a tragic past and a daughter diagnosed with a rare disease lead him to help Doctor Hopkins in exchange for a possible cure for his sick daughter.

Will Detective Zane get to the bottom of the killings? Will Alexander come after Sienna now that she’s escaped?

Yes, this is another kids-getting-kidnapped-for-their-organs movie like a ton of other “torture porn” flicks out there. And, in my opinion, it’s one of the most boring. I was expecting some nicely done gore and a familiar but entertaining story…however I didn’t really get anything I was hoping for. The movie never really “grabbed” me and I was bored from the first couple of scenes all the way to the end. You don’t know how many times my finger was itching for the fast-forward button!

However, even though I didn’t like the film, let me rattle off some technical strengths it had…First off, it was competently shot thanks to director Tammi Sutton. I thought the lighting was great and the scenes in the underground black market “hospital” were very atmospheric. The acting was also pretty decent; I especially liked the performances from Allison Lange as survivor girl Sienna and Carlos Lauchu as the dark and mysterious Alexander.

These few strengths, however, were not enough to make Sutures a good or enjoyable film. I’ve read positive reviews of the film, all of which left me scratching my head. Did we watch the same film? The film started somewhat strongly enough once it got past the boring bits of showing Sienna and Detective Zane in the hospital. The group of pre-med students was typical, but at least the characters had distinct personalities. Things started getting rocky when attention was averted to Alexander. At first he was an intriguing and mysterious presence, but that mysteriousness was all stripped bare as soon as he killed a gas station attendant. By that time, too much had been shown of the killer and my interest in him waned.

Then, somehow Alexander became like a ninja and was able to infiltrate the castle and soundlessly kidnap the kids one by one. This just seemed implausible to me and was pretty groan-worthy. The action then moved to the underground hospital and started to feel awfully like Hostel. Except that instead of people paying to torture youths, Doctor Hopkins had set up a kind of underground medical school. He had the victims pumped full of exotic diseases and gave them fatal wounds, then challenged his med students to keep them stable. Or he just ripped their organs and breast implants out to sell on the black market. An interesting concept, but it was never developed to its potential. Plus, this storyline diverted attention from the much more interesting Alexander (maybe by “interesting” I just mean hot, ok!), who was demoted from lead killer to the Doctor’s lackey.

With all these intersecting storylines things got convoluted pretty fast. There’s the story of Detective Zane trying to get answers from Sienna, then Alexander’s tragic past flashbacks, then the Doctor’s black market hospital and Sienna’s survival of the hospital. It just tries for too much and while the twist ending tries to tie up loose ends, it just fails. The ending might come as a surprise, but that’s only because it is so ludicrous.

Making things even more confusing was the editing, which jumps from past to present randomly and with little explanation. Look, I don’t need my hand held when watching a film, but the jumpy editing made things hard to follow and the film really should have been more streamlined.

Plus, who the F cast the kids who are supposed to be some of the characters as children in flashbacks?? Did no one notice they were completely different races than the adult characters? It’s called common sense and continuity, people, and the filmmakers failed on both accounts!

All of these problems may have been forgiven had there been any memorable bloodshed in the film, but the gore is all pretty typical. Well-done, but uninteresting. People who have been infected with a disease spew up black bile, limbs are hacked off, organs and implants are cut out, people are shot and so on, but nothing that really stood out to me. Perhaps I’m just a jaded horror viewer, but none of the gore in Sutures grabbed me.

Sutures is a forgettable film that lacks a cohesive narrative and an engaging story. It’s poorly put together and not even the gore scenes are memorable. To me, it was a very bland horror flick with few redeeming qualities. If watching horror flicks about organ harvesting rings is your thing, then by all means have at it. However, if you like your horror original, scary and gruesome, Sutures is not a good match. My body definitely rejected it (nyuck, nyuck!).

Available from Amazon!

Storm Warning (2007)

Following in the snooze-inducing footsteps of Aussie film Wolf Creek, Storm Warning revels in its repugnant, uncomfortable scenes of abuse while seemingly forgetting a full-length film needs a story to support its 1 ½ hour run-time.

An Australian couple decides to go boating one day and rents a small fishing boat. After a bit of fishing they decide to sail through some nearby marshes, but soon get lost. With an approaching storm and night quickly falling, they abandon the boat to find help and a lift back to the mainland. They find an old, empty farmhouse, but the barn is full of marijuana plants. Before they can get away from the drug dealers, the owners, a vile family of hillbillies that include a father and his two sons, arrive home. They are none too pleased to find interlopers inside their dwelling and are soon making the couple’s life a living hell. Can the couple escape the brutal captors?

