Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Despite being sick on The Cabin in the Woods’ opening night, I still bundled up and trooped out to the theater because there was no way I was missing catching this flick on Friday the 13th! It has been one of my most anticipated movies of 2012 as 1.) I’m a big fan of Joss Whedon and 2.) it actually looked like it would do something fresh and different with the horror genre.

There has been a lot of hype and build-up surrounding this film, and just today I saw tons of Twitter and Facebook updates proclaiming how "______" Cabin in the Woods was. I hate when flicks get spoiled by too much hype, so I tried to put myself on a social media lockdown for the day to avoid any spoilage.

I avoided any spoilers, made it to the theater and decided for myself just how "______" Cabin in the Woods was...

In the film, five college kids head to a remote cabin for some weekend relaxation, but soon find that things aren’t exactly what they appear. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods.

The best way to see this movie is with little or zero knowledge of it, so I'll keep this review short and to the point (and spoiler-free). The film is pretty much a horror fan's wet dream, as it cleverly plays with expectations, toys with horror clichés, tips its hat to many horror films AND adds something quite different and unexpected to the horror movie formula.

I laughed, I jumped, I rooted for both sides and completely reveled in the sharp writing by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard (who directed as well). The Cabin in the Woods is one heck of an entertaining time from start to finish and left me with a big goofy grin on my face hours after I watched it. That's pretty much all you need to know, besides the fact that it has many different facets to its seemingly simple story.

If you’re a horror fan that enjoys smart, original and witty horror films, then I highly encourage you to check it out ASAP! It was totally worth avoiding the hoopla on Facebook and Twitter all day and sucking up a fever/sore throat to watch it opening weekend. Believe me, this is one film that actually lives up to the buzz surrounding it and is definitely one you don't want to miss!

Team Mer-Man! (You'll understand when you see the flick...now go see it!!)

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil (2010)

Taking its inspiration from backwoods horror films where kids go into the woods, kids get killed by insane/cannibalistic/territorial and/or just plain vengeful hicks, Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a horror comedy that’s a rip-roaring good time! To tell you the truth, I wasn’t expecting much with this spoof, but was pleasantly surprised by just how laugh-out-loud funny it was! And it wasn’t just me…the whole room kept erupting into laughter right along with me!

The film is about West Virginian hillbillies Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) who head to their vacation home, a dilapidated cabin deep in the woods. Heading to the same area is a group of college co-eds for a weekend of partying. However, things go askew for both groups after a series of accidents and miscommunications lead the kids to mistake Tucker and Dale for a pair of backwoods killers.

This was such a raucous comedy, I really can’t believe it hasn’t been picked up for distribution yet! I’m not usually one for dumbed-down spoofs, but this one had a certain charm, originality and tons of hilarious moments. Plus, it wasn’t dumbed-down at all, but actually funny and smart.

Writers Morgan Jurgenson and Eli Craig (who also directed) certainly did a fine job of writing a hilarious script that keeps its tongue firmly in cheek without pandering to the audience. One of my favorite scenes involved Tucker taking a chainsaw to an old log, only to hit an angry hornet’s nest inside. As he flails around with his chainsaw (looking very much like Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre), he spooks the college kids.

I don’t think the film could have been as great without the wonderful performances from Alan Tudyk (of Firefly fame) and Tyler Labine (from the awesome but short-lived Reaper series). They were absolutely hysterical as the clueless but well-meaning rednecks. The rest of the cast did a fine job as well, but Tudyk and Labine really stood out! Their timing and how they played off one another was just comedic perfection!

Besides the great story and acting, I was surprised at how bloody the overall film is – we get gruesome impalements, a body put through the wood-chipper, brains splattered over a windshield and more! The kills are so over-the-top they can become a little ridiculous, but again, the tone of the film saves this from ever becoming an issue.

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a delightful gem of a movie which unfortunately hasn’t been released yet. This is really a pity, because this is one of the most fun films I’ve seen all year! If you get a chance to see Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, definitely do it as any self-respecting horror fan will no doubt have a grand ol’ time with this movie!

Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation (2011)

A little disclaimer here: I loathe bowling. Maybe it’s cuz I suck at it, maybe because I hate lugging around heavy balls (*snicker*) and the funky foot-odor smell of most bowling alleys, or maybe it’s because I find bowling so boring, but for these reasons and many more it is just not my thing. However, perhaps if bowling was a little more interesting, say, with a few evil demons involved, bowling would certainly appeal to me a little more.

Lucky for me, Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation features a cast of sexy demons who own bowling alley Coventry Lanes and who are intent on devouring their customers. However, there is a catch…the demons must wait to satiate their appetites until someone asks them for a wish. That someone happens to be waitress Lisa (Nikki McCrea), who is fed up with a group of sorority sisters who have made her life a living hell. To get her crush Johnny (Aaron Bernard) to notice her and to give the sorority sisters what they deserve, she asks Coventry Lanes owners (played by Brinke Stevens, Debbie Rochon, Amy Lynn Best, Lilith Stabs and Robyn Griggs) to help her get payback. However, the hellfire and bloodthirsty demons she brings down on the bowling alley isn’t quite what she expected…

Inspired by ‘80s horror-comedies like Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama, Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation is a fun, low-budget film from Happy Cloud Pictures. It takes a lot of cues from Sorority Babes, including plot points (i.e. demons and wishes) and naming its characters after ones from the ‘80s cult classic. It even features Brinke Stevens, who actually starred in Sorority Babes.

The majority of the film takes place in the bowling alley, which limits its story a bit, however filmmaker Mike Watt does an excellent job of keeping the action moving and doesn’t allow the audience to really get bored. The character development is adequate, with several quirky characters nearly stealing the show! I thought Nikki McCrea as the beleaguered Lisa did an excellent job as the lead, and found Sofiya Smirnova, who played her friend Taffy, to be absolutely darling! I just wish a bit more attention had been focused on the demon characters; I would have loved to see Debbie Rochon and Brinke Stevens have a bit more to do.

