Offspring (2009)

I had highly anticipated seeing Offspring, another film adapted from a Jack Ketchum novel with the script actually being written by Ketchum (he also makes a small cameo appearance in the film). The other two recent films that were adapted from Ketchum’s work, The Lost and The Girl Next Door, were both disturbing and extreme, so I was really looking forward to what they did with Offspring. Unfortunately, I was left luke-warm with this film and feel it is the weakest Ketchum adaptation to screen to date.

Offspring has a relatively straight-forward plot…a small New England town and its rural-dwelling residents are terrorized by a group of feral cannibals that are descendants from a lighthouse keeper that went missing with his family in the 1800’s. They’ve been living in the wild on the coast of northern New England and Canada and eating human flesh ever since.

This being a Ketchum-based story you can expect all the usual nasty and uncomfortable violence aimed at women and children, and this film has it in spades. Babies and children get slaughtered, women get brutalized and most of the men end up as gory slabs of meat. There’s lots of gore and blood on display, but it’s never so over-the-top that it becomes memorable. In fact, the only real gory bits that were memorable included the opening scene where a drunken mother stumbles back to her home after a night out to find her babysitter and baby butchered by the group of the feral kids and another scene where a captive woman is “eaten out” in a horrifying way. Maybe I’m just jaded, but while the violence was non-stop it didn’t really resonate with me.

Obviously, this film has its moments of shocking violence (we are dealing with feral cannibals here), made even more disturbing when it’s aimed at or perpetrated by children, but this dark tone is (unintentionally) lightened by the ridiculous look of the cannibal family. From their bushy hair to their ridiculous rags that made them look more like they were emulating the Lost Boys from Disney’s Peter Pan rather than frightening flesh-eating kids. Big points off for making the villains more silly than scary.

Despite the silliness of the costumes, there was one actress whose commanding presence was very frightening, and that was Pollyanna McIntosh. She played the matriarch of the cannibals and her snarling commands and brutal force were probably the scariest of the entire film. It was definitely nice to see such a vicious female villain for once! While the other actors all did a decent job, McIntosh was the real standout. I also appreciated that the female victims were actually resourceful and fought back against their cannibalistic captors instead of just weeping in a corner.

Director Andrew van den Houten did a great job evoking that atmosphere of the isolated and deserted New England coastline. There were a lot of aerial shots of the rocky coastline and desolate forests to show just how a freaky-looking cannibal family and its decedents could survive without detection. I also thought the evocative and sparse score, by Ryan Shore, was absolutely stunning and really made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. If anything in the film created a foreboding atmosphere, it was Shore’s score.

Sadly, there aren’t many scares in the film, just a lot of gory cannibal scenes that quickly get repetitive. Sure, Ketchum throws in an estranged asshole husband into the mix and the ineffectual police, but the real focus is always on the cannibals vs. the innocent family. It just wasn’t enough for a full-length movie and the premise starts to feel stretched thin towards the end. The “psychos-in-the-woods” bit has been done to death, and this is just a slight variation on the Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Wrong Turn, etc. formula. There just isn’t enough originality and uniqueness to the story considering all the past and present inbred/hillbilly/backwoods cannibal movies.

Offspring has its flaws and definitely isn’t for those seeking something completely unique. Rather, it is recommended for Ketchum fans who want to see his work adapted to the screen and to those that would like to see taboos of children killing/children getting killed broken. Regular horror fans may be bored at the repetitive nature of the film and gorehounds will be disappointed by lack of memorable kills (though there are plenty of blood and body parts flung around).

Order it on Amazon!

Isle of the Damned (2008)

Isle of the Damned is a joyously gory, fantastically funny spoof of the Italian cannibal movies of the 70′s and early 80′s. The film is a spot-on spoof, complete with atrociously dubbed dialogue, over-acting, 70′s ‘staches, bad retro outfits, a Eurosleaze soundtrack and an intro done completely in Italian subtitles. The film pretends to be a “long-lost” film from “legendary” director Antonello Giallo and “banned in over 492 countries.” All this and much, much more had me rolling on the floor laughing one minute and shaking my head in disbelief another! It is one of the best, most accurate spoofs I’ve ever seen!

