Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Despite being sick on The Cabin in the Woods’ opening night, I still bundled up and trooped out to the theater because there was no way I was missing catching this flick on Friday the 13th! It has been one of my most anticipated movies of 2012 as 1.) I’m a big fan of Joss Whedon and 2.) it actually looked like it would do something fresh and different with the horror genre.

There has been a lot of hype and build-up surrounding this film, and just today I saw tons of Twitter and Facebook updates proclaiming how "______" Cabin in the Woods was. I hate when flicks get spoiled by too much hype, so I tried to put myself on a social media lockdown for the day to avoid any spoilage.

I avoided any spoilers, made it to the theater and decided for myself just how "______" Cabin in the Woods was...

In the film, five college kids head to a remote cabin for some weekend relaxation, but soon find that things aren’t exactly what they appear. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

The best way to see this movie is with little or zero knowledge of it, so I'll keep this review short and to the point (and spoiler-free). The film is pretty much a horror fan's wet dream, as it cleverly plays with expectations, toys with horror clichés, tips its hat to many horror films AND adds something quite different and unexpected to the horror movie formula.

I laughed, I jumped, I rooted for both sides and completely reveled in the sharp writing by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard (who directed as well). The Cabin in the Woods is one heck of an entertaining time from start to finish and left me with a big goofy grin on my face hours after I watched it. That's pretty much all you need to know, besides the fact that it has many different facets to its seemingly simple story.

If you’re a horror fan that enjoys smart, original and witty horror films, then I highly encourage you to check it out ASAP! It was totally worth avoiding the hoopla on Facebook and Twitter all day and sucking up a fever/sore throat to watch it opening weekend. Believe me, this is one film that actually lives up to the buzz surrounding it and is definitely one you don't want to miss!

Team Mer-Man! (You'll understand when you see the flick...now go see it!!)

Alucarda (1978)

Alucarda is an unheralded gem and even within the horror community I don’t think too many people are familiar with this Mexican film by Juan López Moctezuma. This is a pity, because the film boasts beautiful visuals, controversial themes and violent deaths.

Alucarda is about two teenage girls living in a Catholic convent that also serves as an orphanage. Justine arrives at the convent after her parents die, leaving no one to care for her. Taken in by the nuns (who wear weird, mummy-like wrappings) Justine is placed in a room with Alucarda and the two girls quickly become inseparable. On a walk in the forest one day, they happen on a band of gypsies selling charms and trinkets. After a gypsy tells Alucarda and Justine they have only darkness in their future, the girls run away and stumble upon an enormous old crypt in the middle of the woods. While they are exploring, they open an old coffin and unleash a demonic force that possesses them. Back at the convent, the demonic force is unleashed upon the kind nuns and other inhabitants.

The visuals of the film border on gothic, with misty forests, decrepit crypts and Catholic imagery. The convent itself is lit by flickering candles and its sparse, utilitarian rooms are only decorated with crosses. Its church has rows upon rows of crosses, each fitted with an agonizing Christ. The stone crypt that the girls explore is festooned with faded red banners, creepy statues and lots of vines growing over everything. The gothic feel is reminiscent of many old Hammer films, with the subject matter just being a bit more dark and controversial.

For its time, the film was controversial, as it dealt with lesbianism, Satanism, sacrilege, the occult and more. While these themes are considered “tame” today, don’t be mistaken – the film still packs a punch. From a kiss that turns into Alucarda licking the blood off a naked Justine, to a gypsy Satanist that can invoke the Devil, to bloody psychic nuns to midnight orgies, to reanimated corpses to a fiery, Carrie-esque conclusion, this film will definitely keep your attention.

However, I feel like the above paragraph also does a disservice to Alucarda, as it is as not as exploitative as it may seen. The arresting visuals, engaging storyline and multi-layered themes heighten the film and make it into something much more substantial than your standard exploitative occult flick. The themes of evil corrupting even the most innocent, but also of redemption and ultimate faith, will resonate with viewers, regardless on their view of religion.

Alucarda is an underrated gem, and one that more fans of classic horror should definitely seek out.

Buy it on Amazon!

Black Death (2011)

According to Wikipedia, the Black Death was one of the most devastating pandemics in human history and is estimated to have killed 30% – 60% of Europe’s population, reducing the world’s population from an estimated 450 million to between 350 and 375 million in 1400. This has been seen as having created a series of religious, social and economic upheavals which had profound effects on the course of European history. It took 150 years for Europe’s population to recover.

The death and pestilence spread by this deadly plague was of Biblical proportions, and it seems that the dark mark it left upon history would be the perfect material for a horror film. Lucky for us, Magnolia Pictures’ Black Death has risen to the occasion.

The year is 1348. Europe has fallen under the shadow of the Black Death. As the plague decimates all in its path, fear and superstition are rife. In this apocalyptic environment, the church is losing its grip on the people. There are rumors of a village, hidden in marshland that the plague cannot reach. There is even talk of a necromancer who leads the village and is able to bring the dead back to life.

Ulric (Sean Bean), a fearsome knight, is charged by the church to investigate these rumors. He enlists the guidance of a novice monk, Osmund  (Eddie Redmayne) to lead him and his band of mercenary soldiers to the marshland, but Osmund has other motives for leaving his monastery. Their journey to the village and events that unfold take them into the heart of darkness and to horrors that will put Osmund’s faith in himself and his love for God to the ultimate test.

Black Death is a gripping film dealing with issues of faith, temptation, redemption, salvation…all huge issues back in the Dark Ages and still relevant today. It has a bit of Wicker Man-feel, only because of the dark secret the blissful and untouched village hides. It also has a much more somber feel and isn’t a film to take lightly. I liked how the film subverted the usual Christian vs. Pagan dynamic and made the pagans vicious instead of their usual hippie-dippy selves.

Speaking of viciousness, the film also boasts some wicked medieval battle scenes, complete with swords, maces, axes and even an iron maiden, among other torture devices. Despite the bloodshed being far and in-between, I was surprised how bloody the film actually was, especially in contrast to the subdued tone of the film and stark beauty of the cinematography.

The film looks stunning, from the cobblestoned streets of medieval Europe to the dark woods the characters travel through to the sun-dabbled village they finally arrive at. The mostly cold and bleak visuals echo the overall ominous atmosphere of the film. The grand scope of the cinematography makes me wish I had seen Black Death in a theater, but even on the smaller screen its grandiose scope wasn’t lost.

I liked the storyline because it had an epic feel and because of the themes it explored. As mentioned previously, I liked how the Christian vs. Pagan dynamic was flipped, with the pagans persecuting the Christians instead of the other way around. I also liked how the film showed unwavering faith in the characters as they were faced with temptations and challenges. The film ends on a brutal, downbeat note that was definitely disturbing and shows how evil can corrupt even the most faithful.

The actors gave performances equally intense to the storyline and visuals. Sean Bean is especially good as the God-fearing Ulric, but I also liked Eddie Redmayne’s performance as the conflicted Osmund. In my opinion, though, Carice van Houten stole the show as the village’s necromancer Langiva.

Director Christopher Smith has crafted another unique film with Black Death and is definitively one of the most versatile directors of the horror genre. He gave us the spooky Creep, the darkly humorous Severance, the intense Triangle and now the bleak Black Death. His films are always engaging, entertaining and original, and Black Death is no exception.

Buy it on Amazon!

Zombeak (2010)

Zombie chickens are one thing, but how about zombie-chickens possessed by Satan?! That’s the general gist of Zombeak, a cheap but fun low-budget film. It is about a group of Satanists who kidnap a trash-talking waitress. They have plans to conjure Satan and have their master impregnate the waitress with the Antichrist. However, the waitress’ hick boyfriend, a gun-happy cop and her boss bust into the Satanist’s decrepit house before the ritual can be completed…but not before Satan has been summoned. Satan soon takes over the body of a sacrificed chicken and all hell soon breaks loose.

Zombeak is a fun, low-budget film. I liked how it wasn’t just a straight-up zombie poultry flick (we’ve already got the great Poultrygeist and Thankskilling for that!), but actually adds more dimension to the story by incorporating the Satanic subplot. And how can I pass up a film whose tagline is “Murder Most Foul”?!