All in all, Demon Divas and the Lanes of Damnation is a fun horror-comedy for fans of independent cinema. It certainly doesn’t reinvent the horror genre, but it is a pleasant enough way to spend a breezy hour and some change.

Buy it on Amazon!

For more info, please visit www.happycloudpictures.com!

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009)

Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl is another wacky, over-the-top and ultra-gory film from filmmakers Yoshihiro Nishimura (Tokyo Gore Police, Meatball Machine) and Naoyuki Tomomatsu (Zombie Self-Defense Force, Stacy). If you are a fan of zany, weird and off-kilter horror films drenched in cartoonish gore, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl might be right up your alley!

Monami (Yukie Kawamura) is just your basic love-struck high-schooler mooning over the dreamy Mizushima (Takumi Saitô). She professes her love with a chocolate candy she presents him on Valentine’s Day, but when Mizushima bites into it he discovers it is filled with blood…Monami’s blood. Turns out she is really a vampire and wants to turn him so they can spend the rest of their long lives together. However, Mizushima’s current girlfriend Keiko (Eri Otoguro) doesn’t take the news too kindly…but after she confronts Monami she meets a bloody end (but perhaps not in the way you would expect). However, she is soon resurrected by her mad scientist father, who patches her together with body parts from her schoolmates and resurrects her as Frankenstein Girl. Frankenstein Girl then faces off against Vampire Girl in the final battle for Mizushima’s heart.

Ok, how can you go wrong with gore so over-the-top it’s comical, butt-kicking chicks, weird Japanese fashion, melodramatic high school angst, a Dr. Frankenstein mad scientist, vampires, geisha Frankenstein monsters, and some of the most seriously disturbing high school clubs this side of Sweet Valley High? You can’t, that’s how! Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl is a seriously strange film, but that’s why I liked it so much!

The majority of the film deals with the love triangle between Monami, Mizushima and Keiko in the setting of their high school. During this part of the film we meet the main characters’ classmates, including a group of Japanese girls pretending to be black (complete with extreme caricatures/stereotypes like big lips, Afros, gold chains, etc.) who run a black power club and another group of girls who belong to the wrist-cutting club. Both of these clubs and their members were so over-the-top that you just can’t help but laugh! It also pokes fun at stereotypical Japanese schoolgirl and gothic Lolita fashions.  Then there is Keiko’s dad, who at first appears to be a mild-mannered science teacher and assistant principal…however, it is revealed later that he is a cackling mad scientist who is killing off students to try to bring them back to life, Frankenstein-style. He even has a wacky costume complete with traditional Japanese robes, long white wig and Kabuki makeup. Again, another outrageous character you can’t help but laugh at.

The film carries this comical tone throughout, even during the gory fight scenes. The opening scene alone, where Monami battles three Frankenstein monster-like girls, sets the tone for the rest of the film because it is just so gosh darn goofy! Monami strips the skin off the girls’ faces and in the midst of it raining blood she neatly stacks the clacking skulls one on top of the other. The rest of the gore is equally graphic, but still humorous. And you can’t beat the final battle that occurs on top of a fake Eiffel Tower!

My one gripe is that the film focuses too much on the teenage angst and drama (even if it is in a satirical, humorous way) and we don’t get to see the Vampire Girl and Frankenstein Girl battle until the very end. Keiko doesn’t even turn into Frankenstein Girl until nearly the end, which is kind of a let down since this means Frankenstein Girl doesn’t get much screen time. And for being a vampire, Monami doesn’t spill that much blood with her fangs (no attacks on fellow classmates, for example), not to mention that she can walk in the sun (though too much exposure makes her woozy).

Despite these quibbles, I had a very fun time with Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl. While it is not as shocking as other extreme Asian films, its silliness definitely won me over. And despite its ridiculous nature, the film spills quite a bit of grue. If you are a fan of bizarre and outlandish cinema, I highly encourage you to check out Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl!

Available from Amazon

Night of the Punks (2010)

Small town punk rockers The Brain Deads have their first out of town gig. But there are a few problems: The venue is totally deserted, the promoter is a creep, their bass player has gone missing, and the only kids in the audience are bloodthirsty monsters from hell. It’s gonna take a lot more than a few power chords and teenage angst to survive this night.

Night of the Punks is a sweet little slice of short film heaven packed full of gore, goo and groovy tunes! This is one of the most fun short films I’ve seen recently and it is a really fun throwback to films like Return of the Living Dead and Night of the Demons. It has such a manic, gleeful tone and perfectly balances horror and comedy. With a run-time under 20 minutes, the only flaw of this film is that it is not feature-length, because I would have loved to see the cast of lovable losers face off against more demons while trading witty lines.

Everything about this film was enjoyable, from the energetic punk soundtrack to the colorful characters to the direction to the gory effects to the overall high production value!! Director Dan Riesser (who also produced, edited and co-wrote the film) has created an instant cult classic with Night of the Punks. His direction really brought the story, written by himself and Mike L. Kinshella (who plays the lead singer “Spike” in the short and in real life is the singer for the horror punk band Murderland), to raucous life.

The cast also does a wonderful job with their characters and there wasn’t a bad performance in the bunch! I especially enjoyed Nick Mundy, who plays “Hooch”, the drummer, Luke Edwards as “Kenny” the guitarist and our underdog hero, and Aubrey Wood, who plays the band’s merch girl “Sarah”. Everyone else was wonderful as well, from the sleazy promoter played by Dominic Deleo to the band’s lead singer (Mike L. Kinshella) and bassist (John Bobek) to the actors that portrayed the gooey demons.

The gore displayed was also impressive, with the special effects and makeup design being done by Dizzworks Designs. You get your usual blood and guts, but there is also a gruesome face peel that was extremely well done! I also liked the demons’ makeup design, which makes them look like they’ve got a gangrenous skin condition. And their gooey green bodily fluids were pretty icky as well (I mean that as a complement, ya hear?).

