The House that Cried Murder (1973)

This 1970s obscurity somehow weaseled its way to the top of my Netflix queue and let me tell you, this House is one fixer-upper!

Wealthy daddy’s girl Barbara builds an ugly, modern monstrosity just cuz she is bored and wants to truly do something with her life. She plans on moving into the house with her boyfriend, the slimy David, who works at the same firm her father owns. Despite warnings from her father that David “stinks”, Barbara gets her way and ties the knot with David. Daddy’s little girl should have listened to her father, because David really does stink! The adulterous asshole sneaks off during their wedding reception with his ex-girlfriend. Sure enough, Barbara finds him pants down in the bedroom! Barbara takes a pair of scissors to David’s arm before storming off through the wedding guests with a bloodied wedding gown and burning rubber out of there. She disappears, and neither David nor her father hears from her for days or weeks. Despite the tumultuous events of the wedding day, Barbara’s father is overly chummy with David and tells him from now on will be treating David like a son. Meanwhile, David and his ex have re-connected after their lousy rendezvous and are apparently living together. Their bliss is short-lived when they are terrorized in their own home by ominous phone messages, severed chicken heads and expensive bridal gowns.

The House that Cried Murder is one stinker of a movie. First off, the transfer is so bad that the film is littered with scratch marks, weird jump cuts and switches between being too dark or too washed out. Now, I’ve seen plenty of old films in all different states, but this is one of the worst-looking ones I’ve ever seen. Furthermore, the actually lighting in the film is nonexistent, leaving actor’s faces perpetually drenched in shadows while the rest of the surroundings are washed out. I could have overlooked all this had the film actually been decent, but it just drags on and on with no real tension or scares to speak of. Barbara may be crazy, but at least she isn’t the annoying little twat that David’s ex is…good God, I just wanted her to meet a terrible demise but I was denied even that as she is scared off by the chicken head, phone calls and other shenanigans that start to plague her and David.

The film is packed full of more filler than your average hot dog, with pointless scenes of David and his ex strolling a street fair, Barbara and David walking through a field, and so on. This film really needed to get to the action already. Only, I guess there really wasn’t too much action to really get to, now was there? The climax and ending of the film feature a neat little twist, but getting there was absolute torture and the ending doesn’t make up for the boredom I suffered sitting through this dilapidated House. I just wanted this wretchedly boring movie to end…maybe they should call this The House that Cried Uncle instead.

If you are an absolute fiend for bad ‘70s movies (with bad music to match, natch) and this is one you haven’t seen before…well, I would say to skip it anyways. However, if you are a masochist, by all means check this film out; but in my opinion this House should be condemned!

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Alucarda (1978)

Alucarda is an unheralded gem and even within the horror community I don’t think too many people are familiar with this Mexican film by Juan López Moctezuma. This is a pity, because the film boasts beautiful visuals, controversial themes and violent deaths.

Alucarda is about two teenage girls living in a Catholic convent that also serves as an orphanage. Justine arrives at the convent after her parents die, leaving no one to care for her. Taken in by the nuns (who wear weird, mummy-like wrappings) Justine is placed in a room with Alucarda and the two girls quickly become inseparable. On a walk in the forest one day, they happen on a band of gypsies selling charms and trinkets. After a gypsy tells Alucarda and Justine they have only darkness in their future, the girls run away and stumble upon an enormous old crypt in the middle of the woods. While they are exploring, they open an old coffin and unleash a demonic force that possesses them. Back at the convent, the demonic force is unleashed upon the kind nuns and other inhabitants.

The visuals of the film border on gothic, with misty forests, decrepit crypts and Catholic imagery. The convent itself is lit by flickering candles and its sparse, utilitarian rooms are only decorated with crosses. Its church has rows upon rows of crosses, each fitted with an agonizing Christ. The stone crypt that the girls explore is festooned with faded red banners, creepy statues and lots of vines growing over everything. The gothic feel is reminiscent of many old Hammer films, with the subject matter just being a bit more dark and controversial.

For its time, the film was controversial, as it dealt with lesbianism, Satanism, sacrilege, the occult and more. While these themes are considered “tame” today, don’t be mistaken – the film still packs a punch. From a kiss that turns into Alucarda licking the blood off a naked Justine, to a gypsy Satanist that can invoke the Devil, to bloody psychic nuns to midnight orgies, to reanimated corpses to a fiery, Carrie-esque conclusion, this film will definitely keep your attention.

However, I feel like the above paragraph also does a disservice to Alucarda, as it is as not as exploitative as it may seen. The arresting visuals, engaging storyline and multi-layered themes heighten the film and make it into something much more substantial than your standard exploitative occult flick. The themes of evil corrupting even the most innocent, but also of redemption and ultimate faith, will resonate with viewers, regardless on their view of religion.

Alucarda is an underrated gem, and one that more fans of classic horror should definitely seek out.

Buy it on Amazon!

