Calvaire (2006)

A disturbing little Belgian flick about a singer, Marc, who gets stuck out in the sticks with some sick backwoods men.

Marc has just performed at an old folks home and sets out for his next gig, a large Christmas gala. He has quite a bit of road to travel, but he unfortunately gets stuck in the middle of the forest when his van breaks down. A strange young man, Boris, leads him to an inn where he meets the owner, Mr. Bartel. He spends the night and wakes up to find that Bartel has towed his car from the forest road to the inn, where he can work on it. Bartel is very kind to Marc after finding out they are both entertainers. He makes breakfast for him and promises to work on his van for him.

While Bartel works on his van, Marc decides to take a walk around the countryside. Before departing, Bartel severely warns him not to go into the village, as the villagers are "not like them." After Bartel's impassioned plea, Marc promises not to go near the village. Of course, curiosity gets the better of him and he stumbles upon a barn with some of the local-yokels inside. At first, he just hears squeals and grunts, then the sound of the men talking, and as he gets close enough, he is horrified to find out that the men are taking advantage of some of the livestock.

He hurriedly runs away and heads back to Bartel's. Meanwhile, Bartel is still working on Marc's car. By working I mean breaking and entering and going through Marc's things. He snags Marc's cell phone and some nudie pics. When Marc returns it's almost nightfall. Bartel explains he couldn't fix his car but has called the mechanic, who can't make it out until the next day. Marc is a little worried, but Bartel assures him everything will be right as rain. He cooks Marc a special dinner and proceeds to explain to him how his wife Gloria left him and how before her departure he was such a great comedian. Marc just wants to eat in peace and go to bed, but Bartel begs him to sing one of his songs. Marc finally sings, which brings a tear to Bartel's eye.

The next morning, Bartel is nowhere to be found. Marc finds his cell phone and the pictures in Bartel's room. Bartel finds Marc in his room and won't stop going on about Gloria. Marc begins to panic a little bit, finding that the phone cord has been cut and that all his clothes are gone, replaced by women's clothes. He looks outside his window to see Bartel smashing out the windows of his van and dousing it with gasoline. When Marc tries to stop Bartel, he is knocked out cold by him. After lighting the van on fire, Bartel drags Marc into the house, where he dresses him in women's clothes. When Marc comes too, he finds that Bartel believes him to be his wife that left him.

Marc's trouble doesn't stop there as he also has to contend with the villagers, who also believe him to be Gloria.

I'm not sure what to think of this movie...it was pretty disturbing and had its creepy parts, but it just didn't grab my attention. Sure, Bartel and the villagers were pretty twisted and desperate and some scenes were pretty brutal, but it still left something to be desired.

The director, Fabrice Du Welz, did an excellent job with the camera work and the Belgian countryside was gorgeous in winter. The actors all did an excellent job, especially Laurent Lucas as Marc and Jackie Berroyer as Bartel. Still, it felt like something was missing...

The story focuses on the build-up to Marc's imprisonment within the inn, Bartel's descent into madness and then Marc's brutalization. It is not a revenge flick a la I Spit on Your Grave or Deliverance, but still warns of the dangers of those that inhabit the countryside. It also moves slowly and towards the end I was confused by what happens between the villagers and Bartel.

This movie was well done and very unnerving and creepy and despite some flaws definitely deserves a look, just for its plain weirdness.

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The Roost (2005)

This movie was absolutely awful...dull, formulaic and derivative. Some people are gushing over it, which leads me to ask, did we even see the same movie?

It begins with four friends driving to a wedding on Halloween night. They have taken a shortcut through the countryside, but soon have some car trouble. The trouble comes in the form of a bat that swoops down, startling the driver, who then swerves off the road into a ditch. With the car out of commission, the friends walk down the road to the only house for miles around. Of course, no one is home. Two of the guys (Trevor and Elliot) decide to walk further down the road, while the remaining guy and gal (Allison and Brian) stay at the house out of pure laziness. On the road, the guys find a cop who drives them back to the house. Meanwhile, Allison and Brian are still at the house when Brian decides to explore a huge barn out back. When Trevor and Elliot arrive back at the house with the cop, Brian is missing. The kids go into the barn, but soon realize there is something roosting in there...killer vampire bats!! They soon discover that if bit by a bat, you will come back as a zombie. Can the kids escape the bats?

