The Crazies (2010)

I’ve never been a big fan of George A. Romero’s 1973 film The Crazies. I’ve probably only seen it a few times and remember being very underwhelmed by the horror flick. I understand its message and significance, and while I appreciate a good socially conscious film, the original Romero film just didn’t grab me and was largely forgettable.

So, I wasn’t too excited for the 2010 remake, helmed by Breck Eisner (same dude who is in discussions to direct remakes of The Brood and Creature from the Black Lagoon…ugh, it never ends! He also directed an episode for Fear Itself). I saw The Crazies reboot when it was released on DVD last week, but it has taken me this long to write a review since the remake, like the original, left me feeling pretty “meh”.

A military plane crashes in a small Midwest town and releases a secret biological weapon into the town’s water supply. As people become exposed they become gravely ill, ultimately descending into homicidal madness. Soon, the military quarantines the town to contain the virus at all costs. Sheriff David Dutton (Timothy Olyphant), his pregnant wife Doctor Judy Dutton (Radha Mitchell) and a few other uninfected inhabitants attempt to escape, but who can they trust when anyone can be infected?

This remake doesn’t really try anything differently and is pretty much the same film as the original except it looks more slick and polished. It starts off pretty strongly (a man holding a gun stumbles across a baseball game, a mad look in his eyes, as Sheriff Dutton pleads with him to put the gun down – a scene you’ve undoubtedly seen in the trailer), but after the characters and plot are established the story begins to wear thin and the proceedings become pretty boring.

However, the film also has its positives. For one, the acting was pretty decent. Timothy Olyphant and Radha Mitchell do a good job as the married couple, though their chemistry felt a little off at times. And dang…Olyphant looks mighty fine in that police uniform! Joe Anderson who plays the deputy also gave a strong performance, especially towards the end. Everyone else in the cast did a good job, so not many complaints from me regarding the acting.

I also thought the special effects were quite good and the “infected”, with bloodshot eyes, sores erupting on their faces, their blank-eyed stares, looked great! There is a scene at a truck stop where a few groddy infected attack the Sheriff and his wife that is VERY effective and actually made me jump! The film isn’t gore-focused, but has its fair share of bloodshed. One memorable scene that comes to mind is the pitchfork scene where a “crazy” kabobs a victim with the implement.

Saying all that, I was still bored watching the film. A few good scenes do not a movie make, and while The Crazies isn’t a horrible, dumbed-down remake like most horror “reimagings” are, I was still managed to be let down. The story is just too familiar, not only because it’s a remake, but because we’ve seen virus/quarantine movies so many times before…and yet films like 28 Days/Weeks Later and [REC] actually managed to keep me from falling asleep while watching them, something I can’t say for The Crazies.

Saying The Crazies is one of the better horror remakes out there really isn’t saying much, and while The Crazies is better than most reboots coming out of Hollywood,  it still failed to entertain me.

Watch at your own risk!

Available from Amazon!

Acolytes (2009)

Hailing from Australia, Acolytes is a slow-paced yet thrilling film that has quite a few surprises. Though the synopsis might make it seem like a straightforward story of kids blackmailing a serial killer to get revenge on a bully, the film is much more than that. It takes its time building up the tension for an explosive and bloody finale, all the while commenting on how evil can live behind the white picket fence just next door.

Our story opens with three teens – Mark (Sebastian Gregory), Chasely (Hannah Morgan Lawrence), and James (Joshua Payne) hanging out after school. Mark and James have been friends since they were little kids, but there is friction between them now that James is going out with Chasely, whom Mark is obviously infatuated with. When James and Chasely start to get into some heavy petting, Mark wanders off into the woods, where he comes across a man burying something. After getting a glimpse of the man’s distinctive SUV (it has a butterfly design on the back of the spare tire cover), Mark runs back to tell James and Chasely. The three return to the woods with shovels to see what the man was burying and discover a body in the shallow hole. When the cops don’t believe them, they track down the killer (Joel Edgerton) and try to blackmail him into helping them kill a bully (Michael Dorman) who caused them irreparable harm when they were kids. What they don’t count on is the killer’s truly sadistic nature as he quickly turns the tables on them.

