Friday, September 24, 2010
Mr. Halloween (2007)
Ugh, where do I even begin with this movie? Since I am absolutely famished for new Halloween horror films every time around this time of year, I’ve decided to scrape the bottom of the barrel with films like Mr. Halloween. However, after sitting through this nearly 2 hour long amateur horror flick, I wish I would have just stuck to the Halloween classics!
Mr. Halloween (played by Edgar Allan Poe lookalike Bill Loomis) is the titular character who every year builds a haunted house for Halloween. Problem is, some people think his props are a little too real…and they are right. Mr. Halloween is butchering kids all over town to use as props in his twisted haunted house. Despite the high number of missing children in the small town, the local cop is ineffectual and doesn’t do anything about the problem. It’s up to a couple of the town’s kids to stop Mr. Halloween…but what if they are next?
Again…ugh. I certainly picked a winner with this one! You know, it didn’t start off so bad. It had the low-budget hallmarks of bad acting, horrible script, amateur FX, etc., but there was some nice fall foliage on display and the geeky characters were kinda likable. However, these “likable” characters quickly showed just how lame-brained they were by sneaking around Mr. Halloween’s house and getting themselves sliced and diced into bloody props. The rest of the characters, including a high school kid with one of the most ridiculous mustaches I’ve ever seen, survive until the next Halloween, but they also make the mistake of poking around where they shouldn’t. The characters had such horrible dialogue and made such stupid mistakes that I didn’t care if they survived. And the “final girl” was one of the most annoying characters I’ve had the displeasure of seeing in a horror flick. The only reason she makes it so far is dumb luck and that she was always around another character that Mr. Halloween conveniently picked off first. All she did the entire film was ask stupid questions, scream and whine.
Oh, and by the way, pay no attention to the artwork on the DVD cover. There is no little girl or stupid clown in this asinine movie. Neither of those images appear anywhere in the film and I’m baffled by their use on the cover! As mentioned above, the killer is an Edgar Allan Poe lookalike and dresses in a blue jumpsuit Michael Myers would be proud of. However, the character is more weird than scary. He never really talks, spends all day strapped to an old electric chair and spends nights tromping around his Halloween props. How stupid do the people in this town have to be to not realize he’s the guy kidnapping their kids?? The lack of logic in this film just boggles the mind…
I had to endure nearly two hours of this agony, but with this review I hope to spare you from watching this irredeemable piece of crap. Yes, it is low-budget and I’m sure the first time filmmakers put a lot of time and effort into this thing…but good intentions and hard work don’t necessarily pay off if you have a script written by what seems like 5-year-olds.
Available from Amazon!