Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Despite being sick on The Cabin in the Woods’ opening night, I still bundled up and trooped out to the theater because there was no way I was missing catching this flick on Friday the 13th! It has been one of my most anticipated movies of 2012 as 1.) I’m a big fan of Joss Whedon and 2.) it actually looked like it would do something fresh and different with the horror genre.

There has been a lot of hype and build-up surrounding this film, and just today I saw tons of Twitter and Facebook updates proclaiming how "______" Cabin in the Woods was. I hate when flicks get spoiled by too much hype, so I tried to put myself on a social media lockdown for the day to avoid any spoilage.

I avoided any spoilers, made it to the theater and decided for myself just how "______" Cabin in the Woods was...

In the film, five college kids head to a remote cabin for some weekend relaxation, but soon find that things aren’t exactly what they appear. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

The best way to see this movie is with little or zero knowledge of it, so I'll keep this review short and to the point (and spoiler-free). The film is pretty much a horror fan's wet dream, as it cleverly plays with expectations, toys with horror clichés, tips its hat to many horror films AND adds something quite different and unexpected to the horror movie formula.

I laughed, I jumped, I rooted for both sides and completely reveled in the sharp writing by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard (who directed as well). The Cabin in the Woods is one heck of an entertaining time from start to finish and left me with a big goofy grin on my face hours after I watched it. That's pretty much all you need to know, besides the fact that it has many different facets to its seemingly simple story.

If you’re a horror fan that enjoys smart, original and witty horror films, then I highly encourage you to check it out ASAP! It was totally worth avoiding the hoopla on Facebook and Twitter all day and sucking up a fever/sore throat to watch it opening weekend. Believe me, this is one film that actually lives up to the buzz surrounding it and is definitely one you don't want to miss!

Team Mer-Man! (You'll understand when you see the flick...now go see it!!)

Hallow's End (2003)

Here is another Halloween-themed film plumbed from the depths of Netflix that I decided to give a looksie. You see, I’m on a quest to watch as many Halloween-related horror flicks as possible, no matter how crappy they may be! After having to sit through titles like Mr. Halloween, I wasn’t expecting much with Hallow’s End. In some respects, it was as awful as I expected, but I was surprised that there were instances where I actually enjoyed the film.

Do you remember the Halloween episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The Simpsons where the characters become whatever costume they are dressed up as on Halloween night? Hallow’s End is like that, only it is set in a haunted attraction with a higher ratio of terrifying creatures like vampires, zombies and monsters!

Ok, I really have to say I dug the haunted attraction (appropriately called “Hallow’s End”) where the film was set. It was a bare bones haunt (well, what do you expect when frat boys execute it?), but the atmosphere was still Halloween-y. There were lots of great shots of the haunt, the actors of the haunt and patrons in costume and so on, all of which I enjoyed.

However, the film took forever to get going. The first half shows the frat brothers and their girlfriends setting up the haunt (and in the process finding a mysterious spell book that sets everything in motion), but there is too much annoying fighting between the two main male leads. The horrible acting doesn’t really help either. Instead of focusing on the stupid squabbles between characters, I wish the film spent more time on the backstory of the location (the opening scenes show a bunch of Satanists performing a ritual, but the film doesn’t really expand on this confusing intro) and the spell book. There is also a character named Pumpkin Jack that has a large part in the story, but appears on-screen for less than 10 minutes. I found myself wondering more about him than any of the other characters. As for the two main male leads (the good guy vs. the bad guy), they were both unlikable. The “good” guy is wimpy and never defends himself or those around him while the “bad” guy is just a stereotypical asshole and one-dimensional. The fact that both of them have girlfriends in the film is pretty unbelievable.

The real action doesn’t kick in until the last 20 or so minutes of the movie as people start turning into their costumes. We get vampires, zombies, serial killers, etc. and there are some pretty fun scenes here. Nothing too gory or shocking (this is low-budget, after all), but nonetheless entertaining! It doesn’t quite make up for the slow pacing of the beginning of the movie, but at least its interesting and the concept, though half-assed and not developed enough, is pretty original and not your typical slasher.

If you are a Halloween nut, you’ll appreciate the spook house location of Hallow’s End. It’s a low-budget film, but it actually looks quite well-done, especially the sets in the haunt. However, it has some glaring issues, mainly the pacing, acting and storyline. If you are looking for a Halloween-themed movie to watch and have exhausted all the regular Halloween flicks, Hallow’s End might be worth a look, at least for a rental. It certainly isn’t the worst, but it’s far from the best.

Available from Amazon!

Book Review: Sick Things - An Anthology of Extreme Creature Horror

As a follow-up to their Vile Things: Extreme Deviations of Horror anthology, Comet Press has released Sick Things: An Anthology of Extreme Creature Horror, edited by Cheryl Mullenax. Does it live up to its “extreme” tag and the high-quality of Comet’s past releases? Read on to find out!

From the back cover:

Over-endowed aliens invade earth with one purpose: to mate with human females. A filmmaker documents a devil-worshipping blood cult – and becomes the main subject. A farmer with an unnatural affection for his livestock gets a special gift when his wife is bitten by a werewolf. An employee finds his new boss sexy and attractive – and so do the flys. Pissed off, flesh-eating cows take over a dairy farm. A musician returns from the dead to avenge his wife’s murder, with the help of a mysterious black possum. The Allies find a secret weapon, a monstrous blob with an insatiable appetite for dead human flesh. A chef creates his ultimate dish: an anatomically correct golem made out of leftovers. A mythical demon preys on unsuspecting college girls. And many more…

Wow, Sick Things is definitely one deviant, extreme collection of stories! I made the mistake of reading this during my lunch break and it was definitely a challenge to keep my food down! If you can think of the most vile, disgusting thing imaginable, it’s probably in one of the tales of this collection.

While all of the stories are effective, one stood out as my personal favorite. The Hansel and Gretel-themed Evil, Bent and Candy-Sweet by Tim Curran is a grotesquely beautiful short story with imagery so strong you can almost smell it. I loved the author’s descriptions (“The sky had been slit open, oozing tangles of red blood and seams of yellow fat at the horizon.”) as well as his characters, including Brother, Sister and of course the evil witch. There is just something so malignantly magnificent about this story, weaving its dark, twisted perspective into the fairy tale imagery. The collection is worth buying just for this story alone!

Other favorites of mine included Heat by Daniel I. Russell, about a farmer who is into bestiality that gets more than he bargained for when his wife turns into a werewolf, Jimmy Sticks and the Outlaw Critter of Doom by Michael Boatman, about a murdered man that comes back as a zombie to extract revenge on his and his wife’s killers, and The Special Son by Jeffrey Hale, about a special needs boy who discovers just why he is so special when his semen mixes with spider eggs to produce a whole new ghastly creature.

While the four stories above were my personal favorites, all of the seventeen stories in Sick Things are worth checking out. All of them have a high gross-out factor and gorehounds will be delighted by the visceral scenes contained in each tale.

If you are an extreme fan of horror looking for the ultimate in disgusting, vile and disturbing fiction, Sick Things: An Anthology of Extreme Creature Horror is a must-read…just make sure you have your barf bag handy!

Buy it on Amazon!

Book Review: Let Me Die a Woman by Alan Kelly

Blending ‘50s pulp novel sensibilities with modern potty-mouthed wit and characters pulled from a John Waters film with a cybergoth twist, Let Me Die A Woman is a kick ass debut from Irish author Alan Kelly!

The novel opens with a rather innocuous scarecrow festival in a small town…or so it seems. Before long, the scarecrows set their button eyes on the inhabitants of the small town and massacre everyone in sight. The scarecrows, who are actually beings from another plane, have much more far-reaching plans than slaughtering a whole town, though…

Years later, horror journalist extraordinaire Bunny Flask is fired by the sleazy owner of her beloved Blood Rag Magazine and replaced by rival Alice Fiend. Seething with resentment and seeking revenge, Bunny decides to confront Alice but uncovers a horrific plot to destroy the human race in the process.

Let me Die A Woman is pulp fiction paradise! It is a gritty and gory tale of femme fatales, hellacious heroines, malevolent males and apocalyptic action that really rocked my socks off! It may be a short 109 pages, but every single one of those pages packs a wallop. It is extremely fast-paced, and once I picked it up I read the whole thing in one sitting because I didn’t want to put it down.