Acolytes is quite a chilling, thrilling film from Down Under. The most chilling aspect of it was its suggestion that evil can live right next door with the seemingly pleasant married couple who have just had a baby. If you really think about it, our society is so distant from one another that it is not hard to believe you would ignore screams if they were coming from next door. Or is you saw your neighbor carrying what looked like a body bag into his house. Chances are, you would just ignore what you saw, mentally brushing it off as none of your business. So, living next door or in the same town as a serial killer really isn’t that hard to imagine. Neither is it hard to believe that if pushed far enough, you could also become a killer…

Director Jon Hewitt filmed Acolytes on a relatively low budget, but from looking at the picture you’d never be able to tell. There are some truly gorgeous shots in the film, like a panning shot of a blue-tinged dawn in the beginning of the film. The film on a whole looks great, from bright, wide-open shots at the beginning of the story to more dark and claustrophobic shots as the film nears its end. Though it does take a while to get doing, I thought the slow burn approach was appropriate as we get to know the characters and their pasts. Some viewers might find it a bit languid, but I felt the pacing was near perfect.

The story, written by Shayne Armstrong, Shane Krause and Jon Hewitt, is intriguing and surprising. Even if the synopsis seems straightforward, it really isn’t and the story takes you dark places you didn’t think the film would go. While the first half of the film focuses on the teens, the latter half focuses more on the killer as he turns the tables on them. The characters are all realistically portrayed and even the bad decisions the teens make seem entirely plausible. Plus, there is a wicked twist towards the end that explains the whole “acolyte” (meaning a “devoted follower or attendant”) title.

Most of the violence is reserved until the last half of the film, but there is a jarring opening sequence that shows a young, half-naked girl being terrorized in the woods. As for the rest of the action, we get lots of exciting car chases (and crashes), cross-bow hunting, a head getting repeatedly bashed in by a large rock, stabbings, kidnappings and so on. While the first half of the film has a tense, ominous feel to it, the last half revels in the release of pent-up aggression.

I’m not sure what I expected out of Acolytes (perhaps a standard slash ‘n’ hack movie) but what I saw far exceeded my expectations. It’s moody, atmospheric beginning slowly gives way to bloody violence that eventually leads to a grim conclusion.

Buy it on Amazon!

Red Velvet (2008)

When was the last time you saw an original killer in a horror film? The standard stoic Leatherface, the unflinching Jason, the wise-cracking Freddy, the cold and unyielding Michael, along with their many successors/imitators are all well and good, but sometimes you just wish for a killer with a little more quirk along with his or her bloodthirstiness.

Meet Aaron, a writer who has a bickering couple living next door to his apartment. The paper-thin walls do little to mask the volume of their frequent fights. He runs into his neighbor Linda at a nearby laundromat early one morning, and the two proceed to infuriate each other. Pretty soon, though, Aaron has convinced Linda to grab a bite to eat and they end up at a Chinese restaurant for lunch. Linda confesses her boyfriend is a “dumbass” and the cause of most of their fights. The previous night the two got into an argument because her boyfriend was supposed to drive her up to a lakeside cabin, where Linda’s sister and friends were having a birthday party for their friend Frank. The dumbass didn’t want to miss a “big game,” so Linda didn’t go.

Aaron confesses he is a writer and Linda urges him to tell her a story. He proceeds to tell her tales of their Asian hostess’ head ending up in the fish soup and another story about a lazy-eyed, psycho mother who meets her demise at the hands of her family. Linda isn’t fazed, though, and asks for something a little more extreme. Aaron then crafts a tale about her friends up at the cabin being stalked and killed off.

Pretty soon the lines between fantasy and reality are blurred when Aaron gives Linda a ride up to the isolated cabin and certain elements of his story seem to be coming true…

Red Velvet is one of the goriest and wittiest horror movies not just of this year, but EVER! Its highly original script, penned by Anthony Burns from his own story with help from Joe Moe (also a producer), gives the genre of horror hope amid all the PG-13 films made for tweens and wretched remakes clogging the video shelves.