First off, the wimpy and annoying lead male did nothing to arouse pity or sympathy. His stupid choices (not turning the boat around when a storm approached, getting lost, deciding to approach the hillbilly house, etc.) are what get them into trouble. When they became prisoners of the hillbillies, he really didn’t try and fight back, even when they humiliated and fondled his girlfriend. The good this is that she actually took charge and kicked enough ass for the both of them. As for the villains, they were never scary. We saw and heard far too much of them to make them intimidating or scary. They just ended up being your standard redneck weirdos with bad hygiene and an affinity for violence.

As for the story, you’ve seen in all before (in much better films) and sadly, there’s nothing new added to Storm Warning to make it stand out. It features the same characters in the same scenario you’ve seen countless times over. There are no twists and no surprises to alleviate the painful boredom experienced while watching this movie.

The scenes of humiliation the couple is forced to endure are really nothing new to the genre and there are much more brutal films that are done better than this one. So don’t let my statement of “repugnant, uncomfortable scenes of abuse” titillate you – there’s not anything groundbreaking or truly shocking shown here if you are a genre fan.

There is only one scene in the whole film that sticks out. There is a part where the couple is locked in a tool shed and the female gets all crafty and MacGyver-ish, setting up a wicked trap for the hillbillies involving fish hooks. Besides the fact that the scene requires you to suspend your belief awfully high, the end result of the trap is pretty cool to see. Despite that one flash-in-the-pan, though, the rest of the movie drags.

Director Jamie Blank’s other directorial efforts include genre films Urban Legend and Valentine, which were fun, if a little mediocre, films. With Storm Warning, though, it feels like he has stepped into the mean-spirited and over-played “torture porn” subgenre. His earlier films evoke the fun of the slasher film heyday of the 80’s, but Storm Warning fails to capture the grittiness of the 70’s exploitation films it was trying to emulate.

The tedious script, written by Everett de Roche, doesn’t help with its unlikable characters making stupid decisions and stereotypical villains. Within the first five minutes you pray that the two annoying leads are headed towards a painful death and the dull villains are just begging for an ass-whuppin’!

Storm Warning delivers just ONE worthy scene in its entire 80 minute running time. The rest is the same old backwoods hogwash we’ve seen a million times before, only in much better films. Better films that feature characters we actually care about, a multi-layered story that features surprises and twists, harrowing scenes and frightening villains. Storm Warning has none of those key components and fails miserably because of that.

The only frightening thing about the film is that I actually sat through it (I will admit pushing the fast forward button on more than one occasion, though). The good news is that now you don’t have to!!

Available from Amazon!

Live Feed (2006)

Oh brother...another day and another poorly made torture flick. Live Feed, though supposedly written before the success of Hostel, plays like a cheap, sleazy and cheesy rip-off. This is a fine example of gore for gore's sake, with absolutely no intelligence or substance to its flimsy plot.

In the story we've all heard before, five tourists are visiting a foreign country, this time in China. They proceed to be the usual culturally incompetent Americans and piss off the locals. One meathead accidentally spills beer on a powerful crime boss and gets them all kicked out of a bar. They soon end up at a porno theater/brothel and end up doing lines in the bathroom, cheating on their respective girlfriends/boyfriends and getting down 'n' dirty (of course they are all turned on by filthy, cum-splattered establishments!). What they don't know is that they are all locked into their respective rooms that are wired with a live feed so the crime boss can watch them...watch them get butchered by his lackeys, that is! Blood runs free as the kids are gruesomely tortured and killed...

If you are looking for any kind of sympathy for the characters, look elsewhere...character development is nonexistent here. The characters are there to get slaughtered, nothing else. I couldn't have cared any less for the annoying characters, who are practically begging to be killed. The "acting" (if you must call it that) didn't help my disdain for the characters. Let me just say...it was painful to watch. The delivery was stilted, cheesy and unnatural and, boy, did they all look awkward in front of the camera. The acting was laughable and more cringe-worthy than all the gore put together. In defense of the actors, they didn't have much to work with as the dialogue was bloody awful! Seriously, a 12-year old could have done a better job writing more believable dialogue.