Book Review: Crucified Dreams edited by Joe R. Lansdale

Like any self-respecting horror fan, I’m a huge fan of Joe R. Lansdale’s work. So, I was very excited to check out this collection of short stories Lansdale had hand-picked to appear in Crucified Dreams. In the introduction, Lansdale explains how he set out to capture stories that were similar to his maverick writing style, and I think he has done a fine job with the selections featured in Crucified Dreams. He has plucked unsettling, off-kilter stories from the very best horror authors out there (among them Stephen King, Harlan Ellison and Lansdale himself) that span nearly four decades.

From the back cover:

A naïve young woman witnesses a brutal murder and discovers the soul-deadening price of being a New Yorker. The family man quits smoking with the sinister assistance of a family-friendly corporation. A truck driver takes a simple shortcut, and lands in a living hell and a battle to the death. An aging Hollywood screenwriter’s career is on the wane until he reinvents himself as a less principled man.

Crucified Dreams reaches down through the gutters into the shadowy depths of the imagination. These are the savage tales that unite noir with horror and the ordinary with the unfathomable. Combing the urban, the paranormal, and the downright terrifying, these award-winning stories go where your deepest fears—and inner demons—are already realized.

Classic tales from horror masters reside within the near 400 page collection, and while I enjoyed all of the stories, I did have a few favorites. Harlan Ellison’s “The Whimper of Whipped Dogs” left me breathless and paints quite a gloomy picture for apathetic city-dwellers. “The Mojave Two-Step” by Norman Partridge and “Front Man” by David Morrell show the danger of following fortune and glory, one from the view of a stolen ice cream truck barreling through the desert toward Vegas and the other through the eyes of an award-winning but aging screenwriter looking for work in shallow Hollywood. I wholeheartedly enjoyed the characterization of the two leads in Jeffrey Ford’s “Coffins on the River”, about two old artists who take quite a trip that results in a terrifying ghostly encounter. “Copping Squid” by Michael Shea is an excellent Cthulhu-inspired tale set in the ‘hood, and Ellen Klages gives us an eerie look into an alternate universe through the perspective of a little girl in “Singing on a Star”. “Nightbeat” by Neal Barrett, Jr. offers up another alternate (or future) world filled with made-up words that conjure up a beautiful yet sinister landscape.

These are but a few of the 19 tales featured in Crucified Dreams, and while those mentioned were my favorites I must say that all the short stories in the collection were well worth reading and left an indelible imprint upon my psyche. The collection is a mix of the gritty and graphic with the subtle and psychological and will be a welcome addition to any horror fan’s book collection.

Buy yours today on Amazon!

Scream 4 (2011)

When I first heard they were making another Scream film, I was full of trepidation. I loved the original Scream, and while the sequels weren’t as good, I enjoyed them nonetheless. The Scream trilogy was a big part of my high school experience and I still remember catching them in theaters and watching them again and again at home. Scream 3 came out in 2000, though, and I really wondered if the large time span between films would be detrimental to the series.

Luckily, the film itself takes place a decade after the events of Scream 3. Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) returns to Woodsboro on the anniversary of the infamous Woodsboro Massacre to kick off a book tour for her new self-help autobiography. However, Ghostface has also returned to settle the score and starts picking off the locals and seems to have Sidney’s niece Jill (Emma Roberts) in his sights. Partnering again with the now-married Dewey (David Arquette) and Gale (Courteney Cox), can Sidney stop the new Ghostface, who seems to be playing by new, updated movie rules?

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting much from Scream 4 (gah, I refuse to use it’s lame Scre4m moniker), but I was excited to see what director Wes Craven and writer Kevin Williamson had done with the series. The film has a clever opening (though it got a bit tired pretty fast) that was quite gory before introducing us to our new cast of high schoolers and re-introducing the familiar faces. I actually liked the self-aware cast of new characters, most who either become red herrings or dead meat. I also enjoyed how the returning characters were crafted to show their development and growth as people. Despite the fact that the Scream films are considered slashers, I have always appreciated the development that has gone into the films’ characters.

I also appreciated that the film has changed with the times and adapted the “new rules” of the post-slasher era (all the while having a bit of fun with “the rules” and poking fun at several other franchises, namely the Saw series). However, I was disappointed to find that the film still relied on the tired cliché of female victims being hacked to bits while most of the male victims were dispatched quickly (or stupidly – a knife to the middle of the forehead, really?). With all the “rules” being mixed up, you’d think either Craven or Williamson would switch up this most tiresome trope of slashers (or the horror genre in general), but no such luck.

I also thought that while the first two acts were strong and suspenseful, the third act pretty much lags until the climax. The “Stab-a-thon” party scene and the after-party scenes would have probably worked better if they were both condensed down a bit. However, once we get past that small pacing speedbump the film delivers with a great climax and conclusion.

I may have pointed out several negatives I found with the film, but the truth is I really enjoyed Scream 4. I love the characters, both new and old, the “new rules” introduced, the witty dialogue and of course, the death scenes (errr, besides the unbelievable knife through the skull previously mentioned). I really find it a pity that more horror fans aren’t checking this film out. Scream 4 may not be perfect, but it’s a hell of a fun time and well worth the admission price. I highly encourage you to check out this horror sequel that actually delivers!