I guess my biggest gripe with this film was the slim plot, which led to a lot of repetition. The flick is only 70 minutes long, but unfortunately takes 20 or 30 minutes to get going and get to the good stuff involving the Satan-possessed zombie chicken. When it finally gets to that point, I finally got engaged in the movie but the limited scope of the plot made me lose interest again.

However, I did like the schlocky feel of the film and enjoyed the characters, especially the trash-talking waitress as well as the Satanic priestess. Props to both actresses for their wonderfully spot-on performances! Films like this usually don’t have much character development, and Zombeak was no exception, however these two characters were the only ones I was really rooting for!

While the special effects are obviously low-budget, I thought their look actually fit well into the overall tone of the film. The zombie-chicken itself is pretty hilarious, but it works well with the goofy feel of the movie. Victims get pecked to death before becoming possessed themselves, and their makeup looked pretty cool.

The film is so over-the-top and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Despite its issues with pacing and plot, I still felt that Zombeak was a commendable effort from those involved in this indie production. It’s a fun, nitty-gritty film that would be fun to watch with a group of friends and several frothy beers.

Check out Zombeak’s official site!

Night of the Demons (2010)

Having experienced so many bad remakes, I was expecting the worst from Adam Gierasch’s Night of the Demons remake. I thought it would be a cheap rip-off, filled with pointless gore and tons of gratuitous T&A. I was expecting to be bored and possibly pissed while watching the film because although Kevin Tenney’s original isn’t the greatest horror movie ever made, it’s still a ton of fun and is a classic in its own right.

So color me surprised when I sat down to watch the flick and it was actually GOOD! I was first grabbed by the great holiday vibe of the film. It opens with a shot of the French Quarter in New Orleans on Halloween night and zooms through the costumed crowds before focusing on trick or treaters, pumpkins and the spooky mansion where all hell will soon break loose. And the decorations! Let’s just say the set design was impeccable in creating the perfect Halloween atmosphere!

Before I get ahead of myself, the plot is as follows:

On Halloween night, a group of twenty-somethings hoping to party the night away get trapped in an old, supposedly cursed mansion and unwittingly release demons who hope to possess and ultimately kill them.

Yup, it’s pretty close to the original story, but the remake actually takes the time to develop both the story and the characters more. It also explains the demons and how they came to be trapped in the house and what their intentions are in possessing the characters. I loved the backstory on the mansion and the setting of New Orleans. The story even manages to mix in some voodoo, hoodoo and black magic into its proceedings.

Not only was the story engaging, but the characters were also likable! I loved the party-girl twist they gave Angela (played by Shannon Elizabeth) and how each of the characters was more developed than in the original. They each had complicated relationships that added to the intensity of the film. Plus, the cast of mostly-recognizable faces (Edward Furlong, Monica Keena, Bobbi Sue Luther, etc.) did a fantastic job! There are even small cameos by genre-favorites Tiffany Shepis and Linnea Quigley (who starred in the original).

Once again, I absolutely adored the set design. The Halloween party at the abandoned mansion was amazing-looking, the costumes were great, and the killer soundtrack featuring Type O Negative, Zombie Girl, 45 Grave, Creature Feature, etc., added even more atmosphere. In fact, I realllllly wish they would release a Night of the Demons soundtrack because it would make a great backdrop to my own Halloween party!

The fun party atmosphere doesn’t last long, because the cops break up the party and only a small group remains…and it is they who inadvertently release the demons. And once that happens, all hell breaks loose! Speaking of the demons, their makeup was pretty impressive. I liked how each of the demons looked different as well. The only “look” I didn’t really dig was Angela’s – on her I actually prefer the original makeup. Besides the cool makeup FX, there are also plenty of creepy moments in the film, like when the demons crawl on the ceiling in a long, dark corridor and a demon reaches out of the darkness to snatch one of the characters. And, before you ask, yes, the infamous “lipstick scene” is alive and well in the remake, with its own new spin!

Going back to the story, writers Jace Anderson and Adam Gierasch did a fantastic job explaining the backstory of the mansion, its earlier inhabitants and the demons. I appreciated the mix of voodoo, hoodoo and black magic used in the story, but also appreciated how the survivors used tools around the house to fend off the demons. I thought this detail was very clever of the writers and in the story it works extremely well.

With all that said and done, I must say that Night of the Demons is one of the most fun fright flicks I’ve seen all year. It’s not your typical, dumbed-down horror flick remake, but rather a new take on an old favorite. It is so entertaining, clever and just plain fun that I dare say it even surpasses the original!

Last year horror fans found a new Halloween horror classic with the release of Trick ‘r Treat; this year Night of the Demons is the new Halloween classic!

Buy it on Amazon!

Hallow's End (2003)

Here is another Halloween-themed film plumbed from the depths of Netflix that I decided to give a looksie. You see, I’m on a quest to watch as many Halloween-related horror flicks as possible, no matter how crappy they may be! After having to sit through titles like Mr. Halloween, I wasn’t expecting much with Hallow’s End. In some respects, it was as awful as I expected, but I was surprised that there were instances where I actually enjoyed the film.

Do you remember the Halloween episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and The Simpsons where the characters become whatever costume they are dressed up as on Halloween night? Hallow’s End is like that, only it is set in a haunted attraction with a higher ratio of terrifying creatures like vampires, zombies and monsters!

Ok, I really have to say I dug the haunted attraction (appropriately called “Hallow’s End”) where the film was set. It was a bare bones haunt (well, what do you expect when frat boys execute it?), but the atmosphere was still Halloween-y. There were lots of great shots of the haunt, the actors of the haunt and patrons in costume and so on, all of which I enjoyed.

However, the film took forever to get going. The first half shows the frat brothers and their girlfriends setting up the haunt (and in the process finding a mysterious spell book that sets everything in motion), but there is too much annoying fighting between the two main male leads. The horrible acting doesn’t really help either. Instead of focusing on the stupid squabbles between characters, I wish the film spent more time on the backstory of the location (the opening scenes show a bunch of Satanists performing a ritual, but the film doesn’t really expand on this confusing intro) and the spell book. There is also a character named Pumpkin Jack that has a large part in the story, but appears on-screen for less than 10 minutes. I found myself wondering more about him than any of the other characters. As for the two main male leads (the good guy vs. the bad guy), they were both unlikable. The “good” guy is wimpy and never defends himself or those around him while the “bad” guy is just a stereotypical asshole and one-dimensional. The fact that both of them have girlfriends in the film is pretty unbelievable.

The real action doesn’t kick in until the last 20 or so minutes of the movie as people start turning into their costumes. We get vampires, zombies, serial killers, etc. and there are some pretty fun scenes here. Nothing too gory or shocking (this is low-budget, after all), but nonetheless entertaining! It doesn’t quite make up for the slow pacing of the beginning of the movie, but at least its interesting and the concept, though half-assed and not developed enough, is pretty original and not your typical slasher.

If you are a Halloween nut, you’ll appreciate the spook house location of Hallow’s End. It’s a low-budget film, but it actually looks quite well-done, especially the sets in the haunt. However, it has some glaring issues, mainly the pacing, acting and storyline. If you are looking for a Halloween-themed movie to watch and have exhausted all the regular Halloween flicks, Hallow’s End might be worth a look, at least for a rental. It certainly isn’t the worst, but it’s far from the best.

Available from Amazon!

Hack-O-Lantern (1988)

In my quest to watch every Halloween-themed horror flick I can get my hands on, I decided to give the obscure Hack-O-Lantern a whirl. This film combines one of my favorite subgenres of horror, satanic cults, with my favorite holiday, Halloween. What could go wrong, right?

The film opens with a young boy named Tommy as he is visited by his friendly grandfather on Halloween. Grandpa gives him his pick of pumpkins as well as an ominous looking pendant. Tommy’s family doesn’t like grandpa visiting his grandson and Tommy’s father goes after good ol’ grandpa to give him a piece of his mind. However, grandpa isn’t as nice as he seems…he’s actually the leader of a satanic cult and they dispatch Tommy’s dear old dad right quick.

