Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2008)

We’ve seen a lot of horror homages these past few years, from Hatchet to Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon. These kind of films relish in winking at the audience, nudging them with past horror movie references and trivia. It is rare for these films to actually transcend their self-referential nature and actually become the films they are emulating.

Now, another film that pays homage to old school monster flicks and Evil Dead-style demonic possession movies has been released…and that film is Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, directed by Jon Knautz and written by the team of Knautz, Jon Ainslio, Trevor Matthews (who also plays the titular role) and Patrick White. The difference between Jack Brooks and other types of “tribute” films is that Jack Brooks actually stands on its own as a bad-ass horror-comedy, action-packed film!

Small town plumber Jack Brooks (Trevor Matthews) has anger issues. He is seeing a shrink, but his sessions don’t seem to be helping much. You see, when Jack was a young boy he saw his whole family ripped apart by a strange creature that can only be described as a monster. Ever since then he has blamed himself and hasn’t been the same. He is enrolled in a biology night class with his nagging girlfriend Eve (Rachel Skarsten), but only because she insisted upon it. One night, he helps his professor (Robert Englund) with some plumbing problems at a crumbling old house the professor is renovating.

The house itself has a sordid history, but the professor finds out exactly how nasty it is when he unearths a large crate in his backyard that contains a skeleton and an intact black heart that supposedly belonged to a demon…that is still beating. The professor just isn’t the same after that encounter and is slowly turning into something monstrous…

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is one of the most fun horror films I’ve seen in quite some time! It packs a sympathetic hero, a great performance from Robert Englund and lots of CGI-free demon-looking monsters into a fantastic storyline that sucks you right in!

The writing team of Knautz, Ainslio, Matthews and White really hit on some great ideas here. I loved the flashback sequences to Jack’s childhood as well as the back story on the black heart. Jack’s character development is also very important and I loved seeing his interactions with his therapist and his aggressive outbursts were hilarious! While it is true that the real “monster slaying” doesn’t take place until the last part of the film, it certainly doesn’t make the first part of the film any less interesting! The story is so cleverly told that the pacing is just perfect! I was enthralled from beginning to end with the fast-paced tale.

As for the acting, it is wonderful across the board! From Jack’s harried therapist (played by Daniel Kash) to his bitchy girlfriend (played by Rachel Skarsten) to the professor (played by Robert Englund who is finally in a good movie!) who’s going through some strange changes, every single actor does a spectacular job. And as for Trevor Matthews who plays Jack Brooks, well, people are right to call him the next Bruce Campbell. While Matthews opts for the Everyman act instead of embracing the campy style of Campbell, the result is still the same…pure awesomeness! You root for Matthews the entire time, whether he is punching out a douchebag scheming on his girlfriend, yelling to his therapist about his anger issues or killing monsters!

As for the blood and guts, there are plenty of sickening scenes. Robert Englund pukes all over himself, for one. Then there are the amazing practical effects. As far as I can tell, little or no CGI was used in the film. The final monster is all prosthetics and/or a man in a rubber suit and it’s a nice throwback to old school monster movies. Everything still looks slimy and gory, especially the monster’s students-turned-demons servants. The final showdown, showing the explosive effects of unstable sodium (hey, they are in science class…knowledge is power!) is extremely satisfying!

I can see Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer spawning several sequels that could actually be good if people take notice of this amazing film. Its throwback to old school monster/demon possession movies will make you feel like a kid again! Jack Brooks is finally a hero we can actually cheer for!

Available from Amazon!

Killer Pad (2008)

I was highly anticipating the release of Killer Pad, as it marked the return of Robert Englund to directing (after 1989′s 976-EVIL). After being a horror icon (as Freddy in the Nightmare on Elm Street films, as well as roles in many other horror films) for so long, I was really interested to see what Englund would do with Killer Pad. It seemed like a fun premise with a bunch of dumb, partying 20-somethings stuck in an evil house…it kinda sounded like Bachelor Party crossed with Night of the Demons.

Wicked cool, right?

Sadly…no. Instead of wicked cool, I got wretchedly abysmal, and that is being far too kind.