The film was screened to a packed house (standing room only!) at this year’s Fangoria’s Weekend of Horrors in Los Angeles and no one in the audience left disappointed. The script is uproarious in all the right places while still maintaining its horror sensibilities and having some truly splatterific set pieces. From the opening scenes in the laundromat where Aaron and Linda are trading jabs to the hilarious scene where they come up with the “perfect killer,” the film is blackly comedic. And then there’s the gore…the amazingly bloody gore! Like one scene where an unfortunate dude gets sawed in half. Or the scene in which a couple tries to climb out of a deep hole…but the end of the rope is attached to an alligator that keeps getting steadily and steadily closer to falling in the hole every time the couple climbs a few more feet…how’s that for original?

The acting is superb with Henry Thomas giving a manic, off-kilter performance as writer Aaron. Kelli Garner as Linda holds her own as well and proves that she won’t be bullied by Aaron’s snide remarks ‘cause she dishes ‘em right back! It was nice to see her character wasn’t the stereotypical “helpless” female victim, but one who fights back. The supporting cast holds its own through the ever-changing characters’ as Aaron molds his story to fit the personalities and looks of Linda’s friends. Despite the many character incarnations, all of the actors held their own, among them Eric Jungmann (Killer Pad), Michele Nordin and Carlie Westerman (An American Crime).

Heightening the atmosphere is the direction by first-time director Bruce Dickson. The shots are engaging and beautifully bathed in unnatural reds, purples, yellows and oranges (especially for the story-telling scenes). The uniquely disconcerting score also gives the audience the impression that they are entering the “Twilight Zone” and that we are in for something truly special and weird.

My only complaint with the film was the ending, which lacked the punch of the rest of the film. The return of Aaron to his apartment felt a little tacked on and didn’t really add anything to the story, which should have ended five minutes before. Other than that, I am aglow with high praise for Red Velvet. It is truly one of the most memorable and unique horror films I’ve ever experienced.

Available from Amazon!

The Girl Next Door (2007)

Based on the Jack Ketchum book of the same name, The Girl Next Door tells of the horrors hidden behind white picket fence suburbia in the 1950’s. It is an unflinchingly brutal and heartbreaking film that stays true to the book’s narrative and manages to bring the book’s disturbing scenes to shocking life.

The film begins with every kid’s favorite time of year…summertime! A time of freedom, hanging out with friends and long summer days to do whatever you want. On a dead end street in suburbia, though, the summer of ‘58 will forever change the life of a young boy. David (Daniel Manche) lives next door to the Chandlers. The Chandlers consist of single mom Ruth (Blanche Baker), whose husband ran off with another woman years ago, and her three sons, Woofer (Austin Williams), Donny (Benjamin Ross Kaplan) and Willy Jr (Graham Patrick Martin). They have just adopted their two cousins, Meg (Blythe Auffarth) and Susan (Madeline Taylor), whose parents died in a car accident. Both girls were involved in the crash, and while Meg escaped with only a few scars, younger Susan has to now walk with leg braces and crutches. David and the other boys spend their days lounging around the Chandler house (Ruth has always been a cool mom and lets them drink and smoke). David gets a crush on Meg, but begins to notice how poorly Ruth treats the girls. She verbally abuses them, and things quickly escalate to physical abuse. Woofer, Donny and Willy Jr. quickly join in, and soon even other neighborhood kids are joining in to torment the girls. David seems powerless to do anything, even when things get so bad that Ruth has Meg strung up in the basement, blindfolded and just hanging by her arms. Meg’s torture only gets more and more sadistic and brutal at the hands of Ruth, her sons and the neighborhood kids. Can David do something to help or will he too fall victim to Ruth’s insanity and cruelty?

Book adaptations are tricky to pull off, but The Girl Next Door manages to recreate the intensity and horror of Jack Ketchum’s book. The horrifying events that take place in the Chandler household feel very real and watching the film you are very aware that this could possibly be happening right next door to you. It is, in fact, based on the shocking true story of 16-year-old Sylvia Likens, who was beaten, raped and tortured until her death by an adoptive family and the neighborhood kids in Indiana in 1965.