Jack Steele (Larry Gamber) is a private investigator who is down in Argentina assisting treasure-hunting sleazeball Harold Thompson (Patrician Rosa) in finding Marco Polo’s long-lost treasure. Thompson believes the treasure is on an isolated tropical island and so they, along with Steele’s slightly effeminate adopted son Billy (Peter Crates) and a trio of pirates as their crew, go there to seek it out. One problem – the island is home to an indigenous tribe of cannibals hungry for human flesh! After being attacked, the remaining survivors are rescued by an eccentric anthropologist, Alexis Kindcaid (Keith Langsdorf), and his ex-assassin man-servant Cain (Dustin Edwards), who live in a mansion on the island. Thompson is still determined to find the treasure, but as the cannibals track their every move will the group survive the Isle of the Damned?

Isle of the Damned is a riot from start to finish. As soon as I heard that “bow-chika-bow-bow”  70′s music and saw the opening credits, I was hooked. The zany dialogue, over-zealous acting, bad hair/moustaches/clothes added to the charm and the accurate feel of the film. It also does a good job of rising above being “just a spoof” and doesn’t just rely on gags to move the story along. It has sympathetic characters (no matter how goofy they were) that we actually care about and a fast-paced storyline.

The actors themselves do a fantastic job, especially since they must rely on body language to get the characters’ emotions across because their voices have been dubbed. The hilarious over-acting that occurs is intentional and perfectly mimics the acting in a low-budget, 70′s cannibal flick. I really have to give props to all the actors for flawlessly playing their characters. Even the people who played the cannibals were excellent!

The execution of the film was also amazing. Writer Mark Leake crafted a very memorable spoof to cannibal films and director Mark Colegrove brought that vision to life. This film could have easily slipped into over-the-top, eye-rolling cheesiness, but both Leake and Colegrove succeeded in crafting not only a memorable film but also a believable one! And on a low budget, no less! For example, the film is supposed to be set in a lush, tropical jungle…but it’s obviously not. Instead, there are intercut scenes of jungle animals (a technique which many 70′s cannibal movies also used). The film is so good, though, that this and the forest it is actually filmed in work!! You do believe that they are in an Argentinean jungle! This just proves the skill and care that this film was made with. Director of photography David J. Kratz also sets up some very interesting shots that give the film a professional feel.

As for the gore, there are several great scenes and overall the gore is done extremely well. In the first 20 minutes or so we get an effective and very bloody penis-chomping scene (one of the many homages to famous cannibal films)! Other gems include a fetus feast in which an unborn baby is ripped from the womb, a head cracked open and brains gobbled up, torsos being ripped apart and eaten, and even a cool face-ripping scene! The film even features a pole-impaling scene as a loving homage to the infamous cannibal-movie-to-end-all-cannibal-movies – Cannibal Holocaust.

Of course, Isle of the Damned’s tone is quite different from Holocaust’s grim one. There are plenty of hilarious/raunchy gags, including the hilariously dubbed voices, Thomspon’s being sodomized by the cannibals, everyone’s amazingly ridiculous mustaches and many, many others.

If I had seen Isle of the Damned in 2008 it would have surely made my “best of” list. I can’t tell you enough how this is one of the best genre spoofs I have ever seen! Everything from the titles, the dubbing, the costumes and the look of the film recall sleazy 70′s cannibal/exploitation flicks. You would be a fool to not track this down!

Available from Amazon!

Frontieres (2007)

After I heard so much buzz about Frontière(s) (aka Frontier(s)), I was eager to check it out. After the recent French filmmaking triumphs of Haute Tension, Them (Ils) and Inside, it seemed destined that Frontière(s) would be another notch in French horror cinema’s belt. Despite the high praise that Frontière(s) has been receiving, I found it a disappointment. It lacks the ingenuity of past French films. Behind the fountains of blood and gore (enough of an endorsement on its own to get some of you to see it) cowers an unbelievable and “been there, done that” story.