The film then jumps ahead several years to the eve of Tommy’s 18^th birthday that happens to coincide with Halloween. Grandpa has grand plans for Tommy’s initiation into his satanic cult, but Tommy’s beleaguered mother pleads with him to reconsider. Also concerned for Tommy’s well-being are his younger sister and brother, who is a rookie cop.

With Halloween celebrations in full swing, a robed, Devil-masked killer starts murdering townsfolk. Can Tommy’s family stop him from joining his Grandpa in the Dark Arts or are they already too late?

At least the title got it right…HACK-O-Lantern is an apt title for this painfully silly “horror” movie. Good god, this movie felt like it dragged on and on though it clocked in at under an hour and a half. It had its entertaining parts (more on these later), but overall this is a serious piece of cinematic doody. The first glaring evidence of this was the ridiculous acting from Hy Pyke, who played Grandpa. Are all Satanist leaders this effeminate and non-threatening? And then we have the actor who played Tommy, Gregory Scott Thomas (whom you might recognize as Mac’s father on the hilarious TV show, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia). Tommy is supposed to be nearing 18 in the film, but Scott Thomas is seriously mis-cast as he looks like a ‘roided out, 30-year-old jock rather than a young teenage follower of Satan.

Then, there are all the wacky and weird scenes throughout the movie. These are the “entertaining” bits I mentioned above. First is a seriously strange dream sequence/metal video that features an exotic voodoo-like dancer (check her out on the flick’s cover above) who, 1.) has multiple arms like a Hindu goddess, and, 2.) shoots horrible-looking lasers out of her eyes that zap the band members. This is a seriously WTF scene, but wait! It gets better…There’s the whole branding scene where nubile young Satan worshippers get their butts branded with a pentagram, another horrendous dime store metal band that screeches during a Halloween party that features random strippers and a five minute sequence of a “comedian” doing stupid impressions…of turkeys. Not to mention the amount of devil’s horns the characters throw around…except instead of the traditional holding up of just pointer and pinky fingers to hail the devil, the characters hold up pinky, pointer AND thumb…which actually means “I love you” in sign language and NOT “hail Satan”. Those silly satanists! Seriously, though, Grandpa, Tommy and other cult members throw the horns around non-stop…so much that you could in fact make a drinking game out of their appearances, taking a shot every time someone flashes the devil’s horns. However, you would probably be sloshed in 20 minutes…but perhaps that would be a better state of mind in which to watch the movie. Maybe if you’re drunk it would at least be kinda enjoyable.

Plus, there is the whole sleazy aspect of the film. We are talking random nudity (and not good nudity, it’s all low-budget ‘80s nudity here!) like the previous stripperella at the party mentioned above, plus a few non-sexy sex scenes. There is also the whole subtext of incest that pops up throughout the film. It is hinted that Tommy is actually the son of his mom and his grandpa. Yup, how ‘bout a big old EWWWWW from the audience, eh? I was half expecting that Tommy put the moves on his mom, but thankfully the film didn’t go down that road!

As for the kills? They were almost an afterthought and the only decent one worth mentioning is when a dude gets a shovel through his noggin. Yes, it is a low-budget film but the kills took a long time coming…too little too late in my opinion. It’s like the film couldn’t decide if it wanted to focus on the masked killer or the satanic cult and it ended up not giving enough attention to either. I also think too much time was spent on Tommy’s family, including his sister, brother and mother, instead of focusing on the supposed main character of the film, Tommy. The only time we saw him was when he was brooding in his room, listening to his crappy metal music and having weird dreams, or slamming the door in his poor mom’s face.

The ending had a nice little twist as to who the killer was, but by then I was really too bored to care. I watched Hack-O-Lantern for some fun Halloween thrills, but found it more of a chore to sit through. A film with a cool name like Hack-O-Lantern deserves to be somewhat entertaining, but this was more like Crap-O-Lantern.

If you are a brave soul, the VHS is available on Amazon!

Babysitter Wanted (2008)

I’ve been waiting (and waiting) to check out Babysitter Wanted for quite some time. Its official release happened in 2008, but it hadn’t hit DVD until this past July. By that point this flick had kinda fallen off my radar and it wasn’t until a friend asked what I thought of it that I remembered this film and eagerly checked it out.

From the cover art you’d assume this is a typical slasher, but remember what your mom told you about judging a book from its cover? I made the same mistake, but was pleasantly surprised by the turn of events in Babysitter Wanted.

Starting off much like the awesome House of the Devil (review), Babysitter Wanted finds the sweet Angie (Sarah Thompson) arriving to her new community college campus to study art history. Her brand new roomie doesn’t have a bed for her, so our dear Angie is in need of some cash…and fast. While poking around the sparse campus, Angie befriends a cute boy, notices some “missing person” posters, and appears to find the perfect babysitting gig. That Friday night she sets out for the isolated farm of the Stanton’s (Bruce Thomas and Kristen Dalton), where she’ll be babysitting their young son Sam (Kai Caster). All seems well until Sam wakes up and eats some unusual food for a little kid…and then the weird phone calls commence and strange noises outside convince Angie that someone is trying to get in. Police Chief Dinneli (Bill Moseley) isn’t much help, but promises to come around to check on Angie. Meanwhile, Angie discovers something unsettling about Sam, the intruder outside and the Stanton’s…will she survive the night?

Ok, I will try not to give anything away in this review because this film is best seen cold, without knowing much about it. I believe the surprise factor of its twists and turns really heightened my enjoyment of it! Be warned, though, spoilers may be present, so proceed with caution!

The film may start off like a slasher, complete with Angie feeling like someone is stalking her. Then when she is babysitting the weird phone calls start…heavy breathing on the other end, but no speaking. Of course, I thought the film was heading into familiar territory, especially when someone started rattling the door and eventually forced themselves into the house and Angie was forced to hide. However, it then took a completely sinister turn that really knocked me off my rocker! The rest of the film was peppered with the occult, torture and black humor. And I don’t wanna say any more because it would give too much away…

For an independent film, Babysitter Wanted looks great…it’s spookily lit, competently shot and features great direction from co-directors Jonas Barnes (who also wrote the film) and Michael Manasseri.

Also excellent is the acting. Sarah Thompson really shines as the innocent Angie who later gets tough as she battles the bad guy(s). Despite her “pure” nature, she’s not annoying and you come to care for her through her sweet and vulnerable nature. As things progress, she forces herself to toughen up and her transformation from innocent to kick-ass comes naturally! I also enjoyed Kai Caster’s performance as the creepy Sam, as well as Kristen Dalton and Bruce Thomas as the parents. Even genre-fave Bill Moseley turned out a good performance, this time as a good guy!

My complaints with the film are few, but I felt the pacing towards the beginning was a bit slow. Also several plot holes bothered me…the roommate angle was dropped pretty quick, so why show it at all? It’s like she was just used for convenience in explaining the disappearances around campus and disappeared herself after that. Also, what ever happened to Angie’s boy toy? He pretty much disappeared until the end and it was never really explained why (unless I missed something?).

Despite these annoyances, I thoroughly enjoyed Babysitter Wanted. It certainly threw me for a loop and uses many different tropes from the horror genre to create surprise and suspense. Despite the many different aspects it uses, it still manages to remain grounded and is a hell of an entertaining good time!

Available on Amazon!

The Legacy (1979)

Always a sucker for ‘70s thrillers set in old mansions with an occult/satanic twist, I decided to check out The Legacy, a 1979 flick starring Sam Elliott and Katharine Ross. While it focused less on the occult than I expected and was set up more of like a murder mystery whodunit, I found myself enjoying The Legacy, creepy cats and all (more on this later).

The film is about Los Angeles architect Margaret Walsh (Katharine Ross) who receives a mysterious job offer from England. Before her job starts, she and her boyfriend Pete (Sam Elliott) embark on a bike ride through Europe, but trouble starts when an accident puts their fate in the hands of the wealthy Jason Mountolive (John Standing), who insists they recuperate at his sprawling estate. Soon, other guests begin arriving and Margaret realizes she may have been handpicked and brought to the estate to inherit a sinister legacy. As various guests begin dying off, can Margaret and Pete escape before it is too late?