The real crime that was committed, along with the book that was inspired by it and this film are all examples of how vile, cruel and evil some people can be. The depravity in the film is shocking, and not just because it graphically shows the torture (it doesn’t). It’s the emotion (or lack of emotion) and mob mentality behind the actions of the Chandlers and all who joined in that will really chill your bones. I run a horror review site and I’ve seen some pretty messed up stuff in my day, but the cruelty portrayed in this movie actually brought tears to my eyes.

Director Gregory Wilson films unobtrusively and lets the film unfold before our eyes. The audience is treated as a voyeur, and like David, there is nothing we can do to stop the evil occurring right before our eyes. We are stuck just watching the shocking torture that is happening to Meg and Susan. The direction is so unobtrusive that you actually feel that you are there, a trick that Jack Ketchum also pulls off in the novel.
Speaking of the novel, screenwriters Daniel Farrands and Philip Nutman did a fine job adapting the book and showing the heartbreaking emotions that Meg, Susan and David go through, as well as the hate that Ruth feels towards the younger girls. The confusion and conflict David goes through feels very real and is portrayed quite well by Daniel Manche. Blythe Auffarth does an amazing job in her portrayal of Meg. Meg’s strong will, even through extreme pain, is shown very well by Auffarth. I expect to see great things from this young actress in the future. Blanche Baker also does a great job as Ruth, really making the audience hate her.

My only complaint with the characters is that there wasn’t enough time spent on Woofer, Donny and Willy Jr. Their characters just weren’t fleshed out enough to truly buy their horrific actions. The book paints a much clearer picture as to who each one really is and what drives them to engage in such deviant and disturbing behavior. Still, with the time constraints of a film, I understand that some things needed to be trimmed down and the overall feeling of the book remains intact.

The Girl Next Door is definitely not a film for everyone. When faced with the true horrors of this world as opposed to the cartoonish and larger-than-life slashers and serial killers, most people will wet their pants after watching this film. It is a heartbreakingly brutal look at the vile nature of some humans and is packed with sincere emotion.

It’s also a film that must be seen.

Available from Amazon!

Slime City (1988)

Are you a fan of oozy, gooey B-movies? If so, you will definitely be a fan of the underrated and little-known 1988 movie Slime City!! Filmed on the seedy and shady streets of New York in the 80’s, Slime City can best be compared to Street Trash with its putrescent and neon-colored gore. It revels in grossing you out, but also has an entertaining story.

You see, Alex (Robert C. Sabin) is looking for an apartment all his own…one where he can have a little privacy with his girlfriend, Lori (Mary Huner). He and Lori find a reasonably priced apartment that is close to both Lori’s house and Alex’s work. Alex decides to take it and soon meets the interesting tenants of the place. Across the hall is a Goth prostitute named Nicole (Mary Huner again) who likes to parade around in scant yards of chain, black leather, and fishnets and doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Downstairs is Roman (Dennis Embry), a punk poet who is quick to befriend Alex and invite him over for dinner. Dinner turns out to be blue and green glop that Roman calls “Himalayan yogurt” and a green alcohol that Roman tells Alex was created by the alchemist that used to live there.

After eating the green goop, Alex ends up giving in to Nicole’s wiles. Later, he wakes up covered in a slick, wet slime. Soon, his whole body is oozing and dripping with the stuff. He loses control and kills a homeless man on the street, whose spilled blood manages to turn Alex back to normal. Still, Alex cannot get enough of the green goop that Roman fed him, so he avoids his girlfriend Lori and chugs the stuff whenever he gets his hands on it. He also learns that the alchemist, named Zachary, was also a Satanist and committed suicide in the basement, along with his followers who also lived in the apartment complex. Alex keeps turning into a walking open sore, and takes to wrapping himself in bandages (a la The Invisible Man) before he relieves himself by killing someone.