Plus, the script is peppered with hilarious lines riffing on everything from the music industry to horror. Quips come fast and furious, and it’s worth a re-watch just to chuckle over the hilarious one-liners, such as:

Hooch: How do you stop a f*cking demon?

Sarah: I dunno Hooch, you’re the one who listens to Misfits!

Night of the Punks is an ode to ‘80s horror films filled with musical mayhem, demonic punks, gooey gore, colorful dialogue – all happening at a fast and furious pace. If there is one short film you see this year, make it Night of the Punks!

P.S. Word on the street is that the filmmakers are attempting to make a feature-length version of this film. My fingers are crossed that this happens!

Check out the film’s official site!

Zombeak (2010)

Zombie chickens are one thing, but how about zombie-chickens possessed by Satan?! That’s the general gist of Zombeak, a cheap but fun low-budget film. It is about a group of Satanists who kidnap a trash-talking waitress. They have plans to conjure Satan and have their master impregnate the waitress with the Antichrist. However, the waitress’ hick boyfriend, a gun-happy cop and her boss bust into the Satanist’s decrepit house before the ritual can be completed…but not before Satan has been summoned. Satan soon takes over the body of a sacrificed chicken and all hell soon breaks loose.

Zombeak is a fun, low-budget film. I liked how it wasn’t just a straight-up zombie poultry flick (we’ve already got the great Poultrygeist and Thankskilling for that!), but actually adds more dimension to the story by incorporating the Satanic subplot. And how can I pass up a film whose tagline is “Murder Most Foul”?!

I guess my biggest gripe with this film was the slim plot, which led to a lot of repetition. The flick is only 70 minutes long, but unfortunately takes 20 or 30 minutes to get going and get to the good stuff involving the Satan-possessed zombie chicken. When it finally gets to that point, I finally got engaged in the movie but the limited scope of the plot made me lose interest again.

However, I did like the schlocky feel of the film and enjoyed the characters, especially the trash-talking waitress as well as the Satanic priestess. Props to both actresses for their wonderfully spot-on performances! Films like this usually don’t have much character development, and Zombeak was no exception, however these two characters were the only ones I was really rooting for!

While the special effects are obviously low-budget, I thought their look actually fit well into the overall tone of the film. The zombie-chicken itself is pretty hilarious, but it works well with the goofy feel of the movie. Victims get pecked to death before becoming possessed themselves, and their makeup looked pretty cool.

The film is so over-the-top and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Despite its issues with pacing and plot, I still felt that Zombeak was a commendable effort from those involved in this indie production. It’s a fun, nitty-gritty film that would be fun to watch with a group of friends and several frothy beers.

Check out Zombeak’s official site!

Ninjas vs. Vampires (2010)

From the creator’s of the cult smash Ninjas vs. Zombies comes Ninjas vs. Vampires, a fun independent film that boasts plenty of action, comedy and horror! Written and directed by Justin Timpane, Ninjas vs. Vampires is full of hilarious one-liners, lots of sword-swinging, martial arts action, spilled blood and even a bit of magic.

It tells the tale of Aaron, who moments after he is rejected by the girl of his dreams is attacked by vampires. Luckily they are both saved by mysterious ninjas. Aaron tracks down the ninjas for answers and soon becomes involved in the ninja vs. vampire war.

As mentioned above, this was a fun independent film of pretty high quality. It did have its flaws, namely some over-acting and cheesy effects, but its flaws soon became part of its quirky charm! What really made me dig the film so much was the witty dialogue, delivered by aplomb by the leads. The dialogue really made me care for the good guys and made me want to keep watching.

I also thought the action scenes between the vampires and the ninjas were really well-choreographed and entertaining to boot. Sure, some of the special effects involving fire, muzzle blasts, etc. were unrealistic-looking, but considering the low budget nature of the film I was willing to let these flaws slide. Plus, the martial arts/action scenes were kick ass regardless of the weak CGI.

The storyline was well-written, with enough exposition to help us understand the “rules” of the vampires and the ninja’s accelerated training. I also liked how they incorporated magic into the plot without coming off as cheesy. Timpane did a great job developing the characters and giving them distinct voices. I really dug the lead of Aaron, played by Jay Saunders, but all the characters were pretty likable. The only one I didn’t really like was the lead vampire, who just seemed a bit too stereotypical to me. The actor who played the lead vamp came off kind of wooden as well.

However, overall Ninjas vs. Vampires is a fun, action-filmed romp that was surprisingly entertaining. It had awesome action sequences, characters we cared about and an engaging and unique storyline. Want to find out who wins this war? Then check out Ninjas vs. Vampires to find out!

Buy it on Amazon!

Book Review: Grave Humor by M.T. Coffin

I love frequenting cemeteries. They are so peaceful, so beautiful and so…funny? If you’ve ever taken the time to read headstones, you know exactly what I mean. There are some pretty amusing epitaphs and unfortunate names that grace the tombstones of cemeteries out there. And now you don’t even have to step foot in a cemetery to get a good laugh out of them!

The new book Grave Humor: A Photo Tour of Funny, Ironic and Ridiculous Tombstones by M.T. Coffin is a creepy-cute book that will tickle your funny bone! It’ll delight you with its witty jokes, quirky gothic illustrations and funny photos!

Check out the official description:

People act like being dead is so serious.

But if you’ve spent any time in a cemetery, you know a lot of those dearly departed have to be rolling over in their graves – with laughter. This collection of ironic, comic and just plain ridiculous tombstones proves that it’s possible to have a sense of humor about kicking the bucket. Just be careful you don’t laugh yourself to death.

Who says death is a serious subject? From amusing epitaphs (“I knew this would happen”) to comical burials (the Maxwell-House plot), this irreverent anthology of cemetery humor proves there is humor even in death. This book celebrates the lighter side of death through photos capturing amusing and ironic monuments to the dearly departed.