As far as 70s satanic films go, The Legacy pretty middle-of-the-road. It’s not one of the best but it’s certainly not one of the worst. However, I appreciate that it’s not your typical satanic cult film and not a lot of emphasis is placed on the “black magick” aspect of the film. Instead, it focuses on the mystery of why Margaret is part of the proceedings and who is going to die next.

The story takes a while to get going, as the first 30 or so minutes are spent on Margaret and Pete exploring the estate and puzzling over the other guests and the rather unhelpful help. The “mystery” as to why they are there and why guests are dying is pretty obvious, but it’s still fun to watch them slowly piece it all together.

Of course, it has its WTF moments – like the horrible opening credits that feature the worst song EVER to assault my ears in a horror movie, or the copious shots of cats throughout the estate (which are never really explained, though I guess they are Mountolive’s or the Devil’s minions keeping an eye on things), or repetitive shots of Margaret and Pete driving round and round on country roads trying to escape but somehow always ending up at the estate – but it also hosts some neat-o moments. The first death, featuring a drowning in a pool, comes pretty unexpectedly and jars you awake after the somewhat slow first 30 minutes of the film. There is also a scene that occurs a bit later featuring a rock star (played by Roger Daltrey) choking on a chicken bone and an emergency tracheotomy being performed on him that’s quite well-done! And who can forget the reveal of Mountolive on his deathbed?

Sure, the gore is non-existent and some of the deaths are a little cheesy (especially the one where Charles Gray’s character burns to death), but director Richard Marquand (who would go on to direct 1983’s Return of the Jedi) does a pretty good job of delivering an atmospheric, not-quite-satanic occult/supernatural story. The use of the mansion, with its labyrinth of seemingly never-ending rooms and grounds, creates a creepy atmosphere as the estate takes on a character all its own. Marquand even creates a claustrophobic feeling, even with all that space, that makes the audience feel as trapped as the guests. And the ending just feels pitch-perfect in a dark, twisted way!

The Legacy is an entertaining, though at times cheesy, occult flick from the ‘70s. From the awful opening music number to the silly “sinister” shots of cats (yeah, WTF?!) this movie had me giggling most of the time, but it also had its moments of tension and shocks and was entertaining throughout it’s hour and a half running time. It may not be entirely memorable, but The Legacy decides a look at least once!

Available from Amazon!

Book Review: Lucas Manson by Thomas Hauck

“When Special Agent Mark Dylan investigates a gruesome homicide, he uncovers the terrifying world of the Kingdom Seven Family Temple and its leader, the charismatic and ruthless Minister Lucas Manson. As Dylan and his partner Jill Kelly penetrate the secret inner sanctum of the temple, they learn that friends cannot be distinguished from enemies. The vast and powerful temple holds dark secrets that will change their lives forever.”

Lucas Manson first starts as a typical crazy cult/serial killer/police procedural novel – still interesting and well-written, but nonetheless a little bland. However, as the book progressed it thankfully added some unexpected twists and turns that took the story in an entirely surprising direction. I don’t want to give anything away, but let’s just say that the book reinvents a classic monster archetype in an entirely new way!

Besides the unexpected surprises the book holds, Lucas Manson is thrilling and action-packed. It encompasses many locations, from Boston to Egypt to Arizona to New York, keeping the action moving at a quick clip. From unraveling an ancient mystery in Egypt to tracking the rock star-like U.S. tour of the Kingdom Seven Family Temple to breaking into the cult’s heavily guarded compound in Arizon, Special Agent Mark Dylan careens through an action-packed landscape of grisly murders and centuries-old mysticism.

The murders aren’t especially gory, but fit quite well into the overall tone of the book. Despite not being gory, they pack quite a punch, as victims are drugged in a very unique way and then bled through several incisions in their arteries until their bodies are drained of blood. And it just gets creepier after you learn why the victims are being drained of blood!

However, the book does have its flaws. It gets off to a rocky start, including an awkward introduction of lead character Mark Dylan when he’s working undercover that has no bearing on the rest of the book. It then jumps directly into Dylan and his wife’s problems with getting pregnant, a character development ploy that doesn’t really go anywhere and drags on far too long. It doesn’t really have any impact on the rest story, and it didn’t help me feel more for the lead character either.

Despite these bumps in the road, once the novel takes off it really takes you for a ride! It may start off as a typical killer cult book, but it has plenty of twists and turns that elevate it far beyond any “standard” horror fare.

Check it out on Amazon!

The Commune (2009)

I really wanted to love this movie, fiends, I really did!! First off, it’s written, directed, produced, etc. by firecracker filmmaker Lis Fies. I just love her spunk and attitude, especially when we interviewed her for Women in Horror Month! Secondly, it sounded like it was going to be an homage to the sleazy 70s satanic slashers where a creepy cult goes after a nubile young virgin. I love me some killer cult horror flicks! Thirdly, I had heard so much hype about this movie I was thinking there was no way I could dislike it.

Oops…I was wrong. Ultimately I was let down by The Commune.

Soon to be 16-year-old Jenny (Chauntal Lewis, looking, ahem, more than slightly older than 15) is sent to live with her hippie dad on a commune for the summer. The community of hippies seems pretty harmless at first, with their stereotypical Earth Mother worship, yoga classes and uber-healthy diets, but things take a sinister turn as Jenny’s 16^th birthday approaches. Does the commune want to turn her into a hemp-wearing flower child or do they have more ominous plans for her?

Technically, The Commune was impressive. As a director, Fies excels at making the film look like it had a much bigger budget than it did. The film looks sharp and professional and includes many establishing shots of the commune to give the audience a feel for its atmosphere. I liked that Fies took the time to set up different shots and compositions to make the film visually interesting.

Also impressive was the acting (even though some of the actors couldn’t pass for the ages they were portraying…ahem Chauntal Lewis!). Chauntal Lewis did a great job with the naïve Jenny. While at first she comes off as bratty and annoying, her character really starts to grow on you after a while. I also thought that Stuart G. Bennett did an amazingly job as the creepy Dr. Polieos, Jenny’s dad, with glances at his daughter that last far too long and leave you feeling very icky.

However, despite these glimmers of greatness, the film overall lacked a certain “oomph!” I was looking for and in the end was pretty predictable. The script seemed a bit bare and it seemed the film would have worked better as a short. Without very much of anything happening, the pacing was off and the film felt drawn out and slow. Besides a few startling moments the film had neither scares nor did it create a tense, suspenseful atmosphere. The characters seemed pretty one-dimensional as well, with only Jenny and Dr. Polieos fully fleshed out. I would have like to have seen more menace from the members of the commune and more development of their characters. I understand the filmmaker may have wanted to make them appear as “sheep”, but they all could have used more edginess in order to give the film more suspense. And portraying them as “weird” or “evil” just because they ate healthy and were “hippies” seemed like lazy and irresponsible screenwriting to me.

The Commune is supposed to be based on Greek tragedy with a 70s psycho-sexual slant (which sounds pretty cool, right?), but for me it just failed to deliver anything but yawns, something I’m definitely not looking for when watching a horror movie. The technical aspects of the film make me look forward to Lis Fies future work behind the camera, but I do hope she bones up on her screenwriting skills and conceives a less predictable story than The Commune.

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Book Review: How to Make Friends with Demons by Graham Joyce

William Heaney is a man well acquainted with demons. These demons are not his broken family – his wife has left him for a celebrity chef, his snobbish teenaged son despises him, and his daughter’s new boyfriend resembles Nosferatu – nor his drinking problem, nor his unfulfilling government job, but real demons.

Demons are real, and William has identified one thousand five hundred and sixty-seven smoky figures, dwelling on the shadowy fringes of human life, influencing our decisions with their sweet and poisoned voices.