Pretty soon, we learn that Nicole, Roman and the rest of the tenants just aren’t themselves…their bodies have actually been taken over by the spirits of Zachary’s followers. Zachary is also trying to come back…by invading Alex’s body!

Slime City is a fun and deliciously disgusting (and gut-busting) piece of splatter cinema! If you like your blood splatter mixed with gangrenous greens, lurid yellows and bloated blues, that is! The movie is like looking at a piece of splatter art, you know the kind you used to do when you were a kid? You spun the paper around and around and splattered all different kinds of colors on it? Imagine that and you’ve got Slime City!

For a low-budget film things work beautifully. Director and writer Greg Lamberson knew his limitations and worked within them to bring us this picture. I imagine the bulk of the budget was spent on paint and fake body parts!! Everything looks the way it should, and the grainy, low-budget look of the film only adds to the ambiance of the movie. There are some odd close-ups of characters speaking dialogue, but either I missed the director’s intentions or it is just an amateur’s mistake.

The acting is serviceable and the actors do their jobs quite well. Of course there are some scenes of over-acting, but for the most part everyone plays their characters well. Mary Huner does a wonderful job playing both Lori and Nicole. She gives such impressive performances that I didn’t even realize the same person was playing two different characters.

As for the “slime” in this City…oh, it definitely delivers!! The wet, oozing and sore-infested Alex is gross to look at and we get some impressive limb decapitation via Alex’s deformed body, along with copious amount of Technicolor bodily substances (blood, ooze, pus and so on). The end of the film is where the big payoff is, though, and I’m not giving any of it away.

If you are looking for a good time with some slime, I highly recommend the underrated, underappreciated Slime City.

Just don’t drink the green goop if it’s offered to you…and stay away from Himalayan yogurt!

Available from Amazon!

The Haunting of #24 (2007)

Forget the cheesy looking cover and settle in for a tense and terrifying story with the film The Haunting of #24 (aka Lie Still in it’s originating country, England).

An English man named John (Stuart Laing) moves into a decrepit flat. He has suffered through a hard breakup – his girlfriend Veronica (Nina Sosanya) left him for someone better and now he’s trying to get back on his feet and start fresh. Hell of a building he chose to start his new life!! Number 24 is dark, dank, has unfriendly tenants and just may have an unmarked grave in the backyard. Still, John has nowhere left to go and no money so he takes up residence. He only has contact with the jubilant landlord, Martin (Robert Blythe) and an old, crazy neighbor-lady (Susan Engel) next door. The other tenants, he’s told, pretty much keep to themselves.

Soon, strange things begin happening to John. After a long day of stalking his ex, he returns to his apartment and sacks out on his thin, lumpy mattress only to be woken up by someone (or something) scratching, then pounding, on his door. Over the next few days, he begins hearing strange noises and voices. His TV doesn’t get any reception, but one he sees a few ghostly people invade his TV screen. They are still there when he pulls the plug. A creepy photograph of the original owner (Granville Saxton) of the building seems to be changing every night. It appears that the man is getting closer and closer.

Soon, John isn’t sleeping and his exasperated ex-girlfriend thinks he’s having a nervous breakdown. John comes to believe that his landlord and crazy neighbor are in on whatever is going on. As John tries to decipher what is real and what isn’t, he falls deeper and deeper into despair and terror. Soon, he realizes that he can’t even leave the house. Can he find a way out of 24 before it is too late?

I am a sucker for ghost stories. If done well, they usually end up doing their job and scaring the ever-loving bejeesus outta me! If done wrong, they end up in the trashbin or sent back to Netflix with low, low ratings. Thankfully, The Haunting of #24 managed to do things right, saving itself from my wrath. It is a superbly done horror film, focusing on creepy images and amazing sound to send the appropriate shivers up my spine.