Sections include: “The Last Laugh: Funny Epitaphs”; “True to Form: Snapshots of Humorous and Oddly Designed Headstones”; “Dumm and Dummer: Rib-Tickling Eternal Pairings”; and “Die Laughing: Monuments to Utterly Unfortunate Names”. Readers will get even more laughs from the irreverent captions and illustrations.

This book is perfect for the morbidly inclined, taphophiles, goths, or those that like to poke a little fun at Death. I also think it’s a perfect book to purchase for Halloween! Grave Humor’s bold, eye-catching design will certainly make for a conversation starter among guests…just make sure they don’t die of laughter!

Buy it on Amazon!

Book Review: Vampires Don't Sleep Alone by Elizabeth Barrial and D.H. Altair

How would you like to snag your very own Eric, your very own Bill, or maybe your very own Edward (though BARF on that last choice!)? The cleverly cute Vampires Don’t Sleep Alone: Your Guide to Meeting, Dating and Seducing a Vampire can be your guide to unlocking the secrets to being lucky in love with your very own immortal.

From the back cover:

Passionate and dangerous, the vampire is the ultimate lover. Stalking his prey in the dark of night, he is not easily tamed. But armed with the right skills for seducing a sexy immortal, you can meet, date and ultimately sleep with the vampire of your dreams. Vampires Don’t Sleep Alone provides the vital information you need to take a walk on the dark side and delve into the pulse-pounding world of vampire love and lust!

Let me tell you, if I could have an opportunity to seduce Eric from True Blood…::swoon::…I’d do it in a second! And with the helpful hints from Vampires Don’t Sleep Alone at least now I’d be prepared!

Written like a self-help dating book that assumes vampires are real, it is a very enjoyable, funny and sexy book that covers many different aspects. You can definitely tell the authors have done their homework! First, it gives you an introduction to vampires and basic info on different types (“Nosferatu, Lord Ruthven, or Carmilla: What Sort of Vamp are You Looking For”), their complicated relationships with their makers and addresses the large age difference between most vamps and their human companions (“VILFs: He’s 700 Years Old, and So Are His Hang-ups”). It then moves onto a section on the etiquette of dating a vampire, including chapters on what to wear for your vamp, “The Lucy Westernra Predicament: What to Do if He’s Turning Your Friends”, “The Van Helsing Issue: What to Do When Your Friends Dissaprove” and how to address the issue of his past. The third and final section of the book delves into the romancing and bedding a vampire. It covers subjects like “Shapeshifting: A Form of Roleplay” and “Is Feeding Cheating?”, among other things.

Authors Elizabeth Barrial (co-owner of Black Alchemy Lab) and D.H. Altair (the nom de plume of author and Dark Delicacies proprietor Del Howison) have crafted an amusing and enjoyable read. I especially appreciated the fact that it avoided lovey-dovey Twatlight-like romance. Instead of glittery, emo vampires, Vampires Don’t Sleep Alone emphasized the danger and unpredictability of vampire lovers. Which, hello, is what makes vampires so attractive in the first place!

Darkly witty and seriously sensual, Vampires Don’t Sleep Alone is the perfect book for all vampire fans!

Buy it on Amazon!

Bitch Slap (2009)

Bitch Slap is a straight-forward exploitation flick that emulates the grindhouse flicks of the ‘60s and ‘70s. It pretty much has all the exploitative elements you could ask for…oodles of violence, nudity and sex. But let me get more specific…it’s got girl fights, water fights, tons of boob shots, gratuitous slo-mo, strippers, Kevin Sorbo (in a small role), cat fights, girl-on-girl action, nuns, an Asian schoolgirl with a killer yo-yo, a punk thug with Tourette’s, Mohawks, stolen diamonds, explosions, spies and even Lucy Lawless as Mother Superior. Really, what more could you ask for?!

The premise is simple: three women end up in the middle of the desert to steal a bunch of valuable diamonds from an underworld kingpin. As they struggle to find the exact location of the jewels, they get a few surprise visitors and secrets start being revealed as we get a glimpse into their past to see exactly how they ended up in their current predicament.

Full of non-stop action, Bitch Slap is an enjoyable rollercoaster ride of brutal violence interspersed with sexy slo-mo shots of our three girls, strippers and the like. It is also wickedly funny in parts and really wears its inspirations on its colorful sleeve. It is certainly over the top and outrageous, but if you like that sort of thing you’ll love Bitch Slap!

The acting is equally over the top, but it works in the scope of the film! All of the actresses do a fantastic job and I found myself liking them all. Julia Voth played the seemingly innocent Trixie, Erin Cummings played the leader Hel and America Olivo played the tough Camero. The supporting characters were also equally good.

However, an exploitation film isn’t exactly focused on acting, so let’s talk about the action, shall we? Both kinds of action, the sensual and the explody kind, came fast and furious. If people weren’t getting their asses handed to them or getting blown to bits, then they were gettin’ down. Though some of the special effects were done with obvious green screen work (the whole Vegas scene, among countless others), most of the blood and guts work was excellent! And even when it looks fake it just adds to the over-the-top charm of Bitch Slap! I also liked the use of split screen to show both side of the action at all times. And it looked damn cool, too!

I also appreciated the nice little twist at the end…very well done since I didn’t see it coming!! The narrative structure, as it kept jumping further and further back into the past as the film progressed, kinda annoyed me at first but made sense after a while. Kudos to writers Eric Gruendemann and Rick Jacobson (who also directed) for creating such a fun story and for tying everything up at the end.

If you enjoyed films like Grindhouse and Machete, you will no doubt love Bitch Slap! Check it out today!

Available on Amazon!

Book Review: Oddities of West Blankshire by Dan Holst Soelberg

When I received Dan Holst Soelberg’s illustrated book, Odditites of West Blankshire: A Book of Odens Grebal, it immediately put a huge smile on my face. You see, the book contains short, witty and often morbidly funny two-line poems accompanied by beautiful black and white illustrations. For an Edward Gorey/Charles Addams fan such as myself, Oddities and its Victorian characters coupled with its dark humor was exactly my cup of tea!