Now, the only reason to watch this movie would be the gore...you're not looking for brilliant acting or poetic dialogue. You're a gorehound and all you want is the pain and the blood, dammit! This movie is relatively brutal, but since there is no emotional attachment to the characters, therefore no suspense or tension, this led to ambivalence towards the death scenes. I just didn't care. And while it's always cool to see a pole shoved down a throat and snakes slipped down it so when you cut the stomach open the snakes spill out, it's just not enough. The rest of the gore scenes are done for shock value (and really, they aren't all that shocking) and nothing else. Gore for gore's sake. Don't get me wrong, I like my gore, but in this movie it's just a letdown and a real bore, even if it is brutal.

Another thing overused in the movie is the nudity. I'm no prude, but the shots of a stripper gyrating on a pole were just pointless and boring. Same thing goes for the rest of the film...all the T & A was in no way titillating, but just cheap-looking. Boys, the girls weren't even that attractive, so don't get all hot and bothered. These misogynistic shots of women, which not only include the strippers but also the tourists in plight (the women are subjected to the worst torture, while the men get off with pretty easy deaths) give the horror genre a bad name.

I wouldn't recommend Live Feed to anyone. It is just another, lesser and more boring/pointless version of many (better) films that have come before it, which seeks to shock the viewer instead of entertaining them. Gorehounds, while you may enjoy the torture scenes, this the rest of the movie is just not worth it and is a complete waste of time.

Order it on Amazon

Hostel (2005)

I had avoided Hostel it in theaters because it was touted as a torture flick, which seemed so boring to me! After a few people recommended it, though, I decided to Netflix it.

It begins with two Americans, Paxton (Jay Hernandez) and Josh (Derek Richardson) backpacking through Europe with their newfound Icelandic friend Oli (Eythor Gudjonsson). At the start of the movie they are in Amsterdam, enjoying the primo weed and trying to get laid. Josh is the more responsible one, while Paxton and Oli are all about letting loose. The boys treat Europe like their own personal playground, where the right amount of money can buy them anything. They visit a brothel in the red light district where for the right amount of money, they can pay to do anything to a prostitute in a locked room. Hmmm...foreshadowing much? In this instance they are much like their torturers, paying for flesh to use to their own devices.

After a night of debauchery, they find themselves locked out of their hostel, having not made curfew. The locals lambast these "stupid Americans" and start hurling bottles at them. A kindly local named Alex lets them into his apartment, but the boys are a little shocked to find Alex's roommate having sex with his girlfriend in plain view. Alex says not to mind them, as they are too high to notice anything else. This inclusion of the couple reinforces the boys idea that "anything goes" in Europe. Josh and Paxton soon relax, barely noticing the couple (they are desensitized and embrace the idea of "anything goes") while Oli enjoys watching the couple. After hearing the boys are looking for girls, Alex tells them of a hostel in Slovakia that boasts the most gorgeous women that are just waiting for a piece of American tail. At first, the boys aren't really interested, but Alex shows them some pictures from his last trip there and they are soon sold on the idea.

They take the train where they meet a strange Dutch businessman who enjoys the visceral feeling of eating food without utensils. He makes a move on Josh who freaks out while Oli and Paxton laugh at him. Josh is the more cautious, sensitive, and likable character. He is trying to get over a girl back home, and Paxton seems to think lots and lots of sex with European women will cure his melancholy. Paxton is just trying to have as much fun as possible before he enters med school and Josh begins his Master's program.

They finally arrive in picturesque Bratislava, Slovakia and head to their hostel. Unlike most hostels, the one in Bratislava is like a nice hotel. The boys still have to share a room with other roommates, but they perk up when they find out their roommates are two gorgeous women. They join them in the spa (which is an added luxury at a hostel) where all manner of flesh is displayed. This naked body smorgasbord gets you thinking about what will happen to all that flesh once the torture begins.

Later that night, they join their roommates Natalya (Barbara Nedeljakova) and Svetlana (Jana Kaderabkova) to party at a local bar. Oli shows up with the hostel's front desk girl and they all dance and drink the night away. Josh has an encounter with the local child gang, who demand some kind of payment from him. The kids, all holding pipes or some other kind of weapon, are surprisingly creepy and threatening. Back at the hostel, Josh hooks up with Natalya while Paxton hooks up with Svetlana. Since they all share a room at the hostel, we see the girls giving each other knowing looks during sex with the boys...we know now that they are up to no good.

What follows is a grisly and gruesome cautionary tale...

This movie was pretty good. I enjoyed the set-up, the plot, the characterization and the social commentary employed by this movie. It wasn't the gore-fest many people touted it to be, but I was okay with that...it still had its moments. The tension in the movie was terrific; it really had me on the edge of my seat! It's terrifying to think that horrible things can happen to you while you're so far from home.