The filmmaker (Ti West) was trying to acheive a bare-bones look and feel in this film and succeeds, but in all the wrong places. The dialogue is weak, the story is threadbare and boring and the shots are monotonous. There are no surprises or shocks, which I believe is a necessity for a horror film. No real action happens until about an hour into the movie (the running time is only 1 hour and 20 minutes), and even then it is minimal and boring. If West was trying to slowly build suspense, he failed miserably. There is no suspense whatsoever in the movie. Also, I hated the characters from the beginning and had no emotional connection to them. They were annoying and the dialogue did nothing to build characterization. The actors themselves were incredibly awkward and didn't sell their characters. Netflix called this film "gory," but there is very little blood in the movie. It shows vampire bats attacking a few victims and a few zombie attacks, but no real gore. I was actually shocked at how little the movie showed.

The movie has a Crypt Keeper-type intro, which is bizarre. West was trying to make a film that was a throw back to those cheesy late night horror flicks, so he added this silly intro. I don't think he understood that this intro adds nothing to the film. Also, if this was an homage of sorts to those cheesy, overly dramatic productions, why isn't there more humor in the film?

As mentioned earlier, the camera angles and various shots are pretty repetitive. The length of time spent on the exterior shots is far too long. The camera creates no interest for the viewer. Also, the film is very grainy because the filmmaker wanted that independent, no-frills look. While this technique is ok, it still does nothing to enhance the movie. The only thing the cinematography of the movie enhances is the dullness factor.

If anything, this movie should have been a short. Had it been edited better, nixing all the extraneous scenes, it could have been cut down to 40 minutes or so. This was a weak, weak movie and no self-respecting horror fan could like this. The movie falls flat on its face and adds nothing to the horror genre. Possibly the most boring horror movie I've seen...

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The Beyond (1981)

The Beyond is a movie by Lucio Fulci, the man behind Zombi and other gory Italian flicks.

It begins in the 1920's, with many men surrounding a house in the Louisiana bayou. Inside, a man is painting and a woman is reading a very old book about the Seven Gateways of Hell. The men outside burst in with torches and seize the painter, saying he has brought evil to the area. The painter in turn says that he is the only one that can protect them, for the house was built on one of the Seven Gateways to Hell. The other men ignore him, dragging him to the basement where they crucify him to a wall and throw acid on him.

The movie then jumps to present day, where Liza has inherited the same house from a relative. She is turning it into a bed and breakfast, but lots of work needs to be done. She hires painters, handymen, plumbers and so on to spruce up the decrepit old house. While the painters are painting the outside of the house, one of them sees a woman with milky white cataract eyes through a window. He is so frightened that he falls several stories to his death.

Liza is befriended by the local doctor, John McCabe, who tries to help the painter after his nasty fall. Meanwhile, the plumber arrives to take a look at the flooded basement. When left to his own devices he opens up a wall to get to the reason for the flooding and finds the gateway to hell!

Liza meets blind woman Emily and her faithful German Shepard on her way into New Orleans. Emily has the same milky white eyes that the painter saw through the window! After Emily has Liza over to her house, Emily warns her to leave the house, leave and never return!

Soon, more people in the house, including the servants, go missing in the house. There are many strange supernatural occurrences and Liza begins seeing things. The doctor is there for her as he tries to help her (while he probably thinks she is just crazy or under too much stress). Things escalate when John and Liza escape the house only to find the streets of New Orleans empty. They go to John's hospital and find that the dead walk!

When this movie came out, it was lambasted by critics (and still is) but soon garnered a cult following. I am used to how these Italian films are presented (usually with a lack of cohesive plot), but those that have never seen an Argento, Fulci, etc. may be a little thrown for a loop. These films focus more on the mood they want to invoke rather than the plot. If one can realize and accept this (and are fans of gore!) I believe more people would enjoy these movies.

The gore in this film is truly nasty (which is a compliment!) and Fulci definitely delivers. Fulci does not shy from showing anything, including a couple of scenes involving acid and someone's face! I was delighted (and grossed out at the same time) that this film featured Fulci's signature eyeball gouging. We also get to see a dog rip someone throat out, among many other gory scenes.

The acting is pretty decent, but the plot does have some pretty big holes in it. Still it is an enjoyable film if you love gore a la Italian masters.