However, I’ve had this book sitting on my desk for quite some time, so I must apologize to author Soelberg as well as to you, dear readers. It’s a shame I waited so long to review this absolutely enjoyable collection that depicts the eerily odd children of West Blankshire (hence the title). Now that I’ve taken the time to review the book, it shall still remain on my desk because I just love looking at it every once in a while, especially when I need a good giggle!

If I had a home big enough, I would frame every single page in the book and display them! The artwork is that spectacular and unique! I love the Victorian characters and how they are often paired with such unexpected and morbid fates.

Here is a little taste of one of the poems (for full effect it’s best viewed with Soelberg’s illustration):

Consumed by his unceasing feline perversion
Van surgically fused himself with his Persian

If you are a fan of dark humor and memorably strange characters, do yourself a favor and check out Dan Holst Soelberg’s astounding and amazing Oddities of West Blankshire!

The book is a limited edition, so hurry to get your copy today!!

Buy it on Amazon!

Book Review: A Boy Born from Mold and Other Delectable Morsels by Lorin Morgan-Richards

Following his unique first book, Simon Snootle and Other Small Stories (which I absolutely adored), author Lorin Morgan-Richards has released another delightfully delectable collection of illustrated short stories in A Boy Born From Mold. In this, the author’s second pocket-sized, handmade and handbound book, he returns with quirky stories of fantastical characters, from the titular boy born from mold named Ruin (or Rune proper) to a young vampire named Zoog whose parents are distressed at his distaste for blood. The small tome boasts seven new tales, each a delight to read!

Just like the first book from Morgan-Richards, A Boy Born From Mold boasts a very high quality with the handmade craftsmanship. This book’s longevity is ensured with the high quality of its faux leather, black ribbon and acid-free blue linen paper used. Only 400 copies of the book were handmade by the author, so these are definitely a collector’s item!

A Boy Born From Mold and Other Delectable Morsels from Lorin Morgan-Richards is a fun collection of stories for those with darker sensibilities. Fans of Edward Gorey and Tim Burton are sure to fall hopelessly in love with Morgan-Richards’ unusual characters and their disturbing situations. Plus, it’s the perfect size to fit in your pocket so you can take it with you during your daily stroll through the cemetery!

Available from Amazon!

Visit Lorin Morgan-Richards’ Official Site!

Witchouse (1999)

Full Moon Pictures’ films are always hit and miss (mostly miss, at least for me), so I had pretty low expectations for Witchouse. Like most Full Moon Pictures’ movies, it is low-budget, has no-name actors (except for Ariauna Albright and an ex-Red Power Ranger!) and has a plot that sounds ripped off from Night of the Demons. However, I adore Night of the Demons, so I can’t deny that there was a part of me really hoping that Witchouse was a hidden horror gem.

Well, Witchouse wasn’t the gem I wished for, but it still wasn’t THAT bad.

The plot is awfully familiar: gothy outcast invites kids who have wronged her to a party at an isolated, creepy house, conjures a demon to get revenge and pretty soon everyone is popping up as scrunchy-faced demons.

You are probably thinking you’ve seen this all before in better movies (which is exactly what I thought when the film started) because Witchouse is pretty much a lower budget version of Night of the Demons. It has some pretty bad acting and silly effects, but despite these flaws, it still manages to have that Full Moon charm!

Take the first killing: a couple is first to arrive at the creepy house and head down to the basement for some quality “bow-chikka-bow-wow” time. However, they are not alone in the basement and a silhouetted shape seems to glide over to them, eyes glowing green, before they are both impaled. The green glowing eyes completely sold this scene for me, despite the fact that it never happens or is referenced again in the movie! I also thought a scene where a potential victim uses a silver plate to reflect some bolts of electricity being hurled by a demon was pretty cool. The effects were certainly cheesy, but they reminded me of old-school horror movies, which gave me the warm fuzzies! Both of these scenes could be described as “bad” and/or “corny” by most movie viewers, but I found them oddly endearing. Charming scenes like this make this otherwise derivative movie worthwhile!

While director David DeCoteau is known for parading around male flesh, Witchouse is remarkable restrained in this respect. The few pecs he does put on display are amazingly refined, though, and there are a few instances of men running around in their tighty-whities (both which I enjoyed!). There is also restraint when it comes to gore, as most deaths occur off screen and the focus is more on the special makeup FX of the demons. They look okay, but nothing too special.

The story, by Matthew Jason Walsh, is pretty generic as discussed earlier. The characters and dialogue are both pretty bland, but one stoner couple is pretty hilarious AND the girl totally kicks a demon’s ass. It’s pretty sweet when she just cold clocks the demon and it goes tumbling backwards into a room. However, the rest of the characters are all pretty interchangeable and forgettable, so there’s not really anyone to root for.

Still, Witchouse has its moments despite its many flaws! If you enjoy cheesy, corny B-movies from Full Moon Pictures you should definitely check this out. Just keep your expectations low, drink a few beers and enjoy this Night of the Demons-lite movie!

Available from Amazon!

Maniacts (2001)

What an odd little film! I’d never really heard of Maniacts before, but happened upon it while browsing Netflix. Starring genre regular Jeff Fahey and recognizable actress Kellie Waymire, Maniacts is a weird mix of drama, romance, comedy and horror. It certainly doesn’t always work because of its slow pace and lackluster atmosphere, but it is undeniably original.

It tells the tale of “Blueblood” serial killer Joseph (Jeff Fahey) who is sent to a mental hospital after he is caught and convicted of murdering six people. There he meets the quirky Beth (Kellie Waymire) and the two fall in love. Joe escapes, but returns to the institution to rescue Beth. The two try to leave their murderous pasts behind them and lead a normal life on a farm, but find “normal” life can be just as crazy.

The strongest part of the film is the acting from both Fahey and Waymire. Though their characters are psychotic murderers, you still come to like them both. Despite the film’s slow pacing, they are the ones that keep you watching.