After a series of seemingly unconnected personal encounters, William Heaney’s life is thrown into a direction he does not fully comprehend. Past and present collide. Long-dormant choices and forgotten deceptions surface. Secrets threaten to become exposed. To weather these changes, William Heaney must learn one thing: how to make friends with demons.

Though not a straight-forward horror novel, How to Make Friends with Demons is an absorbing genre-bender from author Graham Joyce. The character of William Heaney is immediately likable. From his charitable work with GoPoint, a shelter for the homeless to his “everyman” problems, including his strained family relations – we can easily relate to Heaney’s thoughts and actions. Yet, we also learn that Heaney runs a forgery ring, copying rare literature and using charlatan’s methods to sell the forgeries. However, he always donates all his profit to GoPoint. We also learn about his more sinister side and how he came to recognize demons. It seems that back in his college days a dorm mate of his conjured a powerfully evil demon from an incantation Heaney himself had put together. Even since those fateful events and subsequent consequences Heaney has been able to recognize demons that plague humans, even his own. As you can see, William Heaney is a very complex character, and despite his flaws and poor choices, Joyce has written him in such an “Average Joe” way that the reader can identify with him.

Heaney isn’t the only well-developed character, though. Joyce has populated the book with some very memorable, very colorful characters. These include Heaney’s forgery partners-in-crime artist Stinx and model-celebrity Jaz, inspirational GoPoint founder Antonia Bowen, Heaney’s mysterious love interest Yasmin, a disturbed ex-soldier named Seamus, college dorm mate Fraser, and of course, Heaney’s estranged family.

The fascinating characters could have been enough to make an entertaining novel, but Joyce pushes it farther and places the characters in intriguing storylines. I was captivated by all the different events, past and present, surrounding Heaney’s life, and how in the end they all came together to form a cohesive and stimulating story. There isn’t that much “horror”, but the quick glimpses of shadowy demons and the occult circumstances surrounding some deaths during Heaney’s college days were decidedly creepy. Surprisingly, though, the novel ends on a more heartfelt and uplifting note. Throughout its pages it also hits on many different themes, such as alienation and redemption, which everyone can easily associate with.

How to Make Friends with Demons is a rare find in horror literature these days. It presents true horror in the form of human’s own cruel nature and also shows us how our demons can be overcome. It is an intelligent and interesting novel for anyone wanting a more low-key and realistic approach to horror that features unforgettable characters and many intriguing plot twists.

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Book Review: The Picture of Contented New Wealth by Tariq Goddard

The Picture of Contented New Wealth is an intellectual horror story set in a creepy old house in the English countryside. Something evil has been lurking in its dark paneled walls for as long as the house has stood, but ever since the Conti family has moved in the presence seems more…malign.

The evil presence soon reveals itself as demonic in nature, no matter how unbelieving the secular family is. Mrs. Conti soon becomes possessed and her young son falls under her power. It is up to the incredulous Mr. Conti to find a way to save his family.

Here is the official book description:

“In the brilliant red doom of a Hampshire Sunset, Brigit Conti can hear a voice behind her ears that is not her own. Bed-bound, and complaining of a rare bone disease that no Doctor can diagnose, her husband fears that the house they have purchased is a portal through which an older, more malign energy has passed, possessing his wife and son. Through their successive deterioration, his secular and agnostic world-view undergoes a metamorphosis, drawing him to a strange man from the hills: the Rector, their unlikely saviour. Or are he and his family merely victims of their own self-serving yuppie way of life?

The Picture of Contented New Wealth is a gothic tragedy set in the nineteen eighties, bringing proper characterization and a literary sensibility to the traditional horror story. Its mix of generic elements and mystical realism deal with the irreducibility of evil and its successful normalization in to our daily and dominant reality.” 

This eloquent novel is not your typical haunted house or possession story. Author Tariq Goddard weaves some heavy philosophical and religious themes throughout the novel, yet “heavy” shouldn’t be taken to mean that they weigh the book down. These themes help bolster the book’s story and make perfect sense in the grand scheme of things.

Goddard makes wonderful use of the large house the Conti’s move into, called Tyger Tyger, which, of course, brings to mind William Blake’s poem The Tyger (“Tyger! Tyger! burning bright/ In the forests of the night,/What immortal hand or eye/Could frame thy fearful symmetry?”). And Tyger Tyger House certainly does burn bright…with all the fires of Hell! Its long, shadowy corridors, whispering voices, shadowy figures and things that just don’t seem right certainly sent shivers up my spine! The experiences the family members face in the house are downright unsettling, including their son claiming to play with the family’s long-dead cat or their au pere’s horrifyingly real nightmares.

Equally horrifying is the possession of Mrs. Conti. Her husband is so disbelieving of the supernatural that he thinks she is just mentally ill, but after his continued experiences with both the house, strange occurrences and his sick wife, comes to believe in the supernatural. Mrs. Conti’s attacks keep getting worse, her appearance changing along with her demeanor. Her transformation is chilling to read and yet you can’t help but wanting to read more.

I haven’t personally read any of author Goddard’s previous works, but I sincerely hope that in his literary future he decides to write another horror novel. The Picture of Contented New Wealth crawled deep under my skin and remained there long after I had finished reading it. Its metaphysical horror story will certainly get you thinking all the while you cower under the covers!

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The Devil's Nightmare (1971)

Another little seen Satanic film from 1971 is The Devil’s Nightmare (La Plus Longue Nuit du Diable) aka Castle of Death aka Nightmare of Terror aka Succubus, etc., etc. Usually only familiar in Euro-sleaze or Euro-horror circles, The Devil’s Nightmare is a surprisingly entertaining flick dripping with gothic atmosphere and surreal scenes.

The film begins during WWII, where the Baron’s wife is giving birth. Upon learning that the babe is a girl and that his wife died in childbirth, he stabs the baby to death. Quite a shocking opening from a 1970’s film!

We then jump ahead a few years, where a reporter is interviewing the Baron in his dark and dreary castle about his family’s past. He seems to think his family is cursed, having made a pact with the Devil centuries ago that states the oldest daughter of each generation must serve the devil by becoming a succubus (and explaining the earlier scene where he killed his daughter). After this illuminating interview, the reporter makes the mistake of tarrying too long taking photographs of the castle and meets a grisly end. We then meet a group of travelers who are forced to take refuge in the Baron’s castle after becoming lost and taking directions from a creepy, corpse-like man. Each of these seven travelers is supposed to represent one of the Seven Deadly Sins (Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Wrath, Envy, and Pride), though some are easier to distinguish than others.

That night, they are introduced to a mysterious visitor (played by stunning redhead Erika Blanc, known for her sleazy Euro-horror roles in films like The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave and Kill, Baby… Kill!), who begins to lead each traveler down the road of temptation! Turns out she is a succubus and lures the sinners to their damnation with their specific vices. The only one who doesn’t fall under her decadent-but-deadly spell is the lone priest in the group, but can he stop her and the Devil before all their souls are damned to Hell?

While the story, written by Jean Brismée (who also directed) and Pierre-Claude Garnier, seems like a pretty straightforward allegory inspired by medieval morality tales, it also features a surprising and clever twist ending. I definitely didn’t see the ending coming, and when it actually happened it threw me for a loop! Quite the wicked little surprise that shows you should never make a deal with the Devil! Besides the ending, the story is kept lively by the colorful and sinful characters, keeping the audience rooting for their deaths! There is the annoying married couple, with the sleazy husband who covets other women (Envy) and the distrustful yet rich wife (Greed), a nymphomaniac brunette (Lust), a lazy blonde (Sloth), a holier-than-thou priest (Pride), a cranky old man (Wrath) and a hungry tour guide (Gluttony).

There isn’t much gore to speak of, but some of the ways the travelers are done away with are pretty amusing. The glutton of the group eats himself to death and chokes on poisoned wine (and the close-ups of him stuffing his greasy mouth are probably the most disturbing of the movie) while a greedy woman drowns in a mound of gold. Other kill scenes make little sense and don’t seem to tie into the specific person’s sin (like the Sloth woman dying from snakebite while she sleeps). Still, the scenes of the succubus stalking her prey, with her sunken cheekbones and ghoulish makeup, are always entertaining.