Now, this is a subtle film that takes its time getting under your skin and creeping you out. To all the fucktards that want their horror fast, furious and drenched and blood…gimme a break! There’s so much more out there than the typical gorefest. While I appreciate bloody and brainless fun, I still think that people who can’t appreciate an atmospheric, slower paced horror movie aren’t horror fans at all. All that said and done, The Haunting of #24 builds slowly, but once it reaches its apex the shocks and scares come at you at a steady pace. And we’re not just talking jump scares, here either. Writer/director Sean Hogan definitely knows how to build dread in a film, because that is exactly what he does here!

Though The Haunting of #24 is an independent film with a lower budget, it certainly hasn’t affected the effectiveness of the film. The movie looks appropriately dark and the forlorn #24 is certainly the perfect setting for the story. Though there are no “big-name” actors in the film, the acting is absolutely stellar. Stuart Laing as John does a remarkable job going from sad and rejected to absolutely terrifying and scared for his life. All his actions ring true in the film, which is a credit to Hogan’s script. The rest of the cast do a wonderful job as well, especially Robert Blythe as the landlord and Susan Engel as the old and creepy neighbor.

The sound design of the film and the accompanying score work wonders in this film. In one particularly scary scene, where, late at night, John is searching for his ex-girlfriend Veronica with only a flashlight to light up the creepy hallways and twisting stairs, the sound design used is extremely effective at creating a disorienting and frightening atmosphere.

There are many other impressive scenes that combine sounds, lighting and imagery that’ll spook you right outta your socks. Director Hogan has created a fine and frightening ghost story with The Haunting of #24, one that you shouldn’t miss. If you’re looking for a film that will send you diving under the covers, look no further than The Haunting of #24. Curl up all alone in a darkened room with this film and by the end you should be appropriately terrified.

Unless you are too busy watching Generic Gorefest #4,657, that is…

Available from Amazon!

Neighborhood Watch (2005)

My neighbor is seriously a pain…If we have people over or music on past 11pm, she comes over, bangs on the door and tells us to keep it down…even on the freakin’ weekend!! She’s an older, washed-up bag who doesn’t like to have any fun and doesn’t get out much as far as I can tell. One time she had the audacity to accost me just outside my door and ask, “Do you hate me?” Geez, lady, easy on the insecurities there! We are never that loud and she just needs to learn to deal. I’m tempted to gift her with some sleeping pills and ear plugs…

Like my own drama-queen-next-door, everyone has or has had a bad neighbor at one point in their lives, but I sure as hell hope no one has had a neighbor like Adrien Trumbull in Neighborhood Watch (aka Deadly End)

Bob (Jack Huston) and Wendi (Pell James) Peterson have just moved cross-country so Bob can take his “dream job” at a large corporation. They move into a seemingly quiet neighborhood on Wormwood Drive. Things are pleasant enough until strange things begin occurring. The old, deaf couple across the street crashes their Oldsmobile into the Peterson’s yard and from that point on keep driving up and honking their horn at them. A handyman with dark circles under his eyes acts creepily towards Wendi. Wendi receives a bouquet of poison oak from someone and her whole face swells up from its poison, resulting in an emergency room visit. Then the couple finally meets Adrien (Nick Searcy), who brings them a box of chocolates that gives them both a severe case of the Hershey squirts. Next, he brings them a jar of homemade grape jelly, but Bob and Wendi have wised up at this point and won’t accept it. Adrien breaks into their house and tries to poison their food, but Bob calls the cops. Unfortunately, the Petersons learn that Adrien is the deceased mayor’s son and the law is on his side. Bob is determined to stick it out and beat Adrien, even organizing a Neighborhood Watch meeting and changing all the locks on the doors, but Adrien continues to poison them, this time through their water supply. From there, things take a turn for the decidedly worse…

Neighborhood Watch is a hard to watch, subversively humorous and shocking independent film that is definitely something new and shouldn’t be missed. First and foremost, the characters are all great and quirky! Though Adrien is a sick freak, I just couldn’t wait until he made his next appearance. Nick Searcy does a fantastic job in the role and really takes on the twisted persona of Adrien. My skin crawls just thinking about his character! Both the characters of Bob and Wendi are very well-drawn as well, and both Jack Huston and Pell James do great things with their roles. I really enjoyed watching them both!