Speaking of, the film’s pacing if probably its biggest flaw. It starts off very slow and the action never really takes off. There are a few scenes of bloodshed (including a nice impalement and a memorable death by water hose), but I wouldn’t really call the film “horror”. It feels like more of a mix of Natural Born Killers and One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. The tone is also uneven and vacillates between B-movie comedy and melodramatic romance.

The atmosphere also feels off and lacking, making the whole film fall flat. While the film is unique, I wish it had a bit more bite and edge. It is pretty dialogue heavy, but I wish it had spent more time developing the characters instead of the lame dialogue (except for the AWESOME line, “Welcome. I will now demonstrate the payback-is-a-bitch procedure”) it featured.

Maniacts is no doubt like nothing you’ve seen, but its slow pace and lack of atmosphere really hamper its original storyline. Check it out if you are a fan of Jeff Fahey or weird, little-seen flicks, but personally this film didn’t really do it for me.

Available from Amazon!

Blades (1989)

How did this little Troma movie pass under my radar for so many years? I mean, killer lawnmowers tend to attract attention but I don’t recall ever hearing about Blades, which, while it sounds like an ice skating movie is actually about a killer machine mowing down golfers at the Tall Grass Country Club.

When I stumbled upon this movie in my Netflix “watch instantly” queue, I just couldn’t pass it up! How could I resist a movie whose tagline is: “Golf – A Game of Hooks, Slices and … Slaughter”? Well, I couldn’t resist and settled in to watch this wacky and entertaining B-movie.

A series of gruesome murders is taking place at the prestigious Tall Grass Country Club. Golfers are being dismembered left and right, but with a live televised golf tournament coming up the owner refuses to shut the place down. Resident golf pros Roy (Robert North) and Kelly (Victoria Scott) set out to stop the murders, but are shocked to find that the culprit is an evil lawnmower out for blood. Can the pair of golf pros stop the killer machine before it mows down anymore unsuspecting golfers?

Blades is certainly not the perfect B-movie; for a Troma film it feels pretty restrained and lacks the outrageousness of most of their films. It also tends to drag in some places and the finale feels a bit stretched out. For a satire/parody it doesn’t quite go far enough and the laughs are far and in between (though I really liked the special ops caddies). However, I found myself enjoying the zany film, with its crazy ‘80s country club attire (think Lacoste polos, pastel- or neon-colored visors and high-waisted jeans…oh wait, I guess golf fashion really hasn’t changed!), random humor and its flesh-hungry killer machine (that looked more of like a combine rather than a lawnmower).

Even the two leads didn’t bug me (though they were a little bland) and Robert North and Victoria Scott did a good job in their roles as the resident golf pros Roy and Kelly. The rest of the cast was pretty hammy (intentionally, as this is supposed to be a parody of slasher flicks) and served their roles well (I especially liked William Towner as the country club owner Norman Osgood – “It’s on TV!!”).

Blades even has a sort of Caddyshack-like feel to some of their humorous scenes, and I half expected Bill Murray to pop up to defend his golf course against the ravages of a rogue lawnmower. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it “Caddyshack for horror lovers”, as I’m sure some reviewers have, but with the golf course setting and its zany humor it’s hard not to make the comparison. In reality, director Thomas R. Rondinella intended it to be a Jaws spoof, replacing the ocean with a golf course and the shark with a lawnmower. Yes, it’s pretty silly but it is also pretty entertaining as well! I especially liked the POV shots of the lawnmower stalking its victims through the grass and the fact that the leads got trapped on a broken-down van down by the river in the middle of the course by the lawnmower just like the people were trapped on a sinking boat at the end of Jaws.

Still, I felt the comedy in Blades was a little too restrained. With that you’d think they’d amp up the splatter, but besides a few shredded legs and various bloody body parts strewn about the golf course there’s hardly any gore in the film. Even a scene where a young caddy gets “eaten” and large sprays of blood arc out of the woods doesn’t satisfy because the blood looks so fake.

Sometimes you just have to take a chance on a film, and while Blades certainly isn’t a Tromasterpiece it still managed to entertain me. If you like your films a little bit silly and can appreciate the humor in a bunch of golfers running for their lives from a killer lawnmower, do yourself a favor and check out Blades.

Available (only on VHS) from Amazon!

Horror of Our Love: A Short Film (2010)

What if Michael, Jason or Freddy tried to get a date with one of their intended victims? What kind of hijinks and shenanigans would they get themselves into while trying to woo a girl? Not to mention, how would the girl react?

Well, director Dave Reda (director of the fantastic Bit Parts) asked these same questions and filmed a hilarious short to try to provide important answers to viewers who are just dying to know!

In the six and a half minute short, a killer (a mix of hockey-mask wearing Jason, bag head Jason and Leatherface’s flowing locks – played by Reda) falls in love with a girl (the cute Kate Melia) after killing all her friends in the forest and tries his darnedest to get her to fall in love with him. He brings her severed body parts, real hearts and decapitated heads, but they just don’t seem to be doing the trick as all she ever does is scream and run. Will he ever get his girl?

I don’t want to give too much away, but I had a great time watching this enjoyable and funny short. I’ve promised not to give away too many of the gags, but think of this short as the kind of love token two horror-loving adults would share with each other on V-Day!

Though the humor throughout the short is horror-centric, there are a few nods to some classic ‘80s flicks as well. And whether horror or pop culture references, every gag in the short is hilarious! It’s one of those videos you just can’t wait to share with people because you know it will have them rolling on the floor!

Reda says that the song “Horror of Our Love” by Ludo inspired the short (and that song plays the entire running length of the short – there is no other dialogue), and it pretty much matches the mood and atmosphere of the short perfectly (or should I say the short matches the song…?). Either way, they go together like a machete in a killer’s hand, so it’s all good!

Congrats to Reda and team for crafting a totally terrific homage to undying love and I hope it is released soon so more folks can take a look at this silly, sweet and satisfying love story custom-made for horror fans!