With massive riots rocking Paris, a group of friends are on the lam after a robbery. Farid (Chems Dahmani) and Tom (David Saracino) head out of town and into the countryside, while pregnant Yasmine (Karina Testa) and baby daddy Alex (Aurélien Wiik) take Yas’ brother Sami (Adel Bencherif) to the ER after he suffers a gunshot wound. When Sami dies moments later and the cops are hot on their trail, Yas and Alex high-tail it out of town to meet up with Farid and Tom, who are holed up at a hostel deep in the countryside. What they don’t know is that the hostel and the nearby farm are run by a mad old man and his neo-Nazi family. When they discover that Yas is pregnant, their nefarious plans for “pure blood” are focused on her unborn child.

Frontière(s), written and directed by Xavier Gens, uses convenient plot twists and contrived situations that require quite a suspension of belief. Not to mention that we’ve all seen the “crazy cannibalistic family in the countryside” before. Frontière(s) doesn’t really add anything new to this delightful subgenre, which is just fine if you want the comfort of the familiar. If you are looking for something to knock your socks off, though, I’m afraid Frontière(s) won’t do the trick.

The contrived plot turns are probably what annoyed me most about this film. The way things unfold seem awfully convenient…that, or the characters really are dumber than a bag full of rocks. For example, when Yasmine has multiple chances to escape and run far, far away, she always manages to muck it up and get herself caught again. Also, in a brutal scene involving a table saw, the way things unfold (man turns on table saw, man walks away from table saw, man is pushed backward, falls on still-running table saw) seemed too much like a set-up. The scene felt forced, unnatural, unbelievable and in no way surprising. There were ample scenes like this that just made me roll my eyes. Another example would be the anti-climatic use of guns throughout the film, especially in the shoot ‘em up finale. Sure, people get their brains blown out aplenty, but this method of killing just seems too easy and dull for a horror movie.

On the positive end of the spectrum, the film offers plenty of grue – most of which ends up plastered all over one particular character by the end of the film. If you are looking to satiate your blood thirst, Frontière(s) will definitely help you quench it. There are also several nifty death scenes (the saw scene does look cool, even if it feels contrived, and there’s a sadistic steam death sequence that’s pretty gruesome) along with plenty of violence.

The acting is also quite good, with all the actors giving great performances. The backwoods family, featuring three grown daughters, three sons and the evil Nazi Vater (that’s “father” for all you non-German speaking folk), was pretty brutal but intriguing. You just couldn’t wait to see what they would do next. The group of friends caught in the middle each had their own personalities and each character was adequately developed, something that most horror movies woefully forget to do. Karina Testa as Yasmine was the most effective, going from distraught to confused to determined to enraged in a steadily building crescendo of emotions and vengeance.

Still, no amount of good acting or bloody gore could make me fully enjoy this film. There was too much of an incomplete storyline, too many convenient plot developments and too many loose ends the film fails to tie up. Even the beginning of the film, which featured footage of riots, didn’t have any bearing on the rest of the story and the Nazi family’s intentions for “pure blood” weren’t quite explained adequately.

Though I found Frontière(s) to be seriously lacking, I would still recommend it over the heinous American remakes currently being churned out. There is plenty of blood and grue to entertain gorehounds, just don’t expect a cohesive or original story.

Buy it on Amazon!

Doomsday (2008)

Neil Marshall is known for scaring the pants off his audience. His previous two films, the frightening The Descent and the suspenseful Dog Soldiers, showed us his skill with the horror genre and both films were acclaimed by critics and fans alike.

Marshall’s third film, Doomsday, is a fast-paced, sci-fi action thriller that is very different from his first two efforts. It shows his diversity as a writer and director and shows he can pull off a high octane, visually arresting and wholeheartedly entertaining post-apocalyptic action thriller.

In the year 2007, a deadly and incurable virus quickly infected most of Scotland. It spread as easily as the common cold and within days thousands upon thousands were infected. Fearing that the virus would spread into England as well as the rest of the world, the government quarantined the “hot zone” by constructing a huge wall around Scotland, leaving hundreds of thousands to die from the so-called “Reaper” virus. For thirty years no one re-entered the quarantined zone, but when the virus resurfaces in London, a military team led by Major Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra) is sent into the former hot zone to try and find survivors and hopefully a cure.