Given the skill of writing, it’s hard to imagine LMDAW is author Alan Kelly’s debut novel. His voice is one of a seasoned storyteller and he unfolds the violent and heated plot in such a way that holds you enraptured the entire length of the book. Kelly describes everything so vividly that the novel comes to life in your head and it feels like you are reading/watching an exploitation-style ‘50s B-movie, complete with monsters, aliens, gender-bending characters, chainsaws, strong women, outrageous dialogue and plenty of violence! In homage to exploitation/horror films of the past, Kelly even names several chapters after recognizable films, including Sorry, Wrong Number, Shivers, Female Trouble, Razor Blade Smile and Bad Girls Go to Hell, among others!

The characters are all a lively bunch, their colorful personalities taking cues from real-life horror queens like The Chainsaw Mafia founder Shannon Lark (an obvious inspiration for the chainsaw-wielding BFF of Bunny Flask) and Rue Morgue’s former editor, Jovanka Vuckovic (Alice Fiend’s vivid red hair being a reference to her). Kelly writes them all whip-smart, independent and hell-on-wheels.

Let Me Die A Woman is a no-holds-barred and over-the-top love letter to cult films in all their kitschy glory. With inspirations from grindhouse, exploitation, sci-fi and horror genres Kelly’s debut has a manic energy and originality that seems unrivaled within current genre offerings and comes highly recommended from yours truly.

Visit Pulp Press’ Official Site!

Book Review: Queen Victoria - Demon Hunter by A.E. Moorat

I started reading Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter right after seeing Young Victoria (what can I say, I’m a sucker for period dramas!) and was delighted to find that this book parallel the film in many ways. Well, at least in historical accuracy regarding the Queen’s ascension to the throne, members of Parliament as well as those of Royal Family and other historical figures, her falling in love with Prince Albert and their subsequent marriage! Of course, the book also featured many fictitious twists and turns involving the undead, demons, werewolves, succubi and the Queen’s own demon-slaying team, called the Protektorate, all of which were heartily welcomed by this horror fan!

From the book’s back cover:

London 1838 – Queen Victoria is crowned; she receives the orb, the sceptre, and an arsenal of blood-stained weaponry. Because if Britain is about to become the greatest power of the age, there’s the small matter of the demons to take care of first.

But rather than dreaming of demon hunting, it is Prince Albert that occupies her thoughts. Can she dedicate her life to saving her country when her heart belongs elsewhere?

With lashings of glistening entrails, decapitations, and foul demons, this masterly new portrait will give a fresh understanding of a remarkable woman, a legendary monarch, and quite possibly the best Demon Hunter the world has ever seen…

From the first moment I picked up Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter I did not want to put it down! It is packed with vivid imagery, fierce battles, villainess characters, clever quips and the gripping story of how Queen Victoria ascended to the throne and her struggles of not only ruling a kingdom, but also slaying demons. I love the re-imagining of her as a demon hunter, and though the revamping of period pieces or historical figures into more horror-themed books seems to be all the rage (see Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and so on) Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter is still an extremely engaging novel.

Author A.E. Moorat has done a seamless job weaving blood and guts with a royal biography. He also offers up plenty of twists and turns that kept me entertained and on my toes. Highlights include a Lord that employs a zombie manservant (with a fake zombie leg, no less!), a thrilling battle on horseback between the Queen’s Protektor and demon horsemen, a trip to the dreary mental hospital, Bedlam, an intriguing backstory on demon lineage, a bloody zombie battle at the House of Commons, and many, many more exciting tidbits.

As you can see, this is not just a book for history buffs, but one that horror fans will definitely fall head over heels for. It’s got everything you could possibly ask for – drama, political intrigue, romance, action and loads of gooey gore! All is seamlessly woven together by author Moorat, coinciding with a nail-biting climax where the Queen must rescue her Prince from evil’s clutches, but not before she learns an awful family secret.

I cannot recommend this book enough! It kept me up into the wee hours of the morning, as I devoured chapter after chapter to find out what was to become of Queen Victoria and the many other characters that bring the story to life. I just could not get enough of the novel, and as the end drew near I was both excited and sad – excited to see the conclusion of the story but also sad that it was coming to an end! I do hope that perhaps we get a sequel out of Queen Victoria: Demon Hunter, because it deserves one (and I would love to see the Queen battling demons as she grows older!).

Get your copy on Amazon!

Book Review: The Black Act by Louise Bohmer

The Black Act by Louise Bohmer is a novel that opens a brand new whimsical world for fantasy and dark literature lovers. This novel establishes a whole new exciting mythology full of new creatures in a unique world.

The book explores the themes of forgiveness vs. condemnation, the strength of family vs. the strength of fate and doing what is right vs. the pull of the forbidden. The black acts discussed in the book span many generations of a particular witch family and show how one particular “black act” has cursed them.

The present day story opens with young witch, or Wise Women-in-training, twins Anna and Claire. They are being raised in the sacred valley of the mythical Wood People to learn how to use their inherited magical gifts for good. Yet a shocking ancestral secret threatens to unravel their peaceful existence. Anna starts having violent visions of her past kin while Claire starts acting out more and more and even starts secretly seeing a satyr in the woods.

As Claire threatens to bring the era of the Wise Women to a violent end through her actions, we get the backstory of the twins’ ancestors and see what black act marred their lineage and what exactly must be done to stop the curse.

Bohmer has created an enchanting and intriguing new world with the novel The Black Act. I love how she revisited many mythological creatures, like satyrs, and magically inclined humans, like witches, but added her own unique spin on them. The satyrs became these mysterious creatures literally made out of the elements of the earth, like bark, vines, dirt, moss and mushrooms. The witches had their own complex history of how and why they came to be and their own set of sacred oaths. I particularly loved the history of the whole land and how the Wood People (the mythological creatures) and the Dalthwein Clans (the humans, including the Wise Women) had fought many battles because of the hatred from a long ago human king before forming the fragile peace they have now. The rich history really wraps the story together and pulls you further into the complex mythology.

The novel is written deftly by Bohmer and she enthralls you with not only her unique mythology but also her engaging writing style. Her highly detailed descriptions of the Wood People make them both fascinating and frightening and her human characters are so developed that you feel like you know them. The book pulled me in from the opening pages and I finished it in merely two sittings!

The only thing I wasn’t too fond of was the last part of the book, where the two main characters of Anna and Claire, whom I cared about and emotionally invested in, are suddenly dropped and the rest of the tale is told by their descendant. Plus, the villains of the book, the ghosts of the two evil men who committed the first black act and started the curse, just don’t suffer enough for all the turmoil and death they’ve caused. I wanted their ends to be sweetly satisfying, but they get off far too easily and didn’t satiate my hunger for their blood!

Despite this issues, I still thoroughly enjoyed The Black Act and think that fantasy and dark literature fans will be enthralled with Louise Bohmer’s debut novel. I cannot wait to see what Bohmer does next with the memorable mythology she has created!

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Book Review: On Monsters - An Unnatural History of Our Worst Fears by Stephen T. Asma

What do you think of when you hear the word “monster”? Do you think of what could be lurking in the shadows or do you think of the latest murderer to pop up on the news? Are our fears governed by the unknown or the ever-present threat that a monster could be living next door? Where do our fears of monsters even come from?

Stephen T. Asma’s masterful and whimsical tome, On Monsters: An Unnatural History of Our Worst Fears, seeks to answer these questions by giving a comprehensive account of all kinds of monsters and their changing roles in society. Asma takes on through different eras to show us how monsters were perceived and how humans tried to explain and rationalize them. He covers five different parts with his book, starting with ancient monsters (griffins, Cyclops, gorgons, etc.) to Biblical monsters (Behemoth, Gog and Magog, demons, etc.) to scientific monsters (where seemingly supernatural or abnormal “monsters” were explained and rationalized by science) to the more modern “inner” monsters and examining their psychological aspects to the final part of the book which examines monsters today and tomorrow (terrorists, technology, etc.).

Asma’s expansive book seeks to examine monsters from the past and present and exactly pin point how and why each era’s monsters so terrified its denizens. The book explores how monsters were handled and how some became incorporated into scientific rationality while some defied (and continue to defy) logic.

On Monsters is an amazingly insightful, educational and even humorous book and begins with detailing some of the oldest recorded writings on monsters. Asma presents all the facts, then postulates on whether ancient monsters were actually real or just embellished accounts of extraordinary animals. He continues to do this across each era he examines, presenting more and more monsters that have been written about through the centuries. On Monsters would be a fascinating read if it were merely a catalog of monsters, but Asma goes much, much further than cryptozoology and examines the philosophies of many different cultures when dealing with “monsters”. For example, Asma delves into the philosophies of Aristotle, Plato, Socrates, Darwin, Freud and many, many more to try and discern their views on the monstrous and how monsters fit into their world views.