I also enjoyed the Baron’s creepy gothic castle that looked like it was transplanted straight from Transylvania. With its intricate stonework, gaudy Baroque furnishings and rich red drapes, Dracula would have felt right at home! Of course, Satan’s succubus considered it pretty comfy as well.

My only complaints were that the film drags a bit too much in certain parts, especially during some drawn-out lesbian scenes that go on for way too long. Maybe certain guys will enjoy them, but the soft-focus, girl-on-girl action did nothing for me, especially with the ridiculous paisley decorating scheme and the horrible ‘70s music lurking in the background. I also wished that some of the deaths tied more into each traveler’s particular sin instead of running out of ideas halfway through the film and having them die in seemingly random ways.

Though The Devil’s Nightmare certainly has its faults, I was still surprised by the entertainment value it offered. This film isn’t for everyone, but those that appreciate classic Euro-horror will most likely get a kick out of it. If you haven’t seen it, it at least deserves one viewing! It would be a sin not to see it!

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The Brotherhood of Satan (1971)

In this little-seen and underrated Satanic flick, elderly residents of a isolated town have taken to snatching children and turning them into followers of Satan. Once they’ve collected enough children, a ritual will be held to transpose the senior citizens souls into the bodies of the kids, giving them renewed life!

Meanwhile, Ben (Charles Bateman), his girlfriend Nicky (Ahna Capri) and his daughter K.T. (Geri Reischl) are on their way to grandmother’s house when they happen upon a horrible accident and drive to the nearest town for help. Unfortunately, it’s the same Satanic town mentioned above and there they are met with hysterical townsfolk. They drive away, but car trouble forces them back into town. Once back in, a supernatural force keeps them and the rest of the townsfolk trapped. Seems that the senior citizen Satanists need one more child to perform their Black Mass, and that child is K.T. Will Ben save his daughter and the town before it’s too late and the small fry of Satan are unleashed?

The Brotherhood of Satan certainly has a convoluted and confusing way of unfolding its narrative, but as the pieces come together you are drawn further and further into the story. Besides its weird narrative structure, the film also boasts some odd scenes including a toy tank turning into a real tank and crushing a car and a dancing doll that causes the death of some parents, among others. The real highlight of the film for me was the Satan-worshipping party the seniors had. It was just like a potluck, except upon entry each person pledged their allegiance to Satan and one of their own was tried for allowing her grandson to be baptized. When she was deemed guilty, the ferocity and rage her brethren had towards her was truly frightening. There are also clever ideas used throughout the movie, including children’s toys as the instruments of murder (I don’t want to speak too much on this lest I give anything away, but toys come to (larger than) life to exact murder on parents).

Though the film is very PG-ish and lacks much blood and/or gore, the use of weird camera angles, an evocative score, creepy kids, the colorful visuals and the disorienting narrative really help give it a nightmarish, disturbing quality. Director Bernard McEveety and writers L.Q. Jones (who also stars as the town’s sheriff), Sean MacGregor and William Welch did an excellent job with the film, and I can’t understand why it hasn’t gotten more recognition over the years. It certainly isn’t perfect (especially with the confusing narrative structure), but it certainly deserves another look from horror fans.

If you are looking for a quirky ‘70s Satanic movie, The Brotherhood of Satan is one that should not be overlooked. With shades of Rosemary’s Baby and Race with the Devil, it really deserves a bigger audience!

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Fever Night aka Band of Satanic Outsiders (2009)

Have you ever been so blown away by a film that it left you at a loss for words? That the film was just so rad that to try to describe it in words would do it a disservice? For a reviewer like myself, this can be quite problematic. On one hand, I got to see an amazing film that melted my face off with its awesomeness, but on the other hand its hard to describe to others just how good it was, leaving me with a bit of writer’s block.

Well, Fever Night definitely leaves me feeling inadequate in the face of its genius.

Fever Night (or Static Age aka Band of Satanic Outsiders) is an acid-trip, psychotomimetic horror film about three Satanists who are faced with serious repercussions after going into the woods one night and worshipping the Devil. The trouble starts when Terry (Melanie Rose Wilson) is accidentally run over as the three try to get their car out of some mud. This leaves Elliot (Peter Tullio) and Warren (Philip Nolan Marlatt) to traipse through the dark woods towards a bright light hoping to find help…

As their desperation to get out of the forest increases, they come across foreboding signs like dead birds, animal skulls, anthropomorphic foliage…and Satan himself. Will they be able to survive their descent into Hell or are their fates already sealed?

Fever Night is an independent, low-budget production that took over two years to make. As filmmakers, writers and directors Jordan Harris and Andrew Schrader say themselves on the film’s Myspace page:

“This truly independent production – lit primarily with portable work lamps and shot by a crew of three [Jordan Harris, Andrew Schrader, Steven Getz] – launched pre-production from a parent’s floor with stolen grant money from the filmmakers’ alma mater.

The shoestring budget increased gradually over the two-year production; as the two directors pooled every dollar they could from odd jobs like writing final exam papers for lazy college students.”

Considering this is the filmmakers’ first film (not to mention their meager budget), I am absolutely blown away by the high quality of the film in everything from the directing to the writing to the acting to the cinematography to the score! Absolutely every single piece of the film fits beautifully into the overall picture and everything comes together to form a top-notch film. This is the kind of film most first-time filmmakers (or hell, even experienced filmmakers) WISH they could make!

The film’s look is very retro, right down to the opening titles and the trippy music by the band Thee Oh Sees. The film itself is slightly grainy, giving it that grindhouse grit of films from the ‘70s. Though the film is set at night, there is an impressive use of psychedelic colors used throughout that just adds to the retro atmosphere and makes you feel as if you are running through a Dario Argento color palette (think Suspiria psychedelics). Though the primary lighting equipment was merely work lights, I loved the lighting in Fever Night. It adds to the dizzyingly disorienting atmosphere of the film and really makes it feel like you are alongside Elliot and Warren, trying to find your way through the hellish forest with just a pair of flashlights.

Besides the hallucinatory look of the film, the special FX are also top notch. We are treated to many freaky instances, including bloody bird carcasses, a goat skull that bleeds and floats on its own before morphing into Baphomet, bloody wounds, someone that comes back from the dead to haunt the remaining friends (with some killer makeup effects to match) and so on. All of the effects used were believable and looked real, a feat that most independent productions have a problem pulling off. This may not be a gore-drenched picture, and it doesn’t need to be. The effects used throughout are enough to jar the viewer.

Now, one thing that indie productions usually lack is good acting…but again, Fever Night succeeds where most others fail! The three lead actors, Melanie Rose Wilson (“Terry”), Philip Nolan Marlatt (“Warren”) and Peter Tullio (“Elliot”) do an amazing job of bringing their characters to life and making them believable, especially after encountering all the crazy satanic stuff they see. Some actors may have been tempted to play their characters as over-the-top, but these three “keep it real” and rein it in to give credible, strong performances. I especially liked Marlatt’s portrayal of the meek Warren, who slowly but surely loses his innocence as the night progresses.

Fever Night is a mind-blowing acid trip of a film that takes you through themes of life and death, good and evil with a healthy dose of disorientation and debauchery. This is one of the best independent films I’ve seen this year and I definitely see it making my “top 10” list at the end of the year. I could try to sing its praises all day long, but in the end it truly must be seen to be believed…

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Book Review: Sacrifice by John Everson

Sacrifice is author John Everson’s astounding sequel to his debut novel, Covenant, but it works extremely well as a stand-alone book as well (I have never read Covenant, though after Sacrifice I am eagerly going back to read it!).

With Sacrifice, Everson delivers a nonstop assault on the senses, mixing sex, violence, taboos (a nun becomes a sexually charged, sadistic killer, the hero falls in love with our 15-year-old heroine), solidly developed characters, a frenzied pace and scads of grisly ritualistic killings. There are so many perverted, debased acts in the novel that it definitely isn’t for everyone, but even I, who usually thinks that mixing sex and violence tends to be more exploitative than scary, enjoyed Sacrifice and its shocking tableaux.