For more info, check out Reda’s film company, Elftwin Films!

President's Day (2010)

You know what I think? That you can never have enough holiday-themed horror movies! So I eagerly looked forward to watching President’s Day! An added bonus is that it’s helmed by filmmaker Chris LaMartina, whose previous films, Book of Lore and Grave Mistakes, we raved about. LaMartina continues his winning streak with President’s Day, a fun indie film that’s a throwback to classic ’80s slashers!

The plot is pretty simple: A killer dressed like Abraham Lincoln is murdering high schoolers who are running for student council. Barry (Bennie Mack McCay IV) joins the race to get closer to new student and fellow candidate Joanna (Lizzy Denning), but finds himself embroiled in a mystery where everyone is a suspect, including snotty popular girl Chelsea (Nicolette Faye), the sleazy janitor (Lee Armstrong) and Officer Kennedy (Ryan Thomas). Can Barry figure out who the killer is before its his turn to get axed?

Chris LaMartina (who directed and co-wrote) again proves that he is a major talent to watch with President’s Day! First off, the film looks fantastic – it has excellent lighting, interesting shots and overall looks extremely professional. It definitely takes skill and talent to make an independent feature, and it’s safe to say LaMartina has both in spades! This is one filmmaker that you actually want to see more from!

Secondly, the story, written by LaMartina and Jimmy George, is simple but throws enough red herrings throughout (that are actually believable) to keep you on your toes. When the final reveal comes as to the killer’s identity, I was actually surprised! And it wasn’t some random character, either, but actually made logical sense! I also enjoyed how each of the characters was developed just enough, and while some of them were stereotypes of high school students, this actually worked with the comedic aspects of the film. I especially liked one particular scene that shows all the stereotypes when Barry is trying to get some information from the students…it definitely made me giggle!

The comedy in the film is never overpowering, though, and there are plenty of horrific kills throughout the film! I was impressed with the films high body count – A LOT of people, kids, and even pets get killed! I especially liked the death of a jock involving a trophy and another one involving a goth girl getting an eye gouged out! The film doesn’t discriminate against the crippled either…the first kill features a wheelchair-bound candidate getting axed! My only complaint is that the kills were a bit anti-climactic and were pretty quick.

Still, that is a tiny complaint in comparison to how I felt about the high quality of the film. Even the acting, usually one of the weakest points for an indie production, blew me away! Every single actor was phenomenal and I couldn’t pick a bad performance out of the bunch! This wasn’t a simple production with just a few lead characters, either, but required the talents of numerous actors, both lead, supporting and extras. I was impressed by the talent of the large cast and the ability of LaMartina to really direct all the actors so that they gave the best possible performances.

President’s Day is a fun throwback film that is well-made, well-acted and just a joy to watch! This again proves that indie filmmaker Chris LaMartina is one talent to watch!

President’s Day will premiere at the Charles Theater in Baltimore on (what else) President’s Day, February 15th, 2010.

For more info, visit President’s Day on Facebook and Twitter!

The Familiar (2009)

In this quirky short film, Sam (Torrance Combs) is a vampire’s assistant, or familiar. At first, he thought it was his dream job, but his boss, the vampire Bolivar (Paul Hubbard), is a real nightmare! From disposing of bodies to taking care of the bosses’ finances to bathing his dead body, Sam pretty much does all of the vampire’s menial and disgusting tasks, getting little back for his loyal service. As he says, “I wanted to meet Dracula and I ended up serving Danny Bonaduce with fangs.” Sam sticks with the horrible job with hopes that Bolivar will eventually make him into a vampire as well, but when Sam finds out the truth about vampires and his position all bets are off.

The Familiar is a hilarious short film from writer and director Kody Zimmermann, full of quotable lines, great performances and is just an overall fun experience. Zimmermann wrote the film after a horrible experience as a personal assistant to a Hollywood actor. After that experience, Zimmermann became interested in what Renfield’s point of view might have been in Dracula as well as addressing how countless underpaid and underappreciated assistants feel every day. Keeping that in mind, Zimmermann decided to helm the unforgettable Familiar short.

With a quick wit, perfect comic timing and clever cultural quips (Sam asks, “Do all vampires know jujitsu so they can fight Buffy and Blade?”), Zimmermann’s script is whip smart. This is his first writing credit on IMDB.com, but I sure hope he writes something else because his immense talent shouldn’t go to waste! If his humor peppered TV shows and more films the world would be a better place!

His direction isn’t shoddy either, and The Familiar looks pretty damn amazing taking into consideration its small budget. We aren’t talking anything fancy here, but it still looks great and doesn’t have that low-budget look that haunts most indie films. Even the special effects that are peppered throughout the film look professional. My favorite would have to be an impressive staking of a vampire and the subsequent burning by sunlight. The fact that the film is low budget AND a short film makes it all that much more impressive.

The two leading actors, Torrance Combs and Paul Hubbard who play Sam and the vampire Bolivar, respectively, do a fine job as well. Their stellar acting also makes the film seem like it’s got a much bigger budget. And it wasn’t just the two leads that were great, it was also the supporting actors who gave strong performances, among them Jason Harder who played a vampire slayer and Art Ritching who played, as Sam calls him, “the vamp equivalent to the Godfather”.

My only complaint about the short is that it isn’t longer. Zimmermann has said that the only reason that The Familiar was made into a short was because of monetary constraints, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that one day this will be made into a full-length feature because I think it would be a smash hit and has the potential to be the funniest horror film since Shaun of the Dead! In fact, The Familiar does for vampires what Shaun of the Dead did for zombies.

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Diagnosis: Death (2009)

The big selling point of Diagnosis: Death is that it features the trio from cult comedy show Flight of the Conchords (Bret McKenzie, Rhys Darby and Jemaine Clement) but fans of the show shouldn’t get too excited…each are only in the film for less than a few scenes and none of them play pivotal characters.