Asma accompanies his cultural and philosophical studies of monsters with his many detailed drawings along with reprinted photographs and pictures from other texts. These add to an overall comprehension of the monsters and each era’s apprehension about them. It’s so great to be able to see interpretations as to how certain by-gone monsters looked (griffins, Cyclops, manticores, Behemoth, the dog-headed version of St. Christopher, sea monsters, etc.) as well as more misunderstood “monsters”, including people with medical conditions that were put into side shows (Fedor Jeftichew – the “dog-faced boy” and William Henry Johnson – “Zip the Pinhead”) and medical anomalies like the so-called “headless children”. Asma’s own drawings are extremely detailed and really look like sketches one might find in old scientific texts on supposed “monsters”.

On Monsters is an insightful and wondrous book packed to the gills with the history of monsters and how views on monsters have changed across time. Yet, each era will have its own examples of monsters and the monstrous can never be fully eradicated. Asma shows us that if we learn to live with our “monsters” our lives might be all the better for it.

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Book Review: The Dark Verse, Vol. 1 by M. Amanuensis Sharkchild

The Dark Verse, Volume 1: From the Passages of Revenants is a collection of 26 fantastical short stories from the darkly imaginative mind of author M. Amanuensis Sharkchild. Sharkchild’s stories were first featured on his self-produced podcast “The Dark Verse” where he would release a fantastically horrific story every two weeks.

The podcast developed quite a following and led to the stories being collected into The Dark Verse Volume 1. This is a beautifully black-bound book with a silver foil cover and black dusting that contains some of the most bizarre and engaging stories I’ve ever come across. The tales tell of distant dimensions and unbelievable beings all the while oozing with an otherworldly atmosphere.

Each and every one of the stories drew me in with the eloquent and sophisticated writing of Sharkchild. Delving deeper and deeper into the great unknown, Sharkchild conjures visions of horrifying monsters and mysterious worlds beyond our own. He creates a window that peers into the black abyss, and the result is that things from the unknown start to look back.

Some would be quick to point out the similarities between Sharkchild’s esoteric style and H.P. Lovecraft’s writings, but though they appear similar I would argue that Sharkchild has a very distinct and unique way of unveiling his mysterious stories. I will say that like any good horror author, Sharkchild’s stories will leave you unhinged as you get a glimpse of the strange species that permeate his imagination and have scrawled themselves into this book.

For example, in the short story What the Flesh Cannot Keep the “Haunter Behind Space” is described by the poor mortal who sees it as “eyes that covered every surface, the souls within them, and the vulgar, detestable complacency of existence that saturated every ounce of its being”. Of course, seeing such a creature would prove fatal to any mortal…

One of my favorite stories is The Changing of the Feyth, told in two parts, about feyths, which are regarded as demigods in their realm. The feyth protagonist describes his race as such: “Our flesh is ash gray and its texture is that of leather. Our eyes are as black as coal and our teeth are as sharp as swords. Our ears are large and so are our noses. We grow to be tall as giants, but our bodies always keep the same slenderness, no matter what our strength or what we consume. Our only master is the Almighty of Shadows…” The story is about how one feyth turns against his brethren and is filled with bloody battle, ghosts and even fairies.

In the story titled Between the Corridors, a small child is haunted by the “Midnight Apothecary”, a nightmarish vision that invades his very mind. It perverts childhood innocence and memories of balloons and ice cream with a menacing and sinister parasitic creature that invades the child’s mind and won’t let go until he relinquishes it.

The book is filled with excellent stories such as those mentioned above, so it is hard not to talk about each and every single one as there is not a bad one in the entire collection. For space sake, I’ll have to keep it down to those mentioned above with hopes they give you a general gist of the fascinating tales told by Sharkchild.

All of Sharkchild’s stories are inhabited by grotesque yet sometimes wondrous beings who have managed to break forth into our own world. These unimaginably horrific monsters populate these short stories, and Sharkchild’s writing brings them to startling and shocking clarity. His stories exist on a different plane, a dimension where unspeakable horrors lie in wait, ready to assault and invade our own existence. These are tales that could reduce you to madness as you marvel at their complex simplicity. Horror lies in fearing the unknown, and boy, does Sharkchild ever have a grasp of how to scare us!

Besides the articulate and intelligent way Sharkchild tells his stories, I must also comment on the overall aesthetic of the book, which is absolutely gorgeous. The outside of the hardback book is wrapped in a faux leather with silver foil stamping adorning it, as well as black dusting on the edges of the pages. Its presentation is impeccable, but only gets better when you open the tome, for inside is stunning artwork by John F. Stifter. Truly, this is one of the most beautifully books I’ve ever reviewed and Armored Books did a fabulous job with its design. This book, though no doubt well-read, will adorn my bookcase for a long, long time.

The Dark Verse, Volume 1: From the Passages of Revenants is an elite collection of fascinating and frightening stories that is sure to impress any horror aficionado who is looking for more peculiar tales rather than the standard slasher/zombie/vampire/serial killer novels that tend to permeate horror fiction. Its high quality is a rarity and I, for one, will treasure this book for a long while.

Order it on Amazon!

Book Review: Shadows in the Mist by Brian Moreland

There is something so inherently evil about Nazis that even when you hear the word it makes your skin crawl. All the atrocities they committed, all the innocent people they killed and all the secret experiments they conducted make the Devil himself look tame! Well, it looks like the terror of Nazis is back – on film and in books, you see. Most recently the Nazi zombie film Dead Snow was released and now Brian Moreland’s new supernatural Nazi novel Shadows in the Mist is available. Look out, the Nazis are coming!

Set in World War II, Shadows in the Mist tells of a platoon of soldiers led by Lieutenant Jack Chambers who have accepted a special mission to accompany a special ops unit called X-2 behind enemy lines to intercept and capture a deadly Nazi weapon that the enemy is set to unleash. As the Allies delve deep into enemy territory in the dark, mist-shrouded Hürtgen Forest, they will have to worry about more than just Nazi soldiers because something else lurks within the dense fog. Something that is rooted in the occult and involves an ancient power that is near unstoppable.

Shadows in the Mist is a fast-paced thrill ride that blends bloody scenes of combat, a history of secret societies, espionage, the Nazis’ love of the occult, nearly unstoppable monsters and the supernatural. Its vivid descriptions make you feel like you are standing shoulder to shoulder with the platoon.

Author Brian Moreland must first be commended for his remarkable attention to detail found within the pages. Moreland spent years researching WWII, Nazis and even traveled to the real-life location of the Hürtgen Forest where real battles were fought. He interviewed veterans, read countless books on the Nazis’ obsession with the occult and watched countless films on WWII. Every detail within the book, from what soldiers wore and ate to military language to the location of the book is rooted in reality. All this detail just makes the book feel more real and more immediate.

Besides the sheer detail of the book, the use of description and action also places the read front and center to the battles fought by Jack Chambers’ platoon. You can almost hear the bullets whizzing by, the rumble of the tanks, the drip-drip of the rain in the forest and the fast-beating hearts of the soldiers as they face a near-impossible mission against unimaginable monsters.

The story is tense and keeps you on the edge of your seat as you become emotionally invested in each of the characters. You really learn a lot about each of the platoon soldiers in a short amount of time and care about what happens to them. Whenever there is a soldier that is wounded or killed you feel the deep loss that their Lieutenant feels. I also liked how the story had many different surprises. Just when you think you know what the soldiers are fighting or who the “good guys” are, a twist comes out of nowhere to shock you and takes the story in an entirely different direction.

As for the mysterious Nazi soldiers the Allies end up fighting, boy, are they scary! Suited up in full SS regalia and wearing gas masks to boot, plus having some other nasty surprises up their sleeves (like glowing eyes and being seemingly unstoppable), made them very menacing villains.

From WWII history buffs to those looking for some new supernatural spooks, Shadows in the Mist should be at the top of everyone’s summer reading list. It is so fast-paced and involves you right away that you’ll never want to put it down once you start reading!

Available from Amazon!