From the book’s back cover:

They’re coming. They are a race of sadistic spirits known as the Curburide, and they are about to arrive in our world, bringing with them horrors beyond imagination. The secret to summoning – and controlling – them has fallen into the hands of a beautiful, sexy and dangerously insane woman.

Ariana has dedicated her life to unleashing in our realm through a series of human sacrifices, erotic rituals of seduction and slaughter. As she crosses the country, getting ever closer to completing her blood-drenched mission, only three figures stand in her way: an unwilling hero who has seen the horrors of the Curburide before, a burgeoning witch…and a spiteful demon with plans of his own.

The book is a nonstop thrill ride, and I had a hard time putting the book down once I started it. It immediately throws you into the intrigue of Ariana and her sexually-charged but viciously executed conquests as well as the story of our reluctant hero Joe, who is trying to escape a past encounter with the Curburide and has been burdened with the demon Malachai. When Joe picks up young Alex, who has been able to see and communicate with dead people her whole life and has her own dark past, it’s not long before Malachai reveals they must work together to stop the Curburide. Ariana is no longer working alone, though, and has picked up Jeremy, a man who is finally ready to release all his pent-up tension and aggression. There is a lot going on within the novel, and never once does author Everson allow you to catch your breath. He keeps it all steadily forging forward until you reach the unbearably tense climax, where I felt like I just couldn’t read fast enough to get to the conclusion!!

Everson does an excellent job developing all the characters, including the villains. Even though Ariana is a horrible person for wanting to unleash the Curburide on the world, I still felt inexplicably drawn to her and wanted to see what she would do next. I also very much enjoyed her back story about being a nun and finding out about the Curburide. Her sidekick, Jeremy, was also fleshed out enough where I could understand his actions and why he ultimately chose to join Ariana. Unlike most other novels, time is taken to tell the story from Ariana and Jeremy’s (the villains) side as opposed as just telling it from Joe and Alex’s (the heroes) perspective. As for Joe and Alex, both of their pasts are complex and time is taken to tell about both, without ever slowing down the fast pace of the novel. Both of their pasts contain tragedy that they are both trying to escape. There is also the awkward budding romance between Joe and Alex, which is unnerving and creepy since Alex is only around 15 and Joe is in his late 20’s. I could have done without this inappropriate romance, but in a way it made the characters of Joe and Alex more real as they each faced their temptations.

The aspect that Sacrifice never falters in is its shocking descriptions of gore. The ritualistic killings are disturbing by themselves, but what happens after the victims’ throats have been slit is even more disgusting! Let’s just say that the Curburide thrive and gain power from sexual perversion and Ariana definitely wants to please them. Besides spending a little quality time with the bodies, there is also a very specific arrangement of their organs she must adhere to in order for the ritual to work. By the time she’s done with them, the floors, walls and even ceiling are coated with bits of grue and different bodily fluids.

Sacrifice is a thrilling and shocking piece of genre fiction that deserves to be on every horror fan’s shelf. It’s got enough gore and perversion to shock even the most deviant of minds, but it also has well-developed, realistic characters and an extremely engaging and fast-paced storyline. John Everson is an excellent horror author and I don’t hesitate to call him the future of horror fiction!

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Rock N Roll Nightmare (1987)

In the cheesy headbangin’ horror movie Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (aka The Edge of Hell) we get to see Jon Mikl Thor in all his Aqua Net glory as lead singer Triton in an 80s hair band (see their #1 hit “We Live to Rock!”) They’ve rented a creepy Canadian (apparently Canada is “where it’s happening, man”!) farmhouse to get away from it all and focus on their music. Their record label even converted the old barn out back into a recording studio! Except, instead of headbanging the band members just want to bang their girlfriends/wives/groupies/each other. Well, we all know that when people go their separate ways in horror flicks it’s an invitation to trouble…sure enough, out pop some demons to take over the band members’ bodies…Why? Cuz that’s how they roll, that’s why. Soon, the only one left standing is Triton himself, who must face the big baddie of all demons…Satan himself. Triton’s got a hidden secret, though…plus, he distracts Satan by rockin’ nothing more than a studded speedo!

Fiends, I will admit to you (if you haven’t figured it out from the synopsis alone) that this is one pretty awful movie, but you just aren’t living until you’ve seen the pure ridiculousness of the epic final battle between Triton and puppets! The barely-there plot, meandering scenes and semi-annoying characters are all forgotten when Triton throws down in front of Satan. Of course, it looks like he is just fighting himself because he has to react to puppets, but that’s all part of this film’s charm!

There is just too much cheesiness to discuss in so short a time. While it’s nowhere near as zany as Hard Rock Zombies, it still has plenty of so-bad-they’re-good moments. Where do I even start? Well, first there’s the 10 minute long intro that consists of watching the band’s van drive up and down country roads. And if to reemphasize that they are hard rockin’ bad boys, they’ve got handcuffs attached to the rear view mirror…that way you know they’re hardcore! Next, I could go on and on about Triton’s ridiculous wardrobe – from a sparkly, metallic tuxedo coat to a polka dot blouse that’s about 10 sizes too small…but fashion doesn’t really make the movie, but it does give you something extra to laugh at!

As for what happens the whole hour or so before the epic final battle? People wander off and have boring sex, the band plays a few songs, more annoying songs are played throughout the film on the radios throughout the farmhouse, a gaggle of groupies shows up for five seconds (not sure what happened to them, but pretty sure they got eaten…hopefully) and, oh yeah, there are a few demon attacks here and there. There is definitely not much of a plot here, and most of the film just seems to aimlessly meander from one scene to the next.

As for the demons, though there are a few cool skeletal ones, the rest are mostly little puppets that look like one-eyed monsters (ya, THAT kind of one-eyed monster…this movie really takes the phrase “rock out with your cock out” a little TOO literally!). They don’t really look all that menacing, but more like adult Sesame Street rejects. As for Satan’s creature effects – he basically looks like he’s pieced together from discarded remnants of the ants in THEM! It also appears that he likes to fight dirty by hurling one-eyed puppet starfish at our hero (whose reaction to them is priceless!). The ensuing “epic” battle makes the performances in pro-wrestling look Oscar-worthy!

Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare is a fun movie if you don’t expect too much. It doesn’t deliver much except a few good laughs, but sometimes that’s all you need for a good time! It is so ridiculous that it begs to be seen at least once by every horror fan.

RAWK!

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Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

Where can you find horrible 80’s ballads, a rock star that is a pedophile, Nazis, deformed midgets, zombies, a grandma that transforms into a werewolf, bad 80’s metal hair, music video montages, Adolf Hitler and limber but evil groupies? Hard Rock Zombies, that’s where, one of the worst films ever made!

In the opening scene, a dirty-looking blond hitchhiker (Lisa Toothman), who looks like she’s wearing nothing but a scrap of shower curtain, gets picked up by two skeevy lamebrains. Two seconds later they’ve pulled off for a bit of skinny dipping in a scum-encrusted pond where Dirty Blond drowns both dudes. Who knew drowning produced so much blood? A weird guy who was taking pictures the whole time and his pet midgets (one with a patch over one eye and the other looking more like a creature from Ghoulies) join Dirty Blond in disposing of the bodies…but not before Dirty Blond cuts one of the victim’s hands off and croons, “I wanna hold your hand!”

After this preposterous opening scene we join “the band” onstage as they perform for their 12 groupies. After the long and drawn-out song, they head backstage, strip to their skivvies and pose for pics with more groupies! Lead singer and perv Jessie (E.J. Curcio) becomes enamored of the very young-looking Cassie (Jennifer Coe), who not only looks like she’s 12, but also looks like she’s got caterpillars glued over her already bushy Groucho Marx-like eyebrows. Cassie tries to warn Jessie that his band shouldn’t play their next gig in her podunk town, but Jessie is too smitten to pay attention.

On the way to Cassie’s town Jessie practices his newest song, which he’s borrowed from a medieval incantation that was used to raise the dead. Great idea, bonehead!