When they arrive in what is left of Glasgow, they discover a large band of cannibalistic marauders who see them as nothing more than dinner or as a way out of the quarantine zone. They also track down a former doctor (Malcolm McDowell) who may have the cure but prefers to live a medieval sort of life in a castle deep in the Scottish Highlands.

Can the team find a cure and make it out of the post-apocalyptic landscape alive? They only have 46 hours and a whole lotta butt-kicking to do before we find out!

Perhaps you’ve read some of the nasty, and I think, unfair, reviews and are hesitant to check out Doomsday…but I’m here to set the record straight and tell you that Doomsday is one hell of a ride that needs to be seen!!

Now, if you go in expecting the claustrophobic tension of The Descent or the sudden scares of Dog Soldiers, you will be let down…but Doomsday is an entirely different movie-going experience than Marshall’s previous two films. This one is loud, brash and in-your-face unapologetic about its influences, like Mad Max, Escape from L.A. and even (to a lesser extent) 28 Days Later. This film is Marshall’s celebration of and homage to the style of films he loves. In fact, if I had to choose one word to describe Doomsday, it would be “celebration,” as opposed to “homage.” I believe this is Marshall’s dream film and after the success of The Descent he was finally able to make it (lucky for us!).

Doomsday is insanely entertaining, from the opening scene of the “Reaper” virus outbreak and the bloody assault at the military blockade to the marauders rowdy arena show and BBQ to the exciting ending car chase! Most surprising was the high level of gore liberally sprinkled throughout the film. Marshall giddily features some gleeful grue, from people suffering the bloody explosive effects of the virus to getting squashed by military vehicles to a cute rabbit getting a little too close to the perimeter wall. And let’s not forget the many scenes of impressive hand-to-hand combat!

Actress Rhona Mitra certainly gets my vote for badass of the year! She is ripped in this movie and kicks the crap out of a lot of guys and gals alike! Her scenes of combat (and there are more than a handful) are impressive. I especially liked when she did battle with a hulking, armor-clad lad nicknamed “The Executioner.” The rest of the cast didn’t quite last nearly as long as she did, but they all did a grand job as well. However brief, it was nice to see some familiar faces from Marshall’s other films thrown into the mix as well.

The direction and cinematography are amazing. Everything going on can be clearly seen, even though use of the “shaky cam” is sometimes used. In the few instances the shaky cam is used, it is used properly and you can clearly tell what is happening, not a small feat when capturing the furious action in this flick. Equally impressive is the overall look of the film. The set and production designs are amazing to behold. The abandoned, decomposing city that nature is slowly taking back is a sight to see as is the punked out, skull festooned marauder arena and the medieval castle where the doctor rules as king. All of these clashing styles create a vivid picture of the different types of societies that have arisen out of the ashes of the “Reaper” virus.

The only complaints I have of the film are the believability of some scenes and several plot holes. There are some instances where things become way over the top and even border on comedy. I believe this was intentional by Marshall to create a larger than life, outrageous picture, but sometimes you can only suspend believability so much. Still, that being my only complaint of the film, I have to say I was thoroughly entertained by Doomsday.

If you are looking for a fun, visually stunning and exciting post-apocalyptic action thriller, Doomsday is your film. If you are looking for another Descent, consider opening yourself up to something new and different from writer/director Neil Marshall that really shows off how versatile he can really be.

Available from Amazon!

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

What better way to spend a chilly Saturday night than to have some friends over for pizza, Pacifico and a viewing of Cannibal Holocaust? There is no better way, believe you me...

The movie begins with a report on an intrepid documentary film crew who entered the Amazonian jungle in search of cannibals. No one has heard from them in more than two months so noted anthropologist Professor Harold Monroe is sent to look for them. He finds them alright, mounted on some kind of altar with their camera equipment and their bones picked clean! He also finds two warring cannibal tribes, but succeeds in getting along with both, thus avoiding becoming dinner.