Three best friends (Shane McRae, Eric Jungmann, Daniel Franzese) move out to California after coming into some money from their pet bulldog’s botched grooming attempt. They can finally move out of their parent’s houses at 23 and decide to drive cross-country to California to make sure they get as far away from them as possible!! Or something to do with meeting hot chicks, I guess…Anyway, a tranny realtor (Bobby Lee from Mad TV) hooks them up with…you guessed it…a KILLER PAD! It’s a cozy mansion tucked away in the Hollywood Hills, perfect for our trio of bachelors who take the time to neatly decorate the place with tasteful (and color-matching) home furnishings! There is a tiny problem though…their house sits on the portal to hell and all kinds of satanic activity starts occurring. No matter, because our clueless guys blame all the weird things happening (hmmm…goat bones, poltergeist activity and a hound of hell in the basement) on squatters! Of course! The homeless have been coming into their home, re-arranging their furniture and making pentagrams out of beer cans! It makes perfect sense!! Anyways, they soon meet the three hotties (Emily Foxler, Corri English, Noureen DeWulf) next door who are a bit more devilish than what they seem (never would have seen THAT coming). The girls insist that the boys throw a party with faux rap group Demon Seed performing. The boys easily cave and decide to use their killer pad to throw the most wicked party ever (even Joey Lawrence…yep, that Joey Lawrence of Blossom fame, shows up)…until Satan the hermaphrodite (yep, you read that right) crashes it and people start getting killed!

This movie was written so poorly it makes the writers of the bottom-of-the-barrel comedies Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans seem alright in comparison. Writer Dan Stoller (whose only credit is Killer Pad) fails us not in just one genre, but in two. Killer Pad is neither an effective horror movie nor an effective comedy. There are no scares, no gore and the “jokes” feel like they are trying to rip off the lowly Dude, Where’s My Car or the newer, lamer National Lampoons that seem to be released every other week. Not once did I laugh during Killer Pad (this is no exaggeration; nary a “tee hee” escaped my lips). The jokes were achingly pathetic and mainly revolved around the naivety and stupidity of the main characters.

Don’t even get me started on the embarrassing characters! These cardboard cut-outs were just plain dumb, but not in an endearing kind of way. Their characters just sucked. All they did the entire movie was stand there and smile while making the most annoying and asinine assumptions known to man. Their comments made conversations with frat boys who’ve been on a drinking binge for 24 hours straight seem more intelligent.

The acting surely didn’t help the film, with both the three guys and the three girls coming off completely flat and annoying. Who cares about their names when they all played the same dumb character and were completely interchangeable?

This is supposed to be a horror comedy about a house party gone horrible wrong…but there is no gore and no nudity to save it from its poor story, characters and acting. Most of the time, it doesn’t even feel like a horror movie, but a brainless, vapid buddy flick (and at times, a gay pr0no). I’m not saying a horror film needs gore or nudity to be effective, but I think it may have made my suffering through this useless piece of tripe a little more bearable.

Robert Englund should be ashamed to have his name attached to Killer Pad, as it has no redeeming qualities. I can’t believe that he agreed to direct this piece of rubbish. I wish this film would have forever languished on Lionsgate’s shelves instead of being released, but now I can just hope it burns in hell…or sits collecting dust in the Wal-mart bargain bin.

Just know that YOU will be in hell if you decide to make yourself suffer through this tedious and dull movie.

Available from Amazon!

Hatchet (2007)

“Old School American Horror.” This was the tagline as well as the promise of Hatchet, the little indie horror film that could. When rejected by a major studio for not being “a remake, a sequel or a Japanese one,” director Adam Green took that rejection and turned it into the movie’s selling point. After the glut of PG-13, remakes and sequels that clogged the movie market, horror fans were hungry for a return to their 80’s roots. They wanted an original, brutal slasher film that wasn’t a remake or a sequel and that was fun, complete with copious amount of blood and boobs.

In answer to those fans’ prayers comes Hatchet, a film that has been completed for two years but has only now been picked up by Anchor Bay and given a theatrical run. Director Adam Green himself says that he has been on the road promoting the film for a straight 17 months. It’s obvious that the film is a labor of love for all involved and it is inspiring to see how much dedication and hard work went into getting this movie made and released.

I had the pleasure of seeing it opening night, September 7th, in Hollywood along with most of the cast and crew and I’m pleased to report that Hatchet is exactly what it promised, “Old School American Horror,” and buckets of fun (along with buckets of blood ‘n’ boobs!).