Perhaps a better selling point for horror fans is that the official synopsis compares it to Peter Jackson’s early films like Dead Alive and Bad Taste…too bad Diagnosis: Death doesn’t remotely live up to this comparison. Perhaps a more precise title of the film would have been Diagnosis: Zzzzzzzzz, because it nearly put me to sleep.

Teacher Andre (Raybon Kan) and student Juliet (Jessica Grace Smith), both with terminal disease, are both undergoing experimental treatments at a drug-testing facility, lead by the Nurse Ratchet-type Nurse Margaret Bates (Suze Tye). A side effect of the drug is hallucinations, but when both Andre and Juliet start experiencing the same sinister visions of a horrific double murder that may have occurred at the facility, they decide to get to the bottom of the mystery…even if it threatens their lives.

Diagnosis: Death does have its moments of laugh-out-loud quirky humor, but that is the only part of the film that actually rings true. The horrific elements of the film fall severely short, complete with stereotypical Ju-On/Grudge-type scares (a creepy kid, suicide/murder, watery footprints, etc.) and horrendously rendered “ghosts” (including a ridiculously out-of-place scene where ghostly skeletons are boning…ok, that scene alone might be worth a rental). I will say there are some disturbing scenes, including a hanged woman and said creepy kid hiding under a desk, but they were too far apart and the rest of the film dragged.

The film felt unbalanced and at times it felt like I was watching two different movies – a comedy on one hand and a B-horror film on the other – and it just didn’t feel like the elements of horror and comedy ever melded together to create a cohesive film. It’s a pity that the pacing and storyline were so off, because the actors all did a good job. The film is based in New Zealand, and I believe most of the actors are from there. Raybon kan and Jessica Grace Smith were great in their roles, though their age differences made things a bit awkward at times. I especially enjoyed Suze Tye’s performance as the no-nonsense Nurse Bates. And, of course, The Flight of the Conchords guys all did a great job in their brief performances…but seriously, we are talking mere minutes of screen time, so don’t get too excited.

Despite a few positives, Diagnosis: Death arrives DOA and unfortunately can’t be resuscitated with even the quirkiest of humor. Unless you wanna see a couple of wispy, CGI skeletons doing it doggy style, steer clear!

Buy it on Amazon!

Vampire Party (2008)

Equally quirky and entertaining, France’s Vampire Party (aka Les Dents de la Nuit or The Teeth of the Night) is a horror spoof that keeps the jokes and action coming fast and furious. What it lacks in gore (there’s really not that much worth mentioning) it definitely makes up for in laughs. Its official synopsis compares it to both Airplane! and Shaun of the Dead, though Vampire Party plays up more of the oblivious comedy of Airplane! than the clever cinematic references of Shaun. While it is never as funny as its influences, this French import is still a very entertaining film that’s worth a look.

Vampire Party tells the tale of three friends, party animal Sam (Patrick Mille), aerobics instructor Alice (Frédérique Bel) and banker-with-a-wild-streak Prune (Julie Fournier), who happen to get their hands on invitations to a very exclusive party that’s gone down in urban legend. The party is so secretive that they are flown to the remote location, an old castle perched on the mountains, by helicopter. There they meet fellow partiers Edouard (Vincent Desagnat), a young but nerdy man, Serge Krinine (Sam Karmann), a “famous” dentist and Jessica Conti (Hélène de Fougerolles), an oblivious socialite. While hundreds of partiers get their groove and drink on, several dozen vampires await in the adjoining V.I.P. room for their leader, Le Duc de Journiac (Tchéky Karyo), to announce the human buffet open. Pretty soon, carnage ensues and the remaining characters must find a way out of the castle before they become a midnight snack.

Vampire Party is a short film, clocking in at less than 80 minutes, so it’s very fast-paced and there is always constant action. The jokes come pretty quick too, one after the other, and while some of them play with genre conventions (there is a reoccurring scene involving the famous scene from Titanic where the two lovers are on the bow of the ship and “on top of the world”) it would be a stretch to call Vampire Party a spoof. Instead, it has the random humor and sight gags of comedies like Airplane!, Young Frankenstein and Blazing Saddles. For instance, after a vampire is vanquished, a character remarks that “the goose is cooked” and in response another character quips something along the lines of “what a strange time to be thinking about food!” The same airheaded character tears up the dance floor with some awful moves before saying about the techno music, “I love reggae!” That is the kind of silly comedy employed by Vampire Party, but even I, one who usually loathes horror comedy unless they are very well done, really enjoyed the film and its off-kilter humor!

First off, the characters are extremely likable, even the slightly odd ones, like the photo-obsessed Edouard and over-eager dentist. The film doesn’t spend a terribly long time on character development, but from the quick introductions you get a feel for all of the characters. It also bears mentioning that the entire cast did a fantastic job and all were believable in their roles. I especially liked the three main actors – Patrick Mille, Frédérique Bel and Julie Fournier – who played Sam, Alice and Prune respectably. They gave us characters to really cheer for! I also must say that I enjoyed the villain as well, played by Tchéky Karyo. His obsession for caring for his hair as opposed to chasing down victims was a fun sight to behold.

Secondly, the film was just fun to look at. From the beautifully illustrated and Fearless Vampire Killers-influenced opening credits to the clever introductions of Sam, Alice and Prune at the beginning of the film to the decadent party at the castle, there was never a dull second. The film also isn’t afraid to break the “fourth wall” and shows a character who uses a sound guy’s boom microphone to fight off a vampire while the film crew looks on incredulously.

My only complaint with the film is that it felt a bit rushed and the ending offered little resolution. Yes, the plot is clichéd, but that is the point of the movie and it shakes things up a bit with its hilarious humor, but I felt that with the ending a.) directors Stephen Cafiero and Vincent Lobelle didn’t know how to vanquish the villains or b.) they wanted to make a sequel. Whatever their intentions, the ending doesn’t quite work and left too many unanswered questions, even for a horror comedy.

Despite that flaw, I found Vampire Party to be a swinging good time and highly recommend you RSVP for this horror-comedy!

Available from Amazon!