After he obtains the film crew's film footage, he hightails it back to New York City where he is invited to show his findings on television, because the public has a right to know what happened, dammit! From that point on, we are treated to the documentary crew's film footage (a la Blair Witch Project) and it ain't pretty. It seems the film crew would do anything to garner fame and success, even terrorizing peaceful Amazonian tribes to get dramatic footage. They stage some pretty grisly scenes for their precious documentary, blaming it on rival tribes in the footage. In the end though, the tribes show their stuff to prove you don't mess with cannibals!

This was definitely a brutal movie, more brutal than Cannibal Ferox. There are numerous animal deaths, including the stabbing of a muskrat, the shooting of a pig, and the chopping up and general disassembly of a turtle. These are all real, mind you, and not for the squeamish. The animal deaths are much more violent and explicit than in Ferox. Ye be warned...

Holocaust also has much more violence towards women. In a ritualistic tribal punishment, a woman is taken far from the village by one man, then raped, then raped with a sharp knife, then raped with a torture device that can be compared with a softball studded with nails. She is then bludgeoned to death. In another scene, the males of the film crew take turns raping a native while the others hold her down. Then, in perhaps the most iconic scene of this film, the woman is shoved onto a pole so that the pole extends out of her mouth.

The members of the film crew finally get their just desserts when they are surrounded by the cannibalistic tribe. One guy gets severely beaten, strung up, has his genitals chopped off, then gets hacked to bits. The lone woman of the crew is beaten and viciously raped by several members of the tribe. The rest of the crew is finished off in a spectacular bloodbath.

The end of the film leaves us with a question - who are the real savages here? The cannibals and their primitive way of life or the film crew and Western civilization? There is some social commentary here, and it does make one think...which is a good thing, darlings!

The film was directed by Ruggero Deodato and came out in 1980, a year before Cannibal Ferox appeared. It is an intense, grueling, disturbing film that feels very real at times. I highly recommend it to those that like to watch very controversial films, films with lots of "ewwwwww" moments, gorehounds and, of course, those that hold a special place in their hearts for cannibals.

Please be warned, though...it is an extremely graphic and serious film.

Buy it on Amazon!

Cannibal Ferox (1981)

On the recommendation of Warren over at 150 Days of Sodom (check his site out if you haven't already; it's great!), I decided to view the infamous Cannibal Ferox.

I had always thought of Cannibal Ferox as the ultimate in gore and torture, so I shied away from it for so many years...until now! I could not be held back any longer from its grisly allure.

Does Cannibal Ferox live up to the hype? For me, a first-time watcher of these exploitative cannibal movies, it certainly did. I thoroughly enjoyed this film, perhaps because of my low expectations going into it. Nonetheless, I thought it was a well made and entertaining film.

The story is simple...in New York City, both the mob and police are out to find a couple of guys (Mike and Joe) who have skipped off with a considerable amount of the mob's dough. Meanwhile, three college kids (siblings Rudy and Gloria and their friend Pat) are in the Amazon, trying to disprove that cannibalism exists for Gloria's thesis. They venture deep into the Amazon jungle to try to find a small village no one has heard of but could prove their theory.

They run into Mike and Joe deep in the heart of the jungle, who tell them they have been attacked by cannibals. Joe has been injured and their guides have been killed. After deciding to stick together, the group stumbles upon the village and the carnage left there. It seems the only villagers left are the old people and the younger children. The group decides to take refuge in the village's huts to try to care for Joe, who is now dying. Joe tells Gloria and Rudy that Mike has lied to them about being attacked by cannibals. The truth is, Mike and Joe were after precious emeralds that the villagers possessed. When they wouldn't hand the emeralds over, Mike tortured and killed some villagers while most of the male villagers were on a fishing expedition. Now, the male villagers could return at any time!

After learning this information, Gloria and Rudy try to get Pat to get out, but find that she has left with Mike. They flee, but are soon captured by the returning male villagers. Now, the villagers seek retribution for what was done to them and to their village...