Buy it on Amazon!

Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation (2011)

A little disclaimer here: I loathe bowling. Maybe it’s cuz I suck at it, maybe because I hate lugging around heavy balls (*snicker*) and the funky foot-odor smell of most bowling alleys, or maybe it’s because I find bowling so boring, but for these reasons and many more it is just not my thing. However, perhaps if bowling was a little more interesting, say, with a few evil demons involved, bowling would certainly appeal to me a little more.

Lucky for me, Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation features a cast of sexy demons who own bowling alley Coventry Lanes and who are intent on devouring their customers. However, there is a catch…the demons must wait to satiate their appetites until someone asks them for a wish. That someone happens to be waitress Lisa (Nikki McCrea), who is fed up with a group of sorority sisters who have made her life a living hell. To get her crush Johnny (Aaron Bernard) to notice her and to give the sorority sisters what they deserve, she asks Coventry Lanes owners (played by Brinke Stevens, Debbie Rochon, Amy Lynn Best, Lilith Stabs and Robyn Griggs) to help her get payback. However, the hellfire and bloodthirsty demons she brings down on the bowling alley isn’t quite what she expected…

Inspired by ‘80s horror-comedies like Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation is a fun, low-budget film from Happy Cloud Pictures. It takes a lot of cues from Sorority Babes, including plot points (i.e. demons and wishes) and naming its characters after ones from the ‘80s cult classic. It even features Brinke Stevens, who actually starred in Sorority Babes.

The majority of the film takes place in the bowling alley, which limits its story a bit, however filmmaker Mike Watt does an excellent job of keeping the action moving and doesn’t allow the audience to really get bored. The character development is adequate, with several quirky characters nearly stealing the show! I thought Nikki McCrea as the beleaguered Lisa did an excellent job as the lead, and found Sofiya Smirnova, who played her friend Taffy, to be absolutely darling! I just wish a bit more attention had been focused on the demon characters; I would have loved to see Debbie Rochon and Brinke Stevens have a bit more to do.

All in all, Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation is a fun horror-comedy for fans of independent cinema. It certainly doesn’t reinvent the horror genre, but it is a pleasant enough way to spend a breezy hour and some change.

Buy it on Amazon!

For more info, please visit www.happycloudpictures.com!

Happy Easter from Trick 'r' Treat's Sam!

Response to Michael Dougherty’s new FEARnet video “Half Way to Halloween” has been so overwhelmingly positive, that the director and his team have been kind enough to send seven hi-res desktop images from the video. It’s the perfect Easter decoration to freak out your family!

Go download the images from our fiends at FEARnet!

Check out “Half Way to Halloween” below: 

Book Review: The First Days by Rhiannon Frater

Egads, I thought when I first started Rhiannon Frater’s novel The First Days, another zombie book?? I adore zombies as much as any of my fellow horror loving freaks, but it seems that every other horror fiction I pick up nowadays is zombie-themed. However, I was excited to check out Frater’s first “officially” published novel. Frater has built up a lot of buzz over the past few years by self-publishing her novels online; in fact, The First Days actually started as a serial and garnered quite a devoted following! I am always stoked to find new authors who offer up new visions of horror, and I was ecstatic to discover that The First Days wasn’t any old, run-of-the-mill zombie novel, but instead offered a fresh take on the popular genre.

The First Days starts with a bang…and the rending and tearing of flesh as one bright morning the dead start coming back to life and devouring the living. Two strangers, Katie and Jenni, must band together to escape the suburbs and the horror of their zombified families and flee to the Texan countryside. The horror doesn’t end there, as they must battle the hordes of fast-moving undead to seek safety and shelter with other survivors in a small fortified town.

The First Days offers zombie fans several new aspects to the genre. First, it is set in the wide-open landscape of the hot Texan countryside. The isolated location seems ideal for this apocalyptic tale and despite the sparsely populated towns dotting the landscape, there are plenty of zombies to overwhelm our heroines. Frater also re-tools the zombie characters a bit as well, giving us the frightful notion of fast-moving, highly aggressive (and sometimes cognizant and intelligent) zombies. While this certainly isn’t a new perspective, it’s still nice to see something slightly tweaked that makes for an all-the-more terrifying read.

The most unique aspect of the novel is that it features two female leads (yay!). They are flawed, have their moments of weakness and sometimes even act a little silly (like crushing on a guy during a zombie siege), but they are also strong women who will do anything to protect each other and when zombies (or people who’ve been bitten and therefore infected) need to be put down, they get the job done. I definitely appreciated seeing strong female characters who were developed so well and who I truly came to admire and cheer on. The rest of the characters were also well-developed, and I especially took a special shine to Juan, a cowboy and resident zombie expert who kept bemoaning the fact that the zombies were fast instead of slow like in Romero’s films.

The First Days is the first book in a trilogy that will be released by Tor Books. The second and third installments, Fighting to Survive and Siege, will follow quickly on the heels of First Days’ July 2011 release. However, they cannot be released quickly enough for me, as I am eagerly anticipating Frater’s next two books in the series!

Available on Amazon!