The story, written by Graeme Whifler (who also directed), is twisted and impossibly engaging! Besides all the horror, there is also a vein of black humor running throughout the film. Whifler has crafted a very scary, very realistic story that feels like it could actually happen. It makes you think twice about your neighbors and makes you wonder exactly what goes on behind closed doors.

The special effects, by Lenny MacDonald along with Steve Johnson’s Edge FX, were one of the highlights of watching the film. The effects look incredibly real – sutured wounds, incisions into abdominal areas, ripping out of guts and other organs, crusty sores – though not a gorefest, there were still several instances where I had to look away! One of those moments happened just minutes after the film started!

Though I viewed the screener copy, the production values looked pretty high for an independent film. The lighting was good, even in dark scenes, and the shots were all framed appropriately. The direction by Whifler was straight-forward, clean and sharp.

One of the downsides of the film is that it does drag a little towards the middle and it feels like nothing much is happening. Also, it was kind of hard to believe that the Petersons didn’t leave after finding out that Adrien was backed by the cops. I was also surprised the film didn’t delve into the “ghost town” aspect of story, which is lightly touched on by one of Bob’s co-workers, or Bob’s corporate job.

Still, Neighborhood Watch is an impressive indie outing with great acting, solid directing, a fresh storyline and cringe-worthy special effects that deserves to be seen. Plus, it’ll make you appreciate your crazy neighbors a little more…

Available on Amazon!

Masters of Horror - Family (2006)

A young couple moves into a picture-perfect neighborhood. Children play outside, the trees are in full bloom, flowers sway in the bright sunshine and lawns are perfectly manicured. The young couple, Celia (Meredith Monroe) and David (Matt Keeslar), is hoping to make a fresh start and may even be ready to start a family. They meet one of their neighbors, named Harold (George Wendt), who appears to be a very nice, older bachelor. Appearances can be deceiving, though, because Harold has a family of his own, one that he has built himself. See, he carefully chooses people, kidnaps them, kills them and strips their bodies of flesh with acid until there is nothing left but a skeleton. He then dresses them up and interacts with them. He has a wife, a young daughter, grandpa and a grandma, all who, in his eyes, are real. Soon, Harold sets his sights on Celia, whom he thinks would be a perfect addition to his ever-growing family.

John Landis really impressed me with his entry into the second season of Masters of Horror. I was never too keen on checking out his Deer Woman from last season, but I sure am glad I watched Family. His signature black comedy touches are all evident in Family – from the auditory hallucinations that Harold experiences when talking to Celia to the satirical look at Middle America and “family values.”

George Wendt is fantastic as the deplorable yet likable Harold. Though he does horrible things in private, he comes across as very pleasant and personable as he and Celia and David become better friends. You almost feel sorry for him, at least until the ending. Meredith Monroe also shines as Celia, a woman with her own hidden secrets. She is bubbly, bouncy and a whole lotta cute! Each character is well-developed and we quickly grow attached to them all even though the episode is only an hour long. Writer Brent Hanley did a wonderful job with the script and the character development.

The story is also well-done by Hanley, as it slowly unfolds and we are thrust further and further into the gruesome world of Harold. We get so drawn into the story and characters that the big twist at the end comes as a complete surprise! The ending fits perfectly with the tone of the story and it is entirely entertaining. Though the story is familiar, it still manages to feel fresh when handled by Landis and the actors.

I also must mention the old church music that was used throughout the film – it fit perfectly into Landis’ skewering of Middle America. The contrast that the soundtrack provides against the values that Harold holds dear and his murderous actions sets the whole satirical tone for the film.

The gore isn’t too shabby either…we get to see people melted down to bone, lots of melted flesh and body fat, gristle hanging off bone, a hammer through a skull and lots of implied gore. Though the gore is not plentiful, I thought that the amount used was perfect for the episode.

I haven’t seen nearly enough Masters of Horror episodes, but I would go far enough to say that Family is the cream of the crop. It has stellar acting, a great premise, humor, satire and an ending that will blow you away!

Available from Amazon!