The band picks up Dirty Blond, who is out hitchhiking again (what a strange pastime…) and she tells them to stay at her family’s spacious Southern-style mansion. Once they arrive they meet with the creepy midgets and the rest of Dirty Blond’s strange family, including her grandparents who let the creepy midgets watch while they have geriatric sex, a hulking, bald man who is either her brother or the gardener (he’s quite handy with the weed whacker) and the paparazzo-in-training from the pond.

After they’ve stashed all their equipment, the band heads into town and we are forced to suffer another horrible musical number – and, hey, this one’s a montage complete with band members skateboarding, scaring kids by spraying them with shaken cans of beer, dancing like idiots, posing in a gigantic wood cut-out of themselves and hamming it up while disapproving townsfolk look on. The band gets thrown in jail for being so lame, but Dirty Blond bails them out.

After almost getting electrocuted while playing another horrible song in front of their hosts, the band eats it for real at the hands of Dirty Blond’s psycho family. Dirty Blond herself takes out a guy in the shower, while grandma turns into a werewolf(!) and mauls two other band members and Jessie is taken out by baldy with the weed whacker, but not before he gives Cassie his tape for his new dead-raising single!

After the funeral, it is revealed that the members of Dirty Blond’s family are all Nazis in hiding and that her grandpa is actually the Grand Fuhrer himself, Adolf Hitler! Hitler has a hidden bunker well-stocked with poisonous gas and plans to take out the entire U.S.!

Meanwhile, Cassie is visiting the band’s grave. She plays the tape Jessie left her and – sho ‘nuff – the band comes back to life as zombies – stiff, Robot-dancin’ zombies that look like a bad KISS cover band that is.

They kill Dirty Blond and her Nazi family (who return as zombies), then drive (yup, zombies can drive) across town so they can play a showcase and impress a record executive. While we are forced to listen to another god-awful song (the third time we hear it in the film), zombies are slowly overtaking the town. The remaining townsfolk think they can repel zombies by holding out huge posters of famous people…buuuut that idea doesn’t work too well and more people become the zombies’ lunch.

One old guy suggests offering the ghouls the town’s virgin, who just happens to be Cassie. Something about the zombies not attacking the town for another 100 years if they can screw and eat a virgin. Anywho, the townspeople haul Cassie up the mountain like a sacrificial lamb and offer her to the zombies.

It’s up to Jessie and the rest of the zombified band to save his jailbait lady love and to put a stop to the zombie nonsense once and for all…but not until we suffer through yet another musical number.

Whew! Apologies for such a long synopsis, but really I wanted you to get a complete gist of the insanity of this movie! And believe me, you haven’t heard anything yet! I have yet to mention the self-cannibalizing midget or the freaky dance montages that feature Dirty Blond. In case you haven’t noticed, this movie is all over the place and you’ll be asking yourself WTF did I just watch when you are through (if you can bear and get all the way to the end, that is).

First off, the puke-inducing music is not what anyone would call “hard rock.” It just sounds like the most generic, Monster Ballad-esque sap you’ve ever heard. And they just keep playing the same damn songs over and over. Plus, they’ve got the whole pedophile angle covered even in the lyrics, which actually say “I’m so in love, but you’re so young.” Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Totally groddy! Someone call Chris Hansen with To Catch a Predator!

Considering this was at one point just supposed to be a 20 minute short movie I understand all the padding used, but did they really have to keep showing such cheesy montages? First with the band “running wild” (errrr, if “wild” means consorting with a bunch of pudgy schoolkids, riding skateboards and doing a Beatle-esque type dance down the middle of a street) through the redneck town and later on with Jessie and Cassie running at each other in slow-mo both dressed in white! And who can forget Dirty Blond doing some kind of weird 80’s dancing, first randomly in the desert then as a slinky zombie minx (who knew zombies were so flexible?). You could fill 20 bottles of Cheez-Whiz with the cheesiness coming out of just these montage scenes alone!

Then there was the whole “what were they smoking?” plot addition of Nazis and werewolves! Seriously, did they think that a strictly zombie movie would be that boring and they needed a little extra Third Reich pizazz? I really don’t know what writer/director Krishna Shah and co-writer David Allen Ball (and no, they haven’t done all that much since this, ahem, “film”) were thinking when they unleashed this horribly bad movie on an unsuspecting audience, but if they were doing drugs while dreaming this film up then it would make for a perfect “this is your brain on drugs” PSA. Just say no, kids!

You’d think with such vivid imaginations some great gore would come out of all this, but sadly the only “gore” we get is blood that looks like it was squirted right out of a Heinz ketchup bottle. The kill scenes are pretty hysterical, though, especially when geysers of blood erupt during a drowning scene and that the zombiefied band kills Hitler by what looks like a ring-around-the-rosies game gone wrong.

The craziness of the Hard Rock Zombies makes some parts entertaining, but for the most part it’s a real snoozefest. The film looses what little momentum it had at about the one hour mark and all those musical numbers certainly make it seem much longer than it actually is. I might have even fallen asleep had the music not been so gratingly bad. Yet, this film is so bad that like Troll 2 it certainly deserves to be seen at least once…but once will definitely be enough. After that you’ll want to bury Hard Rock Zombies for good.

Available from Amazon!

Book Review: Shadows in the Mist by Brian Moreland

There is something so inherently evil about Nazis that even when you hear the word it makes your skin crawl. All the atrocities they committed, all the innocent people they killed and all the secret experiments they conducted make the Devil himself look tame! Well, it looks like the terror of Nazis is back – on film and in books, you see. Most recently the Nazi zombie film Dead Snow was released and now Brian Moreland’s new supernatural Nazi novel Shadows in the Mist is available. Look out, the Nazis are coming!

Set in World War II, Shadows in the Mist tells of a platoon of soldiers led by Lieutenant Jack Chambers who have accepted a special mission to accompany a special ops unit called X-2 behind enemy lines to intercept and capture a deadly Nazi weapon that the enemy is set to unleash. As the Allies delve deep into enemy territory in the dark, mist-shrouded Hürtgen Forest, they will have to worry about more than just Nazi soldiers because something else lurks within the dense fog. Something that is rooted in the occult and involves an ancient power that is near unstoppable.

Shadows in the Mist is a fast-paced thrill ride that blends bloody scenes of combat, a history of secret societies, espionage, the Nazis’ love of the occult, nearly unstoppable monsters and the supernatural. Its vivid descriptions make you feel like you are standing shoulder to shoulder with the platoon.

Author Brian Moreland must first be commended for his remarkable attention to detail found within the pages. Moreland spent years researching WWII, Nazis and even traveled to the real-life location of the Hürtgen Forest where real battles were fought. He interviewed veterans, read countless books on the Nazis’ obsession with the occult and watched countless films on WWII. Every detail within the book, from what soldiers wore and ate to military language to the location of the book is rooted in reality. All this detail just makes the book feel more real and more immediate.

Besides the sheer detail of the book, the use of description and action also places the read front and center to the battles fought by Jack Chambers’ platoon. You can almost hear the bullets whizzing by, the rumble of the tanks, the drip-drip of the rain in the forest and the fast-beating hearts of the soldiers as they face a near-impossible mission against unimaginable monsters.

The story is tense and keeps you on the edge of your seat as you become emotionally invested in each of the characters. You really learn a lot about each of the platoon soldiers in a short amount of time and care about what happens to them. Whenever there is a soldier that is wounded or killed you feel the deep loss that their Lieutenant feels. I also liked how the story had many different surprises. Just when you think you know what the soldiers are fighting or who the “good guys” are, a twist comes out of nowhere to shock you and takes the story in an entirely different direction.

As for the mysterious Nazi soldiers the Allies end up fighting, boy, are they scary! Suited up in full SS regalia and wearing gas masks to boot, plus having some other nasty surprises up their sleeves (like glowing eyes and being seemingly unstoppable), made them very menacing villains.

From WWII history buffs to those looking for some new supernatural spooks, Shadows in the Mist should be at the top of everyone’s summer reading list. It is so fast-paced and involves you right away that you’ll never want to put it down once you start reading!

Available from Amazon!