The Burrowers (2009)

Decent horror-western films are hard to come by, though it seems the two genres would go together so well. Think of the desolate Wild West and how something horrific could stalk wayward cowboys or pioneers on such a lonely frontier. The wide open spaces, with no one around to help for hundreds of miles, could indeed turn ominous with the proper story. The history of the West itself is filled with stories of missing wagon trains, ghosts, ghost towns and strange creatures, not to mention the numerous Native American myths.

It really bums me out that there aren’t more horror-Western films, but luckily writer/director J.T. Petty (who gave us the amazingly subtle, but no less disturbing, Soft for Digging) has managed to craft this kind of menacing story with The Burrowers, recently released on DVD on April 21st, 2009 from Lionsgate.

Life in the Dakota Territories in 1879 isn’t easy. The few pioneers that rough it out there have to overcome the lack of civilization, harsh climate and the threat of Indian raids. Yet settlers experience a certain freedom in the Wild West…like Irish immigrant Coffey (Karl Geary), who fled the oppression of back East to start a new life on the frontier. He is even planning on asking for his sweetheart’s hand in marriage. Only, when he goes to visit her one morning, he finds four of her family dead and her, along with five others, missing. An Indian raid is the first explanation given for the brutal scene, and a posse, including experienced frontiersmen John Clay (Clancy Brown), Will Parcher (William Mapother), Coffey and a young teen hoping to become a man, is formed to hunt them down. They are soon joined by the cavalry, lead by the nasty Henry Victor (Doug Hutchison), who likes to belitte his cook and ex-slave Callaghan (Sean Patrick Thomas) and viciously torture Indians for information. The one brave they do catch can only warn them of “the burrowers”…and as people start disappearing into the night, pulled down into darkness by these “burrowers”, the group discovers that they are the ones being hunted and not by any Indians, either! They soon realize that the real enemy stalks them from deep within the earth and that what they face is far more terrifying than death.

The Burrowers delivers a beautifully menacing horror film and shows exactly why a Western setting works so well in the horror genre. The expansive plains evoke a melancholy loneliness during the day, but at night they achieve a more sinister feel. Just what are the long prairie grasses and dark shadows beyond the campfire hiding? What are the strange noises coming from the dark? This wonderful setting, coupled with cinematographer Phil Parnet’s panoramic views of the West during the day and claustrophobic shots at night, creates a tension-filled and frightening film that shouldn’t be missed.

Writer/director J.T. Perry doesn’t just let the scenery speak for itself, though. The story is also an extremely well-crafted monster tale that doesn’t sacrifice sophistication for scares. Perry wisely keeps the monsters in the dark for most of the film, teasing us with their strange sounds and small glimpses of the beasts. An enormous amount of tension is created by doing this, especially during the night-time scenes in which the monsters circle a camp of the posse.

Perry also includes the obligatory social commentary about white men abusing the natives, but also shows how distrustful the Native Americans were of white men. This adds some more tension to the story and the distrustful feelings of both the white men and Native Americans feel very accurate.

The stellar cast of actors also does a fine job of creating tension, whether between themselves, the natives or what lurks underground. Doug Hutchison (Punisher: War Zone, Lost) was great as the villainous Henry Victor, complete with a mustache that curled at the ends. Clancy Brown (Carnivale, Lost), William Mapother (Lost, Prison Break) and Karl Geary were all wonderful as the “good guys,” bewildered by what “the burrowers” truly are but determined to push on and find the missing victims. Everyone was believable in their role, not the easiest thing to pull off in a period piece, and evoked the proper emotions, whether it was to loathe or love their character.

The film isn’t a gorefest but there are several nicely bloodied scenes that delivered. The creep-factor was more intense in this film than the gore, and the creatures and just what they did to their prey really got under my skin. The creature effects, by Robert Hall (who is making quite a name for himself in horror – check out his recent Laid to Rest film), were pretty awesome and downright creepy. Some people have complained of the “look” of the creatures, but I definitely have no complaints. Everything from their movements to their maws to the sounds they made sent shivers up my spine!

The Burrowers is what I like to call “high-end horror.” It’s a more sophisticated, more nuanced film that doesn’t rely on cheap scares or stereotypical characters like some throw-away horror films. It has a menacing feel and a tense atmosphere that slowly build until the abrupt finale, where you can finally let your breath out! It is also one of the few horror films that has capitalized on a Western setting, which in turn makes it an even more eerie and frightening film!

This is definitely one of the best horror-Westerns ever made, and so far one of the best films of 2009! Go see it!

Available from Amazon!

Book Review: Garbage Man by Joseph D'Lacey

Joseph D’Lacey follows up his stunning debut novel Meat with an equally aware new horror novel, Garbage Man! This time around, instead of focusing on people’s blind faith and ignorance as to where their food comes from like in Meat, D’Lacey addresses people’s wastefulness and what happens to all the trash that is so irresponsibly disposed of.

As Meat was, Garbage Man is an eye-opening experience that asks relevant but difficult questions. Garbage Man further establishes D’Lacey as one of the most socially aware and most important horror writers of our time!

The town of Shreve is most well-known for its gigantic landfill. Every day more waste is heaped upon the already bulging area, with the denizens never really questioning where their waste will go once the landfill has reached max capacity nor really caring that they are poisoning the ground and surrounding countryside.

Mason Brand, once a famous photographer but now a reclusive hermit living in Shreve, hears “the calling.” Where once before he ignored it, this time he will heed the call and help usher in a new age as a new type of creature is born from people’s unwanted trash. This creature is fashioned from bits of rusty pipes, old appliances, scraps of rag and bone, garbage bags, food wrappers and anything and everything else that was put in the landfill. With Brand’s help, this creature and its brethren seek to rise up from the wastefulness of humans and establish a new order…

Eco-horror is poised to be the next big thing, and I believe that D’Lacey is at the forefront of such and important and frightening sub-genre. If you think about it, now is the perfect time for this sub-genre to emerge, with the crisis of global warming, devastating droughts, increased hurricane and tornado activity, mass pollution, extinction of animals, deforestation and on and on. Everyone should be concerned with these issues that hit close to home. I think that eco-horror and socially relevant horror novels like Garbage Man could make a big difference. Hell, D’Lacey’s Meat novel made me go vegan and I’ve no doubt that Garbage Man will make me take a closer look at my consumption and what I throw away.

I really admire D’Lacey for incorporating such tough issues into horror novels. Without being “preachy” he makes his readers question actions as seemingly mundane as what you eat and what you throw away. As you read his novels, a self-realization will take over that will make you question your own actions and how they effect your environment and the world at large, as well as how they effect yourself. D’Lacey is never forceful in his views, instead letting you come to your own big “ah-ha!” moment.

Garbage Man is no exception, with D’Lacey writing some very powerful prose. The novel is also extremely entertaining, creeping under your skin with the description of the “Garbage Man” and his slithering yet awkward brothers and sisters in the first stages of their lives. From otherworldly and weird these garbage creatures quickly turn menacing as they begin to grow and pose more a threat to Shreve.

The novel kind of feels like it is in two parts…one is the story of the citizens of Shreve, including Mason Brand, while the second part tells of the birth of the garbage monsters and their attack on the town. The characters are extremely well-developed, but I will say that maybe too much time is spent on the human characters as opposed to the creatures. I would have liked to see more creatures early on. Also, some of the characters’ secrets that are revealed in the first part of the book are never really brought up again…I was expecting their “secrets” (like a father that is a pedophile and a mother that has an affair with a much younger boy) that had been buried in the landfill were going to somehow resurface to haunt and torment them once the creatures were released. Unfortunately, they aren’t really touched upon again.

Other than that, Garbage Man was another stunning work from Joseph D’Lacey and a book that I could barely put down! It was a real page turner and really makes you think, just what if Mother Nature gets tired of our trashing her and decides to cleanse the planet…?

Better start recycling…

Available from Amazon!

Cannibal Flesh Riot! (2007)

Gris Grimly is well-known as an artist of the macabre, lending his creepy creativeness to gothic tales like Edgar Allan Poe’s Tales of Mystery and Madness and Edgar Allen Poe’s Tales of Death and Dementia, The Dangerous Alphabet, Boris and Bella and many, many more books. His art is striking, immediately recognizable and gruesomely gorgeous for fans with an inkling for the darker side of life.

Now Gris Grimly has taken on another medium – film. His 34 minute short film Cannibal Flesh Riot!, which he wrote, directed and produced, is just as much a fiendish feast for the eyes as his artwork is. Cannibal Flesh Riot! is a love letter from Grimly to old, black and white horror films and will have you falling in love all over again with Grimly.