I believe that Eli Roth, the director, was commenting on the ugliness of the world with this movie. Specifically that we live in a world where if you have enough money, you can do anything. At the beginning of the film, when the protagonists visit the brothel, they comment on how if they pay enough money, they can do anything they want to a prostitute. This idea grows within the movie to if someone has enough money, they can pay to kill or torture someone. Roth points out that money comes first and human beings come second. Also, Roth tackles how we are desensitized to many experiences. One of the torturers speaks to Paxton and explains that he's been all over the world, done everything (and everyone), and that basically this is the only thing left that will give him a thrill. The nudity and brutality of the movie are there to test the audience, to see how much is too much. Are we as desensitized as the torturers in the film? Are we looking to put money before humanity? Roth cleverly weaves these questions and commentaries into the narrative.

First and foremost, though, this is a horror movie...it wants to entertain you. Oh and will you be entertained! Just don't expect excessive amounts of torture (even with the uncut version - I think all they added was more boobs). Either as a social commentary or as a blood 'n' guts movie (or a mix of the two!) this film is very well done.

Order it on Amazon!

Wolf Creek (2005)

Saturday night my lil' sister and I huddled up on the couch to watch a movie we had both waited a while to see - Wolf Creek. All I knew about this movie was that it was Australian and involved three kids stuck in the desolate Outback with a sadistic killer. I was hoping to be scared a little to a lot. I had heard this film being compared to the (original) Texas Chainsaw Massacre, so I was pretty stoked.

Wow, was I wrong...this movie was horrible!

Wolf Creek begins with friends Ben, Kristy and Liz taking a road trip across Australia to Wolf Creek Crater in the Outback. They are happy and relaxed, and there is a burgeoning romance between Liz and Ben. This part of the film is slow, dreamlike and lazy - a serenity that is shattered abruptly at around the 55 minute mark. They arrive at their destination, Wolf Creek, and spend a few hours hiking. Back at their car, they realize that all their watches have stopped working. Not only that, but their car won't even start. Soon, headlights approach and an Outback man by the name of Mick offers to tow their car back to his place. Here, he says, he can fix it and they can be back on the road in no time. The kids feel their isn't something quite right about him, but his back-woods charm convinces them to trust Mick. He tows them further and further into the Outback, hundreds of miles away from a soul, to his encampment. Around a roaring campfire, they all joke and talk until one by one they drift asleep. Everyone, that is, except for Mick who is still "working" on their car. Here the DVD hit about 55 minutes and the three friends entered into a nightmare.

After a full night and day's sleep, Liz wakes up bound and gagged. She escapes and follows Kristy's screams to a warehouse where she is being tortured by Mick. Yada yada running screaming running running bleeding screaming running yada yada...(Translation: Liz and Kristy escape together, end up trashing their escape truck, Liz goes back to Mick's camp to steal another car, finds some interesting tidbits, ends up getting killed anywho - lots of screaming, running, bleeding).

After Liz doesn't return, Kristy runs runs runs and just keeps running until she hits a main road. Here, a man who stops to help her just ends up dead, as does she after a quick car chase with Crocodile Dundee (I mean Mick, but whatever, I wasn't caring at this point).

So, both Liz and Kristy are dead - but where's that clever Ben? Ah, he's still holed up in one of the torture chambers. He also manages to escape from a crucified pose Mick has devised for him and runs runs runs until he passes out by a road. Luckily for him, some German tourists pick him up and he is safe.

The end of the film states that no traces of Mick or the girls were ever found, and after being held under suspicion, Ben is released.

Geesh, was I ever bored with this movie! I was just never really scared, and that's my big complaint with this movie. I was horrified by some of the things Mick does and says to the girls, but never truly scared. Torture scenes can be scary (see Audition), but the ones from Wolf Creek were just there to horrify or exploit the audience. And why the heck did they leave Ben out of the action for so long? That seemed like a major mistake to me.

I liked the beautiful shots of the Aussie Outback and the slow start to the movie. It made me wait for the action, and I love me some delayed gratification! Yet, when the action did start, it was a major let down.

My lil' sis, who also enjoys horror movies, did not like this movie either. At the end, we both said, "Geez, that was dumb!"

Ugh...what a waste of a Netflix movie! And to those of you who have compared this to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre...all I can say is, FOR SHAME!!

Check it out on Amazon!