This is an exploitation gem! Yes, it is extremely violent and some parts are difficult to watch. There is mutilation, castration, decapitation, humiliation, cannibalism, shots of real animals being killed (something I DO NOT condone but is still shocking and disturbing) and so on. The animal deaths were very difficult to watch, just because I knew they were real. Even for standards nowadays, this film is still pretty brutal - just watch for the castration scene(s) and the scene where Pat is hung on meat hooks by her breasts.

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this movie. It really kept up the tension, even though it did switch back from the Amazonian jungle to New York City every few scenes. I was very impressed with this film, and wouldn't mind adding it to my DVD collection.

If you haven't checked this film out yet and can handle excessive torture and real animal deaths (even I had to cover my eyes a bit), then get this movie! It's worth it...

Buy it on Amazon!

Frightmare (1974)

Frightmare - A pretty decent British movie from 1974 about a cannabalistic mother and those in her family trying to protect her. I enjoyed the realistic ending, but the rest of the film is a little slow with minimal gore. Perfect for a lazy Sunday, though.

Check it out on Amazon!

C.H.U.D. (1984)

Ok, seriously, it was my first time seeing this B-movie and I found it pretty hilarious.

Per the Netflix description:

Beneath the streets of New York City are hundreds of miles of tunnels unfit for anything human. But now something horrible is loose in the sewers of Manhattan, and the city's homeless population have begun to mutate into "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers." They are C.H.U.D. -- hideous, hungry and headed for the streets!

So, I watched this with a few friends, late on Saturday night. Not a good idea...almost everyone was falling asleep (k, so maybe the alcohol and Frostees and fries that followed helped, but I'll just blame C.H.U.D.; geez I love saying that - CHUD CHUD CHUD!!). This movie was completely lacking in the action department! Halfway through, I didn't even care anymore...way too much talking about the government cover up of toxic waste yada yada. I just wanted to go to bed...but those yellow, light bulb-bright eyes will forever haunt my dreams.

Check it out for cheap on Amazon!

Raw Meat (1972)

A series of missing person cases lead the police to investigate the tunnels of the London subway system. What they find is the last survivor of a cave-in who has managed to survive on human meat...Raw Meat!

This was another one of my purchases for about $4 at Second Spin, a used CD/DVD store just down the street. It was money well spent! I thoroughly enjoyed this 1972 movie, especially the performance by Donald Pleasence, who plays the inspector. He was downright hilarious!! Also, Christopher Lee has a small role, which was quite a treat. The rest of the cast did a swell job as well.

The film wasn't really scary, but it did get me quite squeamish in certain parts. The cannibal kills people on the subway platform and drags them back to his "home" to feed his ailing, pregnant "wife." Some of the scenes were pretty bloody, and of course the cannibal was pretty gross covered in sores and flesh wounds.

His wife dies after all, and the man is left all alone in the tunnels. His reaction to his wife's death is pretty gut-wrenching. I felt quite sorry for him. After all he'd been through, he was the last one left. Of course it is too bad that he only saw other humans as food or mating material. After his wife's death, he goes on a bit of a rampage, killing a few janitors and other stragglers at the tube station. He finds a new mate in Patricia, after her and her boyfriend become separated on the subway towards the end of the film. Incidentally, Patricia and her boyfriend, Alex, had jump started the police investigation as earlier they found a well-to-do civil servant passed out on the subway's staircase. When they returned with help, the man was gone, which began the official inquiry. Anywho, Mr. Cannibal is in the mood, and tries to woo Patricia in his own drool-y way. His drool, his pustular sores and indecipherable moaning don't do the trick, though, not on this modern girl!

Alex, meanwhile, has found his way underground to look for Patricia after her bloody purse was found by the police in the subway. He gets to her in the nick of time, just as the cannibal is ripping her clothes off. After a struggle, Alex beats the pus outta the guy, and he and Patricia limp off. The police arrive and all seems in order...until we hear the cannibal's indecipherable moaning after all have gone...

I thought this movie was very well done, except for some plot holes. For example, it bothered me that the cannibal had a way out of the tunnels, but didn't think to get out and get back into the world. Overall, though, it was a lot better than I expected it to be! Again, the best part was Donald Pleasence...I didn't know he could ham it up so much! Check this out, I haven't heard many people talk about it.

Order it on Amazon!