After a very charming introduction by Gris Grimly himself explaining exactly what “ghouls” are (they are definitely different from your standard zombie or vampire), the film opens with a police investigation of a very unusual illegal exhumation at the local cemetery. The lieutenant (played by fellow amazing artist D.W. Frydendall) is baffled as to why there a fresh corpse exhumed from his grave and left above ground while his final resting place has been filled in with dirt again…just who or WHAT is buried in the dead man’s place?

We then cut back to the previous night, where we meet lanky Stash and hunchbacked Hub. Stash and Hub are centuries-old ghouls who eat the flesh of the dead…but they prefer fresh meat, so they are on the prowl for a freshly interned corpse. As they stalk through the cemetery they discuss important topics such as how to properly season a corpse, the plethora of condiments (relish is “pickle vomit” according to Stash), how to deal with nosy authorities and why humans dress up their food to make it look like people in order to make it appetizing (like the California Raisins or the McDonald’s characters).

As the ghouls start digging up a grave for their dinner, they get a very unexpected and unwelcome surprise…

Cannibal Flesh Riot! evokes the feel of our beloved, black and white B-horror movies. It is filmed in grainy black and white with added scratches and dirt that really adds to the creeptastic atmosphere. There are even moments when stop-motion animation is used and within this film it works extremely well, only adding to the overall, old-school horror feel of Cannibal Flesh Riot!

The look of the film is a mix between Tim Burton visuals and old gothic horror films. Some scenes are even reminiscent of German expressionist films, complete with exaggerated and askew angles. The film also feels like old horror TV shows like The Vampira Show with bats on strings flying across the screen. The cemetery, with its crumbling, crooked headstones is just pure gothic horror goodness!

The story, written by Grimly, is extremely engaging and you get quite connected to the characters of Stash and Hub. It’s towards the end that you remember that these two ghouls are bloodthirsty villains out for dead human flesh! Even then, I was still rooting for them! I loved the witty banter between them and the characters themselves are quirky and endlessly entertaining. Grimly’s story (along with the visuals) just put a big smile on my face throughout the entire film!

David Backus as Stash and Dustin Loreque as Hub are just fantastic as the ghouls. I couldn’t imagine anyone else playing the two characters. They both give rabble-rousing performances that really make the film. Without their amazing acting some of the dialogue could have come off sounding too over-the-top and campy, but Backus and Loreque fully immerse themselves in their characters and make their dialogue believable and entertaining!

The special effects used were also pretty cool…the last sequence when Stash and Hub are “surprised” by something is filmed entirely in stop-motion, but it is damn impressive! It reminded me of Ray Harryhausen’s stop-motion effects on Jason and the Argonauts, especially with a scene involving a skeleton! The stop-motion animation is done extremely well and fits perfectly into the atmosphere of the film.

Also adding to the already spooky atmosphere of the film is the amazing score by Hola Ghost. The slowly-building, ominous score really complements the creeping fog, hooting owls and hanging moss of the cemetery. It adds so much to the film and Hola Ghost should really be commended for crafting such a creeping menace of a score!

I just cannot speak highly enough of Cannibal Flesh Riot! After its success, I sincerely hope Gris Grimly will pursue more film projects (his next film project is entitled Gris Grimly’s Wounded Embark of the Lovesick Mind). I know that I can’t wait to re-watch (and re-watch and re-watch) this film, as well as sharing its genius with my friends.

If you are a horror fan that appreciates the classics, it is almost guaranteed that you will adore Cannibal Flesh Riot! as mush as I did! Cannibal Flesh Riot! is like horror film comfort food…it is familiar, satisfying and you’ll come back to it for seconds (and thirds…and fourths…)!

Just hold the relish, please…

Buy on Amazon!

The Resurrected (1992)

Every once in a while, I discover a horror film that has flown under my radar. A film, despite its unique storyline and high production values, has gone unnoticed by not only me, but also most of the horror community. One such film is The Resurrected, a film by Return of the Living Dead director Dan O’Bannon and based on the H.P. Lovecraft story The Case of Charles Dexter Ward. Released in 1992, The Resurrected is a film I had heard nothing about until I watched it…and what I discovered what a very well-done, very frightening and faithful adaptation of an H.P. Lovecraft story.

Charles Dexter Ward’s (Chris Sarandon) wife Claire (Jane Sibbett) hires private detective John Marsh (John Terry) to find out just what kind of secret experiments Charles is conducting in an isolated farmhouse once owned by long-dead relative and occultist Joseph Curwen. As Charles becomes more secretive, his demeanor also changes and strange, noxious smells emanate from the farmhouse. Claire and John suspect the worse when victims of gruesome murders are discovered with their flesh stripped from the bone.

The Resurrected is an extremely well-made film, capturing the twists, turns and many colorful characters of the Lovecraft story while adding a few tweaks to carry the story over into modern times. The story is very unique and original and it is very refreshing to see something different in the horror genre. It also benefits from a multi-layered plot that unfolds at an engaging pace, drawing the viewer deeper and deeper into the mystery of Ward’s experiments.

The direction by Dan O’Bannon creates an atmosphere of mounting dread and tension, making every flickering shadow menacing and every dark shape a threat. There is a particular sequence in some dark catacombs under the farmhouse that is dripping with dread. The only light is a flickering flashlight, but that is quickly lost and then the characters must fumble around in the dark with nothing but a few matches to light some severely unpleasant creatures. The creatures themselves are well-made and frightening, though some of the special effects are a little dated. I did appreciate that they used stop-motion animation for some “transformation” and creature sequences instead of CGI, though.

The acting is extremely well-done also, with the standout performance coming from Chris Sarandon as Charles Ward. His transformation from loving husband to raving lunatic is impressive and scary. The other actors all do a fine job as well, with John Terry and Jane Sibbett having great chemistry together and the supporting actors all giving wonderful performances. The characters, even the supporting ones, are all very well developed and really add to the storyline instead of just being there for padding.

The Resurrected is a gem of a horror film that deserves a far wider audience than it has received. It is a genuinely horrifying film and one of the best Lovecraft adaptations. Its depth of plot, breadth of characters and height of terror makes it a must-see for horror fans who take their scares seriously.

Available from Amazon!

Book Review: Monstrous - 20 Tales of Giant Creature Terror edited by Ryan C. Thomas

Remember the golden years of giant monsters? When everything from giant insects, giant people, giant rodents, giant spiders, giant aliens and giant monsters rampaged across the cinematic landscape? While most of these films from the ’50s don’t hold up today (some didn’t even hold up back then!), I think that something ginormous overtaking Earth and usurping humans’ place at the top of the food chain is still a fear ingrained in all of us.

Which is why Permuted Press’ new anthology, Monstrous: 20 Tales of Giant Creature Terror works so well! The 20 tales strike fear and awe into the reader and transport them back to a time of drive-in theaters that showed giant monster movies. The anthology recreates this feeling of nostalgia so well, in fact, that while reading your mind acts as a projector and the stories play out like flickering old black and white movies in your head.

Editor Ryan C. Thomas has done a fantastic job compiling the best and most diverse giant creature tales and never once does the book feel repetitive or boring. On the contrary, I could barely put Monstrous down once I started reading! I am also glad to see Permuted Press expanding beyond their tried and true zombie anthologies. It is quite a treat to get something so different from them!

All of the short stories are stellar, and while there aren’t any that I didn’t enjoy, there are a handful that really stood out to me. My favorite would probably have to be The Cove by Gregory L. Norris. It combined elements from crime capers, government conspiracies and cover-ups, treasure hunting and giant monsters into a nail-biting tale. In it, two thieves on the lam head to an isolated stretch of coast that isn’t on any maps…but for very good reason. For what comes out of the ocean is much more terrifying than the goons after them or the government operatives that try to stop their progress.

Other favorites include: A Plague From the Mud by Aaron Polson (editor of anthology Tainted) where giant beetles invade an Oregon logging town, Present Tense, Future Imperfect by D.L. Snell (author of Roses of Blood on Barbwire Vines) that deals with time travel, giant insects and saving the world, Attack of the 500 Foot Porn Star by Steven L. Shrewsbury that is just as outrageous as it sounds, Keeping Watch by Nate Kenyon, a creepy story about something evil lurking in the dark depths of a lake, The Long Dark Submission by Paul Stuart about fishermen who remain submerged in the ocean for months looking for a specific fish but instead come face-to-face with a terrifyingly large monstrosity, Extinction by Evan Dicken, a tale set in Medieval times where dragons are pitted against each other and machines for sport, Gone Fishin’ by John R. Platt that finds a farmer damming a river to spite his neighbors but ends up trapping a bloodthirsty monster and Six-Legged Shadows by David Conyers and Brian M. Sammons where explorers return to Earth after living in space for many hundreds of years only to find that everything is giant-sized.