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Masters of Horror - Dance of the Dead (2005)

Tobe Hooper's installment for the Master's of Horror series, this film is generally predictable, especially the "twist" ending. I enjoyed Robert Englund, the club scenes and the flashback/dream sequence opening of this film.

In a postapocalyptic world, survivors struggle to go on with their normal lives, even though the dead come back to life. Peggy is the typical naive, good girl who has been sheltered her whole life by her mother. It seems when the apocalypse happened that it was Peggy's birthday party. Peggy, her sister and her mother escaped to their house while they watched their friends die by chemical/acid burn outside. Since then, Peggy's mother has kept a close eye on her, especially after her older sister ran away.

Soon, Peggy is lured into the "real world" by a cute biker, probably the first guy who has told her she is pretty. They head to a notorious town, which Peggy's mom has warned her to stay away from. Here, they go to a club that features "The Dance of the Dead." It seems that the club owner and M.C. (Robert Englund) buys the living dead to put them on stage and makes them "dance" by shocking them until they collapse into a quivering, twitching heap.

Peggy's mom follows her to the club and soon a horrible family secret is revealed...

I would say skip this installment of the Master's of Horror series...Hooper peaked with his first film, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, and has never made a film to top that. I wasn't expecting much, but this film was still a bit of a let down...one thing to watch for is the zombie oral sex!! Definitely disturbing...

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Hard Candy (2005)

While not a traditional horror film, this psychological thriller does tackle the horrifying issue of pedophilia. It's an emotionally charged film, with rapid, smart dialogue, suspense and two very strong lead actors.

After three weeks of online sexual innuendos, Hayley (Ellen Page), a 14 year old girl, and photographer Jeff (Patrick Wilson), a 30-ish year old man, meet in person at a coffee shop. Hayley's mix of child-like innocence and grown-up intelligence intrigues Jeff, and soon Hayley is riding home with him. At his house, more flirting ensues and soon both are getting a little tipsy. Jeff starts to feel pretty crummy, experiencing blurred vision, slurred words and dizziness...and it can't just be the alcohol at work! When Jeff awakens, he finds himself tied up to a chair. Seems he has become the prey, and Hayley the predator.

Hayley wants vengeance for all the other young girls he has taken advantage of. She also wants to know if he killed a young girl and is determined to find evidence against him. She uses some pretty convincing methods of torture, though the psychological games she plays are much more effective against Jeff.

Though this film deals with sensitive subject matter, it was made respectfully, never "selling out" by showing excessive blood or the torture scenes. Some people complain that it doesn't show enough, but I believe the filmmakers wanted to maintain a certain mood of suspense by not showing too much.

I enjoyed this film for its story, its wonderful cinematography (surprising since most of the film occurs in one location), the actors (I believe Ellen Page will be an actress to be reckoned with, though I haven't seen her in any other films - she has an amazing intensity) and the overall mood and suspense of the film.

I recommend this film, but not as a horror movie. It is dialogue driven, it does not feature any gore, it is not fast-paced, it is not in-your-face shocking, but it doesn't need to be. The subject matter alone should make one queasy.

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The Descent (2006)

I saw this movie when it first came out, which was a while ago, and I apologize for not reviewing it sooner...This movie was amazing! A group of women go spelunking in an undiscovered cave system. They become trapped after a cave-in occurs with no way out. Soon they discover they are not alone...

After getting out of the theater and returning home to an empty house, I had to turn on all the lights and call my good friend Josh to talk to as I was so scared! The claustrophobia, the element of being trapped underground, not to mention the creepy creatures the women faced all scared me darn good!! It is still hard to talk about without shivering a little...which is why The Descent is one of my new favorite horror films!

Go see this if you already hadn't...

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2001 Maniacs (2005)

2001 Maniacs is a remake of the Herschell Gordon Lewis' 2000 Maniacs where a group of college kids set for spring break end up in Pleasant Valley, a tiny Southern town in the sticks. They are invited to be the guests of honor at the annual "Guts 'n' Glory Jamboree."

I was very surprised at this movie - I enjoyed it immensely! It had the perfect blend of horror and comedy, with great characters all around! Campy and crude, I highly recommend it, as this is probably my favorite horror film I've seen in a long time!

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