To get over a recent breakup, Ben (Joel David Moore) is dragged to Mardi Gras by his buddy Marcus (Deon Richmond). Not being interested in all the boobs and booze, Ben convinces Marcus to go on a haunted swamp tour instead of partying. They are joined by two questionable “actresses” Misty (Mercedes McNab) and Jenna (Joleigh Fioreavanti) and questionable “producer,” Shapiro (Joel Murray), an older couple (Richard Riehle and Patrika Darbo) and a mysterious local named Marybeth (Tamara Feldman). When their lingually-challenged guide (Parry Shen) crashes their boat onto a rock, they must abandon ship and head into the Lousiana swamp. Marybeth tells them how she is there to search for her missing father (Robert Englund) and brother (Joshua Leonard) and the legend of Victor Crowley. The specific area they are in belongs to Victor Crowley (Kane Hodder), a horribly disfigured monster of a man who cannot rest after what happened to him years ago. Can the group survive the hatchet-wielding madman and make it out of the swamp alive?

Hatchet was great fun to watch in a sold-out theater with the cast and crew present. The crowd went absolutely wild at many parts of the movie, clapping, screaming and laughing together. THIS is how a fun, slasher movie should be seen. This is how I imagine watching Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street in theaters must have been in the 80’s. Not only are we treated to some amazing deaths (courtesy of special FX maestro John Carl Buechler) and impressive arterial sprays, but the script is peppered with jokes (both funny and corny) that keep the film firmly planted in “fun” territory, where nothing should be taken too seriously.

The death scenes are the most impressive thing about the film, featuring lots of blood and grue. The MPAA came down hard on this independent film, so it has been trimmed, but the full, over-the-top brutality will be on display for the DVD release of the film. Still, even with some scenes being trimmed, the film’s gore will not disappoint. Director Adam Green and director of photography Will Barratt did a wonderful job with each scene, especially the death scenes that feature no cut-aways and gruesome sprays of blood. Some of my favorite gore scenes include a guy getting repeatedly chopped at with a hatchet, a woman getting her face ripped in half when Victor Crowley pulls apart her jaws, a woman getting her lower jaw cut off with a power saw (correction: it was a belt sander; sorry, my knowledge of tools is limited at best!) and the many dismemberments. If gore is what you’re looking for, you’ll most certainly find it here.

Guys will be delighted to find that the film is saturated (especially in the first half hour or so) with boobs. It feels more like Porky’s or Girls Gone Wild (or Bayou Beavers as producer Shapiro calls the softcore film he’s making) than horror, but once the blood starts flowing (which does take a while) it doesn’t stop. I’m not a big fan of mixing sex and scares (I’ve got my own pair of boobs, thank you very much), but here it’s just sticking to the well-defined slasher formula.

It sticks so well to the formula, in fact, that it brings along all the problems and baggage that 70′s and 80′s slashers have. I don’t believe it was ever Adam Green’s (who also wrote the script) intention to fix the flaws, instead his focus was on faithfully recreating the feel of our much-beloved but seriously flawed slasher flicks. Hatchet has annoying characters (why are all the girls written as annoying, stupid, hysterical and/or slutty?), silly dialogue (some of it is truly insipid and Green should stick to directing) and ludicrous plot holes (ah, yes, I understand they want to make a sequel, hence the convenient plot holes,…but weren’t they against that in the first place?). Hatchet has ALL these flaws and more, but that, my friends, is the POINT of the movie, and kind of its endearment. In its homage to the fun and brainless horror films of the 70’s and 80’s, it has decided to poke a little fun at what inspired it. Which is why, it really DOES deserve to be called “Old School American Horror.” It plays it straight and features both the flaws and the strengths of the genre.

Hatchet is a step forward for the horror genre and will hopefully open the door for more independent horror films. It may not be original and there are far better independent horror films out there, but it stays faithful and true to its claims of “Old School American Horror,” flaws and all.

Hatchet is a fun film, one that’ll make you reminisce about all the crappy movies that came out in the 80’s and make you love it for doing so. It is a straightforward slasher film whose focus is building up the body count as opposed to building up the suspense, but for horror geeks like myself that love a brainless, FUN horror movie that ISN’T a remake or a sequel once in a while, it’s a treat.

Available from Amazon!