Friday, December 19, 2008

My Top 5 Christmas Horror Movies

Happy Horror-days, fatal fiends! I want to bring you plenty of season’s bleedings, er, greetings, so I’ve compiled a handy list of holiday horrors for this horrendous holiday season!

So grab a glass of egg nog and a slice of fruit cake and settle in for some holiday fear with the following Fatally Yours’ approved Christmas films!

5. Two Front Teeth – This is a campy and tongue-in-cheek indie flick that celebrates the season with killer elves, a trio of nun assassins under an oath of silence called the “Silent Knights,” an evil tooth fairy posing as Santa Claus and “X-mas Files” journalist Gabe Snow trying to piece the mystery of the crash of flight 1225 together. Though this low-budget film has its flaws, its witty Christmas references make it memorable and will put you in a holly-jolly mood!

4. Christmas Evil – A Christmas cult classic, this film came out before the notoriously boycotted Silent Night, Deadly Night, even though it has the similar theme of a man snapping and doning a red Santa suit to instill Christmas fear in anyone who he deems as being “naughty.”

Though the first half of the film is a little slow, the action picks up in the last half as the lead character, Harry, finally snaps and begins taking people out with killer toys that he’s hand-crafted. A stand-out performance from Brandon Maggert (Fiona Apple’s dad!) and the film’s dark tone make Christmas Evil a memorable holiday film.

3. Marcus – Complaining about having to spend time with your dysfunctional family this Christmas? After viewing the bleak and disturbing indie film Marcus, I’m sure you’ll stop your bitching and have a newfound appreciation for your own family. The claustrophobic atmosphere of the film creates a tension that is only matched by the family members’ distrust and deceit.

2. Silent Night, Deadly Night – Poor Billy…he saw his parents get murdered by a maniac dressed in a Santa suit when he was young and has been traumatized ever since. Just a glimpse of Santa can set him off…Years after being raised by nuns in an orphanage Billy gets a holiday job at a toy store, but snaps when he has to play the store’s Santa Claus. He demands “punishment” for all who’ve been “naughty” and chops his way back to the orphanage where he grew up to have his revenge on the nuns.

This is probably the most notorious Christmas movie because of the controversy it generated when it was first released. Though Christmas Evil came years before and had a similar premise of a killer Santa, people still protested Silent Night, Deadly Night because of its portrayal of a killer dressed as Santa Claus. Watching it now you don’t really understand what all the fuss was about, but its still a pretty solid horror film and it even boasts a topless Linnea Quigley in an early role!

1. Santa’s Slay – An over-the-top, action-packed, hilarious holiday horror movie! Not very many people have heard of this film, but it is well worth hunting down. It features wrestler Bill Goldberg as an evil Santa Claus whose 1,000 years of spreading good cheer and delivering presents are up and now he’s in a killing mood…

There are so many great holiday references and gags in the film (death by menorah, Santa taking out a group of carolers, festively dressed strippers, etc.) and the film has an overall black comedic tone that makes it laugh-out-loud hilarious! If you haven’t seen Santa’s Slay before now, it will definitely become a new holiday tradition!

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