Monstrous is a delight to read, combining the nostalgia of ’50s giant creature movies with modern-day science, storytelling and twists! As you can see, the stories offer much variety and even though I can’t mention them all, every single one was is worthwhile to read. What horror fan can resist giant ants, towering porn stars, huge crabs, hulking felines, gigantic fish and other larger-than-life creepy crawlies?  Monstrous comes highly recommended!

Available from Amazon!

Two Front Teeth (2008)

Dear Santa, 

This year all I want for Christmas is a new holiday horror movie that actually delivers. I can only watch Black Christmas, Christmas Evil and Silent Night, Deadly Night so many times over the holidays! I want something new, something fresh and something that doesn’t involve horrible acting from 20-year-olds trying to pass themselves off as teens. 

Santa, if you bring me this one thing, I promise to be good all next year…no matter how many bad horror movies I have to put up with.

Yours truly,
Fatally Yours

And with that, it seems that Christmas has come early this year, as Santa delivered a shiny new Christmas horror movie to me called Two Front Teeth.

Two Front Teeth may not be all I asked for – it drags at times, has bad pacing and the storyline isn’t as developed as I’d like – but this horror-comedy delivers plenty of laughs.

Gabe Snow (Johnny Francis Wolf) is a timid journalist who works for the X-Mas Files, an Enquirer or sorts that covers holiday-related phenomenon, such as sightings of Rudolph, mutant snowmen, Santa giving the gift of…crabs, a sex scandal involving Mrs. Claus, and so on. While he’s busy working late one Christmas Eve, his wife Noel (Megan Pearson) is busy boinking a mall Santa…when out on the roof arises such a clatter, she and mall Santa spring from the bed to see what is the matter. They don’t find Santa coming down the chimney, but instead some vicious, bloodthirsty elves. It seems that one of Gabe’s stories is actually true, and these evil elves will stop at nothing to find Gabe’s source for the story. Gabe’s source has something of value to the elves and that it is all tied to a story Gabe wrote on the crash of Flight 1225.

Gabe and Noel flee the elves, but end up wrapped up in a Christmas conspiracy involving tooth fairies, evil elves, a vampiric Santa Claus, nun assassins, Rudolph’s red nose and killer fruitcake. Can Christmas be saved before it’s too late?

Two Front Teeth is certainly a fun film, peppered with Christmas references, but it is not without its flaws. Its comedy is superb, with quite a few very funny lines (“They didn’t have any ho-ho’s” or “You’ll shoot your eye out, you son of a bitch! ), but the plot feels lacking, almost like the jokes were written first and the story was cobbled around them. The lack of a well-developed story is the film’s biggest problem and really drags the film down. The reason why the elves are attacking and the story surrounding Flight 1225 are explained briefly (in an animation scene), but I would have preferred more of a focus on this part of the plot. Without more emphasis on the how’s and why’s, the film soon starts to feel like we are just watching Noel and Gabe run from point A to point B to point C, which definitely gets old after a while.

The pacing also feels uneven. When the film begins we are immediately thrown into the action, but as Gabe and Noel try to outrun the evil elves things get repetitive. Things pick up towards the end in a final showdown, but between then things feel a little slow. Also, some scenes drag on a bit too long and the film could have benefited from some tighter editing.

Despite these problems, the film features some truly memorable Christmas gags. My personal favorites include the “Silent Knights,” a trio of nun assassins sent from the Vatican to save Christmas, the 3 Kings Motel, using fruit cake as a weapon and Clausferatu, a vampiric Santa. This kind of humor is definitely the film’s strong point.

Another strong point is the acting. For an independent film, all the actors do a good job with their characters. Even the actors who play the evil elves are creepy! And what great makeup is done on them! The special effects, with the exception of a cheesy severed head, are also decent, though this isn’t a gory film.

Two Front Teeth is by no means a perfect film, but despite its flaws it still manages to be pretty damn entertaining. If you are looking to add a bit of Christmas cheer to your holiday season, all you need is Two Front Teeth!

Ask Santa to stuff it in your stocking!

Available from Amazon!

Wicked Lake (2008)

Lipstick lesbians Mary (Carlee Baker), Helen (Eryn Joslyn), Jill (Eve Mauro) and Ilene (Robin Sydney) head to a lakeside cabin retreat for some skinny dipping and fun. Little do they know, but a college classmate of one of the girls has followed them and brought his sick and twisted family along for the ride. The family, consisting of the effeminate, unicorn-drawing classmate Caleb (Marc Senter), older brother and leader Palmer (Will Keenan), Grandpa Jim (Frank Birney) and half-idiot brother Fred (Justin Stone), humiliate and abuse the girls until about midnight, when everything changes and the tables get turned…

Meanwhile, cops Jake (Tim Thomerson) and Ray (Michael Esparza) are hot on the trail of some supposed killers…Things sure are about to get messy…

If boobs and blood are your weapon of choice in a horror film, look no further than Wicked Lake to please you! Of course, it has much more to offer than just those two things, like original characters, a unique storyline and plenty of the red stuff! In between the nudity and gore you’ll be treated to quirky characters, which are what made the film work for me. The film opens with the awkward Caleb (played by the fantastic Marc Senter) trying to sketch the naked Ilene (Robin Sydney) in an art class and their strange ensuing conversation after class. After those first scenes you are just hooked! We are further entertained by the over-the-top viciousness of Caleb’s family when they invade the girls’ cabin and the banter between the two cops as they close in on their killers’ location. Other unique characters you’ll encounter on this trip of a movie are a pair of hilarious hillbillies (one played by our good friend Luke Thompson) who nearly steal the show with their short screen time!

Then, of course, are the beautiful girls, who appear mainly in various states of undress throughout the movie. All you guys out there will be drooling over this quadruplet. My only pet peeve with the women characters is that we don’t know much about each individual and the two brunettes of the group (played by Carlee Baker and Eve Mauro) are almost indistinguishable because no time is taken to develop the characters. Still, this doesn’t stop the fact that you’re still rooting for the women the entire time.

It was also smart for writers Chris Sivertson (story) and Adam Rockoff (script) to add the cops into the story. Their part of the plot broke up the overall film and helped with the pacing. It also made for a pretty cool ending! Some people will have a problem with not exactly knowing just what the girls are supposed to be (witches? vampires? werewolves??)…but this didn’t really bother me. What did bother me was that the film could have seriously been trimmed a bit…probably of much of the previously mentioned nudity and makeout scenes (one scene of the four girls making out goes on for about 6 minutes…I’ve even heard from guys that this scene is overly long). These scenes feel like they belong in a sexploitation flick, not in a horror movie…

As for the grue, there is plenty of the red stuff splashed around on-screen. From bashed-in heads to severed penises to brains sucked up through a straw, Wicked Lake has you covered…in blood! The effects seriously look great and are very realistic. I especially loved the sucking-the-brain-through-a-straw scene…one of the most creative death sequences I’ve seen in quite some time!

Wicked Lake is a fun film that still has flaws, especially with finding a balance between its weird vibe and its bloodthirsty nature. At times it felt like an erotic Jean Rollin or Jess Franco film or the original Wicker Man because of its misplaced nekkidness and slightly mystical vibe, but its nastier bits made me recall films such as Last House on the Left and House on the Edge of the Park. It also had many intentionally funny moments, especially featuring Caleb (he does spend most of the movie impaled to a door with a fire poker, but is still alive and able to make the audience giggle). So, to say Wicked Lake is a bit of a hodge-podge, unfocused film would be an understatement…Still, it continually entertained me and sometimes that’s all you can ask for.

Available from Amazon!

Organizm (2008)

The first time I tried to watch Organizm (aka Living Hell) I had to switch it off at less than the 10 minute mark because it was already exceedingly dull. A few days later, I made myself try to watch it again…and was pleasantly surprised to find that though it isn’t a good film, it is a not-so-terrible time-waster when you’ve got an hour and a half to kill.

