Tuesday, February 19, 2008

When Evil Calls (2008)

When Evil Calls is so downright AWFUL that I’ll try and keep this review as short as possible – I don’t want to waste any more effort on this pathetic attempt at a horror movie!

If you want the super-short version, here it is: THIS MOVIE ISN’T WORTH WATCHING EVEN IF THEY WERE GIVING IT AWAY FOR FREE!!

If you want the slightly longer review of how and why this movie is so wretched, keep reading…

Originally released as 20 downloadable episodes for your cell phone, When Evil Calls has been released on DVD by (who else would release such crap) Lionsgate. They’ve linked together the episodes by having Sean Pertwee narrate as the drunken janitor. He begins by telling us how it all started…with a very unpopular girl (Jennifer Lim, whom most will recognize from Hostel). One night, she receives a text that says, “Congratulations! You have won a wish!” (we are subjected to this annoying phrase at the beginning of EVERY episode…complete with cheesy graphics and bad music). A creepy clown visits her in her bedroom and tells her she can have anything she wants as long as she passes the text on to two more people. She wishes to be popular and gets her wish. After that, the text gets passed all around the school and people start dying from their stupid wishes…Be careful what you wish for!

The movie is less than an hour and a half long, but it was just so BAD that I had to shut it off at about 50 minutes in. First thing you’ll notice is that the film looks horrible…Lionsgate did a terrible job with this release! The film was made for cell phones, but it doesn’t look like they made any effort to upgrade it for DVD! It just looks very low-budget. Furthermore, there is no story, just short segments about people’s stupid wishes backfiring on them. Lastly, there is no good gore, just silly CGI that looks absolutely cheesy. Sean Pertwee is the only good thing about the film, but his one-liners are cringe-worthy. I bet that instead of acting like a drunken janitor, he actually was getting drunk just to make it through appearing in this movie. Hell, you’d have to be unconscious to enjoy this flick!

If the cover of the film happens to catch your eye, don’t be suckered into checking out When Evil Calls. It has one of the most misleading covers I’ve ever seen!! From the cover (and even the title), it looks like an Asian horror flick that could be half-way decent. The text message thing is even a cool-sounding premise, but DON’T BE SUCKERED LIKE I WAS!! You’ll definitely regret it.

I wish this piece of crap had never been made…where’s a genie when I really need one?

Available from Amazon!

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