On a remote army base that is set to be demolished, a hidden room is found containing a dangerous biological experiment from 1959. Driven by childhood memories of his mother warning him of the danger of what’s hidden on the base, Frank Sears (Johnathan Schaech) sets out to warn the U.S. Military before it’s too late…but nonetheless they inadvertently release a lethal organism with a shockingly fast growth rate. As it grows, devouring people, buildings and anything else in its path, Frank and hazmat specialist Carrie Freeborn (Erica Leerhsen) must find a way to destroy it before it covers the entire planet.

I wasn’t expecting much out of a movie that premiered on the Sci-Fi Channel, but Organizm (a much better name than the misleading “Living Hell” moniker) is a brainlessly fun movie that forces you to abandon logic and just enjoy the (bumpy) ride.

The film’s saving grace is the quick pace that keeps you interested despite its many plot holes. The organism spreads so fast that there is only time for the characters to react and spring into action. While the script is littered with plot inconsistencies and things occur a bit too coincidentally for my tastes, the relatively quick clip of the film thankfully doesn’t leave much time to dwell on such annoyances.

Also, despite the low budget, B-movie feel of the film, the cast is surprisingly solid, especially the two leads. First off, Johnathon Schaech is wonderful as the mysterious yet deeply scarred (physically as well as emotionally) Frank Sears. His growth as a character, from meek schoolteacher to desperate gate-crasher to blood-drenched hero, is a pleasure to watch! Erica Leerhsen also does a fantastic job as Carrie Freeborn, though I think her character could have been portrayed stronger.

On the bad side, some of the CGI work is absolutely atrocious, especially when practical effects should have been employed! Gun shot wounds should not be CGI’d! The organism itself, which looked like roots or gray plant tendrils, looked pretty good for the most part, but there are some instances where its roots and tendrils (especially when they were winding themselves around people’s bodies) looked pretty fake.

And, again, the script (written by Richard Jefferies, who also directed) was pretty awful, with no new twists attempted. The “military unleashes one of their unspeakable experiments and thinks it can solve the problem by blowing everything up to kingdom come” angle is pretty tired and cliché, even for a Sci-Fi Channel flick. I do wish something new had been attempted in the writing department, with a more polished final product.

Organizm isn’t a horrible movie, but it isn’t that great either. Still, you could do a lot worse. If you’re looking for a rental and all that’s left on the shelves are copies of Organizm or Kracker Jack’d I’d definitely go with Organizm for some mild (but not overly painful) entertainment.

Available on Amazon!

Cloverfield (2008)

It’s hard not to be disappointed by super-hyped films. You’ve seen all the advertisements, all the features, all the teasers to get you pumped for a particular film, but when you finally see it, more often than not it’s a big let-down. Nowadays, most of us, myself included, only cautiously look forward to movies. If you think about it, it is kind of like going on a blind date. The friends that set you up can’t stop telling you what a great person this guy is and blah blah blah, but you aren’t convinced. It’s the same thing with me and films…no matter how cool the trailers look or all the good/bad things I hear, I still remain skeptical until I’ve seen it myself.

Well, after hearing the outburst of mixed opinions considering Cloverfield, I knew I had to check it out myself to set the record straight. And let me tell you, friends, this is one film that DOES live up to the hype! Cloverfield is every bit as effective, immediate, intense and scary as I could have hoped for!

Lily (Jessica Lucas) and Jason (Mike Vogel) are throwing a going-away party for Jason’s brother Rob (Michael Stahl-David) at their Manhattan apartment. Rob has just accepted a vice president position at a company in Japan. Lily wants the party documented, so Rob’s best friend Hud (T.J. Miller) is enlisted to film the party on a hand-held camcorder, gathering testimonials about Rob from all the party-goers. Suddenly, the party is rocked by a large earthquake and all the lights in they city flicker out…they come back on a few minutes later and a newswoman comes onto the TV to say that an oil tanker has overturned by the Statue of Liberty. Everyone heads up to the roof to see if they can see anything, and that’s when everything goes to hell as something attacks the city.

The quickly diminishing group of friends tries to flee the city, but quickly discover that a huge monster is responsible for the mass destruction. Buildings and whole blocks are leveled, skyscrapers explode and all the horrifying action is caught by Hud on the hand-held camera (when Rob asks if he is still filming, Hud even says, “Yeah, people are gonna want to know…how it all went down.”).

When they see there is no easy way out of the city, the remaining friends go back to rescue their friend Beth (Odette Yustman, who looks like she could be Jessica Alba’s sister) who is trapped in her apartment building in midtown Manhattan.

The group must try to avoid the gigantic monster, the military that is trying to evacuate people, falling debris, fire and a host of smaller monsters that came with the big guy. Does anyone survive?

Cloverfield is the perfect film to kick off 2008. From the opening credits, which state that the footage we are about to see is Property of the U.S. Military and was found in the “area formerly known as ‘Central Park,’” the film sets an ominous mood. Even the 30-minute calm-before-the-storm party footage does little to alleviate the fear that something BIG is about to happen. The party scene tries to lull the audience into a false sense of calm, but it actually increases the tension because we are just waiting for “The Big Bad” to happen. The party scene also serves as a wonderful introduction to the characters and makes us care about them. At first I thought Rob’s argument with Beth at the party seemed out of place, but it set up his motivations as to why he had to go rescue her later in the film. I really got a sense of who these people were, that they could be my friends, neighbors or even myself, and that made what happened next all the more terrifying.

In a post-9/11 world, Cloverfield is a scary reminder of just how chaotic and frantic a big disaster can be. Cloverfield is a reminder how devastating events like Hurricane Katrina, the “War on Terrorism,” the Oklahoma City bombing, L.A. Riots, 9/11 and so on, really are. The immediacy of the hand-held camera puts us at Ground Zero and shows us what it was really like to face buildings collapsing, debris falling, injured and bloody people trying to get help, military personnel shooting and bombing a huge enemy and so on. I really felt like I was there, a major part of what makes this film so successful. And to all the people that unjustly compare this to The Blair Witch Project mixed with the awful 1998 Godzilla remake are only taking a cosmetic and shallow look at the film. Comparing it to Godzilla…have they even seen that movie? And I didn’t feel like it was a Blair Witch rip-off at all, as the two films are very different in tone.

Writer Drew Goddard keeps the tone bleak from pretty much 30 minutes in, but wisely uses some jokes thrown around by the surviving friends to slightly ease the tension every once in a while. The dialogue is very natural, and it’s easy to imagine people to trying to make light of a very serious situation to survive. The script is expertly paced, and assisted by director Matt Reeves, Cloverfield keeps the scares coming and keeps you on the edge of your seat.

Speaking of scares, yes, you do see the enormous monster and it’s spider-like parasites on multiple occasions and they are all impressive. The super-fast creepy-crawlies are a sight to see, especially when they attack our intrepid camera man (and others) deep within the New York subway tunnels. The monster itself is equally frightening, due to its gigantic size and the wake of destruction it leaves in its path. And it doesn’t look a think like Godzilla, so don’t worry. There are several very close calls with the monster, each stunningly scary to behold! In other films, I might complain about the CGI, but not here. I was so wrapped up in the story that I didn’t even notice the CGI…that’s how good the film is, folks.

The scares within Cloverfield are helped along by the fantastic sound design in the film. The ominous vibrations and BOOM…BOOM…BOOM of the creature stomping through Manhattan create a sense of deep, foreboding dread throughout the film. When the action is at its most frenetic, guns are blazing, bombs are going off, buildings are crashing, people are screaming and the creature is roaring…and it’s a beautifully frightening scene every time. The cacophony of the chaos as seen through the hand-held camera places you there, and forces you to think about what it must have been like when the planes hit the Twin Towers on 9/11 or what it really must be like on the front lines of war.

And that’s probably why I liked Cloverfield so much and highly recommend you see it in theaters. Sure, if you take it at face value it’s just a giant-monster-run-amuck film (though a very well-done one at that), but if you choose to look deeper you will see that it offers a commentary on our post-9/11 world, the “YouTube Generation,” even our environment. Placing Cloverfield in that real-life context, my friends, is what elevates it from scary monster movie to a truly bone-chilling film.

This is a must-see!

Available from Amazon!

The Mist (2007)

After a long history with the Stephen King novella The Mist, Frank Darabont has finally seen his dream of making it into a feature film realized. Darabont had planned on adapting it into a feature in the early 1980’s, just after it had been published, but other projects, like his adaptation of King’s Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, took precedent. After years of waiting for one of King’s fans’ favorite short stories to make it onto the big screen, has Darabont succeeded with The Mist?

After a particularly destructive storm, David Drayton (Thomas Jane) and his young son (Nathan Gamble) head into town to stock up on supplies. While in the local grocery store with a good number of other townsfolk, a thick mist quickly rolls into town, heralded by a bloody man that runs into the store and warns everyone that there are “things” in the mist…things that kill. After everyone is witness to the mist’s destructive nature when a lone man runs to get to his car just as it descends on the town, they lock down the grocery store until they can figure out the situation. When all attempts at escape or calling for help fail, the local “fire and brimstone” woman, Mrs. Carmody (Marcia Gay Harden), takes it upon herself to warn everyone that the end of times has come. Soon, the people in the store are not only threatened by monsters in the mist, but the human monsters in their midst.

Going into The Mist, I really wasn’t expecting much more than a CGI monsterfest. When I came out, I was pleasantly shocked. Darabont has created a tense and frightening film that will leave you stunned. Like his non-horror King adaptations of Shawshank and Green Mile, The Mist is a classy affair that boasts impressive acting and classic chills and thrills.

From the dramatic opening the film will have you hooked. Once the characters make it to the relative safety of the grocery store, the tension only mounts. After the mist hits the town, the chaos and confusion within the store feels extremely realistic and you can’t help but be as shocked as the townspeople are. To assist in the realistic feel, Darabont utilizes hand-held cameras to give a sense of immediacy to the dramatic proceedings. I found this to be a bit too “television crime drama” for my tastes, but it does give you the feeling you are right alongside the panicked patrons.

The characters trapped in the store are all strongly characterized. From the unlikely hero of Ollie (scene-stealer Toby Jones), a grocery store clerk, to the reluctant leader David and the zealous and hateful Mrs. Carmody, you can’t help but feel for all the characters. Each character is flawed and therefore made more human and easily relatable because of that. My only problem with the characterization was the portrayal of Mrs. Carmody, which quickly turned into an exaggerated caricature. She was a bit too over the top for me.

The acting was very well done from everyone involved. Thomas Jane proved himself as a very capable leading man. Marcia Gay Harden gave Mrs. Carmody some much needed humanity, though her character did come off as a bad caricature at times. All of the supporting actors, including Laurie Holden, Andre Braugher, Jim Grondin, Chris Owen and many more, did a fantastic job as well.

The special FX in The Mist are impressive as well. I don’t understand the naysayers who have said that the CGI work is shoddy; from where I was sitting, it looked great! The monsters in the mist are vicious, and include a creature with blood-sucking, barbed tentacles, pterodactyl-like monsters, huge spiders that shoot acidic webs and have large spines on their backs, crab-like creatures that are several stories tall and a truly behemoth creature straight out of Lovecraft’s stories. Besides great creature effects, the film also boasts several nasty gore scenes, my favorite being when a man, who’s become a spider snack, bursts forth hundreds upon thousands of baby spiders.

These scintillating special FX aren’t just thrown in there to keep the audience awake because the rest of the film is just as good! The pacing is excellent and kept my attention the entire time, even though the run-time is over two hours. Between the threat of the monsters lurking in the mist and the growing threat of the fascist Mrs. Carmody, the tension is certainly kept taut. The action just keeps coming up until the end as David and a few others try to find a way out of their desperate predicament. The ending, which Darabont changed from King’s ambiguous one, is one that people will be talking about for a long time to come. It is appropriately tragic and dramatic, and will knock the wind right out of you!

Despite such glowing words over the film, I did have one other problem besides the caricaturization of Mrs. Carmody. The fade-to-black transitions used between scenes make The Mist look like another made-for-TV Stephen King flick. The awkward transitions were horribly out of place with the film’s otherwise high production values. These annoying fade-to-black transitions (I expected a commercial to come on each time they were used) chopped up The Mist and diminished my enjoyment a tad.

Of the horror films that have been theatrically released recently (30 Days of Night, Saw IV, etc.) the one I would recommend seeing the most would have to be The Mist. Despite the few problems I had with it, The Mist is an excellent monster movie and one of the best horror releases of the year. Its tense atmosphere, great creature design, wonderful acting and classic monster movie feel make it a very frightening and enjoyable horror film. It doesn’t have to rely on gore for entertainment (though it has its nasty bits), but instead frightens us with what is hidden – the monsters in the mist as well as the monsters within ourselves.

Available from Amazon!

Reeker (2005)

You know, when I first espied the movie Reeker, I immediately assumed it would be a cheesy monster romp, only good for a laugh or two. The plot seemed awfully familiar, as a group of college kids are stuck in the middle of nowhere while someTHING picks them off. So when I finally sat down to watch it, I was pleasantly surprised to find that Reeker is a much more entertaining and clever flick than I initially gave it credit for.

Five strangers all pile into a rickety car to share a ride to a desert rave. Everything is fine and dandy until the appropriately named Trip (Scott Whyte) brags that he’s got enough E (which he stole from maniacal drug dealer Radford [Ugly Betty’s Eric Mabius], who just happens to be following the unsuspecting kids) to keep the five of them, plus a few hundred of their closest friends, pretty happy. The driver of the ragtag bunch, Gretchen (Tina Illman, who looks an awfully lot like Beetlejuice’s Lydia) isn’t taking any chances and insists on leaving Trip at the last highway diner-gas station-hotel combo they stopped at not 30 minutes before. When they arrive back at the diner, Gretchen’s old car decides to call it quits so they all troop inside to ask for help. One problem – the place is deserted. Half-eaten meals, overturned chairs and smoldering cigarette butts are all that remain to prove that just a little while ago, the joint was jumping. The hotel and gas station are also devoid of anyone and the kids can’t get anyone on the phone, much less on their signal-less cell phones. As nighttime settles on the stranded strangers, things get even more eerie. A creepy, and especially putridly pungent, specter appears and begins picking them off one by one…

I may not have had high hopes for Reeker, but I definitely got my money’s worth. Writer/director David Payne may have started with the stereotypical, kids-stuck-in-the-middle-of-nowhere-with-the-boogeyman-killing-them-off storyline, but by avoiding character clichés, throwing in some genuinely funny moments and creating a spooky, engaging mystery, he has created a pretty engaging flick!

First off, the characters are very believable. They aren’t caricatures of college students nor are they the stereotypical jocks and bimbos that seem to populate horror films. No, every character feels real, like you might know someone like them in real life. The actors do a decent job of bringing their characters to life, and you’ll even notice a few of them from other films and television, like Michael Ironside, playing a fellow stranded traveler and Derek Richardson from Hostel.

Secondly, the mystery they find themselves wrapped up in (has some catastrophic terrorist attack occurred? a natural disaster? something more sinister?) is entirely engaging. You might be able to guess the ending, but you’ll still enjoy sitting through the rest of the movie to see if you are right. Payne keeps the pace moving along with some additional characters that pop up, like the previously mentioned Ironside as an RV-driving vacationer and Mabius as the crazed drug dealer.

Reeker pays off again in the gore department. While blood isn’t generously splashed across the screen every second, there are some pretty shocking moments throughout the film. For example, the opening scene shows a family driving down a deserted bit of road, only to hit a deer and splatter their entire front windshield in grue. That’s not all…the family stops to inspect the damage and the family dog runs off to explore. A few minutes later the father goes off in search of the dog while the mom and son wait by the car. The whimpering dog emerges a few minutes later…dragging its broken and bloody body behind it. While the wife tries to help, the husband stumbles out of the brush, the whole half of his head missing! This opening scene is quite a lot to live up to, but Reeker delivers the blood ‘n’ guts in more than a few surprise scenes that’ll have you jumping out of your seat.

Unfortunately, this film does have its share of negatives. The one thing that bugged me the most was the overall appearance of the Reeker creature. The creature itself was pretty wicked and scary looking, but every time it was about to appear, hazy fumes, like the kind you see reflected off the pavement on a really hot day, would announce its arrival. I think the filmmaker’s aim was to produce something akin to the stink lines that wafted off of the dirty Pig Pen from the Peanuts comic, but here it just looked plain silly. Also, it’s never quite specified whether the Reeker is solid or amorphous in nature. In one scene, it appears that the Reeker can move through walls and be invisible, but in another it is affected by bullets. Bullets? Against a rotting and putrescent corpse-like creature? Seemed more than a little far-fetched…

All in all, though, Reeker is a rather solid effort that features an interesting premise, realistic characters, good performances, a nice twist and good-lookin’ gore. And thankfully, it doesn’t live up to its own name!